The Ordeal Down Pettah

I reluctantly undertook a local deal a friend palmed on to me. Local deals always require a number of filthy trips down Pettah (Reclamation Rd, 2nd cross street, 3rd cross street, Main street to name a few) to catch up with me suppliers.

I usually make sure that my ass is well covered and I that look like I am draped in sack cloth, which I didn’t bother with this time. Covered or revealed, I still used to get harassed in the past; due to the wrangly Afro hair I had, which was tainted with colour. (Conclusion : Em perverts are gonna harass me anyway)

Parked the dinky toy at the fish market car park (where I was forced to park it in the dingiest corner, which was covered with crow shit and fish scales) and made our way slowly towards 2ndCross Street. Daddy dearest was as usual galloping a few miles in front of me, begging him to go slow was just not gonna work, he’d forget and start galloping all over again…Hmmm. We reach the dingy alleys and I’m already panting. I can clearly hear comments from “Ahhh sexy’ to Tamil and Singhalese songs about love and I just can’t help grinning, (keeping a straight face has never been my forte) but it annoys me at the same time as to how exposed they can make a woman feel.

I walked down the filthy streets trying my best to avoid, betel dribble, pure saliva, food particles, muck and heavily loaded carts charging straight at me, whilst trying to keep up with my Dad. It sure was a horrible and frustrating experience, especially since my friend kept changing the specifications of the goods he required….Argh!!!

My ultra smart Dad suggested we take a shorter route back to the car park….grrrrrr…the so called shorter route was more congested than the rest of the roads, more gross and sure accommodated more perverted men. I was freaked out about my ass being pinched (I half expected a lil scene coz I had already hit boiling point with all the comments and wanted to smash some loser’s face with my humungous bag (malla).

I drove out of the wretched hellhole swearing to never sight it again as well as to never undertake local deals.

The Mega Mystery, Finally Solved !!!

My Sweet Ex-Ma-In-Law calls me yesterday for official reasons, but the conversation as usual takes it turn to speaking about her son. I wonder to me self if she thinks I’m a traitor and whether it looks like I dumped her kid out of sheer bitchiness. I slowly pick up courage and mumble junk about what happened last. I pick up more courage and at a snail's pace tell her that I have something to clarify about a series of emails I stole from him 2 years back. She sounds relieved, and says she wants to clarify something in the same line with me. Appointments were made to meet her up at her office to compare notes.

I feel nervous and yet all exuberant and hyper at the same time, while I crookedly park the car right in the middle of the road and dash upstairs to her office. I can finally know the truth and move on with my dear life. My palms are sweating and so are my feet. I nervously go and wait outside till she is done with a telephone conversation. I dash in to her cozy room the minute she calls my name (hugs and kisses…mmmvah). I’m wondering how to start the whole thing (I am sure convinced that he is sexually inclined the wrong way, but it is her that I am worried about, does she already know? If not how will she take it?). She is one amazing lady, the M-I-L of my dreams :)

I begin by showing her the mails, and explaining about the three-year on-off relationship we had (without a spec of intimacy). She begins sharing the lil bit of info she has, sms’s from guys, (overheard) telephone conversations he has with guys till the break of dawn, rumours, incidents from the past. It is definite now that her son ain’t straight; she couldn’t cope up and eventually breaks down. It ain’t anything new to me, but I heave a sign of relief, coz the suspense, suspicions and insecurities were hauled away. I felt renewed to know that all this wasn’t my fault.

Even as I drive out of there, I search my soul and question the past. What did we have? What exactly did he feel every time he said “Love U”? What did the gazillion tapes he made for me, mean? Did he deceive me, Did I feel deceived? How did this go on for three years? Do I still feel the same kind of love for him now, after all this drama? YES, without a shadow of a doubt. Untainted, uncorrupted LOVE in it’s purest form. Will I ever experience it all over again?

I remember one time when we fell asleep after aimlessly staring at a coupla movies, he grips the bedcover, hides his face in the pillow and muttered, “I can’t give you what I want”. Even though I pretend not to understand, I did, but I simple didn’t care. Just sitting therewith him meant the world to me. It didn’t matter that we didn’t hold hands and it didn’t matter that I didn’t feel desired. All that mattered was what I saw in him, a beautiful creature staring back at me…Hmmmm

I move on only coz I must. Come what may, he will still hold that special place in my heart, BUT I’m finally free from all the baggage that burdened my soul, free to love again and live again :)

My Munkey, Solitude & Holiness

The past few weeks have been tremendously crazy. Life has been moving extremely fast, events just zapping in fronta my eyes that I just couldn’t seem to keep track of much. Added to that, I’m feeling absurdly exhausted, the breaks of the car are throwing a tantrum of it’s own, the weather is changing, making my limbs crackle and I’m bogged down with heaps of "exceptionally" (meant to sound sarcy) creative assignments. I ain’t grumbling too much, coz amidst all of these; I am still having a time of my life.

Finally called my “munkey” on his show yesterday, keeping away all my pride. All I wanted to do was say Hi and I’m glad I did so (thanks to all the convincing Jeramz did). Realized today that he is still the same, his attitudes have just got the better of him…arrgghhh !!! Heard one of his fellow DJ’s make a catty comment about his sexuality after playing a equally catty song. It was sort of a cryptic message, and only the ones who knew him well would get it…hmmmm…It hurts, but guess not as much as it did when he meant a lil more than a friend. I suddenly went in to a nostalgic trance yesterday and unpacked all the pics of “me lil munkey” from the “Taboo Box” and em memoirs kept streaming back. What we had was never a relationship, what was I thinking? It was far beyond that. I would move on, just the way I decided to do, there’s no turning back coz it is not in God’s plans for me.

I had almost 3 hours to kill before picking up Mummy dearest, after doing lunch with me new found buddy Waj. I wished Sri Lanka had more chill out joints with better (lighter) snacks. I desperately wanted to get away & curl up with a book & be by myself without having to stuff myself (as I was absolutely full to the point where I couldn’t comfortably inhale or exhale) but couldn’t figure out any place in Colombo to do so (K...I wanted to hide that to chill) :)

Paradise Road – Either stuff ones self or wonder about
Baristas – More stuffing
Commons – Bah! They got no comfy chairs to sit on. Nah, one can’t really chill and drift away there.

I just couldn’t think of any other place. Book shopping was just not an option, coz I couldn’t find parking in any of my booka-picka joints. Outa sheer frustration I finally slapped all thoughts of solitude on the face and boggied off to Sensei, to drive em old buddies up the hedge with my ranting…hehehe.

Tiring, but a productive day. Loved the class at the Seminary with Mr.Ivor Poobalan who is an awesome lecturer. My “AHA” for today actually came from him.

Holy = Set apart
According to Mr. Poobalan, one becomes Holy the minute he decides to follow Jesus it is only an enhancement of holiness there after. It just amuses me how lil people know about holiness and babble about how “I believe in God, but I ain’t Holy” or “ I believe in Jesus, but I am not religious”. Thank God I understood it’s meaning, sooner than later (& pweeese...I don't expect ppl to know the meaning either) :)
God Bless Ya (",)

Mentally Deranged? Am I? :)

This week has been amazingly fulfilling, though I’m still struggling to catch up with completing my assignments. These assignments from Bible College are amazing; every question leads me to a brand new answer, an answer that has never crossed my mind before. I never get to finish em assignments completely in one sitting coz, the minute I start researching, its time to ponder, unlearn and learn em new and fascinating stuff I come across.

Yesterday, some one called me a mentally deranged, retard that needs to see a psychiatric. He called me an utter disgrace to the entire Christian religion. A part of me really wanted to hit him hard (that’s me old self trying to break free), but I genuinely felt, honoured and tickled to the core, that I just couldn’t stop laughing at the situation. I learnt me lesson hard and fast yesterday. When I’m burdened by the Holy spirit to keep my distance from certain people, I’d rather obey and pray for them so that the eyes of their heart would be open to see the mighty one, to know him and to love him, instead of befriending them “Never step in to the battlefield before the Captain signals, loud & clear” (Nah, I never argue about religion or truth unless I am challenged or forced to, I feel bad coz this dude, started it and provoked himself, when he ran outa rebuttals to combat) Geez, how careful can one be?

I remember having a lil discussion with my Mentor around bout this time last year. I remember looking at him blank on the face and muttering accusations of how bad and insecure he was making me feel. He was explaining about the purpose of life and the purpose of any project for that matter. I was provoked, coz I didn’t know where I was going or what I wanted to do and never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would ever find my purpose. I remember walking out of his office all drained out and fagged, as if the whole world was on me shoulders. I lost all-purpose and the tad bit of aggressive ambitious restlessness I had in 2003, when the first dude I ever really loved ditched me in style (stupid silly me thought that it was the end of the world). Now I’m glad that he did what he did that day, coz what ever hopes n’ dreams I had back then wasn’t even close to the true purpose of life I have now. Hadn’t that happened and hadn’t I lost my way, I’d still be lost or probably six feet under with my soul jigging up in Hell.

This Monday as I was as usual doing some daily research and looking for my “AHA” for the day & stuff for an assignment, I came across some interesting stuff about how the bible changes lives. Pasted below is my own version of it, which I compiled for the assignment.

Quote from the assignment…..
The Bible Changes Lives

Unlike other religions and religious books, the Bible is backed up by facts and can be put to the test. Whilst the Bible claims to fill the spiritual void that is within every human being, believing in Jesus miraculously answers life’s most probing questions by giving one a genuine identity, purpose and destiny (which every human being is yearning to find, the believers having found it, the skeptics still continue the search) J

Identity – Who we are?

Our identity crisis finally ends since we realize that we are created in Gods image. We can now fearlessly think, love and communicate with God and get to know him.

Purpose – Why am I here?

Instead of walking through life aimlessly, we can now be assured that we are created to love God and enjoy Him and His creation forever. God sure communicates through the Bible about our code of conduct and what is required of us.

Destiny – Where am I going?

We are blessed with the assurance of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ, a promise to live in His presence forever. One does not have to be terrified of death, since there is a greener pasture beyond it,

There have been many instances where people who set out to disapprove the Bible ended up becoming believers themselves. The message of God’s love and forgiveness through Jesus Christ still keeps changing lives today.
Unquote……

I sure was in tears when I realized that I had it all now, in HIM. I had successfully found my purpose and am steadily hippety hopping towards my destiny, never realizing I was doing so. What more could I ask for?

-> Be Strong & courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31 : 6)

The So Called Valentine's Day

What commercial and cultural propaganda presents as beautiful is rooted in ugly paganism but most blind followers do not know. They are just blind followers of their equally blind cultural leaders. Little do they realize that what they consider as innocent fun may in fact be rooted in paganism. That the symbols they embrace may be symbols of unbelief. That the ideas they borrow may be products of superstition.

Valentines Day was originally created as a substitute. Centuries before Christ, the pagan Romans celebrated February 15 and the evening of February 14 as an idolatrous and sensuous festival in honor of the pagan god “Lupercus”, the "hunter of wolves" by holding a lottery where the names of willing teenage girls were placed in a box and drawn at random by teenage men. By this lottery a young man was assigned a young woman companion for their mutual pleasure (often sexual) for the duration of a year. The Romans called the festival the "Lupercalia."

When Constantine made Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire there was some talk in church circles of discarding this pagan free-for-all. But the Roman citizens wouldn't hear of it! So it was agreed that the holiday would continue as it was, except for the more grossly sensual observances.

It was not until the reign of Pope Gelasius that the holiday became a "Christian" custom. As far back as 496, Pope Gelasius outlawed the Lupercian festival, but cleverly retained the lottery, because he was aware of the Roman’s love for games of chance. But now instead of names of women in the box, there were placed names of saints.

Who Was the Original "St. Valentine"?
Valentine was a common Roman name. Roman parents often gave the name of their children in honor of the famous man who was first called Valentine in antiquity. That famous man was Lupercus, the hunter. But who was Lupercus? - and why should he have also borne the name Valentine among the heathen Romans?

The Greeks called Lupercus by the name of "Pan". The Semites called Pan "Baul," according to the Classical Dictionaries. Baal - mentioned so often in the Bible - was merely another name for Nimrod, "the mighty hunter" ( Genesis 10:9) It was a common proverb of ancient time that Nimrod was "the MIGHTY hunter before the Lord." Nimrod was their hero - their strong man - their VALENTINE!

How plain that the original Valentine was Nimrod, the mighty hunter of wolves. Yet another of Nimrod's names was "Sanctuc" or "Santa", meaning Saint. It was a common title of any hero-god. No wonder that the Roman Lupercalia is called "St. Valentine's Day"!
But why do we associate HEARTS on a day in honor of Nimrod - the Baal of the Phoenicians and Semites?

The surprising answer is that the pagan Romans acquired the symbol of the heart from the Babylonians. In the Babylonian tongue the word for heart was "bal" (Strong's Concordance Number H1168). The heart - bal - was merely a symbol of Nimrod - the Baal! or Lord of the Babylonians!

Executed at Rome
Nimrod - the original St. Valentine - was also known as Saturn, the Roman-Babylonian god who hid from his pursuers in a secret place. The Latin word Saturn is derived from the Semitic speaking Babylonians. It means "be hid," "hide self," "secret," "conceal." The original Semitic (Hebrew) word, from which the Latin Saturn is derived, is used 83 times in the Old Testament (see Young's Concordance under "Sathar," also "sether").

According to ancient tradition, Saturn (Nimrod) fled from his pursuers to Italy. The Apenine mountains of Italy were anciently named the mountains of Nembrod or Nimrod. Nimrod briefly hid out at the site where Rome was later built. The ancient name of Rome, before it was rebuilt in 753 B.C. was Saturnia - the site of Saturn's (Nimrod's) hiding. There he was found and slain for his crimes. Later, professing Christians in Constantine's day made Nimrod - the St. Valentine of the heathen- a Saint of the Church and continued to honor him under the name of a Christian martyr.

Why February 14?
But why should the Romans have chosen February 15 and the evening of February 14 to honor Lupercus - the Nimrod of the Bible? (Remember that day in ancient times began at sunset the evening before.)

Nimrod - Baal or sun god of the ancient pagans - was said to have been born at the winter solstice. In ancient time the solstice occurred on January 6 and his birthday therefore was celebrated on December 25 and now called Christmas. It was the custom of antiquity for, the mother of a male child to present herself for purification on the fortieth day after January 6 - Nimrod's original birthdate - takes us to February 15, the celebration of which began on the evening of February 14 - the Lupercalia or St. Valentine's Day.

On this day in February, Semiramis, the mother of Nimrod, was said to have been purified and to have appeared for the first time in public with her son as the original "mother and child."
The Roman month February, in fact, derives its name from the februa which the Roman priests used in the rites celebrated on St. Valentine's Day. The febru were thongs from the skins of sacrificial animals used in rites of purification on the evening of February 14.

Cupid Makes His Appearance

(A cute chubby cherub known as mischievous Jinn disguised as a winged child armed with bow and arrows. In western culture he shot darts of desire into the bosoms of both pretend gods and humans causing them to all deeply in love. In ancient Greece he was know as Eros the young son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. To the Roman’s he was Cupid, and his mother was Venus).

Another name for the child Nimrod was "Cupid" - meaning "desire" (Encyclopedia Britannica, article "Cupid"). It is said that when Nimrod's mother saw him, she lusted after him - she desired him. Nimrod became her Cupid - her desired one - and later her Valentine! So evil was Nimrod's mother that it is said she married her own son! Inscribed on the monuments of ancient Egypt are inscriptions that Nimrod (the Egyptians called him Osiris) was "the husband of his mother."

As Nimrod grew up, he became the child-hero of many women who desired him. He was their Cupid! In the Book of Daniel he is called the "desire of women" ( Dan. 11:37). Moffatt translates the word as Tammuz - a babylonian name of Nimrod. He provoked so many women to jealousy that an idol of him was often called the "image of jealousy" ( Ezekiel 8:5). Nimrod, the hunter, was also their Valentine - their strong or mighty her! No wonder the pagans commemorated their hero-hunter Nimrod, or Baal, by sending heartshaped love tokens to one another on the evening of February 14 as a symbol of him.

Nimrod, the son of Cush the Ethiopian, was later a source of embarrassment to the pagans of Europe. They didn't want an African to worship. Consequently, they substituted a supposed son of Nimrod, a white child named Horus, born after the death of Nimrod. This white child then became a "fair Cupid" of European tradition.

Red Rose
The rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Red is a color that stands for strong feelings. This is why the red rose is a flower for Valentine’s.

It is about time we examined these customs of the pagans now falsely labeled Christian. It is time we quit this Roman and Babylonian foolishness - this idolatry - and these pagan customs in memory of Baal the sun god.

End of all Oppressions – Spiritual Warfare - The Battle Begins

Blogging sure has taken the backseat these days. Life was pulled apart and scattered till last Friday. There was a dark cloud that I just couldn’t shake off my life. I tried everything, rebuking all evil in His name, burning all dark objects that I possessed that gave any legal right for the evil one to inflict me…etc….but nothing seems to be working.

My eating habits had changed drastically (I am naturally a poor eater; never could I eat more, unless of course life’s pressures throw me in to a bulimic pang). I was eating like a hound that has been starved a decade. Later found out that it had freaked my Mum as well…hehehe I noticed a change in my breathing, it was heavier than usual. Even though I was my usual hyper self, there was a horrible sense of darkness following me around (which I couldn’t comprehend or shake off) making me quite boisterous, annoyed and short tempered (which I’m usually not, unless some moron really dares piss me)

After fini reading “Unbroken Curses - by Rebecca Brown” I figured what exactly I was going through. Friday morning turned out to be the most glorious and amazing days of my life.

I took authority over all dark forces and rebuked them in Jesus precious name. I submitted my case in my Masters court to end all afflictions I was going through. I had no talk or business with the evil one, but I cried out to my Master “Enough is Enough” I can’t take it any more; It’s time he banishes the “dark one” from my life for good. I asked him to reveal any grey or dark areas in my life where I had given legal rights to be afflicted.

It was amazing. Even as I prayed, I broke in to tears; I saw a bright light even as I was closing my eyes. I didn’t know why I was crying, but it felt like a one to one conversation with my Master. I was crying quite loud, but amazingly enough, no one in the house-hold heard me (just what I prayed for). I didn’t wanna stop, coz it was too good to be true. That was the best conversation I’ve ever had.

Note :- [The reason for the change in my attitudes could have been a due to a transferring of spirits, during a deliverance session (not done by me, but was initialized by me) ]

Miraculously, my eating habits changed back to normal, my heavy breathing stopped, and a sense of peace reigned over the entire house and my life. The dark cloud had completely disappeared.

Even my parents fond it hard to believe all I’m saying, I don’t expect them to understand me right now. Most of my friends seem worried about me. Others think that it is my imagination.

“If I say that I am free (in Him) who will BELIEVE” ?!?

I say to you, sure I am weak and puny. I am nothing but a useless speck of dust, hardly visible for one’s naked eye. Stop looking at me; look at the mighty one within me instead.

All things are possible in his name. He is my fortress, my providence, my friend and my all. He who lead me all the way will never lead me in to a ditch, even if he does, he will make sure that I land on soft moss. He who brought me so far surely wouldn’t let me down now.

--> He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40 : 29)

--> “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29 :11)

A Pack of Smokes and a Shoulder to cry on :(

Life has been absolutely trying since last Wednesday. It all started with me overhearing some nasty, untrue gossips about me and ended with friends, the not so known and family pissing me off. Today was the explosion day, didn't even wanna get up and drive Mum to work, didn't speak with anyone at home, have been snapping at almost everyone and sleeping a lot the past few days, just to avoid conflict. I just couldn’t snap out from the dark mood I was carrying around.

The conflict was so horrible today, that all I wanted to do was get my hands on a pack of smokes, sit in a corner, cry to me hearts content and smoke (That’s what I would have done a year back), but finally settled for Lollipops (Couldn’t help laughing at myself)

Its almost 10 p.m and I seem to be a lot more chilled than I was in days. Hope my mood changes for the better sooner than later, before I manage to snap at the whole world and get everyone pissed at moi.

Note : No Pasan, I ain’t manic depressive. Common I’m only human. I have the right to be pissed and down just like the rest of em goons….hmmmphhh