End Of Da Long Dark Tunnel !!!

Sometimes....somethings are better left on the way.....y? coz it hurts to c them hurt you.....and it hurts to c that u've hurt them back.

Love is miraculous.....the words "I Love You" should not be taken for granted...never...not for one freaking second.....what am I implying? A lottta things....Things unspoken...things which will never be spoken.....my heart is still rock...cold cold rock...and I will not show mercy to n e one who spikes my soul......

This walk I've begun with the Lord is aamzing and peaceful.....at least I know it will be the minute I submit totally..without compromising.....Thou shall look down upon me...but my only wish for you is that "YOU BE SAVED"

Yes....I am powerful in the name of the dark powers.....but now I feel strippied down...exposed...and scared.....which makes me wanna run back in to darkness and cling on to that wretched, evil, moster, who binds my eyes with a classy pair of Georgio Armani's which makes me see the world in an inferior point of view...

Thou shall not lie to me or con me....coz I can see through you...I own your soul....and there is nothing you can do bout it...I own your soul till I decide to let go...and when I do decide...take it and run for shelter....before I take my next step to destroy you....rip you apart...with my axe of vengence.....(oops..form where is this coming from) ??

Thou does not love me....plz speak no lies.....coz the words are all there...but but the deeds arn't even nigh..........Thou doesn't care what I do..how I feel...where I am.....whether I'm safe...torn...broken....or unhappy....thou only care for thy self......and I can see it...I can see through you.....I can see the thruth....

I bid farwell..never to return again....my heart is pure...coz I din't liv a lie...But I would't be hurting you by judging you again...your free to go....you r free to do what you please...the chains of love that bound you are broken.....Thou doesn't have to lie ever again.....I wouldn't wanna be a part time lover...but your everything....if its not so...then I'd rather be your nothng.....

I miss you...and sumtimes I wish you were mine for life....My Sweet Pirate....I release your soul...My blessings be with you, your entire life...your all......

All Smiles.........

The weekend was amazing, he made it even better....seeing that smile and those sparkling eyes can actually keep me going more than a coupla weeks........Hehehehe.....It sure would...

Life has become a lil more than a rolercoaster rde....whooooomp........can't help wondering what I'm getting myself in to...but for once...it all feels good... Y? Coz I know I am not alone...that the power of the might one is holding me high....

I've completed my lil black book...alll victims are pinned dwon to the ground...Yeah I sometimes wish I hadn't done what I did...but its all in the past now...It's all in the past....their souls are under my power.....geeezzzz..not for long...I need to release em...don't need no more sin to follow me...

The last one bit the dust on Good Friday...hehehehehe...I sure want to do more damage than I have already done...but no...the desire to cause havoc has left my soul.....it just aint worth it...just ain't......

Half the victims are there on Hi5....they are in the disguise of lovey dowvey friends...but no....they arnt.......They are wolves in sheep skin.....I wanna fogive you totally...totally one last time.....It ain't easy.but I will...I'm no longer an eliment to worry about.....your safe....but I'm warning you.keep away...........don't provoke me......coz I don't watch and wait...I sting with all my might............

His Smile...........His Eyes...........

I wanna beg you to smile again..........stare in to my eyes again........I don't know what to say, coz I am too mesmerized.....way too mesmerized......It hurts to stay sane....that you just wanna get high on sleeping pills and slide back in to the dream world where u r with him...and only him.....

A huge part of my stupid freaking brain tells me that it's all an illusion...a big fat illusion.........but it hurts....it hurts more than it hurt before....

I feel scared to think of him.......dream of him......call him...let alone msg him.........id he really a superior creature...or am I letting him be superior in my disillusioned, blurry world? I don't know.I really don't know...I wish I did tho.......He has managed to haunt my day and worst of all the night....he has managed to plant a sick blop of anxiety where there used to be a moster by the name of "appetite"......He has managed to make my limbs fidgety and my look a stare....

Its 10.42 a.m...will complete me lil journal in the evening....mmmvahhhh

k...back again........

At a funeral last week.......I was walking towards the cemetary along with the crowd...and in front of me was a skinny girl with straight brwon heair....trust me I envied her with all my heart..her straight pose...her hair...her posture....I wished my hair was shimmering as hers instead of the messy lock of curls (which had always been a problem)...I wish I had washboard abs like hers...I wished so many things...for a second I was so focused on everything I am not...I even considedred being fair skinned (which I wouldn't wanna become for a million dollars..hehehehehe)...

It occured to me what a fool I was when I actually saw her face, she was one of em speacial children....(retarted in plain cruel english :-( )...Geez.....it sure did hit me on the head....for the first time.....It tore me apart....it made me hide my face in shame for all the envy I was daggering at her.........hmmmmmmmm............

I bumped in to some one who made me go back to thinking about the special child I saw last week....it humbled my rage...my stupidity and my envy......

Being contended about who you are ain't the most easiest thing to do....but yeah...with a lil bita attempt ...contentment is urs all yours.

Stuck in the past.............

Past does keep haunting me over and over again....I keep hurting everyone in the present...just becoz my past is fucked up !!!!...I can say sorry a million times...but end up making the same mistake again...walking away from the present...coz the future is blurry too freaky to face....

I wish I could turn back time...just to be in your arms again....I know I have lost the battle....I wanna give up.....run away again.....but guess I deserve to stay and face all consequenses.....

Its strange that you sometimes don't notice that what you already have with you is what you've been waiting for all your life.

My World Iz Beautiful With Him Living In me.....

I pity you.....sympathize you turning to horoscopes and astrology.....Look how strong I am in my lord......None can touch me..none can make me fall..none can hurt me...coz I am protected by his love, mercy and security. I shall not look to my Left nor the Right...coz I know that my answer lies only with him. I ask and he tells me.

Lust rules me no more.....My heart screams to take your face and taste your lips......but no....I struggle with my self....I say no to myself...I fall...I tumble...I stand up again...I go up to my heavenly father pleading and begging him to take away my feelings for you......My prayers seem unanswered....coz u r all thats' on my mind....u r all I can think of...It is so wrong....but it feels right......The feeling takes me high....I want you to light the fire in my soul....I know that you can make me fall..drag me to the depths of hell again...but it tempts me...I am dragged to u like a moth to the flames....my mid is tormented, tormented by what your soul contains...I go back to my master....I wish I can fall at his feet and beg him to deliver me from the great fall I foresee.....

The moment comes for me to choose....to fall or to rise and soar.....My father who I thot had turned a deaf ear...kept giving me all the strength I ever needed to run without looking back.....he picked me up when I tripped...I could run no more.....I fell flat on my face...bushes and brambles had torn my skin....I pleaded my master again to give me strength to pick my slef from off the ground.......No..he didn't give me the strength, but yes he did carry me all the way instead.....

His love is amazing, no I shall not falter him...the flesh of the world has absolutely no power over me....My saviour has broken all bonds....Thou shall mock me, laugh at me.....corner me for being true to my lord.....but that shall not bother me....for I who is in the lord is much much stronger that u who are in the world........I have tasted what is of the world....I have gambled with the bad, ugly & the evil of the world....I have had sweet pleasures...which brought no peace of mind what so ever.....I can only pity you.....Turn around...biliv in the truth I biliv in...I tell u no lie.....

There is no other god...and no other truth..just one living god who I biliv in....Do I provoke u? Please.. I intend not to..I just speak the truth.....I rebelled against him once...and now I can't stop rebelling for him....If he can love a wretch like me, he sure can love u more.....Let him gaurd your thoughts, words & deeds, let him hold u back from faltering....Just give him a chance to prove his love for you.

God Bless you !!!

No Relationship....No Commitment !!!

Why do ppl always interpret things wrong? No ties no commitment (clearly stating there is no relationship) is playing around.....but love is love...can't stop one from falling....

When the distance grows..and trust is a problem...its not worth hanging on...Let go when your heart tells you to stay coz its gonna bite you in the face n e way......Ppl change..and one can sense it...

They say...sumtimes luv just ain't enuf..and thats true....u can luv or desire sumthing so bad..that you loose sleep over it..and grow frail with bubbling and brewing desire.....but that ain't true luv.....

Want to substitute your free time....your lonliness with luv...That so fucking ain't true luv......wanna use luv for your convenience....that too ian't true love.......Wanna know what true luv is..."Eternity"....When one can see the future together....when one can see life instead of hanging on the edge....when one can see the light at the end of the tunnel....

True Love knocks on your door only once in a life time...true love which will remain unscratched for the resta your life....Hold on tight...don't let it get away...coz it raerely knocks on your door twice....Wanna play around with it... go ahead...thou shall be playing your self at the end.....

Luv can either give you the greatest joy you've ever had...or drag you six feet down.....Love with all your heart, soul and mind.....but jump out...run like wild....10000 miles...if the possibilities of you getting hurt are visible...don't turn around..just run :-(

Haven't had much sleep last night...Humidity is getting on every inch of me.....dozing off to the core now....ouch...at least another 5 more hours to go....i pity the feelow drivers on the road...im dead sure that this is gonna be the wonkiest day ever behind the wheel....ahhahaahahaha......

If I make no noice tomorrow...just check if i am still in one peice. !!!!