The past week has been absolutely trying......Its taking me far away from God......and the minute I manage to crawl back to his feet...there I go again.........It rips me apart...Love...passion.....

I've been a steady ass for 5 whole months.......and I slipped just when I thot I was the strongest...just when I thot I'd never slip again.........hmmmmmm......................God help me..(of course he is the only one to help me....)....

I learnt something yesterday.....that even the best friends...the most trustworthy arn't really bothered about what u go through...it hurts....it really hurts..........but then again.....we live in a world fulla sinners (like myself).....who can I blame......at the end of the day...all I can do is go down on knees and cry out to the Lord to redeem me.....n to take me away from the snares I've got my self trapped in to.....

I've made up my mind to win this battle.....I ain't gonna scratch ma knees and run home to mamma.....I'm gonna stand up and march forward and attack the enemy....crush the freaking skull of the dark lord of hell...............

He angers me......he has been fucking with me for too long....just too long...he has no escape.......no more slipping and sliding and battling to stay afloat.... I will not let him have a hold on me....I just will not.....

I'm weak......I've no strength to wake up let alone move forward........My stomaches in a knot....in an uneasy..squeshy knot.......I don't like the way I feeel..........I ain't happy.....Forcing a smile is as hard as opening my eyes and facing the sun.I'm so tired of running....Just so tired of running......I can't help crying......I'm at the brink of breaking down.....I open my eyes...but they are heavy...my eyelids keep closing coz its a strain to keep them open........waking up is torture...going back to sleep is bigger torture......I twist and turn till early dawn....wondering and pondering......

It ain't for long...It ain't for long.........My redemtion ain't far away.....I see him coming towards me with open arms.....I feel a sense of peace coming over me.......I know he will set me free.....tho I sometimes feel that I don't deserve his help....I don't deserve his mercy...coz I falter...I falter knowingly......I'm a child of lust....lust for the world.....I hurt him with every step I take...But I still take it....

Thou will never understand me...so I shall not try explaining......The love I have for you is pure...pure as the wings of a dove......but I relaized it ain't the same feeling u have towards me.....it hurts...but I understand :(

I try to bid good bye...but I can't...........Heaven help me.......

It's a crazy world.....Young hearts running wild......Flesh hungering for a lil more lust.......Religion binding one n' keeping one on track........Blind faith leading many.....Athiests destroying the weak hearted......Pagans hexing each other.....Spirits roaming the earth, taking over traitors of God....100'000 denominations.......another smiliar number of races.......lust for power...lust for might...lust for acceptance...lust for ..................... too many to mention.................

I try to find the answers to all my questions through the words of King Soloman.....but no..I still haven't found the answers I'm looking for.....I'm contemplating on so many things that It's driving me mad......Help each other and live happy, somebody told me yesterday.......hehehehe... (now that's a joke)....

Peace is not yet mine.......I wait patiently till it sweeps across my face.......I dream of that day....I dream of the smile I'm gonna wear.....It's all too clear to me now.....It's all to clear......

This life ain't for me........this life just ain't for me :)

God bleass u !!!