A Boy Named D..........

I’ve kept a man on a very high pedestal for almost 13+ years, an image I’ve drooled over from afar, not knowing how to make a connection. After dating a few guys who resembled him, of course finding them all not up to the mark, making friends with another few who resembled him simply coz I knew that I just might almost never bump in to him in this short life span of mine. There was even a time that my car was named after him, until I forgot all about him for a while. Amidst all the fun, frolick, eye candy and chew candy I was filling my life with it felt like my soul could never move on without knowing what he was made of and what he was all about, which drove me to begin the nonsensical search all over again.

Did I find him???? YES, in an godforsaken island in europe !!! Was it worth it??? I don’t know at all.......

The strange man he is, blowing hot onetime and blowing cold another, has abused my patience beyond dry……do I feel anything for him even now, after all those years???? Yess…Yess…Yes…..Am I going to do anything about it? As usual NO!! Then what is it all about? It’s just the thrill of the chase, it always has been and always will be…

Cuts Like a Knife

That’s what life has turned out to be. I’m tired of the show, but can’t seem to find the curtain to end the episode. The more mature one gets, the less complicated life is supposed to be, but it just doesn’t seem to be so in my world.

I am not in love, but am purely in love with the high I get out of love, and that’s a fact. It’s like weed. Let it tease your senses and it keeps you on a permanent high. What love is, I simply don’t comprehend anymore. I am beginning to feel what I haven’t felt in centuries, but whether they are right or wrong, I wouldn’t know, neither do I want to find out, since them feelings, they shall die a natural death, un dealt with and unspoken .

I wanna find out, where does he come from, where does he go? What goes through his mind, but I fear what I might find, therefore, let it never be found !

What Leads One To Break What He Strived To Make?

After trying to break up with the good sir for the 10th time (for all I remember), I’m back at square one, showering ‘Love You’s’. This is when you dread hairpin bends, even though the road is wide and your tyres are tight.

Nasty boorish bosses, sick & unethical work atmospheres swallowing you whole, six fucking days a week makes you wanna throw up stomach acid to burn a whole nation down.

I swore to myself I wouldn’t bring any work home, I swore over a hundred times yester-fucking-day, but here I am doing the same old forbidden deed.

Little do they know you aren’t from the same realm as they are. They screw you over giving you three times the opportunity to do the same to them. Work has never angered me this much. Anger makes me work harder and faster. Anger builds more energy, more energy to swallow another’s soul. Energy builds and energy destroys and I wait for my time and turn to destroy !

Back On Track !!!

A few minutes after breaking up with the so-called-beau, I’m switching between Dubai 92 and TNL Rocks, hoping and praying they’d play some hardcore shit, simply because I’m looking for a surprise and not something out of my music collection. I wish I had a pack of smokes in hand along with a few sticks of weed.

I look back at life and wonder how I ended up here, coz it all feels like a dream, definitely not a nightmare, but an amazingly twisted dream. With a bunch of investors in my hand, something is still holding me back with regard to the launch of ‘Skorpius’ in UAE. Worst of all, I’m beating myself down at work more with an ulterior motive of punishing myself for not paying the same due respect for my own business four years back.

It’s time to get myself a tattoo and get that 8v Mustang I always wanted, beginning with applying for my UAE driving license next month. Who the fuck can handle a toned down life….wild was what I was and wild will what I always will be and if any man wants me to be anything other than that….SCREW HIM ! I ain’t anyone’s pet pumkin !!!!

How the fuck do I successfully attract free riders, scroungers and employers who take the mickey outa me every single freaking time? How the fuck do I reverse the energies I attract?

Trade your Wife for a Modern Apartment !!!

Sri Lanka has definitely been robbed of the cream of the industry. The question is ‘should we be amused or saddened?’

I Think I Might Blog A Lil More This Year ;)

Plenty blog entries written and stored away without being posted simply because they sound doleful and pathetic with more than a pinch of self pity, but this I am determined to write and post amidst all laziness.

Been in Sri Lanka since beginning of November and it’s making me want to plant myself here for good, though I know I must leave in order to achieve my so-called goals. As at now everything seems to be muddled up that I can hardly think. You misunderstand love, life and everything that surrounds you, even though you’re just not supposed to be getting them wrong at this age. They use you and use you, they manipulate your understanding nature, they think you’re ignorant, when all the while you grit your teeth and watch and wonder what they’re intentions are. They think they got you wrapped around their little finger when all you did was pretend and stayed on just to find out where the ride ended. Do you pass off as a hypocrite? Maybe…..It all feels worthless coz they won’t change or budge, they’ll just slip back to being who they are, the blissfully ignorant scroungers.

They all say that a Scorpio forgives, but never forgets, not by choice, but by default. The truth is that a Scorpio is actually incapable of forgetting. They judge every word you say, watch every move you make and link it together with every situation that takes place in front of their eyes which concerns you and themselves. What do you know….they are molded to do so for their own good.

I’m waiting for my call to go back to camel land, but I’m surely gonna miss everything I’m leaving behind. Men are not real men unless they are Sri Lankan and vouch I can on that! One whole year or more with no native curry I’m gonna walk back to SL like a character off Monster Inc. No camel jokey can or will never match up to the sarong wearing, filth swearing, tough mother feather the Sri Lankan lad is brought up to be.

Over all its been quite a adventurous 2008 and I cannot help but ask the higher powers to throw my way an equally eventful 2009, coz who wants’ to settle for comfort zones and an easy way out. The tougher the challenge the stronger you get and the more fun you have.

Randoms from Qusais, Dubai

Updating from Home Prison….

There is such a thin line between discontentment and fulfillment and it is amusing how we keep switching between these two modes so frequently, that there is hardly enough time for the mind to perceive which mode you are on.

Moving to Dubai was the best decision I made in the past 18 months. The opportunities are endless, if one has the backbone, courage, will, commitment and all that’s needed for the battle. One solid job six days a week, one happening project and three pending ones are keeping me more than occupied. Two more years of hard work and I’m taking a road trip to nowhere and I’ll still be going on 26…doesn’t that make me feel exuberant!

Speaking of work, salary discrepancies and amusing superiors seem to be following me everywhere I go. This time it’s a Grizzly Bear and a Benjamin Bunny, who are way better compared to the previous encounter with the Brown Eyed Monster. I try to stay as far away from GB and BB, keep all conversations to a minimum and con a shiver when they confront me. This is amusing, they surely think I’m shit freaked out of them while I’m having a ball in my mental auditorium. The GB seems to be inflated with so much ego, that one prick of a pin would shatter it across a continent, and I’ve only heard him grunt so far, which makes it difficult to fathom his character. BB, is one of those sweet superiors you bump in to once in a blue moon, but terribly confusing, that I’d rather smile and nod my head rather than speak and negotaite.

One must work in the GCC, bounded by stupid contracts to know and to feel your actual self worth. One can’t just quit, pack up and walk out, which eventually teaches you sweet diplomacy and how to negotiate subtly, yet powerfully.

The two week stay in Sri Lanka around mid June was surely a treat, though I almost passed out seeing how inflation has taken it’s toll. Something in the UAE was dragging me back and it surely wasn’t the man (who is made to bite the dust once more). For Pete’s sake, who needs an incomplete man when you can drill, drive and do your own plumbing? I pity the next poor soul who dares cross my path, coz if he knows what’s good for him, he wouldn’t.

Can one actually live in the fast-paced world, with a true and genuine hippie soul, is that really possible? I wonder……

Amidst the fact that I do a 5 Km walk back and forth to the supermarket, twice or thrice a week and use a knife as a can opener, just coz they don’t sell the ones I’m used to in this part of the world, this is still the life I choose to live for the next 2 years. I can finally feel the essence of my sweat, blood and tears and the infusion and diffusion of energy to and from my body.

The book is about 30% done and I let it write itself that enforce thoughts, phrases, characters and situations. It is surely better that way, coz I haven’t suffered a writers block in awhile and the outcome seems to be much better than the times you attempt to squeeze creativity out of your system.

Does it take that much courage to say…Hey I have failed, but I rise again ?!?

Thawed Skin & Rusted Hair

It was 5 a.m, but I am feeling colourful and alive. Though it was high time I got some sleep, messing around with hair colour was just what I did next. Three hours of waiting, since I wanted the brown to be a lil more rooted and rustier than usual I hit the showers. The water, which was almost hot to a boiling point, felt as if it was sinking right through my skin & diluting with my blood with ease coz my mind was slowly absorbing the ecstasy the body was emitting, everything looked larger and the white tiles around me looked brighter.

Flashes of a series of incidents that took place last Wednesday were combining themselves together and were now teasingly replaying itself over and over again as if from inside my eyelids, that I dared not open my eyes lest I lose a single precious moment. The water boat & banyan boat rides in Deira, the sun scorching my skin from one side while the wind trying to fight the heat from another, the smooth business meeting which left me with more hope than I ever had for the past one and a half years (clumsy as I am, I spilled half the glass of water which was placed in front of me half way through the presentation, I wish I could erase the memory, though it seems impossible), and finally seeing him after ages and feeling nothing, but joy which deflated to pure disgust within a few seconds and wowing to never see him again. Didn’t he have no dignity? Why would he still be interested after much rudeness and ignorance? Did he just want to prove that he could eventually get in to my pants and that I can be weakened? May be I just keep leading him on, giving a green light just after a red, just like the traffic lights (though without the amber and no warning what-so-ever). May be, just may be, guys like him deserve to be twisted and crumpled like this, though I know too well that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. Alas ! the drama ends today and another one bites the dust! He may be a winner, always used to getting what he wants, when he wants, but this time, with me, he is a loser!

I take another scenic boat ride to Bur Dubai with a single regret of not bringing the camera along (such scenic bliss lost to good old memories, which would eventually be lost forever) ! With a few minutes of walking down the allies strewed with shops filled with ‘penny-wise-pound-foolish’ souvenirs, which fell across the creek, I finally reach the bus station to make my journey back to Al Ain. I buy the ticked and impatiently walk towards the bus to relax my feet, which was by now sore and aching. The figure seated right in front, opposite to the driver's seat looked vaguely (if not quite clearly) familiar. I ignored my instincts and sat right behind the driver’s seat, though there were plenty seats behind it. I watched his every move from the corner of my eye, the way he moved his legs trying to get comfortable, the way his jaws moved though they were clasped tight, while he listened to sum junk from a device plugged in to his ear and how his head kept bobbing back and forth towards my direction every time I fidgeted on my seat (which I enjoyed doing more often than I needed to get comfortable).

His hair was tied into a ponytail, which could be expected of him, though he always wore it short back then, but was it him at all or was it just my imagination? If it was him, what was he doing in Al Ain? So many questions were cooking a stew in my head. I watched him ask the driver to stop when he reached his destination, and I heard his gruff voice reluctantly speak a few words over the phone and it sounded different, though I wished so much that it was him. I dared not look in his direction when he raised himself from the seat and slowly made his way to the door giving himself enough time to take a good look at me. The image of him shall be embedded somewhere in my memory waiting to be brought back to reality when the time is right. Inhaling the energy of the final memory of him doing the weird thing he does with his tongue clicking his teeth, I decide to get out of the shower and put an end to the trauma my skin was going through.

With my skin thawed and my hair rusted, I finally curl up to catch around 4 hours of sleep before I head back to work.

Oh Why Oh Why Did Nudism Have To Die ?!?

After much digging (FYI for months) finally landed on a perfect pair of shoes, which can gracefully pull off both formal as well as informal occasions. Fitting into shoes has always been a nightmare, ever since I remember my growth spurts hollering, ENOUGH! Being a size between a 37 & 38 (6 &7 or was it 7 & 8) and the figure never being consistent has obviously made me cringe every time I get an inevitable desire to treat myself to a pair of shoes or when the (bare) necessity actually arises. Folks who know me well, know that I am the same with clothes (How I end up with so many is yet to be figured out). I don’t know if it’s just for me or for rest of em girls, that they just don’t make clothes or shoes the way they are supposed to be made anymore. Who would want to be wearing a perky brazier, which emphasizes one’s treasured assets with weird seams lying lumpily on the face of it (they seem to not come without them, especially in this part of the world, there’s either the forbidden seam or a pulp of a padding, and mind you with outrageous designs which I wouldn’t be found dead in, Godamit!) Frustration seems to generously overflow similarly when in the lingerie dept. They, which display ‘S’ seem perfect until you actually bye them & try them on where as the ‘M’s seem to go baggy and wobbly as if they have a mind of their own. The free sizes, which come in cute bizarre colours seem to fit perfectly and last long, if I may confess. Arrrghh..the frustration em unworthy decorations bring !

Here I am again, venting my frustration after a useless week of shopping (attempted), wasting a good amount of energy, which should have been reserved. Interestingly enough, I’ve grown passionionate about grocery shopping (though I don’t enjoy carrying the heavy goods home just as much). They definitely seem to make the edibles more appealing than the wearables. I who thought would never learn to cook meat am obsessed with trying out new ways of tenderizing the meat and bringing the flavour out, that I sometimes wonder whether it is because it's simply unethical to go cooking people instead. The art of pounding the meat before marinating has added that extra spiciness I’ve been wanting to bring out (pounding also helps to flush away the anger and frustration you have towards the mean boss or colleague, pound away hoping it’s their head or jaw that's been pulped).

Note : However perfect the shoe may be, it is always a disaster on the first day. With four throbbing blisterson my toes, here I lay in bed.

A Feeling Above All Feelings

If ever I felt hot, sweat, sexy, dreamy with full of desire & longing since I set foot on Arabic soil, it was last night. Who might have been responsible to kindle such a yearning no human has remotely been capable of evoking, none other than the works of F. W. Nietzsche. Though cozily cuddled up in bed, I could vaguely visualize disco balls twirling around me, tingles that made my veins knot & a strange sensation taking over my entire body, soaking me with an unexplainably warm feeling. What brings about this kind of feeling every time I read or hear a good piece of philosophy, I wouldn't know. I wonder if it is merely the philosophy or the fact that there exist men like them philosophers, brave and bold enough to break all rules, step aside from the socially accepted norms, and stand by what they truly believe in.

Bored sick as I am in Al Ain am dying to come back home to catch some action with some real friends. Beautiful as Al Ain is, it is far beyond mundane. Pictures posted below for your viewing pleasure (courtesy of Gatra Waworontu).

The road leading to the top of Jebel Hafeet. The highest man made peak in Al Ain.

A view of Al Ain from the top of the mountains !

Sweet UAE, I Hear You Call My Name

Two in the a.m, up after a short nap and listening to some Arabic tracks, which are burning me inside, coz it reminds me of someone from a couple of years back. Someone I fell head over heals in love with, but held myself back in every way, expressing all my feelings sparingly.

It’s been awhile since I blogged, not due to the lack of time, but due to the lack of energy. Let me give my EVER-SO-VALID reasons to my dearest, darling and beloved friends who are more than ticked off with me for not coming on vacation to SL anytime soon. I’m sorry guys, I have to do this for myself. The stay in UAE has been a much needed one for me to come to terms with plenty things. The distance from the parent types has made me discover multiple strengths within me, strengths I never knew existed. It has also improved my next-to-nothing culinary skills (to international standards ;), taught me to respect humanity regardless of race and shades and given me practical experience on how to co-exist with them.

Another reason for not blogging was the fact that everything that I put into paper came out weak, which contradicted with the strength I felt inside. Even as I write this post, I don’t have the power within me to state most of what I want to say. Even though life is smooth amidst plenty inconveniences (vain as it sounds the fact that I haven’t caressed a set of wheels in over an year is more than a killer and an inconvenience itself), life feels empty in so many inexplainable ways.

Fortunately or unfortunately imprisoned by a contract with no means of switching employers without evading the cursed six-month ban, I feel that I am treated worse than I was treated back in Sri Lanka as an individual from the minority. Studying the twisted (using the mildest lingo possible) UAE labour laws closely whilst having a close watch at the volatile, yet illusionally stabilized economy has opened my eyes towards the real meaning of the “New World Order” as well as the last chapter in the Bible, Revelation. It’s happening right before our eyes, whilst we blindly wait for it all to happen in the future, hoping we’d be spared.

I’ve also seen the worst and the ugliest of human traits within the past year from back stabbing, evil & conniving ways of scrounging one another, disrespecting the very fact that we are all human, absolute stinginess, to absolute dumbness to the point of letting others scrounge you any way they please. Watching people behave like animals depresses me beyond words I cannot explain, it annoys me and leaves me drained for days and the solution not being in my hands burns trenches within me.

Whiney as this post may sound, I swear I am amused by most that goes on in my day-to-day life. This journey would definitely be an experience I would take with me for the rest of my life. A paid adventure in its own way !

Seven Random Things About Me

So I’ve been tagged and I finally find some time to write 'seven random things' about my self.

(1) I am a genuine con artist for all the good reasons ;) Go figure why !
(2) I love mint & chocolate chip ice cream with the whole nut, chocolate and whipped cream combination. One scoop of the above and one scoop of pistachio ice cream from Baskin Robinson can make me happy than any man can ever imagine to make me ;)
(3) I believe in Magic and the Law of attraction, apparently Magic is all about the Law of Attraction :)
(4) I could go without food and water for days, but not without a good read which elevates my spiritual being.
(5) I’ve never climbed a tree, done hard core rock climbing or scuba diving, all of which I yearn to try out sooner than later.
(6) I truly and honestly believe I am blessed, perfect parents, life full of adventure and lessons and the perfect life a hardcore, ruthless, tomboy of a brat could ever yearn for ;)
(7) I hate shopping, but somehow I am loaded with more than enough clothes to choose from, I don’t wear make up and hate it from the bottom of my heart, though I'm guilty as charged for colouring my hair wild and loving every bit of colour dabbed into em strangly strands ;)

Donito ! Phew ! Unfortunately I guess I am left with no one to tag, cause I'm so late in the game :(

Has Toyota Won My Trust?

Personally, I am a Toyota HATER ! But this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hzRLG8dA-E totally changed my perception.

Would 'They' Stab A Corpse To Confirm That It's Dead ?!?

Its almost 3 in the a.m and I can legally abstain from work today as well. A Dhs 5/- taxi ride to 'Al Jimi Hospital' and an half an hour wait to get the nurse’s attention (am I invisible or something)? Then being rejected of a medical certificate due to not having a visiblly high risen temperature (according to their gone wrong thermometer) and been directed to 'Al Massoudi Clinic' which is another DHS 4/- distance and been questioned by the non Engris speaking receptionist if I was a run away school kid (or something to that line). DHS 20/- for entrance (or what ever you call it, I doubt it’s called channeling here) and another good DHS 50/- for issuing of a medical certificate for two days and not forgetting the taxi ride home which was a good DHS 7/-. Woahhh…going to work even if it means having to suffer a death penalty the next day sounds much better and convenient than going through all the above. I am boiling with fever and physically drained, pissed and amused at the same time, which doesn’t feel too sweet.

Watched 6 episodes of ‘My Wife & Kids’, salivating over Daman Wayans and figured out that my hunger for black men would never cease. Why still the yearning when a black hunk was supposed to be all mine? He deserves better, and I am not ready for a full blown body and soul relationship even though I’m head over heals in love with him. The fact that I feel butterflies in my stomach every time he passes me by (damn girl! you are too grown up for that sh**), the fact that he is always on my mind and the fact that I’m trying to come to terms with my reason for running away from every good thing that enters my life (to me) confirms that this guy is something special and I am nothing less than IN LOVE. If he ain’t around by the time I come around, I’ll just have to play wounded puppy and wish him 'LUCK' with 10 afro curly haired menaces who’d make his hair stand straight, drain his pocket and make him look a good 50+ at 30.

Not forgetting to state the fact that I’m utterly bored, lonely and going slightly insane in this strange town, I’m off to get a lil more sleep before I see any sort of light creeping in through the crack of my door.

Evolved & In Love ;)

It is a good 45 minutes past 3 in the a.m and am still up and chirpy doing all kinds of nonsensical things (doing everything but washing my clothes, which is the most annoying and important of all of em ‘must do’s for I’d have to be wearing a soaking wet uniform otherwise).

Tonight there’s just one thing written on my mind, body and soul……….TINGLES! It ain’t immature, it ain’t long distance, it ain’t flaky, but so damn real. I tried running away from it as usual (yeah..as usual), coz that’s the easiest thing to do that stay and face the day, but something saved the day and made me stay and I’m so looking forward to spending every waking second with him and him on my mind.

For once, it ain’t a pretty boy who draws hearts on post-its and speaks nothing about the future. He freaked me out at first, coz the man I saw was real, Afro and oh so fine, which immediately made me feel like a bow without an arrow or a farm without a fence. Love was not in my books, abstinence was the key word, but what the f**k was happening, I can’t let go, lose control, no way not now! I was looking for perfection, when perfection was right in fronta my eyes, perfect and divine and mine!

Fine….so he doesn’t look like the kinda guy who’d be picking wild flowers for me, but yet perfect in every way!

As for the long silence, my creativity has been robbed by external sources, which SHALL be grabbed back in to my system sooner than later. Meanwhile my soul is being nourished by books such as :

(1) The Monk who sold his Ferrari – ‘Robin S. Sharma’
(2) Conversation with God (Volumes 1-3) – ‘Neale Donald Walsch’ [Read em all in order for a clear understanding]
(3) The Road Less Traveled – ‘M. Scott Peck’
(4) (Not forgetting) Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus - ‘John Grey’

These have so far kept me sane, bold, strong and genuine to myself whilst altered my beliefs, values and thinking patterns for the better taking me on to the next step of evolution.

Note : No, the books have by no mean blindly influenced or manipulated my values and virtues, but rather the changes have taken place after plenty testing with my original beliefs.

-To be open to change that moulds you a little more in to who you really are is to evolve, and to be holding on to old rigid ways out of duty and fear is to remain an ignorant fool – (Gobblezygook)

Sheesa Adventure

Rooted and homely as I am, my heart yearns to return home, to enjoy the warmth and love of my wonderful parents and naughty dogs, not forgetting my cranky grandmother, but I wonder if my yearning is correct and would get me anywhere other than farther and farther away from my hopes, dreams, fantasies and desires. Unconsciously or consciously, I have been suffering from the ‘green grass’ syndrome all this while, always desiring what is farthest from me. For once in my life I am enjoying and am fully satisfied and contended with the job I am currently experiencing (It would surprise many who know my nature of employment) and cannot possibly think of myself doing anything else in this doomed country even though it would pay me double or even quadruple of what I am earning right now. It is a beautiful feeling to know that you got the potential within you to climb higher, but yet choose to remain where you are and practice endurance. Having job hopped all my life for once my conscious is forcing me to stay put, that it is more like some kinda something telling me that I have finally found what I would want to keep myself occupied with for a long time (apart from my precious business of course, I wouldn’t give that up for the world, it still runs in my blood and will always run until I say fare thee well to planet earth).

I haven’t had a proper eight hours of sleep for three days, since I finally decided to share the room with another female individual so that I could share the room rent with, which is around SL Rs. 12’000/-, but this idea never gave me the peace of mind or heart. I was finally eager to share the luxury of my territory, to give up my freedom and my peace of mind just in order to save a few mere rupees and it didn’t feel right. As usual, alone as I am, I didn’t have anyone to direct me, share my thoughts or calm me down than my unknown unseen father in heaven. The girl who was supposed to share in sees the room promising me to confirmation today, which never arrived (I was half hoping it wouldn’t), while a restless corner within me kept churning with eagerness to save half the money being used for the purpose of paying the rent. I left the situation in God’s hands and fell into a lovely deep sleep only to wake up feeling relaxed and whole again. Why I am thinking so much about saving would for the reason of running away. What if I wanted to build my life here instead? (I know I would be disappointing many, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do).

From experience, I have come to realize that restlessness within me comes only when my thought pattern contradicts with God’s purpose for my life. Having stated that, my room shall be my room and unshared coz it’s too pretty to be shared and no one deserves it..hmmph ;) and I on the other hand have decided to root myself down in this country for a while, which means that I will be applying for a my license and my dreams of a Mustang GT will be coming true soon.

Posted are some of the pics from the sheesha adventure stated in the previous post (and yes I approve sheesha, but not to the point of addiction, and if one may be wondering, nope I don’t booze and never have got wasted over here and am yet to be touched but a camel’s penis, which is quite a highly unlikely activity to occur).

Life In UAE

It’s almost four long months since I blogged, so finally, here I am still alive and monkeying around with life. Apologies for the long silence, forgotten birthdays and unreplied sms’s & emails (due to valid reasons and unavoidable circumstances). Since I’ve been questioned too much about my life and happenings over here (by loved ones and curious stalkers) let me fill you in with the juicy bits and pieces (like how many men I’ve slept with so far and how big their circumcised penises were compared to the guys in Lanka;)

Work

I’d like to keep my place of work discreet due to reasons beyond my control (at least for awhile), and please, those who know, hush up and try not to state it on this page (thou shall see the reason why in a few months).

Work has made me a stronger person as well as made me realize through experience that what doesn’t kill you can surely make you stronger. It has made me grow triceps and biceps in my own lil way and made me 20 times stronger than any gym in Lanka could have ever made me in a coupla years.

Accommodation

The first month was spent in a luxurious star hotel, covered in warm blankets, bubble bath for a cozy soaks, free baskets of fruits every other day and a television all for myself (em little blessing mean a lot when alone in a God forsaken country). The last three months are spent in a little room of my own, right opposite the place of work (which is not company sponsored, for your information). It has a little kitchen and an equally tiny, but cozy toilet. Was sharing the place with another Sri Lankan girl (a friend I found for life), who unfortunately left a couple of days back on a transfer to Dubai to be with her husband. The place is all mine, all mine, for a sum of DHS 800/- per month. Got the kitchen fully equipped a few days back with lil blessings like a rice cooker, electric kettle and a hot plate and cute lil pots, pans and utensils, bright, colourful and pretty, and OH BLY ME ! Judy girl is a kitchen Goddess…WOHOO! I have never known freedom like this and am enjoying every second of it. I’ve been accused muchly for paying such a big sum for the room and for refusing to share it with someone, but guess I value my freedom and my peace of mind than the mere DHS 400/- which I might save by taking someone in.

Food

Other than my glorious cooking, food is CRAP down here. Hardees, Fish World, Pizza Hut, Indian and Arabic restaurants, ADNOC (24 hour mini markets in fuel stations)…hmmmm I could list a gazillion names and yet not list one outlet who’s food are palatable for us Sri Lankans. Everything I have eaten so far is sweet, bland, flat, creamy, cheesy or utterly disgusting. You ask them to make something spicy and they add barbeque sauce, “Lord have mercy on their poor innocent souls, for they have not tasted real chilly”!

Entertainment

There’s not much of an entertainment in Al Ain except for one fairly happening club, at Rotana and two others which I haven’t even attempted visiting. It’s quite a dead city in terms of entertainment, places to visit and things to do. Nine hours a day of six days of the week is spent at work and the remaining time is spent, sleeping, roaming around a few malls, exploring new gadget shops, book stores and in my room writing, attempting to cook, clean or get a lil shut eye.

Love Life

To be honest, there is not one interesting dude to eyeball at. I either look desperate or butt ugly that I keep getting asked out by old farts in white gowns who surely look way past their years of sound health. I’ve screamed at a few, but then figured out that acting dumb and pretending to not understand them was the best way to evade the situation, not like they speak Engris anyway and the little bit they speak comes out as gibberish, that I understand none anyway.

I’ve met a few intriguing people while at work, like writers who are researching about the lost treasures of Arabic intellectuality, teachers who spend beautiful simple lives, Businessmen who seem to be racing against time, cute local guys who seem to be cute as hell and jobless just as well and women who are pretty on the outside, with glimmer and shine but empty or shallow on the inside. The most interesting of em all was an Indian guy, all the way from Delhi, who was something different. He sure spoke a different language to what I’ve been hearing the past few months, refined, spanking classy, yet simple. I never caught his name, but had a lil chat and managed to take a peak at the big fat book he was buried in for quite a long time, which was about some civilization shit. That’s as far as meeting interesting individuals go.

That’s about it form my side of the world, boring and uneventful for the time being, which is definitely going to change in due course (sooner than I thought it would). I am home sick all ready, and am sure trying my best to accomplish my mission of coming here at the earliest and return to beautiful Lanka, to enjoy the comfort of the green green grass of home.

Glorious UAE

Geez, I miss blogging. Just managed to chill down and access the net, and yes, I am more than in one piece and kicking. I'm assigned to work away from the Dubai city, therefore life is so not on the fast lane, but BOY ! aren't I having a ball. I've been spending the past month in a star hotel (obviously paid for by the company) and finally am shifting to a room of my own next week. It is truely an adventure that is gonna change my life forever.

I finally found a super cool Evangalical Church today, and that made my entire day go brighter than it already was :)

So-Long, Until I get my own computer and blog in peace.

A Cure For The Crippling Disease - Loneliness !

(A post made on request, I hope It looks less gibberish to you than it really is :)

No Nooo, I ain’t feeling anything even close to loneliness. Right now, I’m too high on life to feel anything as boring as that. But, yes, I know what that feels like; it ain’t a nice feeling, not at all. It drives you to do crazy things and sometimes to tears. It is a powerful feeling which could bring out the best in you if you climb on top of it and holler at it to go your way, or you could let it overwhelm you and trod you all over, wrap you around it’s little finger and fling you over the edge.

It is us who make our emotions slaves or masters, just that we don’t realize that we are blessed with greater power than any of the emotions we feel. I honestly thought that us humans are made up of emotions (and emotions alone) and that the soul was a mixed pickle of all our emotions and characteristics wrapped up tight in a tasty jar. But a deeper understanding and a realization about the ability to stand above any emotion I feel (good or bad) has made me understand that one can actually exist without them (even though that would make one cold, rigid and uninteresting). So here we are back again at stirring up emotions and as for loneliness, we can jolly well eradicate it by letting another ‘feel-good’ emotion overpower it.

It’s crazy as to how much I hate everything that goes behind technology, but think that life is very similar to a coded HTML page. All functions that take place on the face of it depends on the formulas embedded at the back of it. A correctly coded page functions without hiccups. Even a beautifully designed page can be of disgrace if the coding is messed up.

A little heart to heart conversation with a handful of people is enough to make you realize that 99.9% of the people are geared up with loneliness and are actively looking for that special someone to put a smile on their face and take that sinking feeling away. Little do they know that they are making a terrible mistake and it surely ain’t surprising that these kind of relationships end on a disastrous note. They are not happy with casual friendships, even though they have more than a sufficient number of friends to commune with and lovely families to hold their back, they turn a blind eye to all of them and choose to feel miserable and lonely instead. Why? Because the present gear he/she is on, builds up a void, which can only be filled with the deep, intimate sensual kind of relationship he/she is yearning for. They do not take the time to get to know the potential-other and is all go for a fast paced Hollywood romance. From hello to a kiss, to caressing and straight towards heated up action. One may even have strong policies against this sort of procedure, but yet at that moment it seems beyond their control to do anything about the drive that leads them to act foolish and immature. It gets difficult to think about long-term consequences, coz the only priority that twirls in their mind is finding the present cure for the sting they feel. Little do they know that the void only gets bigger and deeper once the burning hot and happening romance comes to an end. The grand finale would be the individual falling in and out of relationships (I dare not say love), for all the wrong reasons, not even realizing that they are only trapped in a vicious cycle.

There is not much of a solution to offer a person feeling lonely and down in the dumps since they are not equipped to attentively listen, let alone absorb any other solution than a quick fix for the brokenness they feel. But if they are willing to listen and correct the gone wrong codes within them, it is definitely a possible task to feel fulfilled and complete by oneself.

A Simple and Practical Solution

Step 1
Expose yourself to light, open the windows of your home, draw back the blinds, let the sunshine pour down on you. Darkness and gloominess adds to any kind of misery. It’s almost a universal law that none can feel sad whilst staring at the sun.

Step 2
Redirect you energies towards something you are passionate about, but make sure it is PRODUCTIVE. Choose something, which is personal, can be done by your self and can be enjoyed. (Charity, gardening, writing, reading, trying a new sport, sewing, painting, designing, woodwork, pottery, cooking, higher education, working out etc…Pardon me for not including sex, booze, smoke, gaming and movie addiction, they don’t qualify).

It is helpful to choose a variety of them and include an activity, which drains the excess physical energy growing fat and slouchy between our veins.

(I have a notion that we humans are not created for the 21st century. Depression and loneliness were certainly scarce amongst the cave men, because their energies were directed towards physical exertions and didn’t have much time to feel sorry for themselves).

Step 3
Take this opportunity to get to know yourself, whilst you are trying your hands on new and forgotten activities. This would be an ideal time since you will be having less time to focus on your misery and might have a good chance at focusing on your assets and positive traits instead, in order to build up the fallen self esteem. Train yourself to enjoy the small blessings waiting to be noticed by you.

Step 4
By now, your sleepless nights would have come to a minimum, so do focus on a balanced life, which includes, sufficient nutrition, exercise and plenty sleep (don’t feel guilty to sleep, sleep is good, there really is no problem unless otherwise that’s all you do).

Step 5
Now that you are comfortable under your own skin, chill down and take the time to genuinely get to know the old friends you have been ignoring because of your misery as well as the new friends you make.

* Do not get in to unwanted intimate relationships until you have fully cleansed yourself and are strong enough to not fall back in to the lonely pits of gloominess.

Yearning for companionship is perfectly natural. We are beautifully created to have deep connections with the opposite sex (and the opposite sex alone).

--> And the Lord said “ It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs” - (Genesis 2 :18)

It was easier for the cavemen to build deeper relationships than the self-proclaimed fools of the 21st century coz their needs were basic and their functions were clearly understood by each individual. The men hunted and protected while the women gathered and nurtured. But we, who demand masculinity from a female and femininity from a male, need to be on steady grounds before we pursue searching for that PERFECT heart that beats parallel to ours.

How Confidential is Confidential?

One is bombarded with a gazillion ultra personal and highly confidential questions when obtaining bank a account, phone connection, insurance, lease etc., but what assurance do we have that all the information we provide are confidential as they say it is?

I had lost faith in the biggest GSM provider in Sri Lanka to keep my information confidential long ago. Some one who had my mobile number indirectly or directly had access to my full name, age, the company I worked for, address and my home phone number. This wasn’t the only instance, there was a twice, thrice and plenty more times, that I have given up keeping count of them.

The latest is to do with the biggest (me thinks) vehicle insurance provider. A bloke sees me a couple of times in a parking lot, he notes down my vehicle number, gives it off to the big shot uncle who happens to work in the above mentioned insurance company (obviously since most vehicles are insured with them, he decides to try his luck…hmmmphh) and tells him that it’s a long lost friend’s vehicle, and he needs the number to get in touch. The big shot uncle happily divulges the mobile number (which is a connection from the biggest GSM provider, which indirectly means that I have no assurance about the rest of my information being handed out on a platter to the goggle eyed boy). The boy calls, I play harsh, (he sure had me making sour faces at hello), and explains about how he got about obtaining my phone number, I am amused, very amused, almost hysterical, but at the same time very angry and jittery for the reason that I had plenty regards towards the insurance company involved.

What if the niece of the big shot was a gone wrong thug with a serious case of OCD? The ‘he wants it and he gets it type’, who’d go the distance and make plenty trouble to get what he wants. I could jolly well sue the insurance company, but it just ain’t of any use. I can only express my utter disgust at how well managed the so-called big shot companies are. This sort of action coming from the lower end of the company can be blamed upon the newcomers who have no idea (or rather are not bothered) bout the company / service ethics and policies, but this sort of action coming from the top management is absolutely shocking.

So much for confidentiality in Sri Lanka !