Sour Grapes

I’m just coming out of another blanked-out season of hibernation. Was juggling with driving people around, splitting my attention on a coupla books whilst trying to compile some bizarre worldviews tormenting my mind. Em bizarre thoughts always look good on paper whilst miraculously relieving my mind. (I am yet to understand the mechanism of this therapy).

Things are falling in to place in a miraculous way. I’m glad that I waited upon my Master than attempt to screw things up with my puny human intelligence. Intelligence and human ways are sweet, but when things are just beyond me and I just can’t think straight, It’s always nice to hand over the steering to my Father in heaven, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. And yes, I can’t think straight coz my hyperactivity has definitely got the better of me and thrown me absolutely outa focus. It really does scare me coz I know for a fact that my mind, body and soul aren’t in connection with one another when so. I can’t seem to shake off the mist and bring it back to connectivity. I’m curious to know where this whole thing is leading, since every day is a new adventure with my Captain. His playfulness is unfathomable most of the time. It just cracks me.

He caught my eye the first day I walked in to that place. He was everything I wanted, just everything I ever dreamed of. The fact that there actually is a possibility for em feelings to be mutual just knocks me off myself. Why am I kicking myself hard and trying to resist these feelings I feel? He’s already got a girly in his arms. SOUR GRAPES !!! Sigh…

I nudged God with the age old prayer of “Father, why did you have to send this dude now, and why with a woman…arrghhh…help me focus coz I know I can’t have him. Numb these feelings I feel for him and keep me far away from him” It worked fine for a coupla of weeks, but they are back again, it’s impossible to ignore em. It’s crazy coz as usual it is just a mere fascination and nothing beyond that. I want his attention whilst at the same time don’t want him. I know it’s selfish, but that’s the truth. All in all It’s nice to know that I am still capable of at least fascinating somebody, I know that my feelings aren’t dead.

Me took a tickle test for the hang of it a coupla days back.......

Quiz - ”What’s your type?” [My TUSH !]
Result - Forget Mr. Average! You go for the artistic type!

Creative. Sensitive. A bit offbeat. Your type is the Artiste, a unique man who knows how to express himself in many ways, whether it's through words, music, or attire. You're attracted to his unconventional ways and his remarkable talents. He doesn't feel compelled to abide by society's norms. He believes that individuality is the key to happiness, and everything he does is a reflection of his "inner self". You fall head-over-heels for such confidence and style. Whether he's playing a song he wrote for just you or writing you a love letter, this man knows how to make you feel special. He's in touch with his feminine side and doesn't need to assert his masculinity to feel manly. If we were to paint a picture of your future, the Artiste would definitely be part of it!

This man sounds too perfect to exist. Artists have always managed to captivate me. An artist in my mind isn’t just a painter or anything in that line. It could very well be a con artist, writer, poet, musician, interior designer, architect, a jungle John…etc. Fascinating as they are, their mood swings and the fact that they like to secure their space freaks me out. They could knock you off your feet and at the same time make you feel miserable to the extent of putting you through a suicidal bout. I am enjoying my space too much to let any frog take a leap at it.

Apart from the usual muddle, I’m all thrilled about shifting to Panadura and redecorating the cottage. If there is anyone who has a sharp eye for colour and want to share their expertise, I’m open to hear out em opinions.