I did to him what he did to me :(

I never knew how much I hurt him..I didn't even know that I was doing anything wrong...but he was a Scorpio...loved so dearly...possessed so dearly..and wanted me all for himself...

I now realize that life with this kind is tough.....I hurt him so bad...still love him..and want him...but wouldn't want to even dream of hurting him again...it ain't him it is me.....

I wonder if any man deserves a bitch like me.....to love him dearly and to hate him bitterly.....

Ingly Twingly !!!

Life is amazingly beautiful !!!!! Everything is falling in it's original place...everything is smooth...but can get smoother...An Amazign Transformation It Is !!!!

Hell Girl !!!

Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams
no mortal ever dreamed before.

Thats a lil phrase I picked up from "darkness.com"....aha...I actually went there....and I still havn't burried all my satanic ashes......I know for sure that I'll not slip back...but My Master of the Underworld sure has a strong hold on me......I feel his power, his presence, his might ....but my nights are more peaceful now....the rooms have clearer air in them...and it's easy to breath ... I'ts amazing...just amazing....The inverted cross still remains on all my profiles...(phone, online, and all my day to day accessories)...It kills me to take them all away....But I will...I know for a fact that my heart won't bleed if i let go of it all in God's name.....

Opps...One mentioned about Head banging and Rock Music...today..Ouch !!! I live for rock....How can one give up a part of ones self.......Confused...NOT !!! coz if it ain't right..it will be taken away without a question and the desire for it will be squenched by the man upsatirs.....

The battle goes on...My reason is partially found...but the dark clouds still remain....The forces are strong...they don't let you walk away too easy......you sit silently glaring at the pc screen.....messages pop up on msn and forums...some very provoking...you wanna slash them out the way a true satanist would dig their claws right in to your intesitines and let you bleed....with the intention of letting you die your ever so yummy painful death...

But no...I calmly reply all of em...just to test my new found patience.....and yes...none can provoke me n e more...coz I stand in the power of a mightier force then the power of darkness.....I wish all shakles were broken..and I am freed...for ever..but it doesn't come that easy....

I've been to the depths of hell...where no one dares to go.....and I ask for forgiveness from all who I encouraged to follow me....If I have dragged you down with me...let me help you...please...this is my plea.....I crossed the line of fear and connected with the other world....an awsome feeling of power and might washed my skin.....It's the power of satan....

Yuor heart grows cold, your feelings die...and the only form of happiness is apleasure and pain which comes from ungodly acts of indulgence......It satisfies you for awhile until you hunger and yearn for more.....you look for darker dingier places to walk the earth....you wanna get high on life but don't know how....frustration, suicide, depression slams you on your face.....you look for something to keep you sane......(indirect speach) !!! Your on the werge of breaking down.....if you are smart enuf...you'd take on magic....hexing the world....chanting...and ruling your destiny with demonic powers...or you let your self perish....(In Gothic Slang...Whither and Die) !!!

Back to work.... (",)

Powerless !!!

I stand weak.....vulnerable....you can try attacking me...coz my powers have died...i have walked from drkness to light !!!....I feel feeble...the sheild of magic I held against my chest is blown down......its time for you to attack me.....But wounded will not be I...for now I stand in the power of XXXXXXXXXXXX

It hurts to let you go...but I have to...for your own good and mine.....Your da best I ever had.......I can't hurt you any more.....and neither can I get hurt, So I walk away......(blame me...but thats the best I can think of) ....I still care for u.....but can't let u unintentionally hurt me....coz I am in love with you..and my whole life is wrapped around you....(I know that's the last you want)....your every action...yur evry word and deed affects me...hurts me...makes my day go right and wrong.....hmmmmmmm

As I always say...Scorpios don't fight.....they just walk away, never to return again.....They deal with the hurt and pain...They can handle it coz they are like pheonixes.....Get Shot ...Drop Dead...Rise and rule the skies again....I may cry for days...months...I may miss you for centuries......But I can't ever get hurt again..never ever......(They say that one can only hurt you if given permission) !!!

I've got nothing more to say Dear Journal Coz I don't rule my life anymore.... I lay my life in his arms...to carry me the right way.....Nothing's gonna stop me now......

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

Loving you isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change things that I feel
If I could, maybe I'd give you my world
How can I, when you won't take it from me

You can go your own way, go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
You can go your own way, go your own way

Tell me why everything turned around
Packing up shacking up is all you wanna do
If I could, baby I'd give you my world
Open up, everything's waiting for you

You can go your own way, go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
Another lonely day
You can go your own way, go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
You can go your own way
You can call it another lonely day

The Calling !!!

This is the third time Im trying to post this.....for some reason...it gets screwd before I get to the end.....(Dark forces at work...Angel of Hell....I'm still with you.....I love you...but I have to go....so just let me...)

When the calling comes......the feeling is worse than living and running blind......It feels like a sharp ray of light is shining right through the cracks and disrupting my peace.....My hiding place.........My safety zone....it's peircing right through my shield....

Opps gotta go...work work and more work.........

Daggers !!!

Angel of Darkness !!!
Angel of Hell !!!
Please don't make me fall in Love again !!!
Take my heart and make it freeze !!!
Send all my feelings away with da fu**in* breeze..phooo !!!!

It Hurts :-(

It hurts to keep it all inside....it hurts to not be able to tell the only thing that matters to you in the whole world what's on your mind......it kills you.....it burries you alive.....You wish he would read your mind.......you love him more than your life.....but it's all inside...it's a pitty it's all inside.....