Would 'They' Stab A Corpse To Confirm That It's Dead ?!?

Its almost 3 in the a.m and I can legally abstain from work today as well. A Dhs 5/- taxi ride to 'Al Jimi Hospital' and an half an hour wait to get the nurse’s attention (am I invisible or something)? Then being rejected of a medical certificate due to not having a visiblly high risen temperature (according to their gone wrong thermometer) and been directed to 'Al Massoudi Clinic' which is another DHS 4/- distance and been questioned by the non Engris speaking receptionist if I was a run away school kid (or something to that line). DHS 20/- for entrance (or what ever you call it, I doubt it’s called channeling here) and another good DHS 50/- for issuing of a medical certificate for two days and not forgetting the taxi ride home which was a good DHS 7/-. Woahhh…going to work even if it means having to suffer a death penalty the next day sounds much better and convenient than going through all the above. I am boiling with fever and physically drained, pissed and amused at the same time, which doesn’t feel too sweet.

Watched 6 episodes of ‘My Wife & Kids’, salivating over Daman Wayans and figured out that my hunger for black men would never cease. Why still the yearning when a black hunk was supposed to be all mine? He deserves better, and I am not ready for a full blown body and soul relationship even though I’m head over heals in love with him. The fact that I feel butterflies in my stomach every time he passes me by (damn girl! you are too grown up for that sh**), the fact that he is always on my mind and the fact that I’m trying to come to terms with my reason for running away from every good thing that enters my life (to me) confirms that this guy is something special and I am nothing less than IN LOVE. If he ain’t around by the time I come around, I’ll just have to play wounded puppy and wish him 'LUCK' with 10 afro curly haired menaces who’d make his hair stand straight, drain his pocket and make him look a good 50+ at 30.

Not forgetting to state the fact that I’m utterly bored, lonely and going slightly insane in this strange town, I’m off to get a lil more sleep before I see any sort of light creeping in through the crack of my door.

Evolved & In Love ;)

It is a good 45 minutes past 3 in the a.m and am still up and chirpy doing all kinds of nonsensical things (doing everything but washing my clothes, which is the most annoying and important of all of em ‘must do’s for I’d have to be wearing a soaking wet uniform otherwise).

Tonight there’s just one thing written on my mind, body and soul……….TINGLES! It ain’t immature, it ain’t long distance, it ain’t flaky, but so damn real. I tried running away from it as usual (yeah..as usual), coz that’s the easiest thing to do that stay and face the day, but something saved the day and made me stay and I’m so looking forward to spending every waking second with him and him on my mind.

For once, it ain’t a pretty boy who draws hearts on post-its and speaks nothing about the future. He freaked me out at first, coz the man I saw was real, Afro and oh so fine, which immediately made me feel like a bow without an arrow or a farm without a fence. Love was not in my books, abstinence was the key word, but what the f**k was happening, I can’t let go, lose control, no way not now! I was looking for perfection, when perfection was right in fronta my eyes, perfect and divine and mine!

Fine….so he doesn’t look like the kinda guy who’d be picking wild flowers for me, but yet perfect in every way!

As for the long silence, my creativity has been robbed by external sources, which SHALL be grabbed back in to my system sooner than later. Meanwhile my soul is being nourished by books such as :

(1) The Monk who sold his Ferrari – ‘Robin S. Sharma’
(2) Conversation with God (Volumes 1-3) – ‘Neale Donald Walsch’ [Read em all in order for a clear understanding]
(3) The Road Less Traveled – ‘M. Scott Peck’
(4) (Not forgetting) Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus - ‘John Grey’

These have so far kept me sane, bold, strong and genuine to myself whilst altered my beliefs, values and thinking patterns for the better taking me on to the next step of evolution.

Note : No, the books have by no mean blindly influenced or manipulated my values and virtues, but rather the changes have taken place after plenty testing with my original beliefs.

-To be open to change that moulds you a little more in to who you really are is to evolve, and to be holding on to old rigid ways out of duty and fear is to remain an ignorant fool – (Gobblezygook)

Sheesa Adventure

Rooted and homely as I am, my heart yearns to return home, to enjoy the warmth and love of my wonderful parents and naughty dogs, not forgetting my cranky grandmother, but I wonder if my yearning is correct and would get me anywhere other than farther and farther away from my hopes, dreams, fantasies and desires. Unconsciously or consciously, I have been suffering from the ‘green grass’ syndrome all this while, always desiring what is farthest from me. For once in my life I am enjoying and am fully satisfied and contended with the job I am currently experiencing (It would surprise many who know my nature of employment) and cannot possibly think of myself doing anything else in this doomed country even though it would pay me double or even quadruple of what I am earning right now. It is a beautiful feeling to know that you got the potential within you to climb higher, but yet choose to remain where you are and practice endurance. Having job hopped all my life for once my conscious is forcing me to stay put, that it is more like some kinda something telling me that I have finally found what I would want to keep myself occupied with for a long time (apart from my precious business of course, I wouldn’t give that up for the world, it still runs in my blood and will always run until I say fare thee well to planet earth).

I haven’t had a proper eight hours of sleep for three days, since I finally decided to share the room with another female individual so that I could share the room rent with, which is around SL Rs. 12’000/-, but this idea never gave me the peace of mind or heart. I was finally eager to share the luxury of my territory, to give up my freedom and my peace of mind just in order to save a few mere rupees and it didn’t feel right. As usual, alone as I am, I didn’t have anyone to direct me, share my thoughts or calm me down than my unknown unseen father in heaven. The girl who was supposed to share in sees the room promising me to confirmation today, which never arrived (I was half hoping it wouldn’t), while a restless corner within me kept churning with eagerness to save half the money being used for the purpose of paying the rent. I left the situation in God’s hands and fell into a lovely deep sleep only to wake up feeling relaxed and whole again. Why I am thinking so much about saving would for the reason of running away. What if I wanted to build my life here instead? (I know I would be disappointing many, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do).

From experience, I have come to realize that restlessness within me comes only when my thought pattern contradicts with God’s purpose for my life. Having stated that, my room shall be my room and unshared coz it’s too pretty to be shared and no one deserves it..hmmph ;) and I on the other hand have decided to root myself down in this country for a while, which means that I will be applying for a my license and my dreams of a Mustang GT will be coming true soon.

Posted are some of the pics from the sheesha adventure stated in the previous post (and yes I approve sheesha, but not to the point of addiction, and if one may be wondering, nope I don’t booze and never have got wasted over here and am yet to be touched but a camel’s penis, which is quite a highly unlikely activity to occur).

Life In UAE

It’s almost four long months since I blogged, so finally, here I am still alive and monkeying around with life. Apologies for the long silence, forgotten birthdays and unreplied sms’s & emails (due to valid reasons and unavoidable circumstances). Since I’ve been questioned too much about my life and happenings over here (by loved ones and curious stalkers) let me fill you in with the juicy bits and pieces (like how many men I’ve slept with so far and how big their circumcised penises were compared to the guys in Lanka;)

Work

I’d like to keep my place of work discreet due to reasons beyond my control (at least for awhile), and please, those who know, hush up and try not to state it on this page (thou shall see the reason why in a few months).

Work has made me a stronger person as well as made me realize through experience that what doesn’t kill you can surely make you stronger. It has made me grow triceps and biceps in my own lil way and made me 20 times stronger than any gym in Lanka could have ever made me in a coupla years.

Accommodation

The first month was spent in a luxurious star hotel, covered in warm blankets, bubble bath for a cozy soaks, free baskets of fruits every other day and a television all for myself (em little blessing mean a lot when alone in a God forsaken country). The last three months are spent in a little room of my own, right opposite the place of work (which is not company sponsored, for your information). It has a little kitchen and an equally tiny, but cozy toilet. Was sharing the place with another Sri Lankan girl (a friend I found for life), who unfortunately left a couple of days back on a transfer to Dubai to be with her husband. The place is all mine, all mine, for a sum of DHS 800/- per month. Got the kitchen fully equipped a few days back with lil blessings like a rice cooker, electric kettle and a hot plate and cute lil pots, pans and utensils, bright, colourful and pretty, and OH BLY ME ! Judy girl is a kitchen Goddess…WOHOO! I have never known freedom like this and am enjoying every second of it. I’ve been accused muchly for paying such a big sum for the room and for refusing to share it with someone, but guess I value my freedom and my peace of mind than the mere DHS 400/- which I might save by taking someone in.

Food

Other than my glorious cooking, food is CRAP down here. Hardees, Fish World, Pizza Hut, Indian and Arabic restaurants, ADNOC (24 hour mini markets in fuel stations)…hmmmm I could list a gazillion names and yet not list one outlet who’s food are palatable for us Sri Lankans. Everything I have eaten so far is sweet, bland, flat, creamy, cheesy or utterly disgusting. You ask them to make something spicy and they add barbeque sauce, “Lord have mercy on their poor innocent souls, for they have not tasted real chilly”!

Entertainment

There’s not much of an entertainment in Al Ain except for one fairly happening club, at Rotana and two others which I haven’t even attempted visiting. It’s quite a dead city in terms of entertainment, places to visit and things to do. Nine hours a day of six days of the week is spent at work and the remaining time is spent, sleeping, roaming around a few malls, exploring new gadget shops, book stores and in my room writing, attempting to cook, clean or get a lil shut eye.

Love Life

To be honest, there is not one interesting dude to eyeball at. I either look desperate or butt ugly that I keep getting asked out by old farts in white gowns who surely look way past their years of sound health. I’ve screamed at a few, but then figured out that acting dumb and pretending to not understand them was the best way to evade the situation, not like they speak Engris anyway and the little bit they speak comes out as gibberish, that I understand none anyway.

I’ve met a few intriguing people while at work, like writers who are researching about the lost treasures of Arabic intellectuality, teachers who spend beautiful simple lives, Businessmen who seem to be racing against time, cute local guys who seem to be cute as hell and jobless just as well and women who are pretty on the outside, with glimmer and shine but empty or shallow on the inside. The most interesting of em all was an Indian guy, all the way from Delhi, who was something different. He sure spoke a different language to what I’ve been hearing the past few months, refined, spanking classy, yet simple. I never caught his name, but had a lil chat and managed to take a peak at the big fat book he was buried in for quite a long time, which was about some civilization shit. That’s as far as meeting interesting individuals go.

That’s about it form my side of the world, boring and uneventful for the time being, which is definitely going to change in due course (sooner than I thought it would). I am home sick all ready, and am sure trying my best to accomplish my mission of coming here at the earliest and return to beautiful Lanka, to enjoy the comfort of the green green grass of home.

Glorious UAE

Geez, I miss blogging. Just managed to chill down and access the net, and yes, I am more than in one piece and kicking. I'm assigned to work away from the Dubai city, therefore life is so not on the fast lane, but BOY ! aren't I having a ball. I've been spending the past month in a star hotel (obviously paid for by the company) and finally am shifting to a room of my own next week. It is truely an adventure that is gonna change my life forever.

I finally found a super cool Evangalical Church today, and that made my entire day go brighter than it already was :)

So-Long, Until I get my own computer and blog in peace.

A Cure For The Crippling Disease - Loneliness !

(A post made on request, I hope It looks less gibberish to you than it really is :)

No Nooo, I ain’t feeling anything even close to loneliness. Right now, I’m too high on life to feel anything as boring as that. But, yes, I know what that feels like; it ain’t a nice feeling, not at all. It drives you to do crazy things and sometimes to tears. It is a powerful feeling which could bring out the best in you if you climb on top of it and holler at it to go your way, or you could let it overwhelm you and trod you all over, wrap you around it’s little finger and fling you over the edge.

It is us who make our emotions slaves or masters, just that we don’t realize that we are blessed with greater power than any of the emotions we feel. I honestly thought that us humans are made up of emotions (and emotions alone) and that the soul was a mixed pickle of all our emotions and characteristics wrapped up tight in a tasty jar. But a deeper understanding and a realization about the ability to stand above any emotion I feel (good or bad) has made me understand that one can actually exist without them (even though that would make one cold, rigid and uninteresting). So here we are back again at stirring up emotions and as for loneliness, we can jolly well eradicate it by letting another ‘feel-good’ emotion overpower it.

It’s crazy as to how much I hate everything that goes behind technology, but think that life is very similar to a coded HTML page. All functions that take place on the face of it depends on the formulas embedded at the back of it. A correctly coded page functions without hiccups. Even a beautifully designed page can be of disgrace if the coding is messed up.

A little heart to heart conversation with a handful of people is enough to make you realize that 99.9% of the people are geared up with loneliness and are actively looking for that special someone to put a smile on their face and take that sinking feeling away. Little do they know that they are making a terrible mistake and it surely ain’t surprising that these kind of relationships end on a disastrous note. They are not happy with casual friendships, even though they have more than a sufficient number of friends to commune with and lovely families to hold their back, they turn a blind eye to all of them and choose to feel miserable and lonely instead. Why? Because the present gear he/she is on, builds up a void, which can only be filled with the deep, intimate sensual kind of relationship he/she is yearning for. They do not take the time to get to know the potential-other and is all go for a fast paced Hollywood romance. From hello to a kiss, to caressing and straight towards heated up action. One may even have strong policies against this sort of procedure, but yet at that moment it seems beyond their control to do anything about the drive that leads them to act foolish and immature. It gets difficult to think about long-term consequences, coz the only priority that twirls in their mind is finding the present cure for the sting they feel. Little do they know that the void only gets bigger and deeper once the burning hot and happening romance comes to an end. The grand finale would be the individual falling in and out of relationships (I dare not say love), for all the wrong reasons, not even realizing that they are only trapped in a vicious cycle.

There is not much of a solution to offer a person feeling lonely and down in the dumps since they are not equipped to attentively listen, let alone absorb any other solution than a quick fix for the brokenness they feel. But if they are willing to listen and correct the gone wrong codes within them, it is definitely a possible task to feel fulfilled and complete by oneself.

A Simple and Practical Solution

Step 1
Expose yourself to light, open the windows of your home, draw back the blinds, let the sunshine pour down on you. Darkness and gloominess adds to any kind of misery. It’s almost a universal law that none can feel sad whilst staring at the sun.

Step 2
Redirect you energies towards something you are passionate about, but make sure it is PRODUCTIVE. Choose something, which is personal, can be done by your self and can be enjoyed. (Charity, gardening, writing, reading, trying a new sport, sewing, painting, designing, woodwork, pottery, cooking, higher education, working out etc…Pardon me for not including sex, booze, smoke, gaming and movie addiction, they don’t qualify).

It is helpful to choose a variety of them and include an activity, which drains the excess physical energy growing fat and slouchy between our veins.

(I have a notion that we humans are not created for the 21st century. Depression and loneliness were certainly scarce amongst the cave men, because their energies were directed towards physical exertions and didn’t have much time to feel sorry for themselves).

Step 3
Take this opportunity to get to know yourself, whilst you are trying your hands on new and forgotten activities. This would be an ideal time since you will be having less time to focus on your misery and might have a good chance at focusing on your assets and positive traits instead, in order to build up the fallen self esteem. Train yourself to enjoy the small blessings waiting to be noticed by you.

Step 4
By now, your sleepless nights would have come to a minimum, so do focus on a balanced life, which includes, sufficient nutrition, exercise and plenty sleep (don’t feel guilty to sleep, sleep is good, there really is no problem unless otherwise that’s all you do).

Step 5
Now that you are comfortable under your own skin, chill down and take the time to genuinely get to know the old friends you have been ignoring because of your misery as well as the new friends you make.

* Do not get in to unwanted intimate relationships until you have fully cleansed yourself and are strong enough to not fall back in to the lonely pits of gloominess.

Yearning for companionship is perfectly natural. We are beautifully created to have deep connections with the opposite sex (and the opposite sex alone).

--> And the Lord said “ It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs” - (Genesis 2 :18)

It was easier for the cavemen to build deeper relationships than the self-proclaimed fools of the 21st century coz their needs were basic and their functions were clearly understood by each individual. The men hunted and protected while the women gathered and nurtured. But we, who demand masculinity from a female and femininity from a male, need to be on steady grounds before we pursue searching for that PERFECT heart that beats parallel to ours.

How Confidential is Confidential?

One is bombarded with a gazillion ultra personal and highly confidential questions when obtaining bank a account, phone connection, insurance, lease etc., but what assurance do we have that all the information we provide are confidential as they say it is?

I had lost faith in the biggest GSM provider in Sri Lanka to keep my information confidential long ago. Some one who had my mobile number indirectly or directly had access to my full name, age, the company I worked for, address and my home phone number. This wasn’t the only instance, there was a twice, thrice and plenty more times, that I have given up keeping count of them.

The latest is to do with the biggest (me thinks) vehicle insurance provider. A bloke sees me a couple of times in a parking lot, he notes down my vehicle number, gives it off to the big shot uncle who happens to work in the above mentioned insurance company (obviously since most vehicles are insured with them, he decides to try his luck…hmmmphh) and tells him that it’s a long lost friend’s vehicle, and he needs the number to get in touch. The big shot uncle happily divulges the mobile number (which is a connection from the biggest GSM provider, which indirectly means that I have no assurance about the rest of my information being handed out on a platter to the goggle eyed boy). The boy calls, I play harsh, (he sure had me making sour faces at hello), and explains about how he got about obtaining my phone number, I am amused, very amused, almost hysterical, but at the same time very angry and jittery for the reason that I had plenty regards towards the insurance company involved.

What if the niece of the big shot was a gone wrong thug with a serious case of OCD? The ‘he wants it and he gets it type’, who’d go the distance and make plenty trouble to get what he wants. I could jolly well sue the insurance company, but it just ain’t of any use. I can only express my utter disgust at how well managed the so-called big shot companies are. This sort of action coming from the lower end of the company can be blamed upon the newcomers who have no idea (or rather are not bothered) bout the company / service ethics and policies, but this sort of action coming from the top management is absolutely shocking.

So much for confidentiality in Sri Lanka !

Samson and Delilah Along With Other Historical Couples

Samson and Delilah or should I be calling them “The Lust Machine” and “The Seductive Biatch”. One of the greatest lovers in the books of history? I think not ! I haven’t the slightest clue as to why they are even considered so.

Samson didn’t love Delilah like no other man has ever loved a woman. He was just enticed by her and was boastful, irresponsible and stupid. She wasn’t the first woman in his life either; she was just a woman he claims to have FALLEN IN LOVE with (along the way). A woman from the enemy troops the Philistines, possibly a vine woman, could have even been a harlot (who knows).

This wasn’t the first time Samson was driven by lust and acted irrationally, there is a similar instance where he is enticed by his first wife who too is a Philistine (but since it wasn’t a case between life and death, he probably brushed it off his memory) Silly Owl ! He burns the woman and the father raw just because she was married off to the best man since Samson abandoned her a few days after the wedding. How does he find this out, while making a visiting just in order to sleep with her. Such anger and destruction coming out of an undisciplined bunch of lustful emotions huh? That isn’t the end, his willy was so outa control that he ends up with a harlot from the city of Gaza just before his encounter with Delilah.

Please, how naïve and stupid can a man get? Doesn’t he ever learn from his past lessons? This guy amuses me to a greater extent than any other Biblical character has ever managed to. He merely takes the physical strength he is blessed with for granted, and decides that he can break all the rules he pleases and never be defeated. He appears to be a man who posses a immature brain, underdeveloped cluster of emotions which he has no control over and a puffed up ego to spice it up with. A mixed up, ruthless, scatterbrain who doesn’t seem to have got his priorities straight, tell him to save Israel from the Palatines, he goes chasing lasses to wine and dine with.

As for Romeo and Juliet - Yeah, sure it’s a moving love story, some versions actually make you cry, but yet, logically thinking, both of them were stupid. All they had to do was freaking run away. Added to their only misery, which was stupidness, they are been blessed with several encounters with an equally dense monk who marries them off, but does nothing else to make the relationship actually work (at least teach them the art of eloping). What was Shakespeare thinking?

Napoleon and Josephine – Why did she let him marry another if she loved him that much, and most of all why did he agree to? It is said that they couldn’t bear the separation. Oh boy, didn’t they know that they didn’t have to? Who said that true love was about sacrificing love for the sake of a crown. Plain materialism!

Robin Hood and Maid Marian – So close, but yet so far. Why couldn’t they be together? Her impatience or his coldness? Why didn’t she wait? If she knew for sure he would come for her, why did she have to make all our lives miserable and veil herself? Oh, and why did he run around doing errands that had nothing to do with either of them if he loved her so much?

Anthony and Cleopatra – Lets not even go there. They are even known as “history’s most extravagant and flamboyant lovers”. Critiques could go on about how the whole play (which actually elevated their place to where they are today) is about Shakespeare trying to make us understand about the true nature of love. Nonsense ! I see the Roman General and the Egyptian Queen as two ambitious and vicious dominators, who accidentally got infatuated on the way. More like addicted and bound by lust for each other and nothing more than that. They probably killed themselves in the end when Mark Antony was defeated, since they both knew they had no hope of life (with or without each other). Antony ends his life by falling on his sword and Cleopatra by letting a poisonous snake bite her (how ironic).

Lets hear what the Bible has to say about Love (any kind of love that is). But I believe that the purest form of love can only be found between a man and woman whose love has no boundaries, where they don’t hold anything from each other, their own flesh, let alone their souls. (Criticize me if you may, saying that the same bond is shared by a mother and a child, but I say no, they don’t).

“Love is very patient and kind,
Never jealous or envious,
Never boastful or proud,
Never haughty, selfish or rude.
Love does not demand it’s own way.
It is not irritable or touchy.
It does not hold grudges and will hardly ever notice when others do it wrong.
It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.
If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost.
You will always believe in him,
Always expect the best of him (and)
Always stand your ground in defending him.” - (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

I don’t consider any of the above couples to be great lovers. None of them could stand the test of time and if it doesn’t stand the test of time, then it wasn’t going to stand at all.

(Whilst verifying some facts from the father dearest, I happen to ask him why they did what they did, just so that I’d know how he thinks. Wasn’t I amused to hear what he said. “ Child, they were in love. Love is blind and makes people do the dumbest things possible”. I’ve my doubts if he’d tolerate me acting all dumb just because I’m in love and use the same words he spoke to evaluate my irrationality).

Note : Do check out my new poem at http://gobblezygookspoems.blogspot.com which is something relative to all the twaddle I’ve been ranting about.

Stirred Emotions / Bheegi Bheegi

It’s a modern Hindi track, done to a catchy dark, alternativish beat, but I still can’t make head or tail of who sings it. But the video and the track itself, stirs something deep inside. Something dark and painful, which cannot be described. It’s actually better than some of em done in the west. All respect to the musicians (who I am not familiar with). The chorus is as follows; I’d love for someone to tell me the meaning of it.

"Na jaane koi kaisi hai yeh zindagaani zindgaani
Hamari adhuri kahaani
Na jaane koi kaisi hai yeh zindagaani zindgaani
Hamari adhuri kahaani"

What I really wanted to get to was the stirring of emotions. Who decides what you want to feel and how you want to feel about a certain situation. You or God? Does believing in God guard you against depression, anger and all of the mucky feelings looked down upon by the society?

Heck No !!!

Veterans on the subject of enthusiasm and positive thinking keep talking about stirring up the spirit of enthusiasm from within ones self. I guess it’s the same with all other emotions such as anger, jealousy, resentment, annoyance etc.. I realized that what ever situation one is faced up with, initially comes in to direct contact with the emotion which is stirred up and is right at the top and ready to rule the head (which in turn rules the body).

Eg :

Situation - You were fuming over being put on hold on by a telephone operator whilst making an urgent, important call from your mobile phone, which has oh so expensive outgoing rates.

Stirred up Emotion – Anger / Frustration/ Tension

Next Situation – It’s the hanging out with the boyfriend/girlfriend day, but he/she calls to say that he/she is stuck at work and wouldn’t be able to make it (You’ve been planning to check out this new restaurant for days).

Reaction – You flare up, even though you don’t yell or exchange unpleasant words, out of you would come hostile words and blunt sentences (which, could be equally or even more hurtful).

Reason – Your ability to think rationally has been distorted; the unexpected situation comes and makes contact or rather collides with the emotion that was stirred up and floating at the top. In this case anger by itself is a negative emotion, which could do great mental as well as physical harm (most negative emotions do). The body rejects it and treats it as a foreign element, which explains the reason why the body, mind and soul aren’t in harmony when such dark emotions are felt.

I’m sure someone has already come up with this sorta explanation, just that it was never presented to me. A situation I went through a day back, made me figure out the above model, whilst pondering over why I reacted the way I did [and no…the above wasn’t the kind of situation I’m talking about (evil grin)]. Interesting how the human machine works huh?

I had plenty doubts while reading books by Norman Vincent Peale, coz it sounded more worldly than Biblical, drawing the strength we need to go on from Christ himself is an accepted practice / statement and no one can criticize it since it is written boldly in the Bible. But stirring up inner powers and emotions is something I have not come across in the Bible until yesterday (I honestly don’t know how I over saw it).

--> Stir into flame the strength and boldness that is in you…(2 Timothy 1 :6)

--> ...If you will stir up this inner power (2 Timothy 1 : 8)

Its clear to see that stirring up the emotion or choosing the gear we want to be on is entirely up to us, but hurtful words outspoken can never be rewound, so chose wise, and figure out the gear which works for you or rather helps you handle all situations calmly and rationally. This way you wouldn’t have to worry about remembering to switch between gears as and when the situation changes. Now that you’ve got your gear in place, stop fiddling with that age-old clutch and accelerate away. Happy riding !

Flower Children / Hippies

That’s what the world calls them, but all they wanted was, peace, love and freedom (yes it is true that the governments have snatched away most of the beauty the world and life has to offer, but I’m too lazy to figure out my own model of how the world is ever gonna survive without em so called governments).

Hippies (or the free spirits as I’d like to call them) have been accused of borrowing the (so-called) lifestyle they live, mode of expression and fashion from the Bohemians who just like the hippies

- Left their middle-class lives to live with others who shared the same beliefs
- Felt the need to rebel against authority
- Felt a certain lack of purpose in their lives
- Expressed their disapproval of authority by wearing distinct clothing

Just as Bohemians used art and writing, hippies used their distinct music to rebel against authority and define a whole generation; I guess most of em turned towards cultivation and self-sufficiency (which sure is a good thing).

Most who left for this kind of a lifestyle in the 1960s and the 70s were known to be college dropouts, people with mental problems, people with inherited and saved money, people who were educated, but lost, people who were trying to escape the war in Vietnam and people who didn’t fit in to any sort of accepted structure in the society.

The Neo-hippies or the so-called New Agers of the 21st century are people who (claim to) believe in the hippie philosophy (may be not entirely, coz they seem to be quite happily plugged in to all the luxury one could afford and enjoy the fast paced life, whilst taking into consideration only the rebelliousness and the fashion trends from the beautiful free culture).

I was always in awe about em ‘Flower Children’ and the 60s liberating culture. I still can’t seem to figure out the connection between the 'free culture' and free sex, drugs, booze, rock n’ roll, nudism, extreme-feminism etc. May be they were just sub-cultures and traits which eventually emerged from the main philosophy of free and simple existence (me presume).

Getting straight to the point, there’s plenty good, one can derive from this whole ‘Flower Children’/’Hippie’ saga. It ain’t about the fashion trends they followed, the music they listened to or the unethical activities they got involved in, but the motive of getting life to pivot around the two main virtues one will ever need, to carry on existing happily and contentedly, LOVE and PEACE (Love and Peace eventually makes way for freedom).

I may be wrong, but I believe it is this free culture that was spoken about in the ‘New Testament’. Em free sprits were looked down upon for rejecting the luxuries of life, but how can love and peace fully function, when, greed for luxury, discontentment and avarice exist.

Hope the world soon sees the beauty of wearing flowers in their hair than wearing weapons around their flesh.

Say Adios to ‘Hissbullah Gullah’

It’s past 2 a.m her heart is very scratched with teary eyes and a snot filled nose. No he ain’t a bad soul, in fact he is something very precious, but may be it wasn’t God’s will (or just wasn’t his will). May be she was wrong to open her heart, yeah…...so they say, “never give your heart to a stranger”. May be she’d never do so ever again.

At least she knows she is human after all to feel for real, with all honesty, wanting and needing and then feeling that hurt, those tears and the loss. It wasn’t infatuation, may be it’s easier to stick to infatuation, dreams and illusions, than make love to real life and watch your heart be set on fire.

Waiting

All I have been doing is waiting for the last one year. I waited six months to close the business, then another six months to shift to the new house, arrrgh….now it’s been three months since I received the appointment letter and the visa, but gotta wait another month till I leave. Is it just me or is this just the way things usually happen? It’s just hilarious, coz most of my friends who didn’t get to catch up with me seem to be overjoyed, my parents are already preparing the schedule for slave driving their lil piggy wiggy, take the dogs for vaccination, finish a few deals I started, more visiting to do, more driving to do…hmmm…my grams seem to be over the moon and so are the geckos and bugs that keep me company at night. All their prayers being answered while all I gotta do is count my wonky fingers and wait. Wait, wait and wait, wait for the night, wait for the sun, wait for calls, wait for short messages, wait for the perfect man, and now that I’ve found him, wait to catch up with him, wait to see where it all leads, waiting, waiting and yet more waiting. All this waiting is slowly driving me insane, robbing my peace and draining my smiles.

I am definitely not too pleased with the creator upstairs. He got me to pack up five months before shifting house, sure he had his reasons, but people around thought I was crazy. He got me to pack up my luggage and get ready a month back, this time(that’s two months in all), even though I know he has his reasons, people around me, including my parents think I’ve lost it. Today one of my friends dutifully gives a massive lecture as to why I should stop believing in God. Why oh why does the faith of this rebel be everybody’s scrutiny?

But, my situation is far better than a newly conceived woman who has to wait for nine whole month, a prisoner waiting for his life sentence to end or a cancer patient waiting to die. Therefore, what more could I possibly do, other than thank God for the huge doze of hope I’m blessed with and all the other blessings he has showered me with. It’s his business to still my heart while I wait, and not mine !

Note : The above was written by a long faced, scowling brat. She doesn’t like to have a long face, no she doesn’t ! If you wanna see a positive post, wait till her face takes a positive shape, which may be after she boxes her anger off. Any volunteers ?!?

My Handsome Sheik (“,)

My mind is in such an exuberant state that I can’t even decide whether I like toothpaste to taste like ice cream or ice ream to taste like “Signal Whitening” specifically.

I wake up and I’m high and am high till I hit the sack. I probably am high even in my sleep, coz the signs are there when I awake. I have no idea how it happened, but my heart is way deep down in the UAE though my feet are planted here. Completely smitten by a handsome sheik, ‘Hisbulla Gullah’. I knew my destiny was definitely not down here, but down in the UAE ?!? I’m amused ! A guy who cannot comprehend a ball of English, but Gibberish, boy am I in for quite an adventure or what? (“,)

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.
(E.E. Cummings)

No, the above quote ain’t my ticket of excuse for madness, but words so true. More about my ‘Gullah’ in the future.

Note : No one said this post was cryptic [dirty smirk :]

He Has Never Let Me Down

Finally managed to make it to the Book Fair at BMICH on Friday. Wasn’t too impressed with the selection and the crowd was mind-boggling. Managed to get my hands on just two books from “Norman Vincent Peale” – “ Courage and Confidence” & “The Power of Positive Living”. He’s on of em authors one would never get fed up of. I was hoping I would be able to find the book of poetry by “Richard De Soysa”, but in vain. None of the local publishers seem to be having it. Please if anyone does have it, please don’t hesitate to contact me, I’d give anything to have that book or at least a photocopy.

On the spooky side, yesterday the car went absolutely dead for no apparent reason around Mount junction. The key just turned and twisted around the keyhole, but not a hum or even an attempt to start. So I stalled it right in the middle of the road, got mummy out of the car and jumped outa the car myself. Having had the experience of being in a flaming car, I so didn’t want to be there when the darn thing exploded. A fellow was I guess trying to pull a fast one by asking us whether we want the car made, and a cop was getting all concerned about the traffic which was building up. He suggested that I jump in the car and he helps me push it to a corner, and with shaky limbs, that’s exactly what I did, but low and behold, the minute I stepped in to the car all the lights started blinking without ever inserting the key to start. It could jolly well be an ultra spooky technical defect, but I’ve no doubt that it was God’s hand working to stall the car and delay us for a few minutes to save us from a catastrophe that would have happened if not.

God is Good……All the Time !

Are You Authentic?

There is nothing much to write,
Nothing much to say,
Just waiting for my ticket,
To fly me far away - (Gobblezygook)

Been dancing under a disco ball the past few weeks….unpredictable and diversified.

- Took my first ferry ride with the car on it (Smooth but freaky)
- Munkey in ICU with a case of overdosed pills (I don’t want to find out why)
- Been trying to write my very own hand book on “How to Live Life” (Incase God decides to keep me till I’m 80 freaking years or something)

Really…I think I was engrossed in John Powell’s – “ Why I Am Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?” all day every day the past four weeks. It’s a book every living breathing individual must read. I started taking down notes as usual before returning it to the library, but Geez, I sure should have taken a photocopy instead, coz it so happened that I ended up copying the entire book in point form. Not a word was wasted. Every word made sense. The book is a marvel !

A section of the book speaks about all the different games and roles we play/Ego defense mechanisms we use to keep us hidden behind a well-masked image we have built based on the preprogramming each individual has encountered, willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously.

A List of Ego Defense Mechanisms:

(1) Always Right
(2) All Heart
(3) The Body Beautiful
(4) The Braggart
(5) The Clown
(6) The Competitor
(7) The Conformist
(8) The Crank
(9) The Cynic
(10) Deluded By Grandeur
(11) The Dominator
(12) The Dreamer
(13) The Problem Drinker / The Dope Addict
(14) The Flirt
(15) Fragile, Handle with Care
(16) The Gossip
(17) The Hedonist
(18) Ill
(19) Inferior and Guilty
(20) Indecisive & Uncertain
(21) Inflammable, Handle with Caution
(22) The Intellect, The Alias, The Egghead
(23) The Loner
(24) The Martyr
(25) The Messiah
(26) The Mommy
(27) Pounce De Leon
(28) The Poor Mouth
(29) Peace At Any Price
(30) The Pouter
(31) Prejudice And Bigotry
(32) The Procrastinator
(33) Yours Resentfully
(34) The Sex Bomb & Predatory Male
(35) Suffering Is The Spice (Price) of Life
(36) The Strong, Silent Type Vs. Willing & Wordy
(37) The Worrier

Come to think of it, most of us actually adopt or switch from one game to another as and when we feel it’s necessary to hide our true selves, which lie deep within us.

The book got the better of me, that I actually went to have a chat with a counselor. I wanted to know who I really was. Strip me down of all the defense mechanisms I use and bring out the authentic real being struggling and screaming to get out. I paid her to listen to me, to argue and counter argue with me, to challenge me and interrogate me. My last session ends next week and I feel free of half the baggage I was carrying for donkey’s years. Counseling ain’t only for mentally deranged, I wish people realize that and try to get in touch with what they are fearfully hiding inside.

I also realized that I am still holding on to an image of someone who managed to fascinate me when I was a kid. All my life I’ve been trying to find him, trying to find someone that resembles him. I don’t know his real name, but the nickname (Me thinks), tall, dark, lanky and smiling eyes. I remember his eyes twinkle on an occasion I met him at a distant. The last I saw him was when I was about 16 years. All I knew about him was his physical appearance and a few people from his family tree, but I guess with time, I have successfully given him an image and a voice.

Crazy as it may sound that’s exactly what I have been doing. I guess I heard him on one of the crappy radio stations doing a crappy late morning show a few years back, but then he just disappeared from the face of earth without the slightest bang. I actually though I had managed to track him down the past week, but unfortunately I had been stalking the wrong guy (poor guy, I hope I didn’t freak him out). That said and done, I guess it is ona em unsolved lil mysteries I’d have to live with. It freaks me out to think how, now that I know I have been operating on a stupid image all my life. Would I be able to stop? Would I be able to embrace a new relationship with a brand new perspective? Who knows if Id choose to dwell on the childhood memory and live a disillusioned life than choosing to move on? Crazy as it is, I wish I find him before I leave the country in a few weeks, to drown my curiosity and to move on !

On an ending note…..Tell me…..Do you think you can tell me who you really are? Would it be a crime to find out how your brain ticks exactly? Why do you judge people who hide nothing, is it because you hide the same, but are more than ashamed to admit to them?

To Kill a Mockingbird

It’s been over six months since I purchased the book “To Kill a Mockingbird – by Harper Lee” but never got around to reading it. I postponed devouring it probably after hearing my Dad’s review on it, I remember him checking out the bunch of books I purchased along with this book and twist his face to such a shape and pester me about buying something written half a century ago. He said that I might not like it and that it’s slow and boring. He wasn’t wrong, It is slow, but definitely not boring or a drag.

Even though there ain’t no proper storyline, one is bound to get hooked on to it, like a kid to a lollipop, but what I don’t get is why the author considers it to be a love story (My Dumbness) !

The book did play tricks with my mind, BIG Time ! The book offered me something I yearned for all my life. To grow up, whilst remaining a child and to savour the world, whilst remaining well hidden.

I sometimes do wish I could go back seven years from now and do things differently. I really do want to go back into the cocoon I struggled and broke free from. I think I like it in there than out here.

Outside the rain is falling,
Hard enough to rip ones skin,
But I don’t have to go outside,
Coz I’m already ripped within.
(Gobblezygook)

It all became clear whilst watching my two new pups, Casper and Wendy. Daddy stalls them in a cardboard box, which is kept inside the house, until he cleans their cage every morning. Wendy’s hollering ceases once Casper too is placed in the box, but Casper on the other hand, howls, screams and shrieks in vain to get outa the box. He is even smart enough to make a few attempts to cling to the top of the box with his neck and haul him self up with his hind feet. That Dog is a marvel (“,). Little do they know that the box is good for them than the outside world.

I couldn’t help but connect the whole situation to the relationship I have with my creator. At times we struggle too much to get out of situations, not knowing that the next leap we take against nature is going to be a mere ‘from pan to the fire’ situation. Just as competition and betterment is good for one, I couldn’t help wondering just how much of it is good and when it starts to get sour.

A few situations of the past kept randomly flashing through my mind

(1) Fall of Enron
(2) Suicide of Elvis Priestly and Curt Cobain
(3) Fall of Kabool Lanka
(4) Messed up marriage of Princess Diana / Death
(5) And the many huge companies struggling to survive and keep up with competition / Lawsuits

[No body said being huge would save the fall. Looks like the higher you go, the greater the fall] !

Just as much as I love, adore and am willing to give my everything for the business, I couldn’t help questioning myself if I wanted to be struggling all my life. Just as much as I am attracted to competition, the drive, the force I realized that I’d love to live like I din need any dough for tomorrow. I guess that’s what I really had at the back of my mind when moving to the jungle. I sure think God didn’t intend for us to keep competing all our lives. Doesn’t make much sense in that, but the problem remains in breaking away from the system, without tampering with the natural flow of life.

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
(Bother - Stone Sour)

Isn’t this what every one on their journey of adolescence feels? There’s something wrong somewhere. Wreck the System !

A Coward....She Is !

[“The best thing between us is that we don’t meet, no talk, no sharing, but I am in Love. Sometimes I feel if this is yet another partial thing”

“I am happy that I promised you something * years back, which is my love to you, and kept it unbroken until this moment even after going through all *****. Just one advice, if you love somebody just go ahead with it, everything else comes after that. Just face it! You need more courage to do that!”]

I know that this doesn’t sound Shakespearian, but it sure managed to shake my world a lil more than Shakespeare has ever managed to.

Long Gone

He calls and mumbles something about me having called him, but the truth is I never. Em memories remain memories and nothing beyond it. He mumbles something about leaving the station and leaving the country for good. It doesn’t affect me anymore and I hardly listen to him. Knowing his inside, his voice annoys me, it really does, and the sweet ring I thought it had has disappeared. The truth is that I don’t care anymore (even though I wish I did). A disease cannot inflict one too many times, now can it, it’s only a matter of time before he/she gets immune to it. I harbour no hatred, but I leave no room for plagues to grab my tail let alone walk past it.

The Blessing

It’s been three months since we shifted to the jungles and I still haven’t settled in a regular church. I was just loaded with numerous choices, which weren’t satisfying. Choosing a church to belong should be done as cautiously as getting married (“,). There are bound to be terrible issues if the spirit of the church doesn’t cross paths by any means. They must agree on their belifs and interpretations to a level the worshiper is comfortable and at home at the place of worship.

Woke up late and missed my first choice for a place of worship. Then called Chris to find out if I could tag along to her place of worship, but unfortunately (or fortunately) she had decided to make it to the early morning service instead. I was determining to make it to church by hook or by crook, coz I was pretty low without em spiritual food and yearned for some of it. I wanted to hear loud and clear that God loved me. It may sound funny (it does to me) that I have to go looking for people to reassure about God’s love for me, when we claim him to be creator of the universe, but it is comforting to know that great Kings like “Sir-David-I-Killed-Goliath” had there moments when they felt distant from God and sure felt equally traumatized. The beauty of the psalms is how the great king amidst all his moaning and groaning always comes around and glorifies God’s name for saving him from the muck he has got himself in to.

The course “Genesis” made me realize that even the greatest characters were muckups, even though God chose to use them mightily. Something “Ivor Poobalan” said got deeply rooted in my mind. He pointed out how Jacob wrestled with God until he was blessed. I think he half jokingly mentioned about how we too must not let go of God just like the grabber Jacob. The story of Jacob is hilarious, when you really look closely at it. The guy seems to be portrayed as a born grabber. He was pining for this certain blessing, which was to be passed on by his father, that he goes to the extent of deceiving his father (and thereby his brother) in order to get it.

Getting back to yesterday, I got dressed and decided to go to the next available church at Colpetty (Hmmm…35Km drive) never expecting anything else than a good message to keep me pumped up for the next week. Pumped up I am ! I felt like Jacob, I really did. I have been crying out for a blessing, a special blessing from God all this while, and this feeling of having that moment come closer than ever before swept over me. The gentleman (I’d like to keep him anonymous for while) who was conducting the service was someone God has blessed abundantly in the same area. He had been lifted to greater heights in a miraculous way. Yesterday was my day of wrestling with God, I wanted to run and hide from the crowd and have a real verbal battle, but I sat there like a plum lil pudding and kept observing this special man of God.

I’m sure I looked weird, but I couldn’t help it, coz there was a raving conflict going on inside me. I remember finally speaking up to God, saying; “God, in front of me stands a man you have blessed and lifted up, I want the same blessing and I ain’t gonna leave until you bless me”. I don’t really go up to the front to get prayed for, coz I believe that God is my very own father and I don’t need a middle man to pray for me or do any muck like that, but at that moment, a still small voice gently spoke to me, urging me to make it to the front. I decided not to tell the guy why I was at the front, coz I knew God would speak to him the same, if God accepted my desire and was ready to really bless me.

All I did was go up to him and say “You know what I am here for?” and he aid yes and laid an anointing on me. He used the word ‘anointing’, which was like a confirmation that God has heard my cries and decided to let me have the same blessing. I had never been ‘filled with the holy spirit’ without shrieks and cries, but yesterday was different. I felt very radiant and filled with something joyful. I couldn’t help grinning even as I slowly steadily collapsed. I felt glorious, or even more, a feeling that no words can explain. I wonder if the gentleman who blessed me knew that he did to me, what Isaac finally did to Jacob, pass on “THE” blessing. May be someday I’d ask him.

He asked me if I was going to a church anywhere, and when I said yes, he casually said that I should come here instead. Wohoooo…so I finally belong to a church I really really like and are in par with my belief system. Liberal and right (in my eyes). What more could I ask for?

Thinking Towards Marriage / Committed Quoting

I’ve been meaning to post a few tips / structure about what a couple should be concerned about before evening “Thinking Towards Marriage”. All honour goes to ‘Rev. Ted Rubesh’ for putting together the following structure (and distributing it among the class). I’m painstakingly typing it out hoping and wishing that it would be useful to at least some of the readers in some tiny way. I believe following this structure would lessen plenty heartaches, divorces and all of em unwanted problems faced by couples in (committed) relationships. Some of em questions would definitely help the ones who are trapped in a vicious make up-break up cycle to stop for a moment and ask them what they really want from the going nowhere relationships as well as from themselves.

(A) Knowing Yourself - (Your Personal Past)

(1) Family Background

a) What was / is your relationship with your mother / father?
b) Will your parents find it difficult to “let go” of you? In what ways?
c) In what ways will you find it difficult to “leave” home and parent?
d) What aspects of your parental home life were positive for you and what were negative? (their communication with each other; their love life etc..)
e) How might these factors shape your marriage for better or worse? What might you be able to do to lessen the negative aspects?
f) What is your family’s attitude towards your partner now, and how does this affect you?

(2) Relationships

a) Other than your partner, do you have close friends, or find it easy to make friends?
b) Have you had painful experiences of being let down by those you loved and trusted? If so, how do they affect your present relationship?
c) How have you handled relationships that have been difficult or disappointing?
d) Were you ever sexually abused as a child, or have you ever engaged in physical intimacy in a past relationship? If so, does you fiancée know/do you plan to share this information? (When?)How might this history affect you relationship together in the future?
e) Do you ever struggle with “same-sex” attraction? If so, will you or have you shared this with you fiancée? How might this struggle impact your future marriage? Have you sought counsel?

(3) Abilities / Achievement / Ambitions

a) What are your feelings about your level of achievement or non-achievement?
b) Are you creative / practical / intellectual / an organizer?
c) Do you have any major ambitions in life? How might marriage affect them?
d) How important is financial security to you?

(4) Spare Time Interests

a) How do you relax? Hobbies?
b) Are you a “people person” or do you prefer seclusion (or the company of a computer or TV?)

(5) Spiritual Growth

a) How have you grown (or shrunk) spiritually this last year?
b) How would you describe you spiritual pilgrimage so far?
c) How would you describe you present relationship to the Lord?
d) In what ways would you want to change?

(6) Physical and Mental Health

a) Have you had any serious physical pr psychological illnesses or treatment? How have these affected you as a person?
b) How do you respond to stress?
c) How would you describe your temperament? (Note : While Tim LaHaye’s “temperament model”…choleric / phlegmatic / sanguine / melancholy…does not cover all the bases, it’s not a bad place to start trying to evaluate your personality type. C. his book ‘Spirit Controlled Temperament’.)
d) What do you consider as your strong points? Weak points?

(B) Knowing Each Other - (Your Present Relationship)

1) Why do I want to get married? (I’m in love stupid !!!; social acceptance or pressure; desire

for relationship; sexual fulfillment; desire to start a family etc.)

2) Where does the Lordship of Christ fit in to our relationship? Do we share similar attitudes to commitment to Christ? Service for Him? Christ-like standards? The conviction that marriage is for life? The need for the Lord’s grace continually, helping us to achieve oneness in Christ Jesus?Do we find it easy to pray / worship together?

3) What attracts me to my partner? What do I value in him/her? Am I physically attracted? Do I have a sense of respect for his/her character? Is he/she the sort of person I would like to be the parent of my children? Can I compare him/ her favourably with others – (with my father /mother / friends)? Do I feel proud to be associated with him / her?

4) What needs of mine am I expecting for him / her to meet at present? (a clue might be “When I am disappointed or hurt in our relationship?”)

5) What are the areas in which we complement one another? Are our personalities compatible in daily living? Temperamental differences and needs? Tastes / standards / interests?

6) Do we keep each other informed about our schedules and whereabouts?

7) What are two of the happiest or most precious memories about our relationship thus far?

8) In what ways do we express our love for each other? (or do you find this difficult?) Is my partner able to “decode” the way I express my affection? (Note : a very helpful book on the subject is The Five Love Languages)

9) Are there boundaries on the level of our physical involvement with each other until marriage?Are we sticking to them? Are these parameters that we both feel are important?

10) What disturbs or irritates me about him/her? Which are areas of potential conflict? (finance. in-laws, communication, sex, children…) What makes us argue? If we don’t argue…why don’t we? How do we resolve disagreements? Who gives way? Why? How does “forgiveness” operate in our relationship?

11) Are we being realistic about our suitability for one another? Are there areas we/I need to talk over with someone else?

(c) Expectations - (Looking at the Future)

What do I expect from marriage / and what do I think you expect of me from marriage?

(1) Level of relationship after marriage:

a) What level of “overlap of lives” does each of us expect our marriage to produce? (maximum overlap / minimum overlap)
b) In what ways will we give our relationship “room to breathe”?
c) How will we “service” our relationship after marriage?

(2) Roles and Responsibilities

a) What are our concepts of Biblical leadership and submission?
b) How do we see the delegation of responsibility and the process of decision-making taking shape in our marriage?
c) What are your thoughts on “working woman” vs. “house wife”?

(3) Home

a) What do each of us expect with regard to “housing” and “standard of living”? How does each of us define “neatness” and “cleanliness”?
b) What is your thinking regarding the issue of emigration?
c) How important is “hospitality” and an “open home” to each of us?
d) How important are celebrations such as Birthdays, Christmas, Anniversaries etc. to each of us?
e) Who is going to cook, clean, fix the leaky pipes, take out the garbage, make the beds, pay the bills, buy the groceries, feed the dog….?
f) What’s my favourite TV programme? Hat’s my spouse’s? What happens if they are both on at the same time?

(4) Sexuality

a) What are my present feelings about my future sexual relationship with my spouse? (disturbed / fearful / anxious / neutral / expectant / excited / intrigued)
b) What do I feel is God’s perspective on our married love life?
c) How will the dynamics of sexual stimulation, response and climax differ between my spouse and me?
d) How will I deal with potential sexual problems? (pre-mature ejaculation; inability to maintain erection; inability to come to achieve orgasm, frigidity etc.)
e) Will I be able to refuse sexual requests from my spouse without offending him / her? (What will I say?) And how will I handle a “turn down”
f) How do I define “fidelity” and “faithfulness” in marriage? How would I deal with any infidelity and unfaithfulness that I might discover on my spouse’s part? How will I deal with it when I find it infiltrating my own life?
g) Who is responsible for birth control? I f we are planning to postpone having children, what form of birth control do we plan on using?

(5) Children

a) Do we actually want children? (when screaming and sticky) How many?
b) Who will be responsible for bringing the kids up? (changing the nappies, helping with homework, disciplining, etc..) What are our expectations for their education?
c) Who will take on the responsibility of spiritual discipleship of the children?

(6) In –Laws & Parents

a) What are my expectations of my in-laws? What are their expectations of me?
b) What are our thoughts on living with in-laws? What does “leaving” mean to us in practical terms? What does “honouring your father and mother” mean to us in practical terms?

(7) Finance

a) What are our respective ideas on such things as joint accounts / salaries / personal allowance / budgeting etc.?
b) Do my partner or I have strong feelings. Traditions or convictions in any of the following areas : family gifts / financial goals / insurance / savings / getting into debt (e.g. mortgage) / credit cards / tithing and giving etc..
c) What are our expectations about spending money on holidays / hobbies etc.?

(8) Christian Commitment

a) What expectations do each of us bring with regard to frequency of church attendance? Where will we worship together? What level of commitment to church life will we pursue?
b) What place will prayer and time in God’s Word together have in our relationship
c) How will I balance the obligations of ministry, marriage and family? Which will receive priority?