Cuts Like a Knife

That’s what life has turned out to be. I’m tired of the show, but can’t seem to find the curtain to end the episode. The more mature one gets, the less complicated life is supposed to be, but it just doesn’t seem to be so in my world.

I am not in love, but am purely in love with the high I get out of love, and that’s a fact. It’s like weed. Let it tease your senses and it keeps you on a permanent high. What love is, I simply don’t comprehend anymore. I am beginning to feel what I haven’t felt in centuries, but whether they are right or wrong, I wouldn’t know, neither do I want to find out, since them feelings, they shall die a natural death, un dealt with and unspoken .

I wanna find out, where does he come from, where does he go? What goes through his mind, but I fear what I might find, therefore, let it never be found !

What Leads One To Break What He Strived To Make?

After trying to break up with the good sir for the 10th time (for all I remember), I’m back at square one, showering ‘Love You’s’. This is when you dread hairpin bends, even though the road is wide and your tyres are tight.

Nasty boorish bosses, sick & unethical work atmospheres swallowing you whole, six fucking days a week makes you wanna throw up stomach acid to burn a whole nation down.

I swore to myself I wouldn’t bring any work home, I swore over a hundred times yester-fucking-day, but here I am doing the same old forbidden dead.

Little do they know you aren’t from the same realm as they are. They screw you over giving you three times the opportunity to do the same to them. Work has never angered me this much. Anger makes me work harder and faster. Anger builds more energy, more energy to swallow another’s soul. Energy builds and energy destroys and I wait for my time and turn to destroy !

Back On Track !!!

A few minutes after breaking up with the so-called-beau, I’m switching between Dubai 92 and TNL Rocks, hoping and praying they’d play some hardcore shit, simply because I’m looking for a surprise and not something out of my music collection. I wish I had a pack of smokes in hand along with a few sticks of weed.

I look back at life and wonder how I ended up here, coz it all feels like a dream, definitely not a nightmare, but an amazingly twisted dream. With a bunch of investors in my hand, something is still holding me back with regard to the launch of ‘Skorpius’ in UAE. Worst of all, I’m beating myself down at work more with an ulterior motive of punishing myself for not paying the same due respect for my own business four years back.

It’s time to get myself a tattoo and get that 8v Mustang I always wanted, beginning with applying for my UAE driving license next month. Who the fuck can handle a toned down life….wild was what I was and wild will what I always will be and if any man wants me to be anything other than that….SCREW HIM ! I ain’t anyone’s pet pumkin !!!!

How the fuck do I successfully attract free riders, scroungers and employers who take the mickey outa me every single freaking time? How the fuck do I reverse the energies I attract?

Trade your Wife for a Modern Apartment !!!

Sri Lanka has definitely been robbed of the cream of the industry. The question is ‘should we be amused or saddened?’

I Think I Might Blog A Lil More This Year ;)

allPlenty blog entries written and stored away without being posted simply because they sound doleful and pathetic with more than a pinch of self pity, but this I am determined to write and post amidst all laziness.

Been in Sri Lanka since beginning of November and it’s making me want to plant myself here for good, though I know I must leave in order to achieve my so-called goals. As at now everything seems to be muddled up that I can hardly think. You misunderstand love, life and everything that surrounds you, even though you’re just not supposed to be getting them wrong at this age. They use you and use you, they manipulate your understanding nature, they think you’re ignorant, when all the while you grit your teeth and watch and wonder what they’re intentions are. They think they got you wrapped around their little finger when all you did was pretend and stayed on just to find out where the ride ended. Do you pass off as a hypocrite? Maybe…..It all feels worthless coz they won’t change or budge, they’ll just slip back to being who they are, the blissfully ignorant scroungers.

They all say that a Scorpio forgives, but never forgets, not by choice, but by default. The truth is that a Scorpio is actually incapable of forgetting. They judge every word you say, watch every move you make and link it together with every situation that takes place in front of their eyes which concerns you and themselves. What do you know….they are molded to do so for their own good.

I’m waiting for my call to go back to camel land, but I’m surely gonna miss everything I’m leaving behind. Men are not real men unless they are Sri Lankan and vouch I can on that! One whole year or more with no native curry I’m gonna walk back to SL like a character off Monster Inc. No camel jokey can or will never match up to the sarong wearing, filth swearing, tough mother feather a grounded, solid Sri Lankan lad is brought up to be.

Over all its been quite a adventurous 2008 and I cannot help but ask the higher powers to throw my way an equally eventful 2009, coz who wants’ to settle for comfort zones and an easy way out. The tougher the challenge the stronger you get and the more fun you have.

Randoms from Qusais, Dubai

Updating from Home Prison….

There is such a thin line between discontentment and fulfillment and it is amusing how we keep switching between these two modes so frequently, that there is hardly enough time for the mind to perceive which mode you are on.

Moving to Dubai was the best decision I made in the past 18 months. The opportunities are endless, if one has the backbone, courage, will, commitment and all that’s needed for the battle. One solid job six days a week, one happening project and three pending ones are keeping me more than occupied. Two more years of hard work and I’m taking a road trip to nowhere and I’ll still be going on 26…doesn’t that make me feel exuberant!

Speaking of work, salary discrepancies and amusing superiors seem to be following me everywhere I go. This time it’s a Grizzly Bear and a Benjamin Bunny, who are way better compared to the previous encounter with the Brown Eyed Monster. I try to stay as far away from GB and BB, keep all conversations to a minimum and con a shiver when they confront me. This is amusing, they surely think I’m shit freaked out of them while I’m having a ball in my mental auditorium. The GB seems to be inflated with so much ego, that one prick of a pin would shatter it across a continent, and I’ve only heard him grunt so far, which makes it difficult to fathom his character. BB, is one of those sweet superiors you bump in to once in a blue moon, but terribly confusing, that I’d rather smile and nod my head rather than speak and negotaite.

One must work in the GCC, bounded by stupid contracts to know and to feel your actual self worth. One can’t just quit, pack up and walk out, which eventually teaches you sweet diplomacy and how to negotiate subtly, yet powerfully.

The two week stay in Sri Lanka around mid June was surely a treat, though I almost passed out seeing how inflation has taken it’s toll. Something in the UAE was dragging me back and it surely wasn’t the man (who is made to bite the dust once more). For Pete’s sake, who needs an incomplete man when you can drill, drive and do your own plumbing? I pity the next poor soul who dares cross my path, coz if he knows what’s good for him, he wouldn’t.

Can one actually live in the fast-paced world, with a true and genuine hippie soul, is that really possible? I wonder……

Amidst the fact that I do a 5 Km walk back and forth to the supermarket, twice or thrice a week and use a knife as a can opener, just coz they don’t sell the ones I’m used to in this part of the world, this is still the life I choose to live for the next 2 years. I can finally feel the essence of my sweat, blood and tears and the infusion and diffusion of energy to and from my body.

The book is about 30% done and I let it write itself that enforce thoughts, phrases, characters and situations. It is surely better that way, coz I haven’t suffered a writers block in awhile and the outcome seems to be much better than the times you attempt to squeeze creativity out of your system.

Does it take that much courage to say…Hey I have failed, but I rise again ?!?

Thawed Skin & Rusted Hair

It was 5 a.m, but I am feeling colourful and alive. Though it was high time I got some sleep, messing around with hair colour was just what I did next. Three hours of waiting, since I wanted the brown to be a lil more rooted and rustier than usual I hit the showers. The water, which was almost hot to a boiling point, felt as if it was sinking right through my skin & diluting with my blood with ease coz my mind was slowly absorbing the ecstasy the body was emitting, everything looked larger and the white tiles around me looked brighter.

Flashes of a series of incidents that took place last Wednesday were combining themselves together and were now teasingly replaying itself over and over again as if from inside my eyelids, that I dared not open my eyes lest I lose a single precious moment. The water boat & banyan boat rides in Deira, the sun scorching my skin from one side while the wind trying to fight the heat from another, the smooth business meeting which left me with more hope than I ever had for the past one and a half years (clumsy as I am, I spilled half the glass of water which was placed in front of me half way through the presentation, I wish I could erase the memory, though it seems impossible), and finally seeing him after ages and feeling nothing, but joy which deflated to pure disgust within a few seconds and wowing to never see him again. Didn’t he have no dignity? Why would he still be interested after much rudeness and ignorance? Did he just want to prove that he could eventually get in to my pants and that I can be weakened? May be I just keep leading him on, giving a green light just after a red, just like the traffic lights (though without the amber and no warning what-so-ever). May be, just may be, guys like him deserve to be twisted and crumpled like this, though I know too well that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. Alas ! the drama ends today and another one bites the dust! He may be a winner, always used to getting what he wants, when he wants, but this time, with me, he is a loser!

I take another scenic boat ride to Bur Dubai with a single regret of not bringing the camera along (such scenic bliss lost to good old memories, which would eventually be lost forever) ! With a few minutes of walking down the allies strewed with shops filled with ‘penny-wise-pound-foolish’ souvenirs, which fell across the creek, I finally reach the bus station to make my journey back to Al Ain. I buy the ticked and impatiently walk towards the bus to relax my feet, which was by now sore and aching. The figure seated right in front, opposite to the driver's seat looked vaguely (if not quite clearly) familiar. I ignored my instincts and sat right behind the driver’s seat, though there were plenty seats behind it. I watched his every move from the corner of my eye, the way he moved his legs trying to get comfortable, the way his jaws moved though they were clasped tight, while he listened to sum junk from a device plugged in to his ear and how his head kept bobbing back and forth towards my direction every time I fidgeted on my seat (which I enjoyed doing more often than I needed to get comfortable).

His hair was tied into a ponytail, which could be expected of him, though he always wore it short back then, but was it him at all or was it just my imagination? If it was him, what was he doing in Al Ain? So many questions were cooking a stew in my head. I watched him ask the driver to stop when he reached his destination, and I heard his gruff voice reluctantly speak a few words over the phone and it sounded different, though I wished so much that it was him. I dared not look in his direction when he raised himself from the seat and slowly made his way to the door giving himself enough time to take a good look at me. The image of him shall be embedded somewhere in my memory waiting to be brought back to reality when the time is right. Inhaling the energy of the final memory of him doing the weird thing he does with his tongue clicking his teeth, I decide to get out of the shower and put an end to the trauma my skin was going through.

With my skin thawed and my hair rusted, I finally curl up to catch around 4 hours of sleep before I head back to work.