Drained & dysfunctional as I am these days I pounce on any book that appear to have info in the line of “Why bad things happen to good people”. Just as the world around me is falling apart, the faith, which was stronger than the strongest foundation too is suffering (at least to a certain extent). Conversing with my “Father” has been hideously difficult (usual story, spiritual ups and downs). I’ve been waiting upon him, crying out to him, pleading my way out of whatever sin I had committed. It’s been a good long year since I’ve come to know him, but the battle still remains.
I sometimes have half a mind to question........
I sometimes have half a mind to question........
“God, would you really care if I turn my back on you again, coz you act like you just don’t care about me. Can’t you see me suffering? All I do is strive to do your will, keep your word, spread your word and live for you, but it still feels like you are downright ignoring me. Father, Why do you still keep whipping me harder and harder everyday, WHY? You know what? Turning away from you ain’t that hard and I just might do it. I wonder if you are really there at all?”
These were my passive thoughts, but thoughts so true. Oh boy ! How I regret em thoughts. I really should be shot with my own shit for being the ungrateful vixen I am. Even though I pleaded for forgiveness for my unholy thoughts and was convinced that He forgave me, I still felt a traitor. He who has brought me so far, will surely take me safely towards victory.
My thoughts ran back to the 1 Peter study we did last week about suffering. (What my suffering is in this case, I shall no state, for it is only He who knows it until I’m told to testify about His goodness and mercy and about how he brought me safe through it all, for it is He who deserves all glory, and all glory goes only unto Him).
--> “This suffering is all apart of the work God has given you, Christ, who suffered for you is your example. Follow in his steps: He never sinned, never told a lie, never answered back when insulted; when he suffered he did not threaten to get even; he left his case in the hands of God who always judges fairly". (1 Peter 2 : 21-23)
The reason I had felt like an outcast was because I had forgotten His lovely attributes (of love) and I wanted signs and miracles just like the rest of them rather than walking by pure FAITH.
The two books I picked up, which I’m reading simultaneously (terrible way of reading, I know…eerrm…I’m actually juggling four…hehehe) were certainly helping me understand the adverse situations and why they are permitted.
Be Confident – by Warren W. Wiersbe (Bible Study on Hebrews)
If God is in Control (Why is My World Falling Apart)? – by Verna Birkey
Even after reading a gazillion books, I would still remain clueless as to why adversities happen around me, but I would learn better to thrust (I emphasize) all my cares on him and smile, coz………
--> “I know in all things God works for the Good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8 :28)
This means that He will see to it that all conditions (good & bad) will eventually work together for good. (Note that this doesn’t say that God causes all things to happen nor say all circumstances happen for good. Grrrrrr….but don’t I wish it was so)
This is the verse that the first few chapters of “If God is in Control” is built on, and to confirm the promise I claimed I got the same verse from the stack of “Random Bible Versus” from which I pick one a day to see what I can derive form it.
I can only smile (aloud) for God sure has been turning all adverse situations in my life from day one for the better (I can’t fathom why & how I’m writing this ultra sweet entry about God & his goodness when I’m drowning in utter muck even as I scribble)
I remember asking Ivor Phoobalan two weeks back in class if it was wrong for one to cry out to the Lord to lessen the weight of one's yoke or to take it away completely. His answer included the following scriptures.
--> “My Father ! If it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me, but I want your will, not mine” (Matthew 26 : 39)
According to the Bible, Jesus cried out to Lord the Father thrice with the same plea in the garden grove of Gethsemane before he was seized for crucifixion.
--> “Eli Eli, lama sabachthani / My God, my God, why have you forsaken me" ? (Matthew 27 : 46)
The very last words Jesus uttered while hanging on the cross when GOD the Son himself felt that God the (his own) Father had forsaken him.
"In my brokenness, I cried out to the Lord, to comfort me and hide me someplace away from this world and ZAP, it was He and I, just He and I. We spoke, we laughed, and it was one of those moments I’d remember forever. Yet the thorns that were wrapped around me continued to wrap themselves tighter. The thorns were eating deep in to my skin, almost touching my frail bones & I felt the horrifying pain. I didn’t understand why? I questioned him, but all he did was smile and stroke my hair till I finally fell in to a conscience sleep in His powerful arms. I don’t remember much, other than the two sensations I felt, the pain from the brambles crushing my skin and His love I felt with every stroke that swept my hair. My world was finally peaceful for I was assured that as long as He held me in His arms, he was in control".
These were my passive thoughts, but thoughts so true. Oh boy ! How I regret em thoughts. I really should be shot with my own shit for being the ungrateful vixen I am. Even though I pleaded for forgiveness for my unholy thoughts and was convinced that He forgave me, I still felt a traitor. He who has brought me so far, will surely take me safely towards victory.
My thoughts ran back to the 1 Peter study we did last week about suffering. (What my suffering is in this case, I shall no state, for it is only He who knows it until I’m told to testify about His goodness and mercy and about how he brought me safe through it all, for it is He who deserves all glory, and all glory goes only unto Him).
--> “This suffering is all apart of the work God has given you, Christ, who suffered for you is your example. Follow in his steps: He never sinned, never told a lie, never answered back when insulted; when he suffered he did not threaten to get even; he left his case in the hands of God who always judges fairly". (1 Peter 2 : 21-23)
The reason I had felt like an outcast was because I had forgotten His lovely attributes (of love) and I wanted signs and miracles just like the rest of them rather than walking by pure FAITH.
The two books I picked up, which I’m reading simultaneously (terrible way of reading, I know…eerrm…I’m actually juggling four…hehehe) were certainly helping me understand the adverse situations and why they are permitted.
Be Confident – by Warren W. Wiersbe (Bible Study on Hebrews)
If God is in Control (Why is My World Falling Apart)? – by Verna Birkey
Even after reading a gazillion books, I would still remain clueless as to why adversities happen around me, but I would learn better to thrust (I emphasize) all my cares on him and smile, coz………
--> “I know in all things God works for the Good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8 :28)
This means that He will see to it that all conditions (good & bad) will eventually work together for good. (Note that this doesn’t say that God causes all things to happen nor say all circumstances happen for good. Grrrrrr….but don’t I wish it was so)
This is the verse that the first few chapters of “If God is in Control” is built on, and to confirm the promise I claimed I got the same verse from the stack of “Random Bible Versus” from which I pick one a day to see what I can derive form it.
I can only smile (aloud) for God sure has been turning all adverse situations in my life from day one for the better (I can’t fathom why & how I’m writing this ultra sweet entry about God & his goodness when I’m drowning in utter muck even as I scribble)
I remember asking Ivor Phoobalan two weeks back in class if it was wrong for one to cry out to the Lord to lessen the weight of one's yoke or to take it away completely. His answer included the following scriptures.
--> “My Father ! If it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me, but I want your will, not mine” (Matthew 26 : 39)
According to the Bible, Jesus cried out to Lord the Father thrice with the same plea in the garden grove of Gethsemane before he was seized for crucifixion.
--> “Eli Eli, lama sabachthani / My God, my God, why have you forsaken me" ? (Matthew 27 : 46)
The very last words Jesus uttered while hanging on the cross when GOD the Son himself felt that God the (his own) Father had forsaken him.
"In my brokenness, I cried out to the Lord, to comfort me and hide me someplace away from this world and ZAP, it was He and I, just He and I. We spoke, we laughed, and it was one of those moments I’d remember forever. Yet the thorns that were wrapped around me continued to wrap themselves tighter. The thorns were eating deep in to my skin, almost touching my frail bones & I felt the horrifying pain. I didn’t understand why? I questioned him, but all he did was smile and stroke my hair till I finally fell in to a conscience sleep in His powerful arms. I don’t remember much, other than the two sensations I felt, the pain from the brambles crushing my skin and His love I felt with every stroke that swept my hair. My world was finally peaceful for I was assured that as long as He held me in His arms, he was in control".
4 comments:
If you're curious and want to find out 'whats the meaning of life' etc I'd highly recommend reading a book called 'The Selfish Gene' by Richard Dawkins. It's not for the faint-hearted so be sure about it before you start it.
Apart from that, goodluck and I hope you get stuff sorted..
another very inspiring read indeed...
matthew, mark, luke and john have written the gospel in different ways. we did the entire gospel of Luke in year 9 in school for Religion, still remember lots of bits and pieces... even the entire cucifixion incident was narrated a lil differently by da rest, ya?
anyways hope everytin works out well... im sure sooner or later god will answer all ur pleas and prayers.
“This suffering is all apart of the work God has given you, Christ, who suffered for you is your example. Follow in his steps: He never sinned, never told a lie, never answered back when insulted; when he suffered he did not threaten to get even; he left his case in the hands of God who always judges fairly". (1 Peter 2 : 21-23)
Even tho its from the bible its a reminded that shit happens to the best of us..i'm battling similar ordeals thesedays. and that line from the bible def reminded me about something
Hey Darw, I shall try to get me hands on it...hehehe....stuff will sure get sorted soon..hehehe..Thnx for the well wishes tho :)
Hey AD, so u do still remember em books...and in year 9? wow..I have forgotten even me o/l stuff :) Yeah, I sure need some sorta divine intervention now...ehehe
Hang in there Razor, some things are just beyond our control. I'm sure it'll come to pass. I shall keep you in me prayers ((H))
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