Vengeance of a tortured dinky toy !!!!

Last night was all so cold and cozy….slept like a baby. Tried to convince me mum to take a cab in the morning since I knew that the drive in peak traffic is gonna be a killer with the clutch acting strange and worn…..but seeing that long face like :gaul face” made me get ready and go drop her….hehehe…..


Had a boisterously rocking time purchasing the clutch plates and other lil bits and pieces for the car…this includes the picturesque sight of the jacks loitering down “Panchikawatta” with em eyes goggling, lapping tongues and drooling caves (I so don’t get em….have stopped trying to figure out em brains of the uncultivated rascals).

The car was smooth as silk till I reached Armourstreet, when I felt the car suddenly wobbling like a jelly fish and making jumpy jerky movements…..my lungs almost gave in when I saw the smoke puff outa the bonnet…I freezed…..that horrible day…11th June 2003 flashed in fronta me eyes…..smoke….flaming car…..explosion…to condemning the majestic 4 wheeler….

I didn’t know what I was doing……I stopped the car in the middle of the road…opened the bonnet and jumped out to the pavement…..I was shivering away…I couldn’t help it……a stupid jack ass of a cop came and asked me to move the car towards a corner….I mumbled something and continued shivering…..by then. My dad had taken control of the situation and was trying to open the radiator…..I still couldn’t reach normalcy, I couldn’t think straight….A kind gentleman came by and offered to drive it to a corner, coz I was screaming away refusing to manure the vehicle in it’s state of steam and smoke…..(Who ever he is…may he be blessed…guess he parked his own vehi and came to help…I really wouldn’t know….but I am truly thankful to God and to him)

Okios…so we got some water from a near by house and poured it in and started heading towards Union place……but not even 100 metres from where we began I had an uneasy feeling about the whole journey…and the building up traffic which was almost coming to a stagnated standstill petrified me. Thank God my instincts told me to pull over and check it up again…..the Jacks who fixed me Clutch plates have forgotten to fix the radiator fan switch….and there was no way to keep the water cool….Dads did some jiggery-pockery with the whole thing…but the fan just wouldn’t start…..Called dear old Ceylinco and lingered by the road side for almost and hour for the guy to arrive…..and miraculously the fan did start working after seeing the technicians face. Wooohoo…..

In addition to the trauma of being inside a steaming car for the second time….I got an ear full of a lecture form me mother superior for not giving the car over to its agent….for being too stingy (in my mind it’s saving money….I’ll choose me garage dudes any day) !!

The evil one has been attacking me in every way he can these few weeks….Why…coz he just can’t stand the fact that I am walking in faith…following me master in heaven…..well..I just got to tell him one thing….He will never be able to mess with my faith….not this time…..he can take me to the depths of hell and back…I’ll still be sane with the strength of my master who will provide me shelter………I have a story in the bible to back me up “Job”………I do get vexed, frustrated, depressed at times….coz I’m only human after all….but no…never beaten….not until I hang on to my dear friend, lover, saviour and my all…….In (Romans 12 : 9-21) he has clearly stated that “Vengeance is his and that it is up to him to repay”…..and I count my fingers for the day he repays the evil one J

A lil about me and me alter ego.....

* Don't dare judge me....I am what I am....and I just might not be what you see....so if you really want to judge..."GO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE" :-)

Phone Habits

(1) My phone is with me 24/7/365, It is switched off only when I do not want to be disturbed. If I don't answer your call, or call you back, either I don't want to speak to you right then or never want to be hassled by you ever again.

(2) I do reply most of the sms's I get, unless other wise they are forwardings. Me not replying a message would mean that I find it lame, stupid, annoying or just don't want to communicate with you. If I don't reply a significant number of your messages at a stretch, I expect you to get the message that I don't want your number appearing on the screen of my phone...If you don't seem to figure this out, then your either sitting on your comprehension power or a plain retard

* retard = a person backward in mental or physical development

(3) The maximum times I will attempt to get through to a person is twice or on rare occasions thrice...If you fail to answer me or reply my message...I shall not bother with you ever.....I consider you an unfortunate earthling to have missed the opportunity to converse with me :)

(4) If you owe me something, then expect to be bugged, till you come up with a proper explanation or return what you owe me....(I don't expect you to return what ain't important to me, if I never ask you to make it your own, yeah...then it is darn important) !!!

(5) If I owe you something, don't worry...I wouldn't run away with it…I will return what ever I owe you in full...Yes, I will be polite enough to call you and give you an explanation if there involves any delay...but...Big “BUT " only if you would be sweet enough not to pounce on me like a starved Ethiopian Cannibal...or make my day go worse than it already is"

(6) Don't send me stupid sms's asking me how I am doing....I will either say...I'm doing good...ok or all right (you can be sure that it is always positive)....so don't bother. Try starting a conversation with a melodious note instead.

(7) I don't want to be called numerous times a day to be talked to...no...I ain't a puppy wanting to be spoken to 24/7...I appreciate my space.....solitude.....and dislike small talk....

(8) Don't dare call me up and expect to be entertained...no...I ain't a clown...and don't be too assured that I'll make your day and illuminate your darkness.

(9) I will only message you or call you if I like the living, breathing earthling you are....(I said like.....not LOVE)

(10) If I have ever fallen in love with you...I wouldn't use the phone or sms to confess it...I'll look deep in to your eyes...make you lifeless and then say it....(so don't let your imagination run riot, save it for a rainy day) !!!

(11) I sure judge you by the tone of your voice.....so when in a conversation if your tone is groggy or lazy….I rate you as uninteresting...or just not in the mood to talk.....don't blame me If I pretend to be busy and run away...I hate uninteresting, unresponsive conversations.

(12) If you’re a guy...don't dare call me when you are drunk....I don't appreciate drunk conversations either.

(13) Don't dare giving me nuisance calls....they don’t really affect me....so don't waste your time and money....(just a warning to save your resources)

(14) Don't dare declare any sort of feelings you got towards me using a telephonic equipment or worst of all don't dare do it in disguise / anonymous...In my mind you'll only be an ordinary coward with absolutely no self confidence, what-so-ever.

(15) If I don't answer the phone with a sweet note.....then may be...I'm pretending not to like you.....hehehe


Relationships & Nick Naks

(1) If I ever hang out with you twice...then you can be assured that I don't detest you (I never said like or love)

(2) If I ever tell you that I love you casually...don't believe me...(I just might be kidding around to find out your true intentions/ulterior motives....yeah...I'm cautious. I don't find anything wrong with it)....Coz if I'm really in love with you...I wouldn't be harping about it....I'd never say it....

(3) If I ever tell you that I needa get away from you....then I gotta be really hooked on to you....I'm just trying to find out, whether you really want me to stay or not...or who knows...may be I really want to run away from you...hehehe

(4) If I really do adore you...then I'll try not to meet your eye...( reasons withheld)

(5) I am bad at non-committed relationships....and I will always hate you for even considering it...(I'll try my best to forgive you....but I'm only human)

(6) If you've figured out that I like you...and I still ignore you at times....may be….just may be you've hurt me....and I don't really want to confront you or get hurt again...

(7) No...I don't appreciate you talking about other women...when in a conversation with me...I'm weird...I don't get jealous....I'd simply lose respect and cut you off....

(8) Exception :- I will talk about other guys and check em out along with you until I am sure you are exactly what I want or rather worth my time and energy.....You'll make it some where, if you hang in there...may be I like to know how possessive you truly are.

(9) If you are Aunty Monica's jealous cat...shooooo away......don't even bother...If you are too possessive I'm sure to get ticked off....but then again if you are too less possessive. I’ll take it as a sign of unconcern and lameness....tehehe

(10) Don't expect me to understand reasons why you did unofficial coffee/movie/lunch/dinner with another woman....Coz I don't want to understand.....hahaha...I'm a living, breathing radar...I'd know your true intentions by afar....So don't dare play around...I’ll make you cry and get you running off to your Mommy.

(11) If I am committed to you or absolutely, spot on in love with you.....then you can be assured not to find me doing any of the above or further, with any one else other than YOU....(ooops...who am I kidding) !!!

(12) No...I don't like you if you have a tendency to live by other's approval...I expect you to have a mind of your own.

(13) Neither do I want you to be every body's everything....

(14) I don't appreciate emotionless men...I find them mechanically inhuman and rather disgusting.

(15) Yes...I expect you to remember all birthday's and anniversaries...you won't be excused, unless other wise u are very sick and about to die...

(16) Ermm....no....I have no intention of eating "Coconut Sambol" and " Rice" every day...hehehe

(17) A teetotaler it is...If I ever catch you puffed out or boozed flat...please anticipate broken bones and teeth.

(18) A bad shaker on the dance floor is a turn off....but if you find me moving sloppy on the dance floor, please look at your self first...may be I'm just trying to keep your pace :)

(19) Don't walk towards me with ulterior motives of material/financial/physical attainments.....coz I'll just sniff you from afar...and simply cut you off.

(20) If I really, really do adore you, I'll offer you my world, just to see if you'd take it right away....(I judge you by the decision you make).

(21) If you don't believe in God, heaven and hell....don't even bother lingering around....you'll only be my friend and nothing more....(Harsh...but it's true, but I have all the reason's to be)....

(22) If you are a jerk, who approves pre-marital physical attachment, run before I fry your willy and feed my dog.

(23) If your head is filled with lust, heaven help you......coz if you dare make me an object of your lust...you’ll need more than heaven to help you !!!

(24) If you think you are superior than I am....go fly...It's up to me to decide whether or not !!!

(25) I'm sorry...I don't sell marshmallows...only over baked cookies....(If you can't comprehend what I'm trying to say...stop reading...shut down this page...adios !!! and no it ain’t anything vulgar I’m trying to say)

(26) Assuming never took any one any where... so don't. Just ask me...No...I promise, I'll try not to bite !!!

(27) Don't dare accuse me for assuming...that's just me....but If you are smart enough to keep things clear, cut and dry...then I wouldn't have to waste my time or energy assuming and trying to figure you out.

(28) Grown up's hooked...(I mean really hooked) on cartoons aren’t considered cute...I see ya as a dumb ass with an underdeveloped brain, a habitual escapist...clutching with fear to face reality.......

(29) Same goes to movies....if you've got nothing better to do than watch movies....you’re considered a jobless freak in my books.

(30) Do you know how to smile...or can I teach you how to?

(31) It's now or never.....all or nothing...no mediocrity...no procrastination.

(32) Once bitten, twice shy....No second chances in relationships. “Broken limbs can be repaired...but the scars remain”

(33) If you are looking for a lion to be caged and paraded....sorry sir...you've been misdirected...you should be looking in the zoo.

(34) Must like museums, galleries, exhibitions, country, ruggedness, stage plays, operas, books (comics don't really count), animals, rock n" retro, living on the edge....

(35) Must be....simple, artsy and inscrutable.

(36) Must loathe all techno music and stupid hip hop ...(OBSERVATION....the afore-said music lovers contradict with everything I am)...

(37) If bad is good in thee eyes....Depart !!!

(38) Getting back to artsy, if you loathe coloured hair and piercing… Depart immediately !!!

(39) If you are married and attempting to flirt with me...I'll first warn you, failing which, tell your wife and force you to a shrink, coz you sure are an insane, sordid, lewd, obscene and down right dirty bastard who deserves to be shot in the head !!!

(40) You are spiteful if you find "Samson & Delilah" and "Romeo & Juliet" stupid.

(41) I ain't a butterfly puffed up with make up, I've got no rosy cheeks, swaying hips, bright red lips, juicy butt, glossy combed hair and nice smelling feet.........Oppps...did I disappoint u ???

(42) Work out is as important as praying....if you are a pudgy lazy owl who loves to sleep and your idea of exercise is a drive to the nearest restaurant, I'm sorry you ain't my type.

(43) I consider you successful, if you succeed in teaching me the game of pool...No one's really got to the end of explaining the whole game due to the sudden out-break of “the war of the cues”. I find it a lil boring anyway.

(44) Formula Racing and drag racing is Hot !!! If you insult it, I'll only end up insulting you and making you cry.

(45) I’m just a simple and very ordinary girl and no way will I trade that for all the money in the world, so don’t expect me to.

Friends

(1) I don't expect anything from you, neither do I expect you to measure up to anything....so don't bother impressing...I like you just the way you are...

(2) If I am by any chance avoiding you...may be I got my reasons....your either a negative thinker who can't be put right...you offend me...provoke me....drive me up the wall...try to manipulate me...a serial liar, a user or an abuser.

(3) If you don't call me as often as I call you....too busy with your own stuff...don't wanna talk...don't wanna meet up...FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME....you sure are making your way to my book of "Extinct Creatures"

(4) No...I ain't Santa Clause's girl friend...my resources are limited...this includes...time and money.....but If I can help you in any way...I would never say no...

(5) If I ever come up to you with a problem...I only want you to listen....If I ever get down to asking your opinion...I only want your opinion, and nothing else...and just coz I take your opinion, I ain't gonna act upon it blindly...all options will be weighed...so understand.

(6) Don't tell me what to do, what to feel and what to be...it ain't gonna work...coz I've got a mind of my own....so shut up and quit trying to get me to...

(7) Don't try convincing me to believe in any other religion other than what I am believing now...I'll only shoo you away or lose any respect I had or have towards you.

(8) Don't waste your time tarnishing my name.....coz what you or others think of me doesn’t really matter to me.

(9) Plz understand....I can't be there for you alwaysss.....I got a life of my own.

(10) Be frank about whether you want me around or not, coz I don't bother hanging around where I am not wanted, and no...I ain't a soothsayer, and neither can I read your mind.

(11) All women are dangerous, and yes I fear them more than uncultivated hooligans.....so if your a female, and want to be my friend...gimme time.....or if you already are....I'm sorry....I consider all women to be opportunists (horrible past experiences)....yeah...so gimme time to figure ya out !!!

(12) Where there is a female crotch, there's sure to be a man.....so if you are a guy....don't blame me if I take time to get to know you and trust you.....I'm picky, and I'm plenty proud of it.

(13) I am your guardian angel at the time of your distress, but no…...I ain’t your chauffer.

(14) My stuff are not for you to borrow and leave it unreturned....I'll simply label you a thief.

(15) I ain't perfect...I do go through messy times, where I appreciate my space....Gimme time to disappear and reappear (Go into hibernation). Ignoring you during this phase doesn't mean that I hate you...it's just my way of sobering built up toxicity.

**Finally.....I do have the authority to change the above statements as and when I want to. Adding new statements or deleting any of the existing ones doesn’t mean that I’m a highly volatile creature in any way. Change is a sign of maturity after all.

Syndrome 21

I shall be a grand 22 year old dame in a coupla days......It would be a lie if I say that the thought doesn't makes me shudder a tad bit..hehe...I’m in deeper thinking these days.....not that the people I know are making my life any easier....hehehe..I actually sat down and figured out my life a coupla days back.....there's still hope to "get a life" (",)....I really down't know where this is heading...but so many thoughts crossed my mind when driving back home today...Was thinking about all the people who have crossed me path....was thinking about my own likes and dislikes.....hmmmmm.....coulds, woulds n' shoulds...I am a less confused child than I was a coupla years back.....and yes...I can't deny the fact that I really do feel sorry for the people who are struggling hard to find themselves (including myself I guess)...Being in the lost territory ain't rosy.

It's me Dad's and Grams birthday today (two absolutely wonky characters….hehe).....After all the complaining I do about how both of them drive me up the wall (worse than an off-road drive)...I truly do appreciate all they do...I muscled up some guts to speak em appreciation to me Dad (mmmm...didn't I see that smile on his face).....I'm thrilled that at least at this ripe old age I've begun to appreciate me folks and love them unconditionally ...Who would I be without me Mum...one amazingly strong lady I've ever come across....I’m darn proud to be her product....I'm glad she put me through harsh training when I was a kid...(They've done there bunch of mistakes, but don't we all make mistake in every relationship we make)....My world is peaceful...absolutely
peaceful, (apart from the fact that the clutch plates of me dinky toy is gone for a six, and I need to loiter for more than half a day in the garage tomorrow...hate the thought...simply hate it)

The hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" made so much sense to me today.....I remember hating the hymn, since the melody was slow and boring, plain and un-catchy......but today, it sounded all so pleasantly different...The lyrics basically solve the whole puzzle of "LIFE".

One weeka Breaka from da Net !!!

It's been a while since me spoke me mind...Walking in faith has become easier than ever....There is no greater joy in my life than trusting him, holding his hand and scampering along....
If it was genuine love that I was looking for, then it is that I have found, nothing compares to the affection I feel.....nothing in the world has touched me this deep, this often.It feels like I'm falling in love with the same person over and again...over and again...His name I was shamed to utter, his goodness I was ashamed to proclaim. but the sweetness in his voice,the loving warmth in his breath,the pleasure of following his footsteps and giving over one's life, breath & soul to him, doesn't permit one to hush his sweet name for too long. "Jesus" the beat of my heart and the life-blood in me.

It's been a more than a week since I checked me mail, or did anything with the net....ahhhh.....that hurts !!! Got a few msges from me friends while driving ma to work warning me that me mailboxes were full and mails were returning......bahhh...me gotta do something fast......sleepy eyed judy girl...walks in to a busy tech shop.....in "rubber bathroom slippers" looking like band's mistress..unbrushed teeth (stink pouring out)....(woahhh...never again).....never felt loonier...and yeah...higly anti-tech moi finally fixed the so called modem after a number of consultations and a four hour struggle.....(over with) !!!(10'000 apologies to all me bugged during the installation process)....

Weekend was a HOLLER !!! wish it was a lil longer.....

A lil bit of everything !!!

Finally shifted everything at the Colpetty office home...Gosh...that ain't a home n e more....more of a junk yard......Weekend would be all about cleaning up......hmm.....A few more hours before we hand over the keys to the oh so interfering land-lord and boogy out......

I took a few minutes and looked at the whole picture from the outside......Everything is going according to God's plan, all unwanted baggages are shed, Thing's are at it's worst, but faith tells me I am through.....everything is through...(If God bring's you to it...he will bring you through it)......My biggest testimony is yet to happen (but in my mind, it's already fulfilled)....

Was deeply saddened by the fact that a Cargills Ice-cream man cheated me. He sold me a Rs.22/= icecream at Rs. 35/= (day light robbery) !!!! Nah..I ain't timid to keep quiet...But I was too saddened to argue...(that's wierd....maybe I'm shedding me tough skin)...

Guess I wouldn't be able to blog again for a month or two, since the net connection will be taken off and lil miss jack ass(me) took off the dial-up modem 2 months back thinking she wouldn't need it......so there goes...till mini me shifts to Panadura...So Long...

Trust in the Lord for all your needs....

God Bless Ya !!!

Ermmmm...Ermmm.......Kapuwa.com (Hahahaha)

Ok...ok.....Big confession...I've been messing around with kapuwa.com........It all happened a month back when ona ma budsies started harping about kapuwa.com....outa sheer curiosity, me joined the thnigy (in disguise of course....Lord help me if I ever shoot ma real identity...no way...Not in this life..He).......

Man...I'm so having a ball ever since.......The mails just keep streaming in...(mind you...I do not have a profile at all.....Just a attractive, English sounding name.....and yeah...quite an attractive vulnerable age)......Check out some mails me received and try tickling your self to death !!!

(Nonna em are edited, but nonna identities have been revealed)....

Hi,
I have been alone for a long time now; not by choice or lack of interest in finding someone to keep me company, but simply because none of those who have crossed my path gathered the same qualities you do...I must confess that I fell a bit awkward and embarrassed as I write these lines, but the feeling that we may really get a long with each other and be happy together is very strong.I would like you to give us this chance. Please understand that I am not asking this for my own sake; I am asking it for the both of us, because I believe that you would have not touched my heart if it wasn't meant for me to make you happy.
An affectionate kiss from,
xxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- What does he think he is "Prince Charming" ???? (No...I ain't "Cinderalla)

hi dear,
I am professional worked in a leading IT co in col and living in col.I am open minded person who like to getto know u . so pls let me know more details about u and let me know what u want to know about me. so let get in touch with each other soon. waiting to hear from u soon
love
xxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- Open mind ??? (I wonder if his brains are still intact)

hi im a fun loving guy of20.... 60 kg.... 5"8 tall and tan..contact me on.... 07xxxxxx if u lik to get to known

Me 2 cents worth :- Y in the world would I want to know his Height & Weight???

hi xxxxxx
gone through your profile and thought about sending you a message. i,m 27 and working for a software company in UK. hmm.. what else? i would like to meet nice girls with good sense of humour. :-). i,m not telling i,m some one who jumps into commitments the first place but there could be some thing serious with some one who is loving caring and nice. think i told you about me. guess its your time.. :-) And i,m used to travel to sri lanka at least every 4 months cos i do miss my friends and family over there .. :-).. if you would like to get to know a nice friend would you mind dropping a mail to my mail address which is xxxxxxx@yahoo.com or send me a reply to this and we can keep in touch.:-) hope to hear from you soon.

Me 2 cents worth :- Watz this bloke looking for? a once in 4 months frienship????Commitment ???? (He's gotta be kidding)

Welcvome to Kapuwa
Call me for a good time
(Number)
xxxxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- What sorta good time are we talking about......and wow...he's given his home number........(God bless him) !!!

Hi Lady.
Its like this, bla bla bla na ne ne naa naa naaaa naaa.......and what else? I am in my ripe age of the mid i.e. 27 on the dot!. Having difficulties in getting a date. No dont get me wrong I am really really really superb looking (I have been taught the merits of positive thinking!) charming, sincere, manage my own finances and above all know when to layoff without being having told to do so. What I look for in a friend, pal, partner,buddy, companion, acquaintance, ally, associate, comrade (thanks word thesaurus)is to be fun and fun and sincere. And a person who would like to be lavished without having hangovers about it. Well I guess its a bit of a asking but hay, I am choosy. So girls if this is the qualities you look for in a guy drop me a rope, I will climb up or at least will give a tag and thats a promise.
Over,
Yours truly the Puppydog

My 2 cents worth :- This sounds interesting......a replacement for me doggy........Why would he have difficulties getting a date with a vocabulary like that (Either he is shit ugly, pain in the butt, or a plague)

Hai Dear,
I am (name) , who is 25 years old male. Working in a one of private company call (name of company) in Colombo as a (post). I like to know about you. If you like only send to me email or come for chat with me. Sorry if I disturb you.
My e-mails are-
xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com"
My number is ...(number)
Thanks,Take Care,
BUDUSARANAI

Me 2 cents worth :- Absolute turn off !!!

Opppps....what have I done......me ain't ridiculing any Just that I find it all so funny.......They hardly know me at the other end....and gosh......who in their right mind would fall for pick up lines like em???? definitely not me)....The whole puppy dog thingy sorta did get me all impressed......good stuff, but still.............geeez...(Stop being judgmental u wicked ass) !!!!

My Boy Lollipop !!!

Did a whopping workout yesterday for the 3rd consecutive day....amazing feeling.....but, the voices didn't let me be last night...I had to go sleep with my parents again...just cudn't handle it.....it's getting annoying...really annoying....

Woke up at 8.15 today morning......woahh......had to rush......rush and rush to get to the car before my mum...or I would have been a smashed pumpkin......

Rock was so not the thing to listen to today so stuck to absolute retro till me made it to work...and boy...didn't it make a world of difference...Whilst Rock makes ya wanna bang ya head "bang...bang" to the wheel, scream in rage, molest & harass fellow drivers..... Oldies make ya smile, give way...and be extra nice to every Tom, Dick n' Harry passing ya dinky toy...heheheh

My boy Lollipop
You make my heart go giddy-up
You are as sweet as candy
You're my sugar dandy

----OoOPPPS....was I actually wearing that sheepish grin on me face while they played this----

Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
I know you'll get to like it If you give it a chance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
My little baby sister can do it with ease
It's easier than learning your a b c's
So come on, come on
Do the loco-motion with me

(Locomotion - Kylie Minogue)

Errmm........k.....jump...jump......swing ya hands up n' down......


I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

(Boys of Summer - Don Henley)

(NICE....................real nice)...............

Ahhh....da sound of Dolly Parton......The way she begs "Jolene" to leave her man alone gets me all emotionally fizzzed up...... "Before the next tear drop falls" ..........

(This is fun........slowy songs are gooda behind the wheel......takes away the tension and pressure from driving with a bunch of crawly crabs.....

Did I just here Samantha Fox say...."touchez-moi"...............errrrm..............

Pulled Nerves n" Fidgety Feet !!!

Ahh.......the new place is heaven, heaven, I've fallen head over heals in love with the place......counting my toes till we shift.......

Nothing went as I planned...was too tired to go for rock sat.......awwwwwwww..............I've missed it for tooo long........(Take me there...I wanna go there...)...tehehehe

The drive to Panadura and visiting da gazzillion of me mums friends on our way back was a killer....I mean a real baaad killer.......

Under the greatest difficulty me pulled out em machines from their respective hiding places and actually worked out an hour on Sat and an hour on Sunday.......ahhhhhhh...suffered the consequenses at church last evening....my nerves were all jumpy n' my brain was screaching away for some hyperactivity......I kept fidgeting...jumping...twisting, turning and heaven knows what.....Fortunately I was seated at the very back, that not too many noticed what I was doing......geeezzzz........

The serman was an eye opener....but was glad to be back on my feet and behind the wheel earlier than the winding up time........(nerrrvy) !!!!

Just got back from lunching with good ol Christobel.......Had an indepth conversation n" a good chitter chat after a long time....


~ Greater Iz He Dat Iz In Me, Dan He Dat Iz In Da World ~
(He's amazing as always) !!!!

Helplessly Falling !!!

Was sorta feeling wonky from morning........real wonky.......

For some reason or the other I was dying to hear the crazy frog tracks over and over again...My eyes actually did lighten up n sparkle every time they played it..

Figured out that ona ma buddy boo is far more creative than I gave him credit for.......errrm...chek out a part of a lil chat me had with witty cuddley thang (",)

[Yahoo IM]..............

marcy : I c
marcy: so u needed to cool off wit a ice icream
marcy: wot next ... cold shower

gobblezygook: he's so adorable............i wish i was flown away to alska......

marcy : its colder at da antarctic
marcy : u cud snuggle up in a igloo

gobblezygook : nah....shit marc....i can't help myself falling

marcy : covered in a big furr

gobblezygook : its dangerous

marcy : wit nothing but body heat to keep ya warm

gobblezygook : worse than getting caught in the middle of a garilla battle

gobblezygook : wow...ur creative

marcy: xxxx prudy is faalin
marcy: fallin down da down thro da rabbit hole
marcy: towards da bottomless abyss
marcy: towards da mesmerizing world of luuuuv
marcy: where angels sing
marcy: and butterflys dance
marcy: dance to da tune of eternal bliss

marcy : lovers walkin on air
marcy : skating effortlessly
marcy : on a glacier of dreams

marcy : where time stands stilll
marcy : and da world around is in freeze frame
marcy : suspended in time and space
marcy : floating thro da ether of neverness
marcy : thro magical haze of ecstasy

[End of IM]...............

Creativity at it's best......errrm...but I'm getting worried about this dude (",)

Gonna have a packed up weekend......

(1) Drive off to a to God-foresaken village to check out new property
(2) Then gotta choose between a play and ROCK SAT ......
[End of Sat]..

(3) Contract to molest a female buddy at some fiest of fair...(errrm....nah..just going to have a lil fun)
(4) Church (more fun)...........
[End of Sunday]

Ouch...that's it...........just 4 biggies and a whole lovely weekend of snoozing gobbled up...

Clutter Brain Me in an Equally Cluttered-up Breakless Maruti.....

Hazard to all mankind huh?.......eerrrrm.....yeah..may be.....Figured that the car has become absolutely breakless....hehehe....Felt like I've clambered mount Everest twice trying to drive the darn think cautiously...not only my poor hands & feet but my poor brains too are utterly exhausted......

Went to see Kev's nanna......She is the sweetest thing I've ever come across.........Cracked a lil sale there....and yeah.....loafed around a bit.....got back to work.....What do I get......the stupid monkey's coming to the CIM class down the lane taking up all my parking space.......Finally managed to grab me spot after a lil bit of shoooing and "Hey these spots are for the residence" explanations......

Was really pissed with myself in the morning...really pissed.....for letting myself actually fancy someone........guess it's time I figured that they are never gonna stay for ever.......It annoys me.....

Ahh...gotta get behind the wheel again........that kills....Better leave home early,coz I got a loooong day tomorrow....and a long weekend......Oh yeah...the thot of the weekend is already getting me all hyped

Tipsy...Very Tipsy !!!

Woahhh...I've gotten over me telephonic addction...I can actually live without it breathing life in to me every few coupla mins......and yeah.........The beep of the sms's doesn't make me go hi-flying n e more.........one week of willfull struggle......(EeeCHU WAWAWA) !!!!!

Had a few sessions of "Woopy Yippy Yuppy" ies staring at the opposite sex and making em all unconfortable.....(yabadabadooooooo...) this is fun.....perfect way to get back at em........errrmmm may be I shudn't make a habbit of it.......

The lil bita badminton I played last Saturday is so getting to me.....(Reminds me that I need to start shaking a few limbs everyday before I stiffen up n" freeze over for good)......... Arrrgh...My poor limbs are achey breaky......

Was pondering about what annoys me the most.......Weeeeakness.......(How darn judgemental)......Needa get over it.......Needa learn to luv me neighbour more than my self (How unfortunate not to have any cute neighbours around) :(

I'm all happy Yuppy today....(Eyes are still half closed......feel like puffing my life out......(thats called depression)......But would I give in to it...no way)....I'm gonna beat the blues baby.......Beat the blues........

I so miss the good times I had with my lil-angel.......It was a darn ball of fun...millanium park rides...window shopping.........movie marathons.......I really do miss em all....but then again...realisation tells me never ever to go there again.....Never ever ever... Some things are better unseen, untouched and unknown....hehehehe

The voices were harsher than ever yesterday......But...Praise the Lord...they have no power over me any more....They hide in fear the minute a tad litla bita of the mighty one's blood touches em......(nah..not real blood...just covered me self with his precious blood and he rocked me to sleep)......

Big Worry :- I'm strating to fancy a bloke......errrm...(danger danger)......I checked me point scheme...he does lack the most vital.....do we compromise?????? Let me subtly prowl away in silence for a while........tehehehe.....(I find it funnny...I truely do..........coz I never really fall in love...may be I never have......I just let my emotions run wild a tad bit).....Confused, Gone wrong Kid !!!

Planning to go for the youth meeting in the eveing.....I really want to make it.....Missed church last Sunday coz of a stupid procession me got caught to :( I'm hungry for a lil bita teaching n a lil bita preaching) May be coz I'm too lazy to read the bible and comprehend...which I must make a habit of......that books got all the answers to all me questions.......but then again....it's my foolishness that I go compromise..take the left hand path and fall in th shit, again & again)...hehehehe

The past week has been absolutely trying......Its taking me far away from God......and the minute I manage to crawl back to his feet...there I go again.........It rips me apart...Love...passion.....

I've been a steady ass for 5 whole months.......and I slipped just when I thot I was the strongest...just when I thot I'd never slip again.........hmmmmmm......................God help me..(of course he is the only one to help me....)....

I learnt something yesterday.....that even the best friends...the most trustworthy arn't really bothered about what u go through...it hurts....it really hurts..........but then again.....we live in a world fulla sinners (like myself).....who can I blame......at the end of the day...all I can do is go down on knees and cry out to the Lord to redeem me.....n to take me away from the snares I've got my self trapped in to.....

I've made up my mind to win this battle.....I ain't gonna scratch ma knees and run home to mamma.....I'm gonna stand up and march forward and attack the enemy....crush the freaking skull of the dark lord of hell...............

He angers me......he has been fucking with me for too long....just too long...he has no escape.......no more slipping and sliding and battling to stay afloat.... I will not let him have a hold on me....I just will not.....

I'm weak......I've no strength to wake up let alone move forward........My stomaches in a knot....in an uneasy..squeshy knot.......I don't like the way I feeel..........I ain't happy.....Forcing a smile is as hard as opening my eyes and facing the sun.I'm so tired of running....Just so tired of running......I can't help crying......I'm at the brink of breaking down.....I open my eyes...but they are heavy...my eyelids keep closing coz its a strain to keep them open........waking up is torture...going back to sleep is bigger torture......I twist and turn till early dawn....wondering and pondering......

It ain't for long...It ain't for long.........My redemtion ain't far away.....I see him coming towards me with open arms.....I feel a sense of peace coming over me.......I know he will set me free.....tho I sometimes feel that I don't deserve his help....I don't deserve his mercy...coz I falter...I falter knowingly......I'm a child of lust....lust for the world.....I hurt him with every step I take...But I still take it....

Thou will never understand me...so I shall not try explaining......The love I have for you is pure...pure as the wings of a dove......but I relaized it ain't the same feeling u have towards me.....it hurts...but I understand :(

I try to bid good bye...but I can't...........Heaven help me.......

It's a crazy world.....Young hearts running wild......Flesh hungering for a lil more lust.......Religion binding one n' keeping one on track........Blind faith leading many.....Athiests destroying the weak hearted......Pagans hexing each other.....Spirits roaming the earth, taking over traitors of God....100'000 denominations.......another smiliar number of races.......lust for power...lust for might...lust for acceptance...lust for ..................... too many to mention.................

I try to find the answers to all my questions through the words of King Soloman.....but no..I still haven't found the answers I'm looking for.....I'm contemplating on so many things that It's driving me mad......Help each other and live happy, somebody told me yesterday.......hehehehe... (now that's a joke)....

Peace is not yet mine.......I wait patiently till it sweeps across my face.......I dream of that day....I dream of the smile I'm gonna wear.....It's all too clear to me now.....It's all to clear......

This life ain't for me........this life just ain't for me :)

God bleass u !!!

No More Preteinding (Set Me Free) !!!

Below are two songs that reminded me of Gods Love...and reminded me that I ain't alone.....I'm at my worst...trust me worst.....but with him on my side...I know I will survive......I know I will.......(then what am I grumbling about????)...I'm only human......and my faith is only blind....there is so much I can take......My flesh is weak, my emotions are young & raw.....my head is strong, but that aint enuf......coz my flesh is weak, and evil temptations are strong................I want to hear his voice ...I need him omre than ever.........coz he's the only voice that'll sooth me.....he's the only hand that'll rock me to sleep...he's the only one who can set me free.....I cry out with all my might...he hears me...but why does he test my patience.......Matser don't let me fall again while I wait........Don't let me get away....coz I don't want to......near you is where I want to be......at your feet is my resting place.......

I'm da lucky one who has hope in him...I pity those who only have hope in themselves.......I'm broken I'm tattered...within me is an empty soul...no hope for tomorrow...no hope for the next hour, let alone the next minute.........but in him I have everything...in him I have the world......I wish em silly fools will one day realise what I'm trying to tell them......(God let me testify without shame......let them know that you'r alive....)

My eyes are smothered with tears and I don't want anyone to see me.....I feel so alone...I feel dead alone.......but I have to face the world...I have to meet and greet and crack em deals...

Help me Lord, for I am yours......

------------------------------------------------------------
Scott Krippayne - 'No More Pretending'

I can look good when I want to
I know the right things to say
I cover up what I don't want you to see
But you see it anyway
Maybe I think I can fool you
Maybe I'm fooling myself
I want to change but I don't know how
And I need your help

Chorus :- No more pretending
No more pretending Lord,
I know I need to tell you the truth tonight
But everything is not alright in my life
And I need you like never before
I don't want to pretend anymore

I'm tired of hiding my weakness
I'm tired of trying to look strong
I don't want to say that everything's fine
When there's so much that's wrong
Tell me again that you love me
Though it's more than my heart understands
And I will lay down my disguises
And show You who I am
------------------------------------------------------------

Hilary Weeks - 'He Will'

I can't hold on any longer
Temptation keeps getting stronger
And when I'm about to fall
And I've given it my all

Chorus :- He will move mountains
He will work miracles
I have no doubt that He will not let me go
His arms are open still
And when I can't I know He will

Sometimes it's all I can handle
To stay ahead of the battle
And when I'm not strong enough
His love will lift me up and

Speak peace to my soul
And I'll trust His love to guide me home
Cause I know I can't make it on my own

Floating at the Bottom !!!

Wooaaaw...I've actually made up my mind to go for the youth meeting today......hehehe....Amazing...Just when u think ur caught in a brutal never ending hail storm.......he makes the sun shine brighter than ever.......He's awsome...just too awsome.......

I'm still perplexed....but I know that peace is not too far......All I can do is to biliv in the miracle he promised to perform......he was with me ever since and he will be there with me for ever more.....

Hail the Mighty one I biliv in !!!!

Almost Perfect at the Not-So-Perfect Time !!!

It's amazing how u meet the best at the worst time.....and u just gotta let them go......u just gotta let them go.....u just gotta let them go...U don't want to...but u just gotta let them go :(

I Faltered !!!

Ppl actually think I live by a whole loada crappy principles.....nah...bull shit....may be I did...but that was long ago.....Kinda lost my mind 3 years back...and every principle went hay wire....hehehe.....but yeah...I've faltered My God again...and I ain't too proud about it......since I don't live by my principles these days...but his.....

I so want him to forgive me...I really do.....I've gotten hold of myself to say no to temptation...."God HELP Me" for I may fail again.......As much as the world brings pleasure to one's self....it sometimes does bring raw pain to the mighty one.......

The walk with God is like sleeping on a bed of roses......nah..I ain't condemning it......the feel of the soft petals around u makes u wanna sink in deeper...the fragrance makes u lose your mind.....but the deeper u sink...the thornier it gets.....The thorns are equal to the evil temptations the prince of darkness is gonna arrow u down with, the closer you get to God......Hmmm........

Was totally messed up in the morning...when a child of God called me.....and all I could do was pour my heart out to her.....she didn't judge me.....she only offered to pray....and she reminded me that God's love would never leave me nor forsake me.....wow...just what I wanted to hear.....

I remember in the past, laughing at the same lady just coz she slaved for Christ....but now I'm just thankful I know her.......I thank God for filling my life with at least a few who are right with him.....

God Bless U !!!

Accidently in Luv or Iz it Sumthing else ???

He's was always just a friend of yours, not even in ur wildest, wildest dreams have u dreamt of him as special......but suddenly outa da blue.....u simply can't look at him straight....he makes ur knees go wobble...wobble.....u can't stand his presence coz it makes u all nervous.....(No one has ever really made u nervous...the feeling is wiered).......

U sit and wonder if u really are in love? It does't matter if thats what u want or thats not what u want.......The question is whether or not what u feel is real..........is it infatuation....lust...... hmmmmmmmm...........Is this the end of another beutiful friendship........(Too many questions bubbling in your pee brain).....

You hardly thota him...didn't care what he did, or where he was.....but suddenly u wish u cud spend every minute with him.....u wish he were right where u are........

Annoying...annoying...I hate this feeling.......Wish I was feelingless again...Hardhearted and cold.....Cold as steel....Solid as wood......I don't want to feel....To feel is to hurt......To hurt is to cry......

Arrrrghhhhh.....................

Ppl wanna know y u con.....How can u not when the world is strewd with a whole loada liers......

May be thats the only defense mechanism I know....To get hurt...and still bounce back to life within a coupla hours......or rather a coupla days....."CON"...con u...con me.....con my feelings......con away !!!

The Weekend !!!

Who said growing up was eaaazy???? hehehe......Falling in love...falling outa love.....ripping hearts...ripped hearts.....Looking for "the one" "finding the one"..figuring out it aint the one...hehehe......Drama...drama......drama..n more drama....

My mission to find pure passion...true love (When everyone around me keeps saying it just doesn't exist...hehe).....wel...at least there has to be someone close to Mr. Perfect ya??? hehe...yeah...may be there is....there is true, passion...true love.....(The purest is of God....never forget that)......I thrilled I found it.....may be not to keep...."NOT EVERYTHING PERFECT IS URS FOREVER"....one can only be contended with the brief moments of happiness it smothers your life with...hehehe

But then again...u tend to wonder...how perfect is "PERFECT".......hmmm.....u suddenly wonder...Am I in love? or is this just lust? is it right? or is it wrong? hmmm.....( a few more pages of the journal...I can publish a bible of my own...hehehe)...........

Its crazy how ppl never speak up about silly issues....U suddenly sit n ponder whether the culture should be more open or close...how much of traditionalism is healthy..............Heaven help me.......I seriously am lost......

How much of religion is healthy? How harmful can a ceraless kiss get? How new can a new beginign get?

Hmm........What exactly is rebelling against parent mean? What exactly is rebelling...Inverted behaviour??????? hmmmmmm.......

May be I'm going thru another one of em monday blues......hehehe....what can I do...just give it to the Lord and let him make the best outa the day....He rules....He rules...none but he rules......

God Bless Ya !!!!

Started on a new poem......struggling to get the thots in to words......ouch ouch....

Just a few more thots......may be ppl like her never really find true happines......a calibre of her own...hmm.....possessive...and yet open minded.....cruel...and yet kind......detest weakness but yet weak (the only thing strong is the fake image)...hehehe....in love...want commitment...but yet not willing to offer n e ..........dream of challenges.....risk's the key word.....but yet trembling to risk the heart........

Wanting everyone else to stay, while she is quite happy running and hiding.....she knows her faults but yet is helpless to change n e of it, let alone the world........

Convinced that she could make none happy.....convinced that she is usless (vegetable)........(who is responsible)?????????

May be everything scares her.......escapism doesnt seem wrong sumtimes.....

Sometimes......u so wanna vanish....just vanish in to thin air.......wish it would all go away......hmmmm.....Nah I ain't looking for n e answers...I'll kick the asses of n e one who reads this an tries to advice........

Something caught my eye !!!

The prince of darkness didn't allow me to make a poasting yesterday......and kept me busy the whole day to keep me from reposting it......but will that keep me grounded...nah....let me say what i gotta say today....hehehe......(at least part of it)..

Met sumbody who like myself has come from Witchcraft to Christ.....It felt encouraging to know that I ain't a loner ...hehehe....Yeah Daniel...couldn't help but ponder about the stuff we spoke about.....what if Marylin Manson did turn to God.....would he be stoned to death by his faithful followers, or owuld they turn to God.....Geezing I'm half hoping it would happen (who knows)....would be an amzing site to see...hehehe

I heard the voices the last two nights, but managed to fall asleep by 1 p.m after rebuking all evil in his name.......I felt powerless without darkness on my side....but Now with God with me, I feel like I'm draped in weapons.

Mr. Cupid decided to sting me in the morning....the minute I raced my dinky toy with my mud coated tires to the top of the hill (Crappy steep lane i live in) towards the busy main road...(pant pant....another day of survival without crashing in to one of em monster trucks)....WHAT DO I SEE?...woooo hoo...a hottie...(my typa hyppie nerd typa hottie)...driving an ancient beatle.....in a skimpy pure white west....thick framed glasses....(nerd at a glance...but deifinetely otherwise) .......slowed down from my usual pase since it was obvious that his rubber couldn't burn too mucha road too fast.......hehehehe....sheeesh....silly impatient me decided to speed up the journey forgetting that pudding pie was following me...and ouch...ouch...big ouch...missed him...rather lost him in traffic......:(.... Y me??? y me???

So far the day has been quiet, but nothing to grumble about........

Let his Light be my ONLY guide..

God Bless ya !!!

Lil Blessings !!!

Yesterday was one tipsy day......the night was tipsier.....the voices were there..anxiety filled my heart....I cried out to the loard and he calmed me down...he soothed my mind...he told me not to worry......he rocked me to sleep........

What does one do at the edge of breaking down???? There seems to be no shoulder to cry on...there seems to be no one who would care...except for the mighty one......but then again...who needs n e one...when he is there to lift me up......take me in his arms and carry me through.....

He's just amazing...his goodness, kindness and grace amazes me......If I was standing alone right now....I would be one insane whore.......but his grace has saved me...grabbed me out from the shackles of sin.....

It feels good be be molded by his mighty hands...sometimes the blows seem harsh...but I try hard not to question....coz with him in control....my heart had learned not to doubt..not to question...but to follow blindly in faith....

God bless u !!!

I wish my heart was stone again !!!

I just can't take it n e more......The time I was cold and Evil...nothing hurt me...nothing touched me...nothing could destroy men....how come ppl have access to my heart now...it's annoying...I don't want it to be that way.....today something silly made me cry.....something really silly...I couldn't biliv how much the past 5 months has changed me......The old me would have turned my back on the bitch and walked away and forgotten her for the rest of my life...serves me right for caring for ppl....serves me right for begining to love ppl again.......they don't deserve my love...they just don't......

I know I'm wrong...but I can't afford to get hurt...I just can't........not any more.......

Every time I make up my mind to walk away something draws me back to the past........This time around it's gonna be me who is gonna break away......It's gonna be me.........

Sheesh...y da rocket am I crying?.........

Kissed by an Angel !!!!

Yesterday was an amazing amazing day.....Had a ball of a time with my angel......its amazing how he can put a huge smile on my face, make your heart sway, make you all tongue tied, send shivers down your spine & make your life complete, hmmm................I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay.......I so don't know how I drove home........It was the most amazing kiss I've ever tasted.....ever ever tasted...and ever will taste.........

Its amazing how the pain of loving some one too deeply can feel like pleasure......it is the only pleasure I would ever want in this life......It kills me, confuses me....makes me hate my self...make me hate him......but at the same time makes me wanna spend the rest of my life with him....

I saw him close his eyes.....and clenching his fist.......I didn't know what was happening.....Guess I will be on cloud No. 9 for the rest of this week...hehehehe......Waiting doesn't seem to be hard n e more.......even if it takes eternity to fulfil my dream....my only dream......

God has been good to me amidst the wicked kid I've been the past week...He seems to open out more doors and windows than I expected him to...when there just seemed to be no other way.........I have stopped worrying about today let alone tomorrow......coz I have handed over everything to my father in heaven who will provide me with all I need (may not be what I want all the time...but what I need...and whats good for me)....I trust him to take care of me just like he does take care of the birds and the beasts.....Love him ppl...Trust him.....

Was tempted by Astrology the the past two days....I know I shouldn't have gone further....but I didn't have the strength to say no...The slimy veasel just doesn't seem to let me be.....

God Bless u !!!

Somethings you crave for are better left unreceived....coz the minute u receive it, it makes you feel empty.....or rather wish it was never given to you....hehehehe

Jesus Rocks !!!!

Loaded with work...but If I didn't testify what happened in public...then my day just wouldn't be complete.....Last night my dad had left the office door wide open....it was amazing that everything remained untouched till morning.....Priase the Lord......With him around I need none.....

I was ashamed of myself that I was keeping my distance from my master the past 2 weeks........Life was one massive roler coaster....It started giving me everything I have ever wanted...and what did this ungrateful lil bitcch do...go ahead and forget the mighty one who made everything possibel.....

There is a huge mission in my hands...a massive one.....I know I will not be abke to complete it with my own wisdom. power,and energy.........I depend on My Lord like I depend on the sun to give me light and the moon to give me a peceful night......Please him......and thou sahll be pleased........

I am so darn happy.....darn happy forgiving.......The evil sprirt got me by surprise last week and I almost crossed the border to the other world.....but no...Its all an act of choice......

Had a ball of day on the 7th.....with my lil angel....my best friend in the whole wide world.....sheesh...that sure kept me smiling for a long time...hehehehe.....wooohooooooo

10% from the bottom of my heart for the one who shed his very blood for me !!!

Yesterday was horriblby annoying.......I couldn't sleep, the voices were calling me...they wern't asking me to come back...they were seeking me to bring me down...to destroy my faith.....I couldn't stand it..I had to go sleep with my parents......it was horrible......the voices were eeerieeeeee.......I know why they are trying to get me.....

Everything started flashing infronta me......Faith alone isn't enough, my life wasn't 100% in track with his will......Seduction still rules my life.....I've found the perfect, but still the spirit romes......Tithing wasn't happening...I think I must, but never do......I laze.......Procrastinate.........I don't put God first....I forget him half of the day......how can I expect him to bless me when I treat him like a spare tyre at the back of the vehi, only taken notice of when the wheels go wonky......

Change is hard, difficult....dicipline is torture,....boring....annoying....too goody two shoeish...but I must....

Finally learnt the basics about tithing....sorted out mosta my doubts.......its just 10%.......10% to the man who has given us his all...10% to the man who will guide me for the resta my life.........Its not supposed to be given to church...y? coz thats what the pastors make merry outa.....BULLSHIT...finally realsied that it just ain't my business to judge...it just aint.....it's his...in his time..he will judge the right, the wrong and the looney......it just ain't my business...I don't have to rack my brains to think logiocal.....strive hard to control the universe.....its his business and not mine..........

Satanism was the way of the world....too many masters to serve.....Now it's just one master...and one way...and it is his way.........

Let da Man Upstairs Rock Ur World !!!

I feel like I'm being pressured by all corners.....I some times wanna vanish in to thin air......If my master was the demon it wouldn't be a big deal, but I can't even think of a vanishing act now.....I live for my masters glory, coz I know he is gonna pull me through.......just stating em words here feels amazing. I know he would intervene at the very last moment, when my faith grows thin...when the ground feels like broken glass.....I know he ain't gonna let me down........For that past 5 months...I survived with faith and faith alone...and for the resta my life...I shall do the same.......

I am about to have an encounter with another paganist.....Every time I try to pull away a satanist from darkness....my life falls deeper in to torment...but I ask the dear lord to give me strength to stand strong and do his will.....

He's given me more than I could ever ask for......Love him more than I can say......

Soulmates

Today was such a slow, frustrating and annoying day.....Got caught in the middle of a protest campagn...my legs have gone for a six clinging on to the clutch........it was a scary experience since my aunt and the buyer who was in the car simply walked out on me leaving me alone......yeah, she did come back, but still...she left me.......had a horrible time trying to get outa the traffic and driving back to work.......all drained.................

I slept like a baby for the first time at work coz I was daggered down with a terrible, horrible, dirty headache..........Was brutally woken up by a call from my lil angel........What has he got planned in that scheming lil mind of his this time around....I'm still to find out......

In my mind he was always always a work of art...I honoured him for his individuality and unique behaviour..........but....not any more....at least not since yesterday.............He was the safest person I could hang around with...I loved him to bits........but nooo..I don't feel the same any more...........and it annoys me......I shouldm't have listened to other ppl...but there is a truth in all they say...he can turn outa be dangerous...yes I know he loves me....I know he cares...but he sure has a wiered way of showing it.............Im confused...messed up...All I want him to do is hate me and let me be.....but he doesn't....EVEN TODAY..he did something adorable......may be it's time to confront him and tell him the truth about me having moved on.......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Soulmates...soulmates........soulmates.........u can't with them...neither without em...........

Flustered !!!

I found out the truth about my lil angel today......It hurts...It shattered me...It tore me to peices.....just to know that he ain't nothing I thot he was.....no more chances...no more favours.....no more nothing.....I break all ties......The word good bye (forever) has been a frequent word in my vocabulary these days........but Good bye is better than "Good night....I grant u permission to mess with my mind".......

I made a firm decesion about conning...true I do it for the fun of it...but no longer would I ........ I deceided so many times over...but I get tempted to, when I see a scattered up stupid pee brain...hehehe.....

I'm saddened...deeply saddened by the truth...but at the same time...I am thrilled about fixing the biggest peice of the puzzle which was missing from my past....I don't think that I would have a peaceful night today...neither did I have one yesterday......My Lord serves me only the best of what life has to offer !!! Even tho it hurts...I must let him sweep away the garbage disrupting my walk of life......

Casanova........HeHe

For sum reason, I happen to be highly facinated by casanova....nah..I don't at all approve his flamboyant behaviour, but he facinates me coz he is a talented con artist....hehehe

The folowing are some of Giacomo Casanova's Quotations that caught me eyes...check em out...

1) I have always loved truth so passionately that I have often resorted to lying as a way of introducing it into the minds which were ignorant of its charms.

(2) Best plan in this world is to be astonished at nothing.

(3) Essence of freedom consists in thinking you have it.

(4) Made a point of forgetting everything unpleasant.

(5) One never knows enough.

(6) Timidity is often another word for stupidity.

(7) Those who do not love life do not deserve it.

(8) I know that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more when I shall have ceased to feel.

Sumthing struck me when reading the last quote.........I remember selling all my feelings to the demon in my own room..I sold my feeling..I sold my soul.....the process of receiving them back hurts.....

I wish I didn't feel...life was less complicated when I didn't feel.....I never felt love...only pleasure...never felt lonely, but loved the solitude....It ain't like that any more..things are changing.......and feelings hurt.......

Au Reviour for now...

-Lil Player Girl singing off- (",)

God Bless Ya.....& Faith shall set ya free.........

Bad Day...........

Did a terrible mistake in busines today...horrible, terrible mistake......Blood is still on the boil.....hehehe...what to do what to do...Learning my lessons the hard way......

I suddenly feel drifted from God.......Need to make a visit to his mansion soon, before I feel guilty about the cold shoulder treatment I am giving him....hehehe

God is good........all the time.......I know he won't give up on me even if I did.....He never did then..and he never will now....

I was looking for selfless love.....something eternal....other then of God....and I finally found it..I know I did........but..the question is whether I want it or not.....I thot it would make me contended and whole....but it didn't.........It doesn't........I have begun to detest love....specially the spiritual love....the emotional manupulation....Find it annoying.....Changes are taking place in my overworked brain...changes which I don't comprehend.......Will not attampt to comprehend either....

God Bless Ya.....

Two sides to every Story

It hurts to know that every one who crosses my path has his or her own ulterior motives. The one supplier I trusted to help me out in all my dealings proved this yesterday.....It all comes down to them wanting to be involved in everything you do....No am I gonna let n e one even get close to advicing me......I've had with it.....Life is turning out bright...why? coz God is there with me every second of the day...I don't have to deal with the tension and pressure no more....The minute I begin to feel it..I simply pray to lift it off me. He helps me keep my head dtrsaight even when the troubles are rapping heavy on me window pain....

I wanna love him more...more and more...but sometimes...I can't show him how much...I sure hopehe undersatnds....

Ouch...got a rusty allergy aroung me eye...red and itchy..finally managed to channel a doc thru me phone....(feeeling all hi tech)...hehehehe....K...I'm horribly freaked out.......I don't wanna look like a red tomatoes...Im happy being the lil peice of charcole......hehehehe

Got a lot on my mind...car gone wonkey...need it fixed...gotta pay me mobile bill...for once dialog has not barred it....gone more than 1000/= excess......hmm..............too much to handle......Help me !!!!!

You Again !!!

Awwww the weekend was darn hectic...didn't have time for myself at all.....wanted to clean up cyclone devastated room...but procrastination sneaked peeked in to me brain that it still remains the same...hmmm........Ouch.....had to drive my folks to a freaking funeral at 10 pm last night....was half asleep, but didn't wanna refuse...thank God to the radio stations that kept me awake...

Me lil angel said that he missed me yesterday....was on cloud number 9 !!!! (But..why would I be???) hmm.....Imagine is he said n e thing more....hehehe.....not that he would ever get another chance...but to be loved by him means more than the world to me.....(strange mixed up kid)...hehehe

You

Hmmm...just made myself a Yummy Creamy Huge Mug of Milkshake out of Kulfi Iecream.......the best milkshake I've ever had...the feel of nuts crunching with every guzzle...it's amazing...ouch...now I suffer the consequenses...I'm too full to do anything (",)

Was in a very curious mood last evening and went about my usual glaring ritual.....unfortunately got caught...It was embarassing...Ouch !!!

Last night was annoying....My mind was filled with thouts of you.....I thought about the times I lingered around your house, just to be with you and watch you. You were my heaven then, you were everything I lived for........Remember the time I was so down and you told me that you know what would make me feel better and that I knew it too...but I wouldn't ask it from you....If you knew why didn't you make me feel better.....would it hurt you to make me feel loved ??? :(

Never felt a love sweeter than yours that I am trapped and unable to move away from your world.....You don't want me as just a firend...you don't want me as more than a friend.....I so can't comprehend what you expect of me.....I wanna stay away..but you just wouldn't let me go...why??? why does thou keep haunting my world....

I remember the times, I wished and wished that you would just hold my hand...I wished to feel your warmth....but now i see you as a cold cold being...there's nothing warm in you......I cherish the moments you used to stroke my hair and look deep in to my soul with those twinkling eyes.....I miss those days...I miss being there for you.......hehehe.......

I know you still got your hopes high about me waiting around till you are through......but sorry my lil angel..I'm actually on my way out...It's time I let go of you completely, destroy the picture I have of you in my soul.....oull em out from the roots.......I hop you find your way in here someday...and read all the dedications I have for you.....coz I in my right mind would never let you find out...coz I know it is gonna hurt ya...hurta ya deep.......

I hid a lot from you the past few months.....and I'm sorry I did....

I gtget going......gotta lot in hand to do..including going to a totally godforsaken place to pick up some stuff for mumsy.....

Before I go....Let me remind you that..."God is good....ALL THE TIME" !!!

Standing on the edge......

Something took me by surprise today.....Keeping a smile on my face 24/7 is getting darn difficult.....Judging me by my old sadistic behaviour, someone very close to me said made a statement about me not being able to face facts...that if my yoke gets heavier than this, I might consider commiting suicide........Wow...how little they know of me......

If My Dear Lord hadn't taken hold of my pathetic soul..yes I would have commited suicide 4 months back.....nut he did...and I ain't a coward no more..not to face the light..the truth and the world...Im a surviver, a fighter....a biliver in my masters mightyness......Thats all is left for me now...he is all I got......There comes a time, where even your own blood walks away from you......an unexplainable lonliness comes over me.....It's only my faith that keeps me going.......My yoke gets so darn heavy at times...than I just wanna leave everything and run away...but I dare not......If I did, then whn will I ever get another chance to let my master bless me....how can I glorify his holy name.........I know he will pull me though....I know he will........

Last night I felt his presence...I was brutally woken up by a thud on my bed.....it was Mr. Evil Guy up to his pranks again......I rebuked him in my masters name......till he cudn't take it no more and left......

Put A smile on your face, and make the world a better place....

When noting else in the world can put a smaile on your face, or make you sit till and breath easy....the only thing that keeps me going is.....My Matser...it's amazing how he works subtley.........I fail him everyday....but the best part is I feel the undying, unlimited love he has to offer.....

Hoodoo
--------

The wierdest guy I've known....geez I wish I knew whats running in his head.......How can he expect n e one to fall in love with him? hehehe.........what is he? Chappathi gone wrong ?

Desperado
-----------

Desp - I'll be the best boyfriend ever
Tough Cookie - No Desp - Please say yes
TC - NO Desp -
Thats was a yes and your my gf now...right
TC - No gomme time.....(geez freaking 2 a.m in the night...a NO would mean that the ass would be calling all night)

Desp - say yes now...and say no tomorrow...(geez what a jack ass)
TC - silent... (I need sum sleep).....Listen I'm going out with some one...
Desp - Break up with him...I know u like me more...
TC - Ok...nights...I gtget sum sleep here....
Desp - Can I ask u something....r u a virgin
TC - Geez Yeah....wuld that be a problem for you....c....no way...so its a NO....so get lost..nights.. Desp - Yeah...I can handle that...but no...u ain't a a virgin ya? that can't be true.....
TC- Well...Sry....that is the truth......and I intend being so till marraige.....and nothing in the world can change that policy....
Desp - Ok...so u r my gf...and nights....ok...that is a yes ...ya....and u will come clubbing with me ya?
TC - Cuts the line....

Ouch....why is sex such a huge part in a relationship...and what in the world is so hot about clubbing.......fast life...nothing else to do....jobless...ya....living on the edge and bustin out every cet on fantacy is cool.......but nah...those r for the immature who doesn't know the truth...theres more to truth than a wild life......

I'm sicka the world spinning da way it's spinning.....but let it spin.......I needa make me master happy..and not n e one else ya? So thats the way I'll choose to go.....May be I'll be loney...may be I'll not have n e one when time to come...may be,,I will be outcasted just coz I love me master more than the world...but who fucking cares...coz that's the hand dat feedeth me...dats the soul that'll never leave me.....

My My Living Master Bless Ya !!!!

Prince of Darkness........

You suddenly sit and wonder why you are alone......and why you let him slip past you? :( U know he holds vengence in his heart...you know that he detests you coz you let him go......but what else could you have done............it hurts o wathch the one you love get hurt by you......U think they r better off without you......u hope and pray they's realise it some day..........

U want to still be their friend.....their very best freind....you want to share their ups and downs...you love them...you love them too much, that you don't want them n e where close to your pathetic life..........

They accuse you for seeing another....you let them biliv what they want......if only they knew why? hmmm............. blame me for not speaking up? blame me for not speaking the truth..I'm sorry....if I did .......... U & I would never be what we are.........no I ain't another biach..........Just a woman who hungers for..........

Speaking of hunger......yes there was a time I was hungry for your soul and thirsty for your blood.......I wanted your blood running in my veins instead of your own.....I wanted to live in your soul and watch every thought, word & deed.......coz it felt like we were not 2 but one.............but no not n e more....I had to go....had to leave you....I had to leave you before I possessed you....before I could show you what my world is really made of...Or may be..just may be..I realised that you didn't want to make an attempt to open them iron gates and walk in to my world.......

It too late now.....things have gone from sour to stale.........I harbour no anger......but I cry for you to know the truth....I want you to know that you were everything in my life.....and I miss every minute we spent together.....It's amazing how you made me feel.....It's amazing how I suddenly wanted to love some one with all my heart, wanting nothing back..........but yes.....you did start playing with my paranoid mind.......just when I started to love you and trust you with all my heart........

You opened the doors of my secret garden, where I was once locked up in chains..........you showd me reality, light & the truth...........I don't know whether to blame you or thank you....coz reality is harsh..and I can't handle this brightness..I just can't.....the truth keeps striking me in my eyes and making me blind to drakness...the lil dark corners I used to hide are all lit up.....where do I hide now....who shall protect me....not that you would have offered my soul n e security......but your flesh and blood did put my world at peace.......Thank you for loving me...loving me and hating me......they say theres just a thin line between love and hate......I understand how u feel.......U feel betrayed....lied to......I'm sorry.......but my reasons were pure.........

My only hope is for you to know and love the lord before you close your eyes.....your life ain't long baby.....so is mine......repent and love him..love him more than you loved me....(I felt your love...the first time I truely felt love....)....but gods love is sweeter.....sweet as honey....sweeter than yours.......his blessing can be compared to your honey suckle kisses......but em blessing come in showers.......and its pure and saliva free (",)

Oh myy gosh..Imagine if I begin to enter the names of the I deidicate my journal pages to...ahaha utter chaos.......hehehe.....The thot did cross my mind...but nah.....I'm kidding......suspense...sweet suspense...let me torture you with suspense

Bored.....................

Ain't really complaining.....but awwwwwwwwwwww.........I'm bored.............It's been a while since I felt this way..heheheheh.........been a while since I wrote anything in here....hmmm......life's been good...darn good....nah...who am I kidding......:)

God's been good.......yeah...life gets a lil wonky not being naughty.....but then again......no gains outa being evil either.....hmmm....Just don wanna drift away again thats for sure.......

Theres nothing much to write ovr here these days..Life is lil peaceful..........No vengence...No anger...no nothing.....no critisizms either.....awww yeah.......hmm...nah...rather not state it here.....the dude is in my friend's list...heehhehehe

Dissapointments in galore...but I am learning to handle em..who said one is a winner every day......

Have a Rick Rocking Week.................Arrrhhhhhhggggggg....Boooooooooored !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (",)

The Spin Cycle.....

Hmmmm.....Glad to be alive...work has been getting me drained...but geeez...I enjoy every bit of it......Religion has taken the back seat again...I struggle to cling on to my master....the world seems to have got in the middle.....but no...none can drag me away form him...I feel so drained somedays that I can fall asleep in office, right there at my seat......and driving ha sbeen a dangerous voyage sometimes....but he has pulled me thorugh it all...Praise him !!!

Seeing and hearing things have made my world crumble apart...Families of loved ones falling apart....I sit and ponder as to why they can't understand the simple mechanism of family life......I want to put things together..make things right...but I can't.....

Temptation is leaving me alone....It's has become easier to say no to the hottest of em than to stay away from chocolates....Dating, playing around....nah...not worth it....I hope everybody realizes it sooner than later.....I've been blessed with the courage and strangth to wait for the King of My Castle......It's a crazy world out there...one lil trip and it will swallow you deep in to the pits of hell......I ain't ashamed..I'm just going through a phase..realising the right from wrong...making mistakes...sometimes mistakes that should never be made......ain't my fault...

Hmmmm.....As promised to write about sexual crime....just wanna point out about a couple of stuff which are so wrong...I can't biliv I actually approved them when I was in darkeness.....chee cheee..naughty Girl !!!

The biggest Crime - MASTURBATION / SELF PLEASURING

Arn't we on cloud number 9..hehehe....True..relaxes you...takes you away from all the frustration of not being able to either have a lover...or having a lover & not being able to have the so called act of "SEX".......It's a common thing..every body does it....It's done in private...why would it hurt anyone??? I had the same freaking questions....but none could give me a proper answer...until my Mentor explained...y and how to stay away....(It states no where that I experienced it...so don't assume...thank u)!!!

Ok...botton line...biliv in GOD...keep thy bodies pure 4 it is his temple....lust invites dark forces......I have failed...I have slipped...but one needs to pick one's self up again before rolling down the hill to the bottomless pit.....It ain't easy.....Young..tempted..restless souls we are...It's easy to go astray...its easy coz the world that is taboo is beautiful...Bring all your frustrations to the Lord....wait till he shows you your life partner....Falling in love with someone doesn't confirm anything.....One can't decide by himself who his or her soul mate would be...It's the mighty one's choice....He who bilivs in the mighty one shall never go wrong....Thats for sure.....

Crime No. 2 - Gay / Lesbian

Hot ??? I think NOT !!! It ain't a deformity....it's a decesion made by choice......I did sympathise em one time...but no..I say they need to change.....It doesn't seem right in God's Kindom.....Don't wan't to provoke n e one..so shall just stop at that....

Crime No 3 - BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission - Sadism and Masochism)

Quote from link - ----------------

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

"BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, and a lot of stuff besides.

Tying up your lover is BDSM; so is flogging that person, or bossing that person around, or any of a thousand other things. BDSM is highly erotic, usually (though not always) involves sex or sexual tension; and is highly psychologically charged. One person (the "submissive") agrees to submit to another person (the "dominant").

Some people like to be submissive all the time, some people like to be dominant all the time; some people like to switch, being submissive one day and dominant the next.

Many people practice some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even necessarily being aware of it. They may think of "S&M" as "That sick stuff that people do with whips and cattle prods and stuff," yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream...

All of these things are "BDSM." BDSM is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism; it can be remarkably subtle and sensual and soft. Pinning your partner to the bed and running silk or ice cubes or rabbit fur over your lover's body qualifies as "BDSM" (specifically, of a variety called "sensation play").

Unquote ---------------

Ok...the above is a basic definition.........but why.....??? Is it so cool to not get turned on naturally.......Go figure...do a lil research for your self to find out whats right and wrong.......

The heat is driving me nuttzzz......I feel numb......and the man of my dreams not knowing that I've got the hots for him is dribing me nuttier....damn..he probably thinks I hate him to death.....Just like Judy Girl...hehehehe

Adios..and have a nice weekend.....

Intensity !!!

What Would Happen -(Meridith Brooks)

Electricity, eye to eye
Hey don't I know you I can't speak
Stripped my senses
On the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
You speak and I don't hear a word

Chorus: What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away, would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust
Spontaneously combust

The room is spinning out of control
Act like you didn't notice
Brushed my hand

Forbidden fruit
Ring on my finger
You're such a moral, moral man
You throw it away, no question
Will I pretend I'm innocent

I struggle with myself again
Quickly the walls are crumbling
Don't know if I can turn away


Head is spinning.....the song says it all.....love is a crazy crazy game.....this song is one of em songs that explians about the very moment of getting sucked in to the flames....the very moment a woman falls....hmm......n e way...

I say again and again...Don't read my journal if it offends you, I really, honestly & truely don't intend offending n e one....I just write, may it be harsh, mild or absolute bunkum....I write what I can't say...what I can't express....I hate the thot of arguing face to face...or stating my point face to face...no I ain't a coward....Just that I do not want to listen to what u have got to say...no opinions (THANK U, but NO THANK U) !!!

It's been a great day...coz I started the day with My Master....and when ever things went wrong it was handed over immediately....My strengths do not come from within me n e more...it comes from the heavenly father....Don't think I ain't strong..I am very strong...but not with my own powers....but with powers greater than mine....

I keep telling my self that I have to write about a coupla things...yeah heavy stufff....very heavy stuff....Logic and religion...fake faith.....sexual fantacy....sexual crimes....(ermmm arn't we drooling....but I intend speaking of noting dirty)......

Hmmmm.....as much as I wanna write...I gotta boogy before I get throttled by my folks for living at work....

God Bless Ya !!!

Amazing Grace...Saved a Wretch Like Me!!!

It's amazing the way my master is leading me.....Leading me to greener pastures.....sweeter honey......I can feel him hold my hand....it's secure than any hand I ever held.....It's tight grip tells me not to worry...to stay calm..and stay strong....Lord...my only God will deliver me from all evil....

I fall...I trip...but he reaches out and helps me back on my feet.....I can't help but fall in love with him over and over again......My mind is at rest...My mind is at peace.....

I don't remember having a deeper love for anyone or anything....atleast not as deep as this. I can't explain how he grabbed my heart and soul...and how much deeper he is gonna stir it....But I yearn for him like I've yearned for no other.....I yearn for him to speak....I wish He could sit me down and talk to me...but thats the beaty of it all...my private converation with the love of my life. No one hears...no one knows....they think I'm crazy muttering away on my own....but only I know the joy he giveth......Only I feel the satisfaction he provides my soul.....My Lord, My Master...My All !!!

He Leads Me through doors studded with jewels...he leads me through streets of gold....what more can I ask for....I ain't talking material....Im talking about every step he guides me to take.....He gives me things No demonic force could ever offer me...(Crsuh that deceiving rat)!!!

Turn to God...He will never let you down....He will still keep lovinmg you and loving you more when the world throws you away.....He is possessive...he is jealous.....but I wouldn't want it n e other way......I want him to want me more and more every single second of the day.....I fear him..but I love him more than I fear him.....Hail My Master !!!

God Bless you !!!

Does Love Make Or Break ???

I'm Still Nutzzz about him....trying my best to get a hold of those emotions running wild..hehehe...but no regrets what so ever....

The past week was nothing but hectic...anxiety took the better of me I guess.....I'm glad I had him to hold my hand & carry me through.....

There were so many instances I was tested....tested left,right & centre.....but Yippy..I've conquered em all......

I learnt one thing last week.....do what's right even if the world laughs at you and corners you.....no backsliding.....and I'm thankful that I'm blessed with a mentor not only in heaven but on earth as well....some one to stop me at the beging of the hell hole...a guy who speaks the truth even tho it hurts.......This I never asked my father...but he has provided me.....

I know I will be faltering this week....theres enuf chances to..infact I want to.....My evil lil prince speaks to me..tempts me......and I'm freaked out about taking the next step......I wanna go back, when life was much easier to live..much easier to handle.......I wanna go back to the illusions.....Live in dreams... wanna go back to the times when Guilty wasn't a word in my vocabulary.......

I feel torn apart......torn by everything.....torn by love unreachable.......life which is testing....but Still I stand in his light.......thats what's amazing.....

God Bless You !!!

Nothing compares to his love !!!

Came to work for a short while......did some shopping on the way for mum......Wish I was on camp..was waiting to go for it...but unfortunately...quite outa da blue I am feeling way under the weather......may be due to over exhaustion...or I donno........May be the evil one is trying to break me away from my Lord...which he will never succeed doing...coz I am very well clung to me master...the master of light........

There are no words to explain how much I love my new master...and I'd do nothing to hurt him or bring ill repute to him......he has now given me the strength and the courage to say no to my weaknesses...

The world is wild...rocking...and pleasurable...but short lived.....My Masters love matters to me much much more than what the world can ever offer me.....It's easy to falter...but challenging to stay sane and do right....With his grace I will....not by order, but by will.....

God Bless you !!!

I'm still vicious...just be careful.....

Life sucks even more than it used to........true love is no where.....forget bout true love....there's not one genuine person on this fucking planet. They either want your money...or a peek in your pants....geeez.....

Is it something wrong with me..or sometjing wroth with the world.I so don't know.....The truth is I ain't in love with anyone...nor do I fancy anyone...

My mission to find the perfect 10 is over.....I finally figured that their exists no perfect Mr. Right...or anyone close to that.....its just a big fat illusion....The ones who are perfect are either outa reach....or so outa type....ouchy baby !!!!!!

Thou shall leave me alone...coz I can read your mind.....If you are wise.....very wise.......you'll drop your pants.....and run without ever turning back.....No I don't need your fucking love..neither do I need your fucking affection.....Your possessions I need none....I've judged you enuf...thou art a loser...a fucking loser......I simply ask thee to leave me alone.....get over me...I ain't for you......I never loved you ...and never will......thy flattery goes so unheard coz my ears are deaf to all your words.......

You can't turn back n e thing.....I've already judged....u made me do it....I'm sorry...u will never have me...coz u can't turn back time.......I don't waste my love on ingrates.....

This is fucking why I turned outa be a satanist...coz of freaking Christians like you....God does not provide dough for free...it involves hard work....sweat, blood and tears.....and all you fuckers think that things will be served on silver platters as and when...my asss..

The world ticks me off..yeah it does.....why da fuck does every individual have to be so freaking selfish....

Two fucking years and Mission yet not accomplished.......Hmmmmm......Fuck U !!!!

My Lord melts rock whilst the evil one can only melt butter !!! (teeehheeehheee)

This posting was actually meant to be done yesterday...but unfortunately...the wicked old one didn't want me to share the good news.....that it didn't get posted.....Who does he think he is.....he has no control of my flesh, blood or my very soul...he is out of my life...I am purified by the blood of my Lord almighty.....my tattered...dirty rugged vengeful garments are washed clean......the wicked lil rat can attack me from left, right and centre...but he shall not let see me fall...for now I stand tall in the name of my mighty farther.....the only one who did not judge me...the only one who forgave me with all his heart.....and took me back from the puddle of mud I was swimming in circles....like a blind bat with broken wings....

I was weakand weighed down.....he invited me to weep in his arms...and leave all my sorrow,hurt, anger and my heavy burden at his feet so that he can squash it all away with one trod.....He did not ask me anything in return...he did't demand my time...my money.....nothing at all....he only asked me to open my heart so that he can walk in....NO.....not to control me.....not to use me...but to give me happiness, joy and peace....to put a smile on my face...forever.....to melt the tears which never touched my cheecks...and to melt the heart that never felt.....He doesn't force me to stay.....but I know that he yearns for my loyalty & my faithfulness......

I fled from the luxury of his magnificient palace once...you think I'm a fool to flee again....U lil demonic rat...thou shall not be allowed to even touch a single strand of my hair.....let alone take over my soul......I am a child of god...and I always will be.....I will bite the hand that disillusioned me...I promise you that......you shall not walk the same path I walk or where ever I have layed my eyes or walked my feet.......You shall not have a single to chance to mess with any one of the souls I know.....I will torment you and make you beg for mercy......

Leave all your burdens at My Masters feet.....and lay thy head on his shoulders....He will lead you where you have to go.....for he & he alone holds the present & the future........

God Bless you !!!

Its Good to be Rocking With da Lord dan Alone !!!

Life is as usual..a hectic rolercoaster......but Its amazing how peaceful it is to be walking with the Lord...The most amazing things are happening in my life....The tears which I never knew existed are flowing freely from my eyes again..(This may sound dramatic..but this is the truth)....Satanism is no Joke....it makes you cold and hard hearted...feelingless and evil....its takes away your soul.....

I harbour no anger...everyting is washed away....I know that for sure...No...I ain't dangerous anymore....I promise....

Give the man upstairs a chance...make it not a half hearted chance....and he will see you through.....I promise you that.....I who thot that one needs to have control of everything wround him including himself...tells you that there is a greater power than yourself.....It's tried and tested...Satanism is a piped dream itself.....not worth it...Astrology is a freaking lie too.....A big fat lie...

Its a lil hard not to ask a person's date of birth before getting to know him/her....but figured it ain't worth it....just not worth it..coz at the end of the day..no astro or occult has power over the might one I got to know......

HATE ME FOR CHANGING MY RELIGION.....and all I can do is love you till you come and taste the truth of life. Take a sip ...and I promise you..u'll want more....

God Bless you !!!

Not exactly revived from the dead !!!

Ups & Downs & All arounds....it sucks when life weighs you down....and no I still can't get myself to depend on the man upstairs......I wish I do reember him when I'm in trouble..but the prob is I don't.....hmmm

Well about writing a whole loada crap on my journal....does it really matter to others.....If one wants to read it, they are free to do so..but if one looks down upon what I write...it sure ain't my business..and it wouldn't stop me from writing...I write for a purpose...and definetely not novels, fairy tales with happy endings or fiction, but about the raw adventures of my life.....Bullimia, Anorexia, SAD, Stanism, Occult on the whole....ups and downs.....

Please if anyone has ever gone through the above..I'd love to have a chat with you....I write so that ppl will relaise how follish it is to turn away from life's natural path......I turned away..hit the ground and wasted more than 6 years of my precious youth.....But I don't regret a freaking second.....But I could have done better without...hehehe...

Plz...try not to read what I write and bad mouth it....Read it if it inspires you...read it if you are curious....send me a msg if you want help or wanna know n e thing more.......and PLEAZE...don't dare read it if it offends you..don't even bother....

Yeah..I write about ppl in my life..ppl who come and go..ppl whom I treasure...ppl I detest....and about ppl I love.....But no names are disclosed...But if I do feel like it..I just might...so try not to harp too much about about what I write....

I still own a few souls...like it or not...the time hasn't still come to release em...I don't know when...so hang in there and hope for the best.......

The first guy I ever loved with all my heart is moving on....moving on to settling down...but little does he know that I still own his soul...I wanna let go and throw it away and watch it smash to the ground...but no I can't...atleast not yet....so..he can move on...but a part of him will always be with me....until I release it in my time....A proper appology is all it takes......hehehehe.....I pity the woman who is after him....I really do......

Biliving that I just might be dangerous is may be a lil difficult to biliv...but I am......so watch out...don't mess with me...u can tare me down....pin me to the ground...but I'll rise and shine right in front of your eyes..blinding you for eternity.....