10% from the bottom of my heart for the one who shed his very blood for me !!!

Yesterday was horriblby annoying.......I couldn't sleep, the voices were calling me...they wern't asking me to come back...they were seeking me to bring me down...to destroy my faith.....I couldn't stand it..I had to go sleep with my parents......it was horrible......the voices were eeerieeeeee.......I know why they are trying to get me.....

Everything started flashing infronta me......Faith alone isn't enough, my life wasn't 100% in track with his will......Seduction still rules my life.....I've found the perfect, but still the spirit romes......Tithing wasn't happening...I think I must, but never do......I laze.......Procrastinate.........I don't put God first....I forget him half of the day......how can I expect him to bless me when I treat him like a spare tyre at the back of the vehi, only taken notice of when the wheels go wonky......

Change is hard, difficult....dicipline is torture,....boring....annoying....too goody two shoeish...but I must....

Finally learnt the basics about tithing....sorted out mosta my doubts.......its just 10%.......10% to the man who has given us his all...10% to the man who will guide me for the resta my life.........Its not supposed to be given to church...y? coz thats what the pastors make merry outa.....BULLSHIT...finally realsied that it just ain't my business to judge...it just aint.....it's his...in his time..he will judge the right, the wrong and the looney......it just ain't my business...I don't have to rack my brains to think logiocal.....strive hard to control the universe.....its his business and not mine..........

Satanism was the way of the world....too many masters to serve.....Now it's just one master...and one way...and it is his way.........

Let da Man Upstairs Rock Ur World !!!

I feel like I'm being pressured by all corners.....I some times wanna vanish in to thin air......If my master was the demon it wouldn't be a big deal, but I can't even think of a vanishing act now.....I live for my masters glory, coz I know he is gonna pull me through.......just stating em words here feels amazing. I know he would intervene at the very last moment, when my faith grows thin...when the ground feels like broken glass.....I know he ain't gonna let me down........For that past 5 months...I survived with faith and faith alone...and for the resta my life...I shall do the same.......

I am about to have an encounter with another paganist.....Every time I try to pull away a satanist from darkness....my life falls deeper in to torment...but I ask the dear lord to give me strength to stand strong and do his will.....

He's given me more than I could ever ask for......Love him more than I can say......

Soulmates

Today was such a slow, frustrating and annoying day.....Got caught in the middle of a protest campagn...my legs have gone for a six clinging on to the clutch........it was a scary experience since my aunt and the buyer who was in the car simply walked out on me leaving me alone......yeah, she did come back, but still...she left me.......had a horrible time trying to get outa the traffic and driving back to work.......all drained.................

I slept like a baby for the first time at work coz I was daggered down with a terrible, horrible, dirty headache..........Was brutally woken up by a call from my lil angel........What has he got planned in that scheming lil mind of his this time around....I'm still to find out......

In my mind he was always always a work of art...I honoured him for his individuality and unique behaviour..........but....not any more....at least not since yesterday.............He was the safest person I could hang around with...I loved him to bits........but nooo..I don't feel the same any more...........and it annoys me......I shouldm't have listened to other ppl...but there is a truth in all they say...he can turn outa be dangerous...yes I know he loves me....I know he cares...but he sure has a wiered way of showing it.............Im confused...messed up...All I want him to do is hate me and let me be.....but he doesn't....EVEN TODAY..he did something adorable......may be it's time to confront him and tell him the truth about me having moved on.......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Soulmates...soulmates........soulmates.........u can't with them...neither without em...........

Flustered !!!

I found out the truth about my lil angel today......It hurts...It shattered me...It tore me to peices.....just to know that he ain't nothing I thot he was.....no more chances...no more favours.....no more nothing.....I break all ties......The word good bye (forever) has been a frequent word in my vocabulary these days........but Good bye is better than "Good night....I grant u permission to mess with my mind".......

I made a firm decesion about conning...true I do it for the fun of it...but no longer would I ........ I deceided so many times over...but I get tempted to, when I see a scattered up stupid pee brain...hehehe.....

I'm saddened...deeply saddened by the truth...but at the same time...I am thrilled about fixing the biggest peice of the puzzle which was missing from my past....I don't think that I would have a peaceful night today...neither did I have one yesterday......My Lord serves me only the best of what life has to offer !!! Even tho it hurts...I must let him sweep away the garbage disrupting my walk of life......

Casanova........HeHe

For sum reason, I happen to be highly facinated by casanova....nah..I don't at all approve his flamboyant behaviour, but he facinates me coz he is a talented con artist....hehehe

The folowing are some of Giacomo Casanova's Quotations that caught me eyes...check em out...

1) I have always loved truth so passionately that I have often resorted to lying as a way of introducing it into the minds which were ignorant of its charms.

(2) Best plan in this world is to be astonished at nothing.

(3) Essence of freedom consists in thinking you have it.

(4) Made a point of forgetting everything unpleasant.

(5) One never knows enough.

(6) Timidity is often another word for stupidity.

(7) Those who do not love life do not deserve it.

(8) I know that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more when I shall have ceased to feel.

Sumthing struck me when reading the last quote.........I remember selling all my feelings to the demon in my own room..I sold my feeling..I sold my soul.....the process of receiving them back hurts.....

I wish I didn't feel...life was less complicated when I didn't feel.....I never felt love...only pleasure...never felt lonely, but loved the solitude....It ain't like that any more..things are changing.......and feelings hurt.......

Au Reviour for now...

-Lil Player Girl singing off- (",)

God Bless Ya.....& Faith shall set ya free.........

Bad Day...........

Did a terrible mistake in busines today...horrible, terrible mistake......Blood is still on the boil.....hehehe...what to do what to do...Learning my lessons the hard way......

I suddenly feel drifted from God.......Need to make a visit to his mansion soon, before I feel guilty about the cold shoulder treatment I am giving him....hehehe

God is good........all the time.......I know he won't give up on me even if I did.....He never did then..and he never will now....

I was looking for selfless love.....something eternal....other then of God....and I finally found it..I know I did........but..the question is whether I want it or not.....I thot it would make me contended and whole....but it didn't.........It doesn't........I have begun to detest love....specially the spiritual love....the emotional manupulation....Find it annoying.....Changes are taking place in my overworked brain...changes which I don't comprehend.......Will not attampt to comprehend either....

God Bless Ya.....

Two sides to every Story

It hurts to know that every one who crosses my path has his or her own ulterior motives. The one supplier I trusted to help me out in all my dealings proved this yesterday.....It all comes down to them wanting to be involved in everything you do....No am I gonna let n e one even get close to advicing me......I've had with it.....Life is turning out bright...why? coz God is there with me every second of the day...I don't have to deal with the tension and pressure no more....The minute I begin to feel it..I simply pray to lift it off me. He helps me keep my head dtrsaight even when the troubles are rapping heavy on me window pain....

I wanna love him more...more and more...but sometimes...I can't show him how much...I sure hopehe undersatnds....

Ouch...got a rusty allergy aroung me eye...red and itchy..finally managed to channel a doc thru me phone....(feeeling all hi tech)...hehehehe....K...I'm horribly freaked out.......I don't wanna look like a red tomatoes...Im happy being the lil peice of charcole......hehehehe

Got a lot on my mind...car gone wonkey...need it fixed...gotta pay me mobile bill...for once dialog has not barred it....gone more than 1000/= excess......hmm..............too much to handle......Help me !!!!!

You Again !!!

Awwww the weekend was darn hectic...didn't have time for myself at all.....wanted to clean up cyclone devastated room...but procrastination sneaked peeked in to me brain that it still remains the same...hmmm........Ouch.....had to drive my folks to a freaking funeral at 10 pm last night....was half asleep, but didn't wanna refuse...thank God to the radio stations that kept me awake...

Me lil angel said that he missed me yesterday....was on cloud number 9 !!!! (But..why would I be???) hmm.....Imagine is he said n e thing more....hehehe.....not that he would ever get another chance...but to be loved by him means more than the world to me.....(strange mixed up kid)...hehehe

You

Hmmm...just made myself a Yummy Creamy Huge Mug of Milkshake out of Kulfi Iecream.......the best milkshake I've ever had...the feel of nuts crunching with every guzzle...it's amazing...ouch...now I suffer the consequenses...I'm too full to do anything (",)

Was in a very curious mood last evening and went about my usual glaring ritual.....unfortunately got caught...It was embarassing...Ouch !!!

Last night was annoying....My mind was filled with thouts of you.....I thought about the times I lingered around your house, just to be with you and watch you. You were my heaven then, you were everything I lived for........Remember the time I was so down and you told me that you know what would make me feel better and that I knew it too...but I wouldn't ask it from you....If you knew why didn't you make me feel better.....would it hurt you to make me feel loved ??? :(

Never felt a love sweeter than yours that I am trapped and unable to move away from your world.....You don't want me as just a firend...you don't want me as more than a friend.....I so can't comprehend what you expect of me.....I wanna stay away..but you just wouldn't let me go...why??? why does thou keep haunting my world....

I remember the times, I wished and wished that you would just hold my hand...I wished to feel your warmth....but now i see you as a cold cold being...there's nothing warm in you......I cherish the moments you used to stroke my hair and look deep in to my soul with those twinkling eyes.....I miss those days...I miss being there for you.......hehehe.......

I know you still got your hopes high about me waiting around till you are through......but sorry my lil angel..I'm actually on my way out...It's time I let go of you completely, destroy the picture I have of you in my soul.....oull em out from the roots.......I hop you find your way in here someday...and read all the dedications I have for you.....coz I in my right mind would never let you find out...coz I know it is gonna hurt ya...hurta ya deep.......

I hid a lot from you the past few months.....and I'm sorry I did....

I gtget going......gotta lot in hand to do..including going to a totally godforsaken place to pick up some stuff for mumsy.....

Before I go....Let me remind you that..."God is good....ALL THE TIME" !!!

Standing on the edge......

Something took me by surprise today.....Keeping a smile on my face 24/7 is getting darn difficult.....Judging me by my old sadistic behaviour, someone very close to me said made a statement about me not being able to face facts...that if my yoke gets heavier than this, I might consider commiting suicide........Wow...how little they know of me......

If My Dear Lord hadn't taken hold of my pathetic soul..yes I would have commited suicide 4 months back.....nut he did...and I ain't a coward no more..not to face the light..the truth and the world...Im a surviver, a fighter....a biliver in my masters mightyness......Thats all is left for me now...he is all I got......There comes a time, where even your own blood walks away from you......an unexplainable lonliness comes over me.....It's only my faith that keeps me going.......My yoke gets so darn heavy at times...than I just wanna leave everything and run away...but I dare not......If I did, then whn will I ever get another chance to let my master bless me....how can I glorify his holy name.........I know he will pull me though....I know he will........

Last night I felt his presence...I was brutally woken up by a thud on my bed.....it was Mr. Evil Guy up to his pranks again......I rebuked him in my masters name......till he cudn't take it no more and left......

Put A smile on your face, and make the world a better place....

When noting else in the world can put a smaile on your face, or make you sit till and breath easy....the only thing that keeps me going is.....My Matser...it's amazing how he works subtley.........I fail him everyday....but the best part is I feel the undying, unlimited love he has to offer.....

Hoodoo
--------

The wierdest guy I've known....geez I wish I knew whats running in his head.......How can he expect n e one to fall in love with him? hehehe.........what is he? Chappathi gone wrong ?

Desperado
-----------

Desp - I'll be the best boyfriend ever
Tough Cookie - No Desp - Please say yes
TC - NO Desp -
Thats was a yes and your my gf now...right
TC - No gomme time.....(geez freaking 2 a.m in the night...a NO would mean that the ass would be calling all night)

Desp - say yes now...and say no tomorrow...(geez what a jack ass)
TC - silent... (I need sum sleep).....Listen I'm going out with some one...
Desp - Break up with him...I know u like me more...
TC - Ok...nights...I gtget sum sleep here....
Desp - Can I ask u something....r u a virgin
TC - Geez Yeah....wuld that be a problem for you....c....no way...so its a NO....so get lost..nights.. Desp - Yeah...I can handle that...but no...u ain't a a virgin ya? that can't be true.....
TC- Well...Sry....that is the truth......and I intend being so till marraige.....and nothing in the world can change that policy....
Desp - Ok...so u r my gf...and nights....ok...that is a yes ...ya....and u will come clubbing with me ya?
TC - Cuts the line....

Ouch....why is sex such a huge part in a relationship...and what in the world is so hot about clubbing.......fast life...nothing else to do....jobless...ya....living on the edge and bustin out every cet on fantacy is cool.......but nah...those r for the immature who doesn't know the truth...theres more to truth than a wild life......

I'm sicka the world spinning da way it's spinning.....but let it spin.......I needa make me master happy..and not n e one else ya? So thats the way I'll choose to go.....May be I'll be loney...may be I'll not have n e one when time to come...may be,,I will be outcasted just coz I love me master more than the world...but who fucking cares...coz that's the hand dat feedeth me...dats the soul that'll never leave me.....

My My Living Master Bless Ya !!!!

Prince of Darkness........

You suddenly sit and wonder why you are alone......and why you let him slip past you? :( U know he holds vengence in his heart...you know that he detests you coz you let him go......but what else could you have done............it hurts o wathch the one you love get hurt by you......U think they r better off without you......u hope and pray they's realise it some day..........

U want to still be their friend.....their very best freind....you want to share their ups and downs...you love them...you love them too much, that you don't want them n e where close to your pathetic life..........

They accuse you for seeing another....you let them biliv what they want......if only they knew why? hmmm............. blame me for not speaking up? blame me for not speaking the truth..I'm sorry....if I did .......... U & I would never be what we are.........no I ain't another biach..........Just a woman who hungers for..........

Speaking of hunger......yes there was a time I was hungry for your soul and thirsty for your blood.......I wanted your blood running in my veins instead of your own.....I wanted to live in your soul and watch every thought, word & deed.......coz it felt like we were not 2 but one.............but no not n e more....I had to go....had to leave you....I had to leave you before I possessed you....before I could show you what my world is really made of...Or may be..just may be..I realised that you didn't want to make an attempt to open them iron gates and walk in to my world.......

It too late now.....things have gone from sour to stale.........I harbour no anger......but I cry for you to know the truth....I want you to know that you were everything in my life.....and I miss every minute we spent together.....It's amazing how you made me feel.....It's amazing how I suddenly wanted to love some one with all my heart, wanting nothing back..........but yes.....you did start playing with my paranoid mind.......just when I started to love you and trust you with all my heart........

You opened the doors of my secret garden, where I was once locked up in chains..........you showd me reality, light & the truth...........I don't know whether to blame you or thank you....coz reality is harsh..and I can't handle this brightness..I just can't.....the truth keeps striking me in my eyes and making me blind to drakness...the lil dark corners I used to hide are all lit up.....where do I hide now....who shall protect me....not that you would have offered my soul n e security......but your flesh and blood did put my world at peace.......Thank you for loving me...loving me and hating me......they say theres just a thin line between love and hate......I understand how u feel.......U feel betrayed....lied to......I'm sorry.......but my reasons were pure.........

My only hope is for you to know and love the lord before you close your eyes.....your life ain't long baby.....so is mine......repent and love him..love him more than you loved me....(I felt your love...the first time I truely felt love....)....but gods love is sweeter.....sweet as honey....sweeter than yours.......his blessing can be compared to your honey suckle kisses......but em blessing come in showers.......and its pure and saliva free (",)

Oh myy gosh..Imagine if I begin to enter the names of the I deidicate my journal pages to...ahaha utter chaos.......hehehe.....The thot did cross my mind...but nah.....I'm kidding......suspense...sweet suspense...let me torture you with suspense

Bored.....................

Ain't really complaining.....but awwwwwwwwwwww.........I'm bored.............It's been a while since I felt this way..heheheheh.........been a while since I wrote anything in here....hmmm......life's been good...darn good....nah...who am I kidding......:)

God's been good.......yeah...life gets a lil wonky not being naughty.....but then again......no gains outa being evil either.....hmmm....Just don wanna drift away again thats for sure.......

Theres nothing much to write ovr here these days..Life is lil peaceful..........No vengence...No anger...no nothing.....no critisizms either.....awww yeah.......hmm...nah...rather not state it here.....the dude is in my friend's list...heehhehehe

Dissapointments in galore...but I am learning to handle em..who said one is a winner every day......

Have a Rick Rocking Week.................Arrrhhhhhhggggggg....Boooooooooored !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (",)

The Spin Cycle.....

Hmmmm.....Glad to be alive...work has been getting me drained...but geeez...I enjoy every bit of it......Religion has taken the back seat again...I struggle to cling on to my master....the world seems to have got in the middle.....but no...none can drag me away form him...I feel so drained somedays that I can fall asleep in office, right there at my seat......and driving ha sbeen a dangerous voyage sometimes....but he has pulled me thorugh it all...Praise him !!!

Seeing and hearing things have made my world crumble apart...Families of loved ones falling apart....I sit and ponder as to why they can't understand the simple mechanism of family life......I want to put things together..make things right...but I can't.....

Temptation is leaving me alone....It's has become easier to say no to the hottest of em than to stay away from chocolates....Dating, playing around....nah...not worth it....I hope everybody realizes it sooner than later.....I've been blessed with the courage and strangth to wait for the King of My Castle......It's a crazy world out there...one lil trip and it will swallow you deep in to the pits of hell......I ain't ashamed..I'm just going through a phase..realising the right from wrong...making mistakes...sometimes mistakes that should never be made......ain't my fault...

Hmmmm.....As promised to write about sexual crime....just wanna point out about a couple of stuff which are so wrong...I can't biliv I actually approved them when I was in darkeness.....chee cheee..naughty Girl !!!

The biggest Crime - MASTURBATION / SELF PLEASURING

Arn't we on cloud number 9..hehehe....True..relaxes you...takes you away from all the frustration of not being able to either have a lover...or having a lover & not being able to have the so called act of "SEX".......It's a common thing..every body does it....It's done in private...why would it hurt anyone??? I had the same freaking questions....but none could give me a proper answer...until my Mentor explained...y and how to stay away....(It states no where that I experienced it...so don't assume...thank u)!!!

Ok...botton line...biliv in GOD...keep thy bodies pure 4 it is his temple....lust invites dark forces......I have failed...I have slipped...but one needs to pick one's self up again before rolling down the hill to the bottomless pit.....It ain't easy.....Young..tempted..restless souls we are...It's easy to go astray...its easy coz the world that is taboo is beautiful...Bring all your frustrations to the Lord....wait till he shows you your life partner....Falling in love with someone doesn't confirm anything.....One can't decide by himself who his or her soul mate would be...It's the mighty one's choice....He who bilivs in the mighty one shall never go wrong....Thats for sure.....

Crime No. 2 - Gay / Lesbian

Hot ??? I think NOT !!! It ain't a deformity....it's a decesion made by choice......I did sympathise em one time...but no..I say they need to change.....It doesn't seem right in God's Kindom.....Don't wan't to provoke n e one..so shall just stop at that....

Crime No 3 - BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission - Sadism and Masochism)

Quote from link - ----------------

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

"BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, and a lot of stuff besides.

Tying up your lover is BDSM; so is flogging that person, or bossing that person around, or any of a thousand other things. BDSM is highly erotic, usually (though not always) involves sex or sexual tension; and is highly psychologically charged. One person (the "submissive") agrees to submit to another person (the "dominant").

Some people like to be submissive all the time, some people like to be dominant all the time; some people like to switch, being submissive one day and dominant the next.

Many people practice some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even necessarily being aware of it. They may think of "S&M" as "That sick stuff that people do with whips and cattle prods and stuff," yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream...

All of these things are "BDSM." BDSM is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism; it can be remarkably subtle and sensual and soft. Pinning your partner to the bed and running silk or ice cubes or rabbit fur over your lover's body qualifies as "BDSM" (specifically, of a variety called "sensation play").

Unquote ---------------

Ok...the above is a basic definition.........but why.....??? Is it so cool to not get turned on naturally.......Go figure...do a lil research for your self to find out whats right and wrong.......

The heat is driving me nuttzzz......I feel numb......and the man of my dreams not knowing that I've got the hots for him is dribing me nuttier....damn..he probably thinks I hate him to death.....Just like Judy Girl...hehehehe

Adios..and have a nice weekend.....

Intensity !!!

What Would Happen -(Meridith Brooks)

Electricity, eye to eye
Hey don't I know you I can't speak
Stripped my senses
On the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
You speak and I don't hear a word

Chorus: What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away, would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust
Spontaneously combust

The room is spinning out of control
Act like you didn't notice
Brushed my hand

Forbidden fruit
Ring on my finger
You're such a moral, moral man
You throw it away, no question
Will I pretend I'm innocent

I struggle with myself again
Quickly the walls are crumbling
Don't know if I can turn away


Head is spinning.....the song says it all.....love is a crazy crazy game.....this song is one of em songs that explians about the very moment of getting sucked in to the flames....the very moment a woman falls....hmm......n e way...

I say again and again...Don't read my journal if it offends you, I really, honestly & truely don't intend offending n e one....I just write, may it be harsh, mild or absolute bunkum....I write what I can't say...what I can't express....I hate the thot of arguing face to face...or stating my point face to face...no I ain't a coward....Just that I do not want to listen to what u have got to say...no opinions (THANK U, but NO THANK U) !!!

It's been a great day...coz I started the day with My Master....and when ever things went wrong it was handed over immediately....My strengths do not come from within me n e more...it comes from the heavenly father....Don't think I ain't strong..I am very strong...but not with my own powers....but with powers greater than mine....

I keep telling my self that I have to write about a coupla things...yeah heavy stufff....very heavy stuff....Logic and religion...fake faith.....sexual fantacy....sexual crimes....(ermmm arn't we drooling....but I intend speaking of noting dirty)......

Hmmmm.....as much as I wanna write...I gotta boogy before I get throttled by my folks for living at work....

God Bless Ya !!!

Amazing Grace...Saved a Wretch Like Me!!!

It's amazing the way my master is leading me.....Leading me to greener pastures.....sweeter honey......I can feel him hold my hand....it's secure than any hand I ever held.....It's tight grip tells me not to worry...to stay calm..and stay strong....Lord...my only God will deliver me from all evil....

I fall...I trip...but he reaches out and helps me back on my feet.....I can't help but fall in love with him over and over again......My mind is at rest...My mind is at peace.....

I don't remember having a deeper love for anyone or anything....atleast not as deep as this. I can't explain how he grabbed my heart and soul...and how much deeper he is gonna stir it....But I yearn for him like I've yearned for no other.....I yearn for him to speak....I wish He could sit me down and talk to me...but thats the beaty of it all...my private converation with the love of my life. No one hears...no one knows....they think I'm crazy muttering away on my own....but only I know the joy he giveth......Only I feel the satisfaction he provides my soul.....My Lord, My Master...My All !!!

He Leads Me through doors studded with jewels...he leads me through streets of gold....what more can I ask for....I ain't talking material....Im talking about every step he guides me to take.....He gives me things No demonic force could ever offer me...(Crsuh that deceiving rat)!!!

Turn to God...He will never let you down....He will still keep lovinmg you and loving you more when the world throws you away.....He is possessive...he is jealous.....but I wouldn't want it n e other way......I want him to want me more and more every single second of the day.....I fear him..but I love him more than I fear him.....Hail My Master !!!

God Bless you !!!

Does Love Make Or Break ???

I'm Still Nutzzz about him....trying my best to get a hold of those emotions running wild..hehehe...but no regrets what so ever....

The past week was nothing but hectic...anxiety took the better of me I guess.....I'm glad I had him to hold my hand & carry me through.....

There were so many instances I was tested....tested left,right & centre.....but Yippy..I've conquered em all......

I learnt one thing last week.....do what's right even if the world laughs at you and corners you.....no backsliding.....and I'm thankful that I'm blessed with a mentor not only in heaven but on earth as well....some one to stop me at the beging of the hell hole...a guy who speaks the truth even tho it hurts.......This I never asked my father...but he has provided me.....

I know I will be faltering this week....theres enuf chances to..infact I want to.....My evil lil prince speaks to me..tempts me......and I'm freaked out about taking the next step......I wanna go back, when life was much easier to live..much easier to handle.......I wanna go back to the illusions.....Live in dreams... wanna go back to the times when Guilty wasn't a word in my vocabulary.......

I feel torn apart......torn by everything.....torn by love unreachable.......life which is testing....but Still I stand in his light.......thats what's amazing.....

God Bless You !!!

Nothing compares to his love !!!

Came to work for a short while......did some shopping on the way for mum......Wish I was on camp..was waiting to go for it...but unfortunately...quite outa da blue I am feeling way under the weather......may be due to over exhaustion...or I donno........May be the evil one is trying to break me away from my Lord...which he will never succeed doing...coz I am very well clung to me master...the master of light........

There are no words to explain how much I love my new master...and I'd do nothing to hurt him or bring ill repute to him......he has now given me the strength and the courage to say no to my weaknesses...

The world is wild...rocking...and pleasurable...but short lived.....My Masters love matters to me much much more than what the world can ever offer me.....It's easy to falter...but challenging to stay sane and do right....With his grace I will....not by order, but by will.....

God Bless you !!!

I'm still vicious...just be careful.....

Life sucks even more than it used to........true love is no where.....forget bout true love....there's not one genuine person on this fucking planet. They either want your money...or a peek in your pants....geeez.....

Is it something wrong with me..or sometjing wroth with the world.I so don't know.....The truth is I ain't in love with anyone...nor do I fancy anyone...

My mission to find the perfect 10 is over.....I finally figured that their exists no perfect Mr. Right...or anyone close to that.....its just a big fat illusion....The ones who are perfect are either outa reach....or so outa type....ouchy baby !!!!!!

Thou shall leave me alone...coz I can read your mind.....If you are wise.....very wise.......you'll drop your pants.....and run without ever turning back.....No I don't need your fucking love..neither do I need your fucking affection.....Your possessions I need none....I've judged you enuf...thou art a loser...a fucking loser......I simply ask thee to leave me alone.....get over me...I ain't for you......I never loved you ...and never will......thy flattery goes so unheard coz my ears are deaf to all your words.......

You can't turn back n e thing.....I've already judged....u made me do it....I'm sorry...u will never have me...coz u can't turn back time.......I don't waste my love on ingrates.....

This is fucking why I turned outa be a satanist...coz of freaking Christians like you....God does not provide dough for free...it involves hard work....sweat, blood and tears.....and all you fuckers think that things will be served on silver platters as and when...my asss..

The world ticks me off..yeah it does.....why da fuck does every individual have to be so freaking selfish....

Two fucking years and Mission yet not accomplished.......Hmmmmm......Fuck U !!!!

My Lord melts rock whilst the evil one can only melt butter !!! (teeehheeehheee)

This posting was actually meant to be done yesterday...but unfortunately...the wicked old one didn't want me to share the good news.....that it didn't get posted.....Who does he think he is.....he has no control of my flesh, blood or my very soul...he is out of my life...I am purified by the blood of my Lord almighty.....my tattered...dirty rugged vengeful garments are washed clean......the wicked lil rat can attack me from left, right and centre...but he shall not let see me fall...for now I stand tall in the name of my mighty farther.....the only one who did not judge me...the only one who forgave me with all his heart.....and took me back from the puddle of mud I was swimming in circles....like a blind bat with broken wings....

I was weakand weighed down.....he invited me to weep in his arms...and leave all my sorrow,hurt, anger and my heavy burden at his feet so that he can squash it all away with one trod.....He did not ask me anything in return...he did't demand my time...my money.....nothing at all....he only asked me to open my heart so that he can walk in....NO.....not to control me.....not to use me...but to give me happiness, joy and peace....to put a smile on my face...forever.....to melt the tears which never touched my cheecks...and to melt the heart that never felt.....He doesn't force me to stay.....but I know that he yearns for my loyalty & my faithfulness......

I fled from the luxury of his magnificient palace once...you think I'm a fool to flee again....U lil demonic rat...thou shall not be allowed to even touch a single strand of my hair.....let alone take over my soul......I am a child of god...and I always will be.....I will bite the hand that disillusioned me...I promise you that......you shall not walk the same path I walk or where ever I have layed my eyes or walked my feet.......You shall not have a single to chance to mess with any one of the souls I know.....I will torment you and make you beg for mercy......

Leave all your burdens at My Masters feet.....and lay thy head on his shoulders....He will lead you where you have to go.....for he & he alone holds the present & the future........

God Bless you !!!