It’s been three months since we shifted to the jungles and I still haven’t settled in a regular church. I was just loaded with numerous choices, which weren’t satisfying. Choosing a church to belong should be done as cautiously as getting married (“,). There are bound to be terrible issues if the spirit of the church doesn’t cross paths by any means. They must agree on their belifs and interpretations to a level the worshiper is comfortable and at home at the place of worship.
Woke up late and missed my first choice for a place of worship. Then called Chris to find out if I could tag along to her place of worship, but unfortunately (or fortunately) she had decided to make it to the early morning service instead. I was determining to make it to church by hook or by crook, coz I was pretty low without em spiritual food and yearned for some of it. I wanted to hear loud and clear that God loved me. It may sound funny (it does to me) that I have to go looking for people to reassure about God’s love for me, when we claim him to be creator of the universe, but it is comforting to know that great Kings like “Sir-David-I-Killed-Goliath” had there moments when they felt distant from God and sure felt equally traumatized. The beauty of the psalms is how the great king amidst all his moaning and groaning always comes around and glorifies God’s name for saving him from the muck he has got himself in to.
The course “Genesis” made me realize that even the greatest characters were muckups, even though God chose to use them mightily. Something “Ivor Poobalan” said got deeply rooted in my mind. He pointed out how Jacob wrestled with God until he was blessed. I think he half jokingly mentioned about how we too must not let go of God just like the grabber Jacob. The story of Jacob is hilarious, when you really look closely at it. The guy seems to be portrayed as a born grabber. He was pining for this certain blessing, which was to be passed on by his father, that he goes to the extent of deceiving his father (and thereby his brother) in order to get it.
Getting back to yesterday, I got dressed and decided to go to the next available church at Colpetty (Hmmm…35Km drive) never expecting anything else than a good message to keep me pumped up for the next week. Pumped up I am ! I felt like Jacob, I really did. I have been crying out for a blessing, a special blessing from God all this while, and this feeling of having that moment come closer than ever before swept over me. The gentleman (I’d like to keep him anonymous for while) who was conducting the service was someone God has blessed abundantly in the same area. He had been lifted to greater heights in a miraculous way. Yesterday was my day of wrestling with God, I wanted to run and hide from the crowd and have a real verbal battle, but I sat there like a plum lil pudding and kept observing this special man of God.
I’m sure I looked weird, but I couldn’t help it, coz there was a raving conflict going on inside me. I remember finally speaking up to God, saying; “God, in front of me stands a man you have blessed and lifted up, I want the same blessing and I ain’t gonna leave until you bless me”. I don’t really go up to the front to get prayed for, coz I believe that God is my very own father and I don’t need a middle man to pray for me or do any muck like that, but at that moment, a still small voice gently spoke to me, urging me to make it to the front. I decided not to tell the guy why I was at the front, coz I knew God would speak to him the same, if God accepted my desire and was ready to really bless me.
All I did was go up to him and say “You know what I am here for?” and he aid yes and laid an anointing on me. He used the word ‘anointing’, which was like a confirmation that God has heard my cries and decided to let me have the same blessing. I had never been ‘filled with the holy spirit’ without shrieks and cries, but yesterday was different. I felt very radiant and filled with something joyful. I couldn’t help grinning even as I slowly steadily collapsed. I felt glorious, or even more, a feeling that no words can explain. I wonder if the gentleman who blessed me knew that he did to me, what Isaac finally did to Jacob, pass on “THE” blessing. May be someday I’d ask him.
He asked me if I was going to a church anywhere, and when I said yes, he casually said that I should come here instead. Wohoooo…so I finally belong to a church I really really like and are in par with my belief system. Liberal and right (in my eyes). What more could I ask for?
Woke up late and missed my first choice for a place of worship. Then called Chris to find out if I could tag along to her place of worship, but unfortunately (or fortunately) she had decided to make it to the early morning service instead. I was determining to make it to church by hook or by crook, coz I was pretty low without em spiritual food and yearned for some of it. I wanted to hear loud and clear that God loved me. It may sound funny (it does to me) that I have to go looking for people to reassure about God’s love for me, when we claim him to be creator of the universe, but it is comforting to know that great Kings like “Sir-David-I-Killed-Goliath” had there moments when they felt distant from God and sure felt equally traumatized. The beauty of the psalms is how the great king amidst all his moaning and groaning always comes around and glorifies God’s name for saving him from the muck he has got himself in to.
The course “Genesis” made me realize that even the greatest characters were muckups, even though God chose to use them mightily. Something “Ivor Poobalan” said got deeply rooted in my mind. He pointed out how Jacob wrestled with God until he was blessed. I think he half jokingly mentioned about how we too must not let go of God just like the grabber Jacob. The story of Jacob is hilarious, when you really look closely at it. The guy seems to be portrayed as a born grabber. He was pining for this certain blessing, which was to be passed on by his father, that he goes to the extent of deceiving his father (and thereby his brother) in order to get it.
Getting back to yesterday, I got dressed and decided to go to the next available church at Colpetty (Hmmm…35Km drive) never expecting anything else than a good message to keep me pumped up for the next week. Pumped up I am ! I felt like Jacob, I really did. I have been crying out for a blessing, a special blessing from God all this while, and this feeling of having that moment come closer than ever before swept over me. The gentleman (I’d like to keep him anonymous for while) who was conducting the service was someone God has blessed abundantly in the same area. He had been lifted to greater heights in a miraculous way. Yesterday was my day of wrestling with God, I wanted to run and hide from the crowd and have a real verbal battle, but I sat there like a plum lil pudding and kept observing this special man of God.
I’m sure I looked weird, but I couldn’t help it, coz there was a raving conflict going on inside me. I remember finally speaking up to God, saying; “God, in front of me stands a man you have blessed and lifted up, I want the same blessing and I ain’t gonna leave until you bless me”. I don’t really go up to the front to get prayed for, coz I believe that God is my very own father and I don’t need a middle man to pray for me or do any muck like that, but at that moment, a still small voice gently spoke to me, urging me to make it to the front. I decided not to tell the guy why I was at the front, coz I knew God would speak to him the same, if God accepted my desire and was ready to really bless me.
All I did was go up to him and say “You know what I am here for?” and he aid yes and laid an anointing on me. He used the word ‘anointing’, which was like a confirmation that God has heard my cries and decided to let me have the same blessing. I had never been ‘filled with the holy spirit’ without shrieks and cries, but yesterday was different. I felt very radiant and filled with something joyful. I couldn’t help grinning even as I slowly steadily collapsed. I felt glorious, or even more, a feeling that no words can explain. I wonder if the gentleman who blessed me knew that he did to me, what Isaac finally did to Jacob, pass on “THE” blessing. May be someday I’d ask him.
He asked me if I was going to a church anywhere, and when I said yes, he casually said that I should come here instead. Wohoooo…so I finally belong to a church I really really like and are in par with my belief system. Liberal and right (in my eyes). What more could I ask for?
No comments:
Post a Comment