Standing on the edge......

Something took me by surprise today.....Keeping a smile on my face 24/7 is getting darn difficult.....Judging me by my old sadistic behaviour, someone very close to me said made a statement about me not being able to face facts...that if my yoke gets heavier than this, I might consider commiting suicide........Wow...how little they know of me......

If My Dear Lord hadn't taken hold of my pathetic soul..yes I would have commited suicide 4 months back.....nut he did...and I ain't a coward no more..not to face the light..the truth and the world...Im a surviver, a fighter....a biliver in my masters mightyness......Thats all is left for me now...he is all I got......There comes a time, where even your own blood walks away from you......an unexplainable lonliness comes over me.....It's only my faith that keeps me going.......My yoke gets so darn heavy at times...than I just wanna leave everything and run away...but I dare not......If I did, then whn will I ever get another chance to let my master bless me....how can I glorify his holy name.........I know he will pull me though....I know he will........

Last night I felt his presence...I was brutally woken up by a thud on my bed.....it was Mr. Evil Guy up to his pranks again......I rebuked him in my masters name......till he cudn't take it no more and left......

Put A smile on your face, and make the world a better place....

When noting else in the world can put a smaile on your face, or make you sit till and breath easy....the only thing that keeps me going is.....My Matser...it's amazing how he works subtley.........I fail him everyday....but the best part is I feel the undying, unlimited love he has to offer.....

Hoodoo
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The wierdest guy I've known....geez I wish I knew whats running in his head.......How can he expect n e one to fall in love with him? hehehe.........what is he? Chappathi gone wrong ?

Desperado
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Desp - I'll be the best boyfriend ever
Tough Cookie - No Desp - Please say yes
TC - NO Desp -
Thats was a yes and your my gf now...right
TC - No gomme time.....(geez freaking 2 a.m in the night...a NO would mean that the ass would be calling all night)

Desp - say yes now...and say no tomorrow...(geez what a jack ass)
TC - silent... (I need sum sleep).....Listen I'm going out with some one...
Desp - Break up with him...I know u like me more...
TC - Ok...nights...I gtget sum sleep here....
Desp - Can I ask u something....r u a virgin
TC - Geez Yeah....wuld that be a problem for you....c....no way...so its a NO....so get lost..nights.. Desp - Yeah...I can handle that...but no...u ain't a a virgin ya? that can't be true.....
TC- Well...Sry....that is the truth......and I intend being so till marraige.....and nothing in the world can change that policy....
Desp - Ok...so u r my gf...and nights....ok...that is a yes ...ya....and u will come clubbing with me ya?
TC - Cuts the line....

Ouch....why is sex such a huge part in a relationship...and what in the world is so hot about clubbing.......fast life...nothing else to do....jobless...ya....living on the edge and bustin out every cet on fantacy is cool.......but nah...those r for the immature who doesn't know the truth...theres more to truth than a wild life......

I'm sicka the world spinning da way it's spinning.....but let it spin.......I needa make me master happy..and not n e one else ya? So thats the way I'll choose to go.....May be I'll be loney...may be I'll not have n e one when time to come...may be,,I will be outcasted just coz I love me master more than the world...but who fucking cares...coz that's the hand dat feedeth me...dats the soul that'll never leave me.....

My My Living Master Bless Ya !!!!

Prince of Darkness........

You suddenly sit and wonder why you are alone......and why you let him slip past you? :( U know he holds vengence in his heart...you know that he detests you coz you let him go......but what else could you have done............it hurts o wathch the one you love get hurt by you......U think they r better off without you......u hope and pray they's realise it some day..........

U want to still be their friend.....their very best freind....you want to share their ups and downs...you love them...you love them too much, that you don't want them n e where close to your pathetic life..........

They accuse you for seeing another....you let them biliv what they want......if only they knew why? hmmm............. blame me for not speaking up? blame me for not speaking the truth..I'm sorry....if I did .......... U & I would never be what we are.........no I ain't another biach..........Just a woman who hungers for..........

Speaking of hunger......yes there was a time I was hungry for your soul and thirsty for your blood.......I wanted your blood running in my veins instead of your own.....I wanted to live in your soul and watch every thought, word & deed.......coz it felt like we were not 2 but one.............but no not n e more....I had to go....had to leave you....I had to leave you before I possessed you....before I could show you what my world is really made of...Or may be..just may be..I realised that you didn't want to make an attempt to open them iron gates and walk in to my world.......

It too late now.....things have gone from sour to stale.........I harbour no anger......but I cry for you to know the truth....I want you to know that you were everything in my life.....and I miss every minute we spent together.....It's amazing how you made me feel.....It's amazing how I suddenly wanted to love some one with all my heart, wanting nothing back..........but yes.....you did start playing with my paranoid mind.......just when I started to love you and trust you with all my heart........

You opened the doors of my secret garden, where I was once locked up in chains..........you showd me reality, light & the truth...........I don't know whether to blame you or thank you....coz reality is harsh..and I can't handle this brightness..I just can't.....the truth keeps striking me in my eyes and making me blind to drakness...the lil dark corners I used to hide are all lit up.....where do I hide now....who shall protect me....not that you would have offered my soul n e security......but your flesh and blood did put my world at peace.......Thank you for loving me...loving me and hating me......they say theres just a thin line between love and hate......I understand how u feel.......U feel betrayed....lied to......I'm sorry.......but my reasons were pure.........

My only hope is for you to know and love the lord before you close your eyes.....your life ain't long baby.....so is mine......repent and love him..love him more than you loved me....(I felt your love...the first time I truely felt love....)....but gods love is sweeter.....sweet as honey....sweeter than yours.......his blessing can be compared to your honey suckle kisses......but em blessing come in showers.......and its pure and saliva free (",)

Oh myy gosh..Imagine if I begin to enter the names of the I deidicate my journal pages to...ahaha utter chaos.......hehehe.....The thot did cross my mind...but nah.....I'm kidding......suspense...sweet suspense...let me torture you with suspense

Bored.....................

Ain't really complaining.....but awwwwwwwwwwww.........I'm bored.............It's been a while since I felt this way..heheheheh.........been a while since I wrote anything in here....hmmm......life's been good...darn good....nah...who am I kidding......:)

God's been good.......yeah...life gets a lil wonky not being naughty.....but then again......no gains outa being evil either.....hmmm....Just don wanna drift away again thats for sure.......

Theres nothing much to write ovr here these days..Life is lil peaceful..........No vengence...No anger...no nothing.....no critisizms either.....awww yeah.......hmm...nah...rather not state it here.....the dude is in my friend's list...heehhehehe

Dissapointments in galore...but I am learning to handle em..who said one is a winner every day......

Have a Rick Rocking Week.................Arrrhhhhhhggggggg....Boooooooooored !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (",)