Go Kiss The World - 1

10^th Dec was my last working day at an organization that I have given my all. Until I met my fiancé who moved right to the top of my priority list, work had me at hello and kept me there for 30 months or so. During this period, I evolved, I deteriorated, I lost my head, I lost my cool, I learnt a little more about the world, about how people operate, about how I operate, about superiors, what they are made of , about give & take, racism and mostly about life and balance.

I was given a book by an authoritative figure in the organization who I respect and look up to which remained untouched till last week for numerous reason, firstly due to the lack of time and then due to the sheer disinterest of the initial content of the book.

I started reading the book last Saturday when my fiancé decided to mess around with his DJ gear and I had to stay put for a good 4-5 hours. Those 5 hours and the few hours he is doing the same today, while I finish the last few pages of the same book makes me feel one with him, the world, the system and a lot of things. A notch lower than Nirvana wouldn’t be a wrong statement at all. I just wish I could light a cigarette or even a stick of trip [Grin]

Go Kiss The World by Subroto Bagchi is definitely a book not to be missed. Though the first 100 pages were beyond a bore every single page there onwards was content to be grasped, which I’m inspired to share with who ever who stumbles upon this blog.

[Page 101]

Selling & negotiation skills are intertwined. A sale without a negotiation is like courtship without romance. The negotiation skills we learn in selling become essential as one grows in any profession. You negotiate with your boss, peers, children and sometimes with complete strangers. While life is about constant negotiation, only selling teaches you the nuance of negotiation.

[Page 102]

A salesperson learn to take rejection as a way of life. Sometimes, a customer ca be downright abusive. Yet, a good salesperson learn that the real meaning of a ‘No’ is ‘Now Now’.

[Page 104]

We all have some talent in us, be it signing, writing, painting or sculpting. If we nuture and cherish it, it makes our life fuller. Yet so many of us choose the uni-dimensionality of a work life, always citing lack of time to pursue a hobby.

[Page 117]

‘How loaded are you? ‘

‘Only when you are 120% loaded will you be 100% effective.’

[Page 121]

It is interesting how quickly seasons change in the corporate world. What was priority yesterday may not be priority today and your past glory is only as relevant as the current war.

[Page 147]

‘I leant that the first rule for managing is to listen. This is something most bosses fins difficult to do because they do not know that in order to listen, you must suspend all judgment.’

‘He also taught me the meaning if humility, that knowledge and arrogance are antiethical. To be a good leader, one must first be a good human being.’

‘I learnt that the key was not to react to what had happened. Whatever the incident, you had to learn to absorb all the details and then figure out the subsequent damage control.’

[Page 153]

A leader must not take decisions under fraught circumstances. Always insist on some more time so that you can take a considered view, stepping away from the moment of high emotion. No decision is without risk, but when you take the time to think things through, you take very few regrettable decisions.

[Page 159]

A great leader has the power to attract and retain talent that is better than him in many aspects. He does not get insecure when surrounding himself with a top performing team. Yet, the better team, the higher the incidence of idiosyncrasy among team members.

A leader’s job is to focus on what is delivered, not on what a person’s quirks are. Competence to do a job has far greater weightage than personal reverence.

[Page 163]

One of the most common signs is discontent with life or the very same lifestyle that gave you happiness for many years. There is a sense of boredom with people who hitherto held your interest or dominated your life. These could be close friends, professional associates, a role model or relatives at home. Some people feel highly adventurous and want to do something completely different……..

[Page 172]

There is nothing more painful in life than to see your gods fail. The teacher you once loved and respected and considered the last post of integrity turns out to be an ordinary, vulnerable, favour-seeking man. The honest-to-the-core role model in the family turns out to be nothing more than a self serving individual putting on a façade, whose sense of morality is specific to a given time and space. It is the inevitability of growing up without which we cannot become complete human beings.

More on the book on the next post…….

Another Year Begins !

As wonderful as year 2010 was it was a year filled with mental trauma, uncertainties and insecurities. Just because I do not display them doesn't mean that I never feel them. Insecurities...they broke me in to a million little pieces and fixed me back perfectly well at the end. For the first time in my entire life, I felt like porcelain...very breakable and vulnerable.

2010 was a year where a lot of hard work had to be continuously and consistently put in to keep myself afloat, such as jogging at 6 am, consuming too much fizzy drinks, excessive smoking, Vodka, Whiskey, Tequila & Wine, dating useless creatures, turning vegan...and the list is endless.

10 more working days at my present job, and I leave plenty things behind. When a large bunch of individuals are desperately hunting for jobs in the UAE, I am more than desperately hoping my present job will let me go without too much drama.

With an unclouded mind, I step in to year 2011 with much anticipation and ambition to finish pending projects which were left hanging on a rotting piece of thread for over 5 years.

A brand new job, a brand new ride, a brand new life with a wonderful man.....2011 Rock me good baby !

Alpha & Omega

The 12 day short vacation has come to an end, where I fly back to UAE tomorrow. The last few hours spent with him felt fucked up and disoriented. He has slowly, yet steadily become my North & South, Alpha & Omega and my everything.

With a heavy heart, tears in my eyes and a snot filled nose, I ask the universe to make life happen with him, faster than a speeding bullet.

Don’t I Wanna Be Anywhere Else But Here?

It is the third time I got up from my seat to light a cigarette, but forgot all about it, got occupied with something else and came back to resume or rather commence blogging. I don’t know if blogging and the cigarette would make me feel any better afterwards, but I’m hoping it would.

Was dragged to the beach after much retaliation late in the fucking morning by a good friend and an old flame. I am feeling feverish and fucked up though there was no serious dipping being done. I conveniently stayed on the shore whilst the boys played ball in the middle of the sea. It was relaxing though I now feel like a piece of over grilled chicken drumstick.

I asked myself a million times why I had left him, rejected him and refused to visualize a future with him before. He was a lot of things I wanted, simple, old fashioned, persevering, though he doesn’t listen to the same music, watch the same movies or read the same books. I have been asking myself for days if these things are actually important, but I haven’t been able to come up with a satisfying answer till date. For now, all I am aware is that I have been and am in awe at what his inner being is made of. Is there an outer being at all?

I have always liked English films and books by Indian producers and writers. There is something about their productions that you will never find in a western artist. While hunting for books I came across a book which looked like just another time pass read “one night @ the call centre” by Chetan Bhagat, which I couldn’t eventually keep down until every page was read. Not that I had ever worked at a call centre to really earn a living but there was something about the book that touched or disturbed me. Love, choices, or a boorish management I cannot really figure out. An almost well written book. He could have jolly well done a better job with it. About to go on to “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert and then on to “48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene.

Turning 27 in approximately 40 days time and everybody has pressed the panic button, except for me. I have just started the elimination process [evil grin]. Most people, when deciding on a suitable match list down everything they like in the so called ideal counterpart, which I too have done countless number of times only to find myself even more confused than ever. A colleague who seems to have some smart theories about men, keeping them and eliminating them had a different strategy which sounded worth trying and was definitely worth trying.

Strategy:

List down the good and the bad of each of the potential candidates instead and voila everything suddenly seemed clear. Managed to eliminate a good 5 who will never be considered ever again.

Material Boy

Me : Told him I was in deep shit financially and though I liked him a lot I didn’t wanna commit since I wouldn’t be able to give my 100% with the strategic payment plan I had to follow [balls]!

Instead of saying he doesn’t really care about stupid materialistic things or my networth, he had the nerve to tell me that my plan to stick to my payment plan was not stupid at all, in fact very wise

My suspicion he was materialistic beyond my liking was confirmed.

Lankan Boy With An Outa The Blue Accent

Nice guy, absolute survivor, romantic as hell, sweet as chocolate, would be loyal, loving and everything a woman wants. They never come in separate packages without these…. possessive, neurotic, paranoid etc..

Liar Boy

The urge to lie about his parents, background and minute things definitely isn’t a plus point, neither does him being a Libran.

Indian Boy

Say yes, please go out with me for you’re the first girl I ever dared like or ask. Not a good enough reason. On the other hand, his need to curl the ‘r’ at the end of each word would drive me clinically insane.

Self Proclaimed White Boy

Libran and an arse.

That’s how easy the elimination process was. It’s not what I want but all about what they are.

Three cigarettes and a blog after my brain feels less cluttered, but the sinking feeling still resides comfortably at the pits of my belly. It must to be an unreachable, deep, dark and lonely place for I can’t seem to reach out and tug it out of me. I can’t figure out what’s wrong or what it is that I really want right now… a new job, a new game or a different work-out routine?

Clean Suits & Duffel Bags

It’s the second night in the new apartment and it will take a while to get settled and cozy. I was amazed and taken back by the strength I had when shifting the entire room, everything that had helped me live comfortable for the past three years. Two refrigerators, truck load of clothes, books, boxes all transported with a single flat trolley and a regular shopping cart all with nothing but my bare naked hands. It reminded me as to why I didn’t need a man (at least for the time being) , it is obvious that no man I had met until today now could ever match up to the kind of living on the edge lifestyle I am cut out to live and am living. It keeps me ticking, on my toes and more than anything it is fun.

His entire being just catches me off guard simply coz he looks like HIM. That face, that look, that oozing ‘I don’t give a fuck attitude’, that refined, mature & humble nature, the full suit with the duffel bag.......I think I like the idea of watching, admiring, criticizing or whatever than to really get involved in the entire situation, let alone desire any involvement.

I wish ‘Mr. Have-It-All-Together’ made me feel the same way. I think I still have feelings for him, but as for getting stuck with him for the rest of my life…NO-CHANCE –IN-HELL !!!! He is amazing in a lot of ways, may be every woman’s dream, but just not mine. I waited long, ditched plenty, not to settle for second best. A part of me wanted to say ‘Yes, let’s work things out’, but a louder voice kept saying….’He ain’t the one, don’t waste your time, let it go and let it go for good’ and that’s exactly what I did.

I managed to add a few more pages on to the book this afternoon. This course I’m taking seems to be diverting my very being and it is sad. I have deliberately stopped myself from feeling, from really listening or speaking. It is true that the best experiences in life take place when you let yourself feel, go with the flow and don’t really care whether or not you’re making a fool of yourself. Then, at one point, you stop being yourself, you become rigid, you become what the world wants you to be, you stop thinking for yourself, you stop wanting for yourself.

That’s the fucking problem…..I can’t let myself go, not right now, I need to finish what I came here for, but it is taking me a little more time than intended, coz instead of falling in love with oil money, perks, benefits and scrounging stupid entities based on sinking sandy patches, I have fallen in love with a job, a fucking job, not even a man, but a fucking job!

I wonder if he means everything he says. I wonder what he really wants out of life. I wonder from where all those catty comments come from. I wonder if he really cares and respects people genuinely. I wonder if he ever looks further than just a couple of days & months, I wonder if what other people say is right. Would he really make it? Hasn’t he already made it? I want to sit and wonder plenty things about him, but it doesn’t seem to matter when I see a smile perking out of that otherwise stern face. I’ve heard the worst, I seen the worst, but it doesn’t matter. I just wanna dish out what I couldn’t for myself and then fucking run and hide.

I wish and wish I could sit in a dark corner and enjoy the world than be in it. It is a funny funny circus and people are a bunch of clowns. It would help if they knew which hoop they are expected to conquer next. It must be entertaining for the mean-streaked-idiot upstairs to watch everyone mess things up. May be the books got it all wrong afterall….may be, just may be, the devil actually won the world over and is up there ruling the world. May be the devil is actually a woman !

And Then It All Ended........

Some of the best decisions are made using much of the heart and less of the head. I made a huge one today and it feels great. It's been on my mind for the past 6 months or so. Looking back, it feels crazy to have sat on a single decision for a good 150 days, but the point is, that it is finally made and done with. Tonight I sleep in peace, with nothing bothering my mind or soul. Do I feel guilty? Ahem.. probably just as guilty as as having over eaten ice cream.

What have I to lose and what have I to gain? There comes a point when you just don't care about your gains and losses, but follow your heart and only your heart and trust the universe to take you to your next destination.

The world has stopped spinning around me. My mind is clear and there are no emotions taking over, other than just a glint of sadness. It feels like a crappy ending of a beautiful relationship that just couldn't stand the test of time.

People function beautifully when there is absence of fear. They blossom in to pretty lil flowers, rare & exotic, but it's a cycle, they eventually whither & die.

Red Box - A Taste of Sri Lanka Indeed

Had to put in to words the awesomeness of the Sri Lankan food relished at Red Box located in Qusais, while the food is still in my belly. The much anticipated trip was finally made this evening.

Ambiance - Not so Sri Lankan, Chef Lanka does it better. The modern hip hop and pop played was a turn off, but the waiters are friendly, and overall the place is homely.

Variety - Not too many, probably coz it's still a virgin venture.

Drawbacks - No rice and curry during dinner, no buffet and no Ginger Beer :(

But on the whole it was heaven on earth for us deprived Sri Lankans in Dubai and away from the hub. And so the order for two went like this.....

String hoppers - AED 12

Hoppers (4 plain and one egg hopper) - AED 12

Prawn Curry - AED 16

Beef Curry (Spicy as hell) - AED 16

Wood Apple Drink - AED 8 each

Tea (as per the typical Sri Lankan flavour) - AED 2.50 each

Thrilled and way over the moon to finally have a Sri Lankan restaurant which is cheap, clean and scrumptious in the neighbourhood. Unfortunately, they do not deliver during the day and I don't eat solids during the night......either way, can't wait to go back for the second experience.