10% from the bottom of my heart for the one who shed his very blood for me !!!

Yesterday was horriblby annoying.......I couldn't sleep, the voices were calling me...they wern't asking me to come back...they were seeking me to bring me down...to destroy my faith.....I couldn't stand it..I had to go sleep with my parents......it was horrible......the voices were eeerieeeeee.......I know why they are trying to get me.....

Everything started flashing infronta me......Faith alone isn't enough, my life wasn't 100% in track with his will......Seduction still rules my life.....I've found the perfect, but still the spirit romes......Tithing wasn't happening...I think I must, but never do......I laze.......Procrastinate.........I don't put God first....I forget him half of the day......how can I expect him to bless me when I treat him like a spare tyre at the back of the vehi, only taken notice of when the wheels go wonky......

Change is hard, difficult....dicipline is torture,....boring....annoying....too goody two shoeish...but I must....

Finally learnt the basics about tithing....sorted out mosta my doubts.......its just 10%.......10% to the man who has given us his all...10% to the man who will guide me for the resta my life.........Its not supposed to be given to church...y? coz thats what the pastors make merry outa.....BULLSHIT...finally realsied that it just ain't my business to judge...it just aint.....it's his...in his time..he will judge the right, the wrong and the looney......it just ain't my business...I don't have to rack my brains to think logiocal.....strive hard to control the universe.....its his business and not mine..........

Satanism was the way of the world....too many masters to serve.....Now it's just one master...and one way...and it is his way.........

Let da Man Upstairs Rock Ur World !!!

I feel like I'm being pressured by all corners.....I some times wanna vanish in to thin air......If my master was the demon it wouldn't be a big deal, but I can't even think of a vanishing act now.....I live for my masters glory, coz I know he is gonna pull me through.......just stating em words here feels amazing. I know he would intervene at the very last moment, when my faith grows thin...when the ground feels like broken glass.....I know he ain't gonna let me down........For that past 5 months...I survived with faith and faith alone...and for the resta my life...I shall do the same.......

I am about to have an encounter with another paganist.....Every time I try to pull away a satanist from darkness....my life falls deeper in to torment...but I ask the dear lord to give me strength to stand strong and do his will.....

He's given me more than I could ever ask for......Love him more than I can say......

Soulmates

Today was such a slow, frustrating and annoying day.....Got caught in the middle of a protest campagn...my legs have gone for a six clinging on to the clutch........it was a scary experience since my aunt and the buyer who was in the car simply walked out on me leaving me alone......yeah, she did come back, but still...she left me.......had a horrible time trying to get outa the traffic and driving back to work.......all drained.................

I slept like a baby for the first time at work coz I was daggered down with a terrible, horrible, dirty headache..........Was brutally woken up by a call from my lil angel........What has he got planned in that scheming lil mind of his this time around....I'm still to find out......

In my mind he was always always a work of art...I honoured him for his individuality and unique behaviour..........but....not any more....at least not since yesterday.............He was the safest person I could hang around with...I loved him to bits........but nooo..I don't feel the same any more...........and it annoys me......I shouldm't have listened to other ppl...but there is a truth in all they say...he can turn outa be dangerous...yes I know he loves me....I know he cares...but he sure has a wiered way of showing it.............Im confused...messed up...All I want him to do is hate me and let me be.....but he doesn't....EVEN TODAY..he did something adorable......may be it's time to confront him and tell him the truth about me having moved on.......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Soulmates...soulmates........soulmates.........u can't with them...neither without em...........

Flustered !!!

I found out the truth about my lil angel today......It hurts...It shattered me...It tore me to peices.....just to know that he ain't nothing I thot he was.....no more chances...no more favours.....no more nothing.....I break all ties......The word good bye (forever) has been a frequent word in my vocabulary these days........but Good bye is better than "Good night....I grant u permission to mess with my mind".......

I made a firm decesion about conning...true I do it for the fun of it...but no longer would I ........ I deceided so many times over...but I get tempted to, when I see a scattered up stupid pee brain...hehehe.....

I'm saddened...deeply saddened by the truth...but at the same time...I am thrilled about fixing the biggest peice of the puzzle which was missing from my past....I don't think that I would have a peaceful night today...neither did I have one yesterday......My Lord serves me only the best of what life has to offer !!! Even tho it hurts...I must let him sweep away the garbage disrupting my walk of life......

Casanova........HeHe

For sum reason, I happen to be highly facinated by casanova....nah..I don't at all approve his flamboyant behaviour, but he facinates me coz he is a talented con artist....hehehe

The folowing are some of Giacomo Casanova's Quotations that caught me eyes...check em out...

1) I have always loved truth so passionately that I have often resorted to lying as a way of introducing it into the minds which were ignorant of its charms.

(2) Best plan in this world is to be astonished at nothing.

(3) Essence of freedom consists in thinking you have it.

(4) Made a point of forgetting everything unpleasant.

(5) One never knows enough.

(6) Timidity is often another word for stupidity.

(7) Those who do not love life do not deserve it.

(8) I know that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more when I shall have ceased to feel.

Sumthing struck me when reading the last quote.........I remember selling all my feelings to the demon in my own room..I sold my feeling..I sold my soul.....the process of receiving them back hurts.....

I wish I didn't feel...life was less complicated when I didn't feel.....I never felt love...only pleasure...never felt lonely, but loved the solitude....It ain't like that any more..things are changing.......and feelings hurt.......

Au Reviour for now...

-Lil Player Girl singing off- (",)

God Bless Ya.....& Faith shall set ya free.........

Bad Day...........

Did a terrible mistake in busines today...horrible, terrible mistake......Blood is still on the boil.....hehehe...what to do what to do...Learning my lessons the hard way......

I suddenly feel drifted from God.......Need to make a visit to his mansion soon, before I feel guilty about the cold shoulder treatment I am giving him....hehehe

God is good........all the time.......I know he won't give up on me even if I did.....He never did then..and he never will now....

I was looking for selfless love.....something eternal....other then of God....and I finally found it..I know I did........but..the question is whether I want it or not.....I thot it would make me contended and whole....but it didn't.........It doesn't........I have begun to detest love....specially the spiritual love....the emotional manupulation....Find it annoying.....Changes are taking place in my overworked brain...changes which I don't comprehend.......Will not attampt to comprehend either....

God Bless Ya.....

Two sides to every Story

It hurts to know that every one who crosses my path has his or her own ulterior motives. The one supplier I trusted to help me out in all my dealings proved this yesterday.....It all comes down to them wanting to be involved in everything you do....No am I gonna let n e one even get close to advicing me......I've had with it.....Life is turning out bright...why? coz God is there with me every second of the day...I don't have to deal with the tension and pressure no more....The minute I begin to feel it..I simply pray to lift it off me. He helps me keep my head dtrsaight even when the troubles are rapping heavy on me window pain....

I wanna love him more...more and more...but sometimes...I can't show him how much...I sure hopehe undersatnds....

Ouch...got a rusty allergy aroung me eye...red and itchy..finally managed to channel a doc thru me phone....(feeeling all hi tech)...hehehehe....K...I'm horribly freaked out.......I don't wanna look like a red tomatoes...Im happy being the lil peice of charcole......hehehehe

Got a lot on my mind...car gone wonkey...need it fixed...gotta pay me mobile bill...for once dialog has not barred it....gone more than 1000/= excess......hmm..............too much to handle......Help me !!!!!

You Again !!!

Awwww the weekend was darn hectic...didn't have time for myself at all.....wanted to clean up cyclone devastated room...but procrastination sneaked peeked in to me brain that it still remains the same...hmmm........Ouch.....had to drive my folks to a freaking funeral at 10 pm last night....was half asleep, but didn't wanna refuse...thank God to the radio stations that kept me awake...

Me lil angel said that he missed me yesterday....was on cloud number 9 !!!! (But..why would I be???) hmm.....Imagine is he said n e thing more....hehehe.....not that he would ever get another chance...but to be loved by him means more than the world to me.....(strange mixed up kid)...hehehe

You

Hmmm...just made myself a Yummy Creamy Huge Mug of Milkshake out of Kulfi Iecream.......the best milkshake I've ever had...the feel of nuts crunching with every guzzle...it's amazing...ouch...now I suffer the consequenses...I'm too full to do anything (",)

Was in a very curious mood last evening and went about my usual glaring ritual.....unfortunately got caught...It was embarassing...Ouch !!!

Last night was annoying....My mind was filled with thouts of you.....I thought about the times I lingered around your house, just to be with you and watch you. You were my heaven then, you were everything I lived for........Remember the time I was so down and you told me that you know what would make me feel better and that I knew it too...but I wouldn't ask it from you....If you knew why didn't you make me feel better.....would it hurt you to make me feel loved ??? :(

Never felt a love sweeter than yours that I am trapped and unable to move away from your world.....You don't want me as just a firend...you don't want me as more than a friend.....I so can't comprehend what you expect of me.....I wanna stay away..but you just wouldn't let me go...why??? why does thou keep haunting my world....

I remember the times, I wished and wished that you would just hold my hand...I wished to feel your warmth....but now i see you as a cold cold being...there's nothing warm in you......I cherish the moments you used to stroke my hair and look deep in to my soul with those twinkling eyes.....I miss those days...I miss being there for you.......hehehe.......

I know you still got your hopes high about me waiting around till you are through......but sorry my lil angel..I'm actually on my way out...It's time I let go of you completely, destroy the picture I have of you in my soul.....oull em out from the roots.......I hop you find your way in here someday...and read all the dedications I have for you.....coz I in my right mind would never let you find out...coz I know it is gonna hurt ya...hurta ya deep.......

I hid a lot from you the past few months.....and I'm sorry I did....

I gtget going......gotta lot in hand to do..including going to a totally godforsaken place to pick up some stuff for mumsy.....

Before I go....Let me remind you that..."God is good....ALL THE TIME" !!!