After a mega arguments about all sorta of religions with me Dad yesterday…I got thinking again….All religions ask people to be good….but how good can a person be……I’ve turned from the Wicked, Satanic, Evil person I was 10 months back…I’m trying hard to be a better person, genuinely love people around me…..(I said I was trying)…..It wasn’t hard at all to kick their asses outa my way before…But now it’s difficult, coz I am convicted that it is WRONG to do so.
I remember some of my so-called-Christian friends, teaching me how to say NO……Say NO to worldly things……..But what do I say, when they themselves try to use my kindness and exploit the love I have for them. I genuinely do adore them, love them & appreciate the fact that they have been their for me…….but….how far does gratitude really have to go……Enlightened as they are….why can’t they comprehend the selfish act they are committing?
I sure have acted boorish and stayed away from a lot of my friends & events, because of the fear factor of being sucked back in to my old life again. The deep dark hole of spite & evil. But eventually I realized that No one is perfect…….The fact still remains that I would never turn away from the truth I found…”Jesus Christ” the transformer of lives…My Salvation…..but guess I’ve learned enough, not to depend on a church or look up to the so called Extreme Christian racists for my growth…Of course I may never grow up to be a perfect mirror image of my master, but at least, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite bounded by an organized denomination.
Am I throwing the Church away after I sucked out the life it had to give me??? No…..I ain’t that ungrateful…..But if I remain there…I would only fall away just like most of em. Christian’s aren’t supposed to be a different race, or different cast….they are supposed to mirror images of Jesus…spreading love, joy & hope…& not be initiators of religious wars.
I was yearning to join Bible college, coz I wanted to understand the Bible (more than I do now)…..read between the lines & to figure out the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the whole truth. I wanted to know more about God……I wanted to know more about the rights and the wrongs. I want to have a closer walk with my master & not fall away…….But what do I hear when I go for my registration…I fill in the form & lady registrar lets me in to the fact that I have to submit a letter by my Church Pastor that stating that I actually do belong to a particular church & if I fail to do so before my first class in January, my registration would be cancelled. Wow !!!! I wish she actually did see the disgust written all over my face……..Utter Disgust !!!!
I wish I could change things…..but I can’t…..all I can do is try not to fall victim to the so called qualities I detest in people around me…..after all who am I to judge???
Last, but no the least, I apologies to every one I offended, belittled, & took for granted, during my period of transformation (learning process). I’m really sorry if I acted a racist of extreme view points (unintentionally of course). The self identification process is crazy & most of all frustrating (I hope you understand). I sometimes wonder what sort of identification I have. Do I want to call myself a Christian? (Of course I can…..but the question remains whether I want to)? And when one makes a statement as the following …”Ohh….another one of em hypocrites”…..do I have to stoop low and defend my self by denying facts & examples they throw my way by answering…..”Nei…not one of them…Look at me..I am different”) !!!
Why why??? So many questions with absolutely no answers? So many confusions, I have to deal alone. I remember something harping in my ear “Christianity is not a lonely walk child” My Tush !!! (I reserve the rest of my comments).
God Bless You !!!
(Follower of Jesus Christ)
I remember some of my so-called-Christian friends, teaching me how to say NO……Say NO to worldly things……..But what do I say, when they themselves try to use my kindness and exploit the love I have for them. I genuinely do adore them, love them & appreciate the fact that they have been their for me…….but….how far does gratitude really have to go……Enlightened as they are….why can’t they comprehend the selfish act they are committing?
I sure have acted boorish and stayed away from a lot of my friends & events, because of the fear factor of being sucked back in to my old life again. The deep dark hole of spite & evil. But eventually I realized that No one is perfect…….The fact still remains that I would never turn away from the truth I found…”Jesus Christ” the transformer of lives…My Salvation…..but guess I’ve learned enough, not to depend on a church or look up to the so called Extreme Christian racists for my growth…Of course I may never grow up to be a perfect mirror image of my master, but at least, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite bounded by an organized denomination.
Am I throwing the Church away after I sucked out the life it had to give me??? No…..I ain’t that ungrateful…..But if I remain there…I would only fall away just like most of em. Christian’s aren’t supposed to be a different race, or different cast….they are supposed to mirror images of Jesus…spreading love, joy & hope…& not be initiators of religious wars.
I was yearning to join Bible college, coz I wanted to understand the Bible (more than I do now)…..read between the lines & to figure out the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the whole truth. I wanted to know more about God……I wanted to know more about the rights and the wrongs. I want to have a closer walk with my master & not fall away…….But what do I hear when I go for my registration…I fill in the form & lady registrar lets me in to the fact that I have to submit a letter by my Church Pastor that stating that I actually do belong to a particular church & if I fail to do so before my first class in January, my registration would be cancelled. Wow !!!! I wish she actually did see the disgust written all over my face……..Utter Disgust !!!!
I wish I could change things…..but I can’t…..all I can do is try not to fall victim to the so called qualities I detest in people around me…..after all who am I to judge???
Last, but no the least, I apologies to every one I offended, belittled, & took for granted, during my period of transformation (learning process). I’m really sorry if I acted a racist of extreme view points (unintentionally of course). The self identification process is crazy & most of all frustrating (I hope you understand). I sometimes wonder what sort of identification I have. Do I want to call myself a Christian? (Of course I can…..but the question remains whether I want to)? And when one makes a statement as the following …”Ohh….another one of em hypocrites”…..do I have to stoop low and defend my self by denying facts & examples they throw my way by answering…..”Nei…not one of them…Look at me..I am different”) !!!
Why why??? So many questions with absolutely no answers? So many confusions, I have to deal alone. I remember something harping in my ear “Christianity is not a lonely walk child” My Tush !!! (I reserve the rest of my comments).
God Bless You !!!
(Follower of Jesus Christ)
2 comments:
I'm glad you realised this on your own. This is, I suppose a major revelation on your part. I've already seen and overcome the hypocrisy and false attitudes of religion, but I was wondering if you would ever see things in that light since you were pushing yourself so hard to be this diamond in the rough. My faith in intelligence and logic has been restored :) You are indeed capable seeing beyond what is just in front of your eyes. Well done lady, you are one of us now.
One of us????? Well...the very statement kinda freaks me out......I just said that I would try not to get sucked in to organized denominations......Never said that i'd stop trying to save lost souls.....Jesus Christ is still my EVERYTHING !!! (",)
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