Ermmmm...Ermmm.......Kapuwa.com (Hahahaha)

Ok...ok.....Big confession...I've been messing around with kapuwa.com........It all happened a month back when ona ma budsies started harping about kapuwa.com....outa sheer curiosity, me joined the thnigy (in disguise of course....Lord help me if I ever shoot ma real identity...no way...Not in this life..He).......

Man...I'm so having a ball ever since.......The mails just keep streaming in...(mind you...I do not have a profile at all.....Just a attractive, English sounding name.....and yeah...quite an attractive vulnerable age)......Check out some mails me received and try tickling your self to death !!!

(Nonna em are edited, but nonna identities have been revealed)....

Hi,
I have been alone for a long time now; not by choice or lack of interest in finding someone to keep me company, but simply because none of those who have crossed my path gathered the same qualities you do...I must confess that I fell a bit awkward and embarrassed as I write these lines, but the feeling that we may really get a long with each other and be happy together is very strong.I would like you to give us this chance. Please understand that I am not asking this for my own sake; I am asking it for the both of us, because I believe that you would have not touched my heart if it wasn't meant for me to make you happy.
An affectionate kiss from,
xxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- What does he think he is "Prince Charming" ???? (No...I ain't "Cinderalla)

hi dear,
I am professional worked in a leading IT co in col and living in col.I am open minded person who like to getto know u . so pls let me know more details about u and let me know what u want to know about me. so let get in touch with each other soon. waiting to hear from u soon
love
xxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- Open mind ??? (I wonder if his brains are still intact)

hi im a fun loving guy of20.... 60 kg.... 5"8 tall and tan..contact me on.... 07xxxxxx if u lik to get to known

Me 2 cents worth :- Y in the world would I want to know his Height & Weight???

hi xxxxxx
gone through your profile and thought about sending you a message. i,m 27 and working for a software company in UK. hmm.. what else? i would like to meet nice girls with good sense of humour. :-). i,m not telling i,m some one who jumps into commitments the first place but there could be some thing serious with some one who is loving caring and nice. think i told you about me. guess its your time.. :-) And i,m used to travel to sri lanka at least every 4 months cos i do miss my friends and family over there .. :-).. if you would like to get to know a nice friend would you mind dropping a mail to my mail address which is xxxxxxx@yahoo.com or send me a reply to this and we can keep in touch.:-) hope to hear from you soon.

Me 2 cents worth :- Watz this bloke looking for? a once in 4 months frienship????Commitment ???? (He's gotta be kidding)

Welcvome to Kapuwa
Call me for a good time
(Number)
xxxxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- What sorta good time are we talking about......and wow...he's given his home number........(God bless him) !!!

Hi Lady.
Its like this, bla bla bla na ne ne naa naa naaaa naaa.......and what else? I am in my ripe age of the mid i.e. 27 on the dot!. Having difficulties in getting a date. No dont get me wrong I am really really really superb looking (I have been taught the merits of positive thinking!) charming, sincere, manage my own finances and above all know when to layoff without being having told to do so. What I look for in a friend, pal, partner,buddy, companion, acquaintance, ally, associate, comrade (thanks word thesaurus)is to be fun and fun and sincere. And a person who would like to be lavished without having hangovers about it. Well I guess its a bit of a asking but hay, I am choosy. So girls if this is the qualities you look for in a guy drop me a rope, I will climb up or at least will give a tag and thats a promise.
Over,
Yours truly the Puppydog

My 2 cents worth :- This sounds interesting......a replacement for me doggy........Why would he have difficulties getting a date with a vocabulary like that (Either he is shit ugly, pain in the butt, or a plague)

Hai Dear,
I am (name) , who is 25 years old male. Working in a one of private company call (name of company) in Colombo as a (post). I like to know about you. If you like only send to me email or come for chat with me. Sorry if I disturb you.
My e-mails are-
xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com"
My number is ...(number)
Thanks,Take Care,
BUDUSARANAI

Me 2 cents worth :- Absolute turn off !!!

Opppps....what have I done......me ain't ridiculing any Just that I find it all so funny.......They hardly know me at the other end....and gosh......who in their right mind would fall for pick up lines like em???? definitely not me)....The whole puppy dog thingy sorta did get me all impressed......good stuff, but still.............geeez...(Stop being judgmental u wicked ass) !!!!

My Boy Lollipop !!!

Did a whopping workout yesterday for the 3rd consecutive day....amazing feeling.....but, the voices didn't let me be last night...I had to go sleep with my parents again...just cudn't handle it.....it's getting annoying...really annoying....

Woke up at 8.15 today morning......woahh......had to rush......rush and rush to get to the car before my mum...or I would have been a smashed pumpkin......

Rock was so not the thing to listen to today so stuck to absolute retro till me made it to work...and boy...didn't it make a world of difference...Whilst Rock makes ya wanna bang ya head "bang...bang" to the wheel, scream in rage, molest & harass fellow drivers..... Oldies make ya smile, give way...and be extra nice to every Tom, Dick n' Harry passing ya dinky toy...heheheh

My boy Lollipop
You make my heart go giddy-up
You are as sweet as candy
You're my sugar dandy

----OoOPPPS....was I actually wearing that sheepish grin on me face while they played this----

Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
I know you'll get to like it If you give it a chance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
My little baby sister can do it with ease
It's easier than learning your a b c's
So come on, come on
Do the loco-motion with me

(Locomotion - Kylie Minogue)

Errmm........k.....jump...jump......swing ya hands up n' down......


I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

(Boys of Summer - Don Henley)

(NICE....................real nice)...............

Ahhh....da sound of Dolly Parton......The way she begs "Jolene" to leave her man alone gets me all emotionally fizzzed up...... "Before the next tear drop falls" ..........

(This is fun........slowy songs are gooda behind the wheel......takes away the tension and pressure from driving with a bunch of crawly crabs.....

Did I just here Samantha Fox say...."touchez-moi"...............errrrm..............

Pulled Nerves n" Fidgety Feet !!!

Ahh.......the new place is heaven, heaven, I've fallen head over heals in love with the place......counting my toes till we shift.......

Nothing went as I planned...was too tired to go for rock sat.......awwwwwwww..............I've missed it for tooo long........(Take me there...I wanna go there...)...tehehehe

The drive to Panadura and visiting da gazzillion of me mums friends on our way back was a killer....I mean a real baaad killer.......

Under the greatest difficulty me pulled out em machines from their respective hiding places and actually worked out an hour on Sat and an hour on Sunday.......ahhhhhhh...suffered the consequenses at church last evening....my nerves were all jumpy n' my brain was screaching away for some hyperactivity......I kept fidgeting...jumping...twisting, turning and heaven knows what.....Fortunately I was seated at the very back, that not too many noticed what I was doing......geeezzzz........

The serman was an eye opener....but was glad to be back on my feet and behind the wheel earlier than the winding up time........(nerrrvy) !!!!

Just got back from lunching with good ol Christobel.......Had an indepth conversation n" a good chitter chat after a long time....


~ Greater Iz He Dat Iz In Me, Dan He Dat Iz In Da World ~
(He's amazing as always) !!!!

Helplessly Falling !!!

Was sorta feeling wonky from morning........real wonky.......

For some reason or the other I was dying to hear the crazy frog tracks over and over again...My eyes actually did lighten up n sparkle every time they played it..

Figured out that ona ma buddy boo is far more creative than I gave him credit for.......errrm...chek out a part of a lil chat me had with witty cuddley thang (",)

[Yahoo IM]..............

marcy : I c
marcy: so u needed to cool off wit a ice icream
marcy: wot next ... cold shower

gobblezygook: he's so adorable............i wish i was flown away to alska......

marcy : its colder at da antarctic
marcy : u cud snuggle up in a igloo

gobblezygook : nah....shit marc....i can't help myself falling

marcy : covered in a big furr

gobblezygook : its dangerous

marcy : wit nothing but body heat to keep ya warm

gobblezygook : worse than getting caught in the middle of a garilla battle

gobblezygook : wow...ur creative

marcy: xxxx prudy is faalin
marcy: fallin down da down thro da rabbit hole
marcy: towards da bottomless abyss
marcy: towards da mesmerizing world of luuuuv
marcy: where angels sing
marcy: and butterflys dance
marcy: dance to da tune of eternal bliss

marcy : lovers walkin on air
marcy : skating effortlessly
marcy : on a glacier of dreams

marcy : where time stands stilll
marcy : and da world around is in freeze frame
marcy : suspended in time and space
marcy : floating thro da ether of neverness
marcy : thro magical haze of ecstasy

[End of IM]...............

Creativity at it's best......errrm...but I'm getting worried about this dude (",)

Gonna have a packed up weekend......

(1) Drive off to a to God-foresaken village to check out new property
(2) Then gotta choose between a play and ROCK SAT ......
[End of Sat]..

(3) Contract to molest a female buddy at some fiest of fair...(errrm....nah..just going to have a lil fun)
(4) Church (more fun)...........
[End of Sunday]

Ouch...that's it...........just 4 biggies and a whole lovely weekend of snoozing gobbled up...

Clutter Brain Me in an Equally Cluttered-up Breakless Maruti.....

Hazard to all mankind huh?.......eerrrrm.....yeah..may be.....Figured that the car has become absolutely breakless....hehehe....Felt like I've clambered mount Everest twice trying to drive the darn think cautiously...not only my poor hands & feet but my poor brains too are utterly exhausted......

Went to see Kev's nanna......She is the sweetest thing I've ever come across.........Cracked a lil sale there....and yeah.....loafed around a bit.....got back to work.....What do I get......the stupid monkey's coming to the CIM class down the lane taking up all my parking space.......Finally managed to grab me spot after a lil bit of shoooing and "Hey these spots are for the residence" explanations......

Was really pissed with myself in the morning...really pissed.....for letting myself actually fancy someone........guess it's time I figured that they are never gonna stay for ever.......It annoys me.....

Ahh...gotta get behind the wheel again........that kills....Better leave home early,coz I got a loooong day tomorrow....and a long weekend......Oh yeah...the thot of the weekend is already getting me all hyped

Tipsy...Very Tipsy !!!

Woahhh...I've gotten over me telephonic addction...I can actually live without it breathing life in to me every few coupla mins......and yeah.........The beep of the sms's doesn't make me go hi-flying n e more.........one week of willfull struggle......(EeeCHU WAWAWA) !!!!!

Had a few sessions of "Woopy Yippy Yuppy" ies staring at the opposite sex and making em all unconfortable.....(yabadabadooooooo...) this is fun.....perfect way to get back at em........errrmmm may be I shudn't make a habbit of it.......

The lil bita badminton I played last Saturday is so getting to me.....(Reminds me that I need to start shaking a few limbs everyday before I stiffen up n" freeze over for good)......... Arrrgh...My poor limbs are achey breaky......

Was pondering about what annoys me the most.......Weeeeakness.......(How darn judgemental)......Needa get over it.......Needa learn to luv me neighbour more than my self (How unfortunate not to have any cute neighbours around) :(

I'm all happy Yuppy today....(Eyes are still half closed......feel like puffing my life out......(thats called depression)......But would I give in to it...no way)....I'm gonna beat the blues baby.......Beat the blues........

I so miss the good times I had with my lil-angel.......It was a darn ball of fun...millanium park rides...window shopping.........movie marathons.......I really do miss em all....but then again...realisation tells me never ever to go there again.....Never ever ever... Some things are better unseen, untouched and unknown....hehehehe

The voices were harsher than ever yesterday......But...Praise the Lord...they have no power over me any more....They hide in fear the minute a tad litla bita of the mighty one's blood touches em......(nah..not real blood...just covered me self with his precious blood and he rocked me to sleep)......

Big Worry :- I'm strating to fancy a bloke......errrm...(danger danger)......I checked me point scheme...he does lack the most vital.....do we compromise?????? Let me subtly prowl away in silence for a while........tehehehe.....(I find it funnny...I truely do..........coz I never really fall in love...may be I never have......I just let my emotions run wild a tad bit).....Confused, Gone wrong Kid !!!

Planning to go for the youth meeting in the eveing.....I really want to make it.....Missed church last Sunday coz of a stupid procession me got caught to :( I'm hungry for a lil bita teaching n a lil bita preaching) May be coz I'm too lazy to read the bible and comprehend...which I must make a habit of......that books got all the answers to all me questions.......but then again....it's my foolishness that I go compromise..take the left hand path and fall in th shit, again & again)...hehehehe

The past week has been absolutely trying......Its taking me far away from God......and the minute I manage to crawl back to his feet...there I go again.........It rips me apart...Love...passion.....

I've been a steady ass for 5 whole months.......and I slipped just when I thot I was the strongest...just when I thot I'd never slip again.........hmmmmmm......................God help me..(of course he is the only one to help me....)....

I learnt something yesterday.....that even the best friends...the most trustworthy arn't really bothered about what u go through...it hurts....it really hurts..........but then again.....we live in a world fulla sinners (like myself).....who can I blame......at the end of the day...all I can do is go down on knees and cry out to the Lord to redeem me.....n to take me away from the snares I've got my self trapped in to.....

I've made up my mind to win this battle.....I ain't gonna scratch ma knees and run home to mamma.....I'm gonna stand up and march forward and attack the enemy....crush the freaking skull of the dark lord of hell...............

He angers me......he has been fucking with me for too long....just too long...he has no escape.......no more slipping and sliding and battling to stay afloat.... I will not let him have a hold on me....I just will not.....

I'm weak......I've no strength to wake up let alone move forward........My stomaches in a knot....in an uneasy..squeshy knot.......I don't like the way I feeel..........I ain't happy.....Forcing a smile is as hard as opening my eyes and facing the sun.I'm so tired of running....Just so tired of running......I can't help crying......I'm at the brink of breaking down.....I open my eyes...but they are heavy...my eyelids keep closing coz its a strain to keep them open........waking up is torture...going back to sleep is bigger torture......I twist and turn till early dawn....wondering and pondering......

It ain't for long...It ain't for long.........My redemtion ain't far away.....I see him coming towards me with open arms.....I feel a sense of peace coming over me.......I know he will set me free.....tho I sometimes feel that I don't deserve his help....I don't deserve his mercy...coz I falter...I falter knowingly......I'm a child of lust....lust for the world.....I hurt him with every step I take...But I still take it....

Thou will never understand me...so I shall not try explaining......The love I have for you is pure...pure as the wings of a dove......but I relaized it ain't the same feeling u have towards me.....it hurts...but I understand :(

I try to bid good bye...but I can't...........Heaven help me.......

It's a crazy world.....Young hearts running wild......Flesh hungering for a lil more lust.......Religion binding one n' keeping one on track........Blind faith leading many.....Athiests destroying the weak hearted......Pagans hexing each other.....Spirits roaming the earth, taking over traitors of God....100'000 denominations.......another smiliar number of races.......lust for power...lust for might...lust for acceptance...lust for ..................... too many to mention.................

I try to find the answers to all my questions through the words of King Soloman.....but no..I still haven't found the answers I'm looking for.....I'm contemplating on so many things that It's driving me mad......Help each other and live happy, somebody told me yesterday.......hehehehe... (now that's a joke)....

Peace is not yet mine.......I wait patiently till it sweeps across my face.......I dream of that day....I dream of the smile I'm gonna wear.....It's all too clear to me now.....It's all to clear......

This life ain't for me........this life just ain't for me :)

God bleass u !!!

No More Preteinding (Set Me Free) !!!

Below are two songs that reminded me of Gods Love...and reminded me that I ain't alone.....I'm at my worst...trust me worst.....but with him on my side...I know I will survive......I know I will.......(then what am I grumbling about????)...I'm only human......and my faith is only blind....there is so much I can take......My flesh is weak, my emotions are young & raw.....my head is strong, but that aint enuf......coz my flesh is weak, and evil temptations are strong................I want to hear his voice ...I need him omre than ever.........coz he's the only voice that'll sooth me.....he's the only hand that'll rock me to sleep...he's the only one who can set me free.....I cry out with all my might...he hears me...but why does he test my patience.......Matser don't let me fall again while I wait........Don't let me get away....coz I don't want to......near you is where I want to be......at your feet is my resting place.......

I'm da lucky one who has hope in him...I pity those who only have hope in themselves.......I'm broken I'm tattered...within me is an empty soul...no hope for tomorrow...no hope for the next hour, let alone the next minute.........but in him I have everything...in him I have the world......I wish em silly fools will one day realise what I'm trying to tell them......(God let me testify without shame......let them know that you'r alive....)

My eyes are smothered with tears and I don't want anyone to see me.....I feel so alone...I feel dead alone.......but I have to face the world...I have to meet and greet and crack em deals...

Help me Lord, for I am yours......

------------------------------------------------------------
Scott Krippayne - 'No More Pretending'

I can look good when I want to
I know the right things to say
I cover up what I don't want you to see
But you see it anyway
Maybe I think I can fool you
Maybe I'm fooling myself
I want to change but I don't know how
And I need your help

Chorus :- No more pretending
No more pretending Lord,
I know I need to tell you the truth tonight
But everything is not alright in my life
And I need you like never before
I don't want to pretend anymore

I'm tired of hiding my weakness
I'm tired of trying to look strong
I don't want to say that everything's fine
When there's so much that's wrong
Tell me again that you love me
Though it's more than my heart understands
And I will lay down my disguises
And show You who I am
------------------------------------------------------------

Hilary Weeks - 'He Will'

I can't hold on any longer
Temptation keeps getting stronger
And when I'm about to fall
And I've given it my all

Chorus :- He will move mountains
He will work miracles
I have no doubt that He will not let me go
His arms are open still
And when I can't I know He will

Sometimes it's all I can handle
To stay ahead of the battle
And when I'm not strong enough
His love will lift me up and

Speak peace to my soul
And I'll trust His love to guide me home
Cause I know I can't make it on my own

Floating at the Bottom !!!

Wooaaaw...I've actually made up my mind to go for the youth meeting today......hehehe....Amazing...Just when u think ur caught in a brutal never ending hail storm.......he makes the sun shine brighter than ever.......He's awsome...just too awsome.......

I'm still perplexed....but I know that peace is not too far......All I can do is to biliv in the miracle he promised to perform......he was with me ever since and he will be there with me for ever more.....

Hail the Mighty one I biliv in !!!!

Almost Perfect at the Not-So-Perfect Time !!!

It's amazing how u meet the best at the worst time.....and u just gotta let them go......u just gotta let them go.....u just gotta let them go...U don't want to...but u just gotta let them go :(

I Faltered !!!

Ppl actually think I live by a whole loada crappy principles.....nah...bull shit....may be I did...but that was long ago.....Kinda lost my mind 3 years back...and every principle went hay wire....hehehe.....but yeah...I've faltered My God again...and I ain't too proud about it......since I don't live by my principles these days...but his.....

I so want him to forgive me...I really do.....I've gotten hold of myself to say no to temptation...."God HELP Me" for I may fail again.......As much as the world brings pleasure to one's self....it sometimes does bring raw pain to the mighty one.......

The walk with God is like sleeping on a bed of roses......nah..I ain't condemning it......the feel of the soft petals around u makes u wanna sink in deeper...the fragrance makes u lose your mind.....but the deeper u sink...the thornier it gets.....The thorns are equal to the evil temptations the prince of darkness is gonna arrow u down with, the closer you get to God......Hmmm........

Was totally messed up in the morning...when a child of God called me.....and all I could do was pour my heart out to her.....she didn't judge me.....she only offered to pray....and she reminded me that God's love would never leave me nor forsake me.....wow...just what I wanted to hear.....

I remember in the past, laughing at the same lady just coz she slaved for Christ....but now I'm just thankful I know her.......I thank God for filling my life with at least a few who are right with him.....

God Bless U !!!

Accidently in Luv or Iz it Sumthing else ???

He's was always just a friend of yours, not even in ur wildest, wildest dreams have u dreamt of him as special......but suddenly outa da blue.....u simply can't look at him straight....he makes ur knees go wobble...wobble.....u can't stand his presence coz it makes u all nervous.....(No one has ever really made u nervous...the feeling is wiered).......

U sit and wonder if u really are in love? It does't matter if thats what u want or thats not what u want.......The question is whether or not what u feel is real..........is it infatuation....lust...... hmmmmmmmm...........Is this the end of another beutiful friendship........(Too many questions bubbling in your pee brain).....

You hardly thota him...didn't care what he did, or where he was.....but suddenly u wish u cud spend every minute with him.....u wish he were right where u are........

Annoying...annoying...I hate this feeling.......Wish I was feelingless again...Hardhearted and cold.....Cold as steel....Solid as wood......I don't want to feel....To feel is to hurt......To hurt is to cry......

Arrrrghhhhh.....................

Ppl wanna know y u con.....How can u not when the world is strewd with a whole loada liers......

May be thats the only defense mechanism I know....To get hurt...and still bounce back to life within a coupla hours......or rather a coupla days....."CON"...con u...con me.....con my feelings......con away !!!

The Weekend !!!

Who said growing up was eaaazy???? hehehe......Falling in love...falling outa love.....ripping hearts...ripped hearts.....Looking for "the one" "finding the one"..figuring out it aint the one...hehehe......Drama...drama......drama..n more drama....

My mission to find pure passion...true love (When everyone around me keeps saying it just doesn't exist...hehe).....wel...at least there has to be someone close to Mr. Perfect ya??? hehe...yeah...may be there is....there is true, passion...true love.....(The purest is of God....never forget that)......I thrilled I found it.....may be not to keep...."NOT EVERYTHING PERFECT IS URS FOREVER"....one can only be contended with the brief moments of happiness it smothers your life with...hehehe

But then again...u tend to wonder...how perfect is "PERFECT".......hmmm.....u suddenly wonder...Am I in love? or is this just lust? is it right? or is it wrong? hmmm.....( a few more pages of the journal...I can publish a bible of my own...hehehe)...........

Its crazy how ppl never speak up about silly issues....U suddenly sit n ponder whether the culture should be more open or close...how much of traditionalism is healthy..............Heaven help me.......I seriously am lost......

How much of religion is healthy? How harmful can a ceraless kiss get? How new can a new beginign get?

Hmm........What exactly is rebelling against parent mean? What exactly is rebelling...Inverted behaviour??????? hmmmmmm.......

May be I'm going thru another one of em monday blues......hehehe....what can I do...just give it to the Lord and let him make the best outa the day....He rules....He rules...none but he rules......

God Bless Ya !!!!

Started on a new poem......struggling to get the thots in to words......ouch ouch....

Just a few more thots......may be ppl like her never really find true happines......a calibre of her own...hmm.....possessive...and yet open minded.....cruel...and yet kind......detest weakness but yet weak (the only thing strong is the fake image)...hehehe....in love...want commitment...but yet not willing to offer n e ..........dream of challenges.....risk's the key word.....but yet trembling to risk the heart........

Wanting everyone else to stay, while she is quite happy running and hiding.....she knows her faults but yet is helpless to change n e of it, let alone the world........

Convinced that she could make none happy.....convinced that she is usless (vegetable)........(who is responsible)?????????

May be everything scares her.......escapism doesnt seem wrong sumtimes.....

Sometimes......u so wanna vanish....just vanish in to thin air.......wish it would all go away......hmmmm.....Nah I ain't looking for n e answers...I'll kick the asses of n e one who reads this an tries to advice........

Something caught my eye !!!

The prince of darkness didn't allow me to make a poasting yesterday......and kept me busy the whole day to keep me from reposting it......but will that keep me grounded...nah....let me say what i gotta say today....hehehe......(at least part of it)..

Met sumbody who like myself has come from Witchcraft to Christ.....It felt encouraging to know that I ain't a loner ...hehehe....Yeah Daniel...couldn't help but ponder about the stuff we spoke about.....what if Marylin Manson did turn to God.....would he be stoned to death by his faithful followers, or owuld they turn to God.....Geezing I'm half hoping it would happen (who knows)....would be an amzing site to see...hehehe

I heard the voices the last two nights, but managed to fall asleep by 1 p.m after rebuking all evil in his name.......I felt powerless without darkness on my side....but Now with God with me, I feel like I'm draped in weapons.

Mr. Cupid decided to sting me in the morning....the minute I raced my dinky toy with my mud coated tires to the top of the hill (Crappy steep lane i live in) towards the busy main road...(pant pant....another day of survival without crashing in to one of em monster trucks)....WHAT DO I SEE?...woooo hoo...a hottie...(my typa hyppie nerd typa hottie)...driving an ancient beatle.....in a skimpy pure white west....thick framed glasses....(nerd at a glance...but deifinetely otherwise) .......slowed down from my usual pase since it was obvious that his rubber couldn't burn too mucha road too fast.......hehehehe....sheeesh....silly impatient me decided to speed up the journey forgetting that pudding pie was following me...and ouch...ouch...big ouch...missed him...rather lost him in traffic......:(.... Y me??? y me???

So far the day has been quiet, but nothing to grumble about........

Let his Light be my ONLY guide..

God Bless ya !!!

Lil Blessings !!!

Yesterday was one tipsy day......the night was tipsier.....the voices were there..anxiety filled my heart....I cried out to the loard and he calmed me down...he soothed my mind...he told me not to worry......he rocked me to sleep........

What does one do at the edge of breaking down???? There seems to be no shoulder to cry on...there seems to be no one who would care...except for the mighty one......but then again...who needs n e one...when he is there to lift me up......take me in his arms and carry me through.....

He's just amazing...his goodness, kindness and grace amazes me......If I was standing alone right now....I would be one insane whore.......but his grace has saved me...grabbed me out from the shackles of sin.....

It feels good be be molded by his mighty hands...sometimes the blows seem harsh...but I try hard not to question....coz with him in control....my heart had learned not to doubt..not to question...but to follow blindly in faith....

God bless u !!!

I wish my heart was stone again !!!

I just can't take it n e more......The time I was cold and Evil...nothing hurt me...nothing touched me...nothing could destroy men....how come ppl have access to my heart now...it's annoying...I don't want it to be that way.....today something silly made me cry.....something really silly...I couldn't biliv how much the past 5 months has changed me......The old me would have turned my back on the bitch and walked away and forgotten her for the rest of my life...serves me right for caring for ppl....serves me right for begining to love ppl again.......they don't deserve my love...they just don't......

I know I'm wrong...but I can't afford to get hurt...I just can't........not any more.......

Every time I make up my mind to walk away something draws me back to the past........This time around it's gonna be me who is gonna break away......It's gonna be me.........

Sheesh...y da rocket am I crying?.........

Kissed by an Angel !!!!

Yesterday was an amazing amazing day.....Had a ball of a time with my angel......its amazing how he can put a huge smile on my face, make your heart sway, make you all tongue tied, send shivers down your spine & make your life complete, hmmm................I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay.......I so don't know how I drove home........It was the most amazing kiss I've ever tasted.....ever ever tasted...and ever will taste.........

Its amazing how the pain of loving some one too deeply can feel like pleasure......it is the only pleasure I would ever want in this life......It kills me, confuses me....makes me hate my self...make me hate him......but at the same time makes me wanna spend the rest of my life with him....

I saw him close his eyes.....and clenching his fist.......I didn't know what was happening.....Guess I will be on cloud No. 9 for the rest of this week...hehehehe......Waiting doesn't seem to be hard n e more.......even if it takes eternity to fulfil my dream....my only dream......

God has been good to me amidst the wicked kid I've been the past week...He seems to open out more doors and windows than I expected him to...when there just seemed to be no other way.........I have stopped worrying about today let alone tomorrow......coz I have handed over everything to my father in heaven who will provide me with all I need (may not be what I want all the time...but what I need...and whats good for me)....I trust him to take care of me just like he does take care of the birds and the beasts.....Love him ppl...Trust him.....

Was tempted by Astrology the the past two days....I know I shouldn't have gone further....but I didn't have the strength to say no...The slimy veasel just doesn't seem to let me be.....

God Bless u !!!

Somethings you crave for are better left unreceived....coz the minute u receive it, it makes you feel empty.....or rather wish it was never given to you....hehehehe

Jesus Rocks !!!!

Loaded with work...but If I didn't testify what happened in public...then my day just wouldn't be complete.....Last night my dad had left the office door wide open....it was amazing that everything remained untouched till morning.....Priase the Lord......With him around I need none.....

I was ashamed of myself that I was keeping my distance from my master the past 2 weeks........Life was one massive roler coaster....It started giving me everything I have ever wanted...and what did this ungrateful lil bitcch do...go ahead and forget the mighty one who made everything possibel.....

There is a huge mission in my hands...a massive one.....I know I will not be abke to complete it with my own wisdom. power,and energy.........I depend on My Lord like I depend on the sun to give me light and the moon to give me a peceful night......Please him......and thou sahll be pleased........

I am so darn happy.....darn happy forgiving.......The evil sprirt got me by surprise last week and I almost crossed the border to the other world.....but no...Its all an act of choice......

Had a ball of day on the 7th.....with my lil angel....my best friend in the whole wide world.....sheesh...that sure kept me smiling for a long time...hehehehe.....wooohooooooo

10% from the bottom of my heart for the one who shed his very blood for me !!!

Yesterday was horriblby annoying.......I couldn't sleep, the voices were calling me...they wern't asking me to come back...they were seeking me to bring me down...to destroy my faith.....I couldn't stand it..I had to go sleep with my parents......it was horrible......the voices were eeerieeeeee.......I know why they are trying to get me.....

Everything started flashing infronta me......Faith alone isn't enough, my life wasn't 100% in track with his will......Seduction still rules my life.....I've found the perfect, but still the spirit romes......Tithing wasn't happening...I think I must, but never do......I laze.......Procrastinate.........I don't put God first....I forget him half of the day......how can I expect him to bless me when I treat him like a spare tyre at the back of the vehi, only taken notice of when the wheels go wonky......

Change is hard, difficult....dicipline is torture,....boring....annoying....too goody two shoeish...but I must....

Finally learnt the basics about tithing....sorted out mosta my doubts.......its just 10%.......10% to the man who has given us his all...10% to the man who will guide me for the resta my life.........Its not supposed to be given to church...y? coz thats what the pastors make merry outa.....BULLSHIT...finally realsied that it just ain't my business to judge...it just aint.....it's his...in his time..he will judge the right, the wrong and the looney......it just ain't my business...I don't have to rack my brains to think logiocal.....strive hard to control the universe.....its his business and not mine..........

Satanism was the way of the world....too many masters to serve.....Now it's just one master...and one way...and it is his way.........

Let da Man Upstairs Rock Ur World !!!

I feel like I'm being pressured by all corners.....I some times wanna vanish in to thin air......If my master was the demon it wouldn't be a big deal, but I can't even think of a vanishing act now.....I live for my masters glory, coz I know he is gonna pull me through.......just stating em words here feels amazing. I know he would intervene at the very last moment, when my faith grows thin...when the ground feels like broken glass.....I know he ain't gonna let me down........For that past 5 months...I survived with faith and faith alone...and for the resta my life...I shall do the same.......

I am about to have an encounter with another paganist.....Every time I try to pull away a satanist from darkness....my life falls deeper in to torment...but I ask the dear lord to give me strength to stand strong and do his will.....

He's given me more than I could ever ask for......Love him more than I can say......

Soulmates

Today was such a slow, frustrating and annoying day.....Got caught in the middle of a protest campagn...my legs have gone for a six clinging on to the clutch........it was a scary experience since my aunt and the buyer who was in the car simply walked out on me leaving me alone......yeah, she did come back, but still...she left me.......had a horrible time trying to get outa the traffic and driving back to work.......all drained.................

I slept like a baby for the first time at work coz I was daggered down with a terrible, horrible, dirty headache..........Was brutally woken up by a call from my lil angel........What has he got planned in that scheming lil mind of his this time around....I'm still to find out......

In my mind he was always always a work of art...I honoured him for his individuality and unique behaviour..........but....not any more....at least not since yesterday.............He was the safest person I could hang around with...I loved him to bits........but nooo..I don't feel the same any more...........and it annoys me......I shouldm't have listened to other ppl...but there is a truth in all they say...he can turn outa be dangerous...yes I know he loves me....I know he cares...but he sure has a wiered way of showing it.............Im confused...messed up...All I want him to do is hate me and let me be.....but he doesn't....EVEN TODAY..he did something adorable......may be it's time to confront him and tell him the truth about me having moved on.......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Soulmates...soulmates........soulmates.........u can't with them...neither without em...........

Flustered !!!

I found out the truth about my lil angel today......It hurts...It shattered me...It tore me to peices.....just to know that he ain't nothing I thot he was.....no more chances...no more favours.....no more nothing.....I break all ties......The word good bye (forever) has been a frequent word in my vocabulary these days........but Good bye is better than "Good night....I grant u permission to mess with my mind".......

I made a firm decesion about conning...true I do it for the fun of it...but no longer would I ........ I deceided so many times over...but I get tempted to, when I see a scattered up stupid pee brain...hehehe.....

I'm saddened...deeply saddened by the truth...but at the same time...I am thrilled about fixing the biggest peice of the puzzle which was missing from my past....I don't think that I would have a peaceful night today...neither did I have one yesterday......My Lord serves me only the best of what life has to offer !!! Even tho it hurts...I must let him sweep away the garbage disrupting my walk of life......

Casanova........HeHe

For sum reason, I happen to be highly facinated by casanova....nah..I don't at all approve his flamboyant behaviour, but he facinates me coz he is a talented con artist....hehehe

The folowing are some of Giacomo Casanova's Quotations that caught me eyes...check em out...

1) I have always loved truth so passionately that I have often resorted to lying as a way of introducing it into the minds which were ignorant of its charms.

(2) Best plan in this world is to be astonished at nothing.

(3) Essence of freedom consists in thinking you have it.

(4) Made a point of forgetting everything unpleasant.

(5) One never knows enough.

(6) Timidity is often another word for stupidity.

(7) Those who do not love life do not deserve it.

(8) I know that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more when I shall have ceased to feel.

Sumthing struck me when reading the last quote.........I remember selling all my feelings to the demon in my own room..I sold my feeling..I sold my soul.....the process of receiving them back hurts.....

I wish I didn't feel...life was less complicated when I didn't feel.....I never felt love...only pleasure...never felt lonely, but loved the solitude....It ain't like that any more..things are changing.......and feelings hurt.......

Au Reviour for now...

-Lil Player Girl singing off- (",)

God Bless Ya.....& Faith shall set ya free.........

Bad Day...........

Did a terrible mistake in busines today...horrible, terrible mistake......Blood is still on the boil.....hehehe...what to do what to do...Learning my lessons the hard way......

I suddenly feel drifted from God.......Need to make a visit to his mansion soon, before I feel guilty about the cold shoulder treatment I am giving him....hehehe

God is good........all the time.......I know he won't give up on me even if I did.....He never did then..and he never will now....

I was looking for selfless love.....something eternal....other then of God....and I finally found it..I know I did........but..the question is whether I want it or not.....I thot it would make me contended and whole....but it didn't.........It doesn't........I have begun to detest love....specially the spiritual love....the emotional manupulation....Find it annoying.....Changes are taking place in my overworked brain...changes which I don't comprehend.......Will not attampt to comprehend either....

God Bless Ya.....

Two sides to every Story

It hurts to know that every one who crosses my path has his or her own ulterior motives. The one supplier I trusted to help me out in all my dealings proved this yesterday.....It all comes down to them wanting to be involved in everything you do....No am I gonna let n e one even get close to advicing me......I've had with it.....Life is turning out bright...why? coz God is there with me every second of the day...I don't have to deal with the tension and pressure no more....The minute I begin to feel it..I simply pray to lift it off me. He helps me keep my head dtrsaight even when the troubles are rapping heavy on me window pain....

I wanna love him more...more and more...but sometimes...I can't show him how much...I sure hopehe undersatnds....

Ouch...got a rusty allergy aroung me eye...red and itchy..finally managed to channel a doc thru me phone....(feeeling all hi tech)...hehehehe....K...I'm horribly freaked out.......I don't wanna look like a red tomatoes...Im happy being the lil peice of charcole......hehehehe

Got a lot on my mind...car gone wonkey...need it fixed...gotta pay me mobile bill...for once dialog has not barred it....gone more than 1000/= excess......hmm..............too much to handle......Help me !!!!!

You Again !!!

Awwww the weekend was darn hectic...didn't have time for myself at all.....wanted to clean up cyclone devastated room...but procrastination sneaked peeked in to me brain that it still remains the same...hmmm........Ouch.....had to drive my folks to a freaking funeral at 10 pm last night....was half asleep, but didn't wanna refuse...thank God to the radio stations that kept me awake...

Me lil angel said that he missed me yesterday....was on cloud number 9 !!!! (But..why would I be???) hmm.....Imagine is he said n e thing more....hehehe.....not that he would ever get another chance...but to be loved by him means more than the world to me.....(strange mixed up kid)...hehehe

You

Hmmm...just made myself a Yummy Creamy Huge Mug of Milkshake out of Kulfi Iecream.......the best milkshake I've ever had...the feel of nuts crunching with every guzzle...it's amazing...ouch...now I suffer the consequenses...I'm too full to do anything (",)

Was in a very curious mood last evening and went about my usual glaring ritual.....unfortunately got caught...It was embarassing...Ouch !!!

Last night was annoying....My mind was filled with thouts of you.....I thought about the times I lingered around your house, just to be with you and watch you. You were my heaven then, you were everything I lived for........Remember the time I was so down and you told me that you know what would make me feel better and that I knew it too...but I wouldn't ask it from you....If you knew why didn't you make me feel better.....would it hurt you to make me feel loved ??? :(

Never felt a love sweeter than yours that I am trapped and unable to move away from your world.....You don't want me as just a firend...you don't want me as more than a friend.....I so can't comprehend what you expect of me.....I wanna stay away..but you just wouldn't let me go...why??? why does thou keep haunting my world....

I remember the times, I wished and wished that you would just hold my hand...I wished to feel your warmth....but now i see you as a cold cold being...there's nothing warm in you......I cherish the moments you used to stroke my hair and look deep in to my soul with those twinkling eyes.....I miss those days...I miss being there for you.......hehehe.......

I know you still got your hopes high about me waiting around till you are through......but sorry my lil angel..I'm actually on my way out...It's time I let go of you completely, destroy the picture I have of you in my soul.....oull em out from the roots.......I hop you find your way in here someday...and read all the dedications I have for you.....coz I in my right mind would never let you find out...coz I know it is gonna hurt ya...hurta ya deep.......

I hid a lot from you the past few months.....and I'm sorry I did....

I gtget going......gotta lot in hand to do..including going to a totally godforsaken place to pick up some stuff for mumsy.....

Before I go....Let me remind you that..."God is good....ALL THE TIME" !!!

Standing on the edge......

Something took me by surprise today.....Keeping a smile on my face 24/7 is getting darn difficult.....Judging me by my old sadistic behaviour, someone very close to me said made a statement about me not being able to face facts...that if my yoke gets heavier than this, I might consider commiting suicide........Wow...how little they know of me......

If My Dear Lord hadn't taken hold of my pathetic soul..yes I would have commited suicide 4 months back.....nut he did...and I ain't a coward no more..not to face the light..the truth and the world...Im a surviver, a fighter....a biliver in my masters mightyness......Thats all is left for me now...he is all I got......There comes a time, where even your own blood walks away from you......an unexplainable lonliness comes over me.....It's only my faith that keeps me going.......My yoke gets so darn heavy at times...than I just wanna leave everything and run away...but I dare not......If I did, then whn will I ever get another chance to let my master bless me....how can I glorify his holy name.........I know he will pull me though....I know he will........

Last night I felt his presence...I was brutally woken up by a thud on my bed.....it was Mr. Evil Guy up to his pranks again......I rebuked him in my masters name......till he cudn't take it no more and left......

Put A smile on your face, and make the world a better place....

When noting else in the world can put a smaile on your face, or make you sit till and breath easy....the only thing that keeps me going is.....My Matser...it's amazing how he works subtley.........I fail him everyday....but the best part is I feel the undying, unlimited love he has to offer.....

Hoodoo
--------

The wierdest guy I've known....geez I wish I knew whats running in his head.......How can he expect n e one to fall in love with him? hehehe.........what is he? Chappathi gone wrong ?

Desperado
-----------

Desp - I'll be the best boyfriend ever
Tough Cookie - No Desp - Please say yes
TC - NO Desp -
Thats was a yes and your my gf now...right
TC - No gomme time.....(geez freaking 2 a.m in the night...a NO would mean that the ass would be calling all night)

Desp - say yes now...and say no tomorrow...(geez what a jack ass)
TC - silent... (I need sum sleep).....Listen I'm going out with some one...
Desp - Break up with him...I know u like me more...
TC - Ok...nights...I gtget sum sleep here....
Desp - Can I ask u something....r u a virgin
TC - Geez Yeah....wuld that be a problem for you....c....no way...so its a NO....so get lost..nights.. Desp - Yeah...I can handle that...but no...u ain't a a virgin ya? that can't be true.....
TC- Well...Sry....that is the truth......and I intend being so till marraige.....and nothing in the world can change that policy....
Desp - Ok...so u r my gf...and nights....ok...that is a yes ...ya....and u will come clubbing with me ya?
TC - Cuts the line....

Ouch....why is sex such a huge part in a relationship...and what in the world is so hot about clubbing.......fast life...nothing else to do....jobless...ya....living on the edge and bustin out every cet on fantacy is cool.......but nah...those r for the immature who doesn't know the truth...theres more to truth than a wild life......

I'm sicka the world spinning da way it's spinning.....but let it spin.......I needa make me master happy..and not n e one else ya? So thats the way I'll choose to go.....May be I'll be loney...may be I'll not have n e one when time to come...may be,,I will be outcasted just coz I love me master more than the world...but who fucking cares...coz that's the hand dat feedeth me...dats the soul that'll never leave me.....

My My Living Master Bless Ya !!!!

Prince of Darkness........

You suddenly sit and wonder why you are alone......and why you let him slip past you? :( U know he holds vengence in his heart...you know that he detests you coz you let him go......but what else could you have done............it hurts o wathch the one you love get hurt by you......U think they r better off without you......u hope and pray they's realise it some day..........

U want to still be their friend.....their very best freind....you want to share their ups and downs...you love them...you love them too much, that you don't want them n e where close to your pathetic life..........

They accuse you for seeing another....you let them biliv what they want......if only they knew why? hmmm............. blame me for not speaking up? blame me for not speaking the truth..I'm sorry....if I did .......... U & I would never be what we are.........no I ain't another biach..........Just a woman who hungers for..........

Speaking of hunger......yes there was a time I was hungry for your soul and thirsty for your blood.......I wanted your blood running in my veins instead of your own.....I wanted to live in your soul and watch every thought, word & deed.......coz it felt like we were not 2 but one.............but no not n e more....I had to go....had to leave you....I had to leave you before I possessed you....before I could show you what my world is really made of...Or may be..just may be..I realised that you didn't want to make an attempt to open them iron gates and walk in to my world.......

It too late now.....things have gone from sour to stale.........I harbour no anger......but I cry for you to know the truth....I want you to know that you were everything in my life.....and I miss every minute we spent together.....It's amazing how you made me feel.....It's amazing how I suddenly wanted to love some one with all my heart, wanting nothing back..........but yes.....you did start playing with my paranoid mind.......just when I started to love you and trust you with all my heart........

You opened the doors of my secret garden, where I was once locked up in chains..........you showd me reality, light & the truth...........I don't know whether to blame you or thank you....coz reality is harsh..and I can't handle this brightness..I just can't.....the truth keeps striking me in my eyes and making me blind to drakness...the lil dark corners I used to hide are all lit up.....where do I hide now....who shall protect me....not that you would have offered my soul n e security......but your flesh and blood did put my world at peace.......Thank you for loving me...loving me and hating me......they say theres just a thin line between love and hate......I understand how u feel.......U feel betrayed....lied to......I'm sorry.......but my reasons were pure.........

My only hope is for you to know and love the lord before you close your eyes.....your life ain't long baby.....so is mine......repent and love him..love him more than you loved me....(I felt your love...the first time I truely felt love....)....but gods love is sweeter.....sweet as honey....sweeter than yours.......his blessing can be compared to your honey suckle kisses......but em blessing come in showers.......and its pure and saliva free (",)

Oh myy gosh..Imagine if I begin to enter the names of the I deidicate my journal pages to...ahaha utter chaos.......hehehe.....The thot did cross my mind...but nah.....I'm kidding......suspense...sweet suspense...let me torture you with suspense

Bored.....................

Ain't really complaining.....but awwwwwwwwwwww.........I'm bored.............It's been a while since I felt this way..heheheheh.........been a while since I wrote anything in here....hmmm......life's been good...darn good....nah...who am I kidding......:)

God's been good.......yeah...life gets a lil wonky not being naughty.....but then again......no gains outa being evil either.....hmmm....Just don wanna drift away again thats for sure.......

Theres nothing much to write ovr here these days..Life is lil peaceful..........No vengence...No anger...no nothing.....no critisizms either.....awww yeah.......hmm...nah...rather not state it here.....the dude is in my friend's list...heehhehehe

Dissapointments in galore...but I am learning to handle em..who said one is a winner every day......

Have a Rick Rocking Week.................Arrrhhhhhhggggggg....Boooooooooored !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (",)

The Spin Cycle.....

Hmmmm.....Glad to be alive...work has been getting me drained...but geeez...I enjoy every bit of it......Religion has taken the back seat again...I struggle to cling on to my master....the world seems to have got in the middle.....but no...none can drag me away form him...I feel so drained somedays that I can fall asleep in office, right there at my seat......and driving ha sbeen a dangerous voyage sometimes....but he has pulled me thorugh it all...Praise him !!!

Seeing and hearing things have made my world crumble apart...Families of loved ones falling apart....I sit and ponder as to why they can't understand the simple mechanism of family life......I want to put things together..make things right...but I can't.....

Temptation is leaving me alone....It's has become easier to say no to the hottest of em than to stay away from chocolates....Dating, playing around....nah...not worth it....I hope everybody realizes it sooner than later.....I've been blessed with the courage and strangth to wait for the King of My Castle......It's a crazy world out there...one lil trip and it will swallow you deep in to the pits of hell......I ain't ashamed..I'm just going through a phase..realising the right from wrong...making mistakes...sometimes mistakes that should never be made......ain't my fault...

Hmmmm.....As promised to write about sexual crime....just wanna point out about a couple of stuff which are so wrong...I can't biliv I actually approved them when I was in darkeness.....chee cheee..naughty Girl !!!

The biggest Crime - MASTURBATION / SELF PLEASURING

Arn't we on cloud number 9..hehehe....True..relaxes you...takes you away from all the frustration of not being able to either have a lover...or having a lover & not being able to have the so called act of "SEX".......It's a common thing..every body does it....It's done in private...why would it hurt anyone??? I had the same freaking questions....but none could give me a proper answer...until my Mentor explained...y and how to stay away....(It states no where that I experienced it...so don't assume...thank u)!!!

Ok...botton line...biliv in GOD...keep thy bodies pure 4 it is his temple....lust invites dark forces......I have failed...I have slipped...but one needs to pick one's self up again before rolling down the hill to the bottomless pit.....It ain't easy.....Young..tempted..restless souls we are...It's easy to go astray...its easy coz the world that is taboo is beautiful...Bring all your frustrations to the Lord....wait till he shows you your life partner....Falling in love with someone doesn't confirm anything.....One can't decide by himself who his or her soul mate would be...It's the mighty one's choice....He who bilivs in the mighty one shall never go wrong....Thats for sure.....

Crime No. 2 - Gay / Lesbian

Hot ??? I think NOT !!! It ain't a deformity....it's a decesion made by choice......I did sympathise em one time...but no..I say they need to change.....It doesn't seem right in God's Kindom.....Don't wan't to provoke n e one..so shall just stop at that....

Crime No 3 - BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission - Sadism and Masochism)

Quote from link - ----------------

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

"BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, and a lot of stuff besides.

Tying up your lover is BDSM; so is flogging that person, or bossing that person around, or any of a thousand other things. BDSM is highly erotic, usually (though not always) involves sex or sexual tension; and is highly psychologically charged. One person (the "submissive") agrees to submit to another person (the "dominant").

Some people like to be submissive all the time, some people like to be dominant all the time; some people like to switch, being submissive one day and dominant the next.

Many people practice some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even necessarily being aware of it. They may think of "S&M" as "That sick stuff that people do with whips and cattle prods and stuff," yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream...

All of these things are "BDSM." BDSM is not necessarily hardcore sadomasochism; it can be remarkably subtle and sensual and soft. Pinning your partner to the bed and running silk or ice cubes or rabbit fur over your lover's body qualifies as "BDSM" (specifically, of a variety called "sensation play").

Unquote ---------------

Ok...the above is a basic definition.........but why.....??? Is it so cool to not get turned on naturally.......Go figure...do a lil research for your self to find out whats right and wrong.......

The heat is driving me nuttzzz......I feel numb......and the man of my dreams not knowing that I've got the hots for him is dribing me nuttier....damn..he probably thinks I hate him to death.....Just like Judy Girl...hehehehe

Adios..and have a nice weekend.....

Intensity !!!

What Would Happen -(Meridith Brooks)

Electricity, eye to eye
Hey don't I know you I can't speak
Stripped my senses
On the spot
I've never been defenseless
I can't even make sense of this
You speak and I don't hear a word

Chorus: What would happen if we kissed
Would your tongue slip past my lips
Would you run away, would you stay
Or would I melt into you
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust
Spontaneously combust

The room is spinning out of control
Act like you didn't notice
Brushed my hand

Forbidden fruit
Ring on my finger
You're such a moral, moral man
You throw it away, no question
Will I pretend I'm innocent

I struggle with myself again
Quickly the walls are crumbling
Don't know if I can turn away


Head is spinning.....the song says it all.....love is a crazy crazy game.....this song is one of em songs that explians about the very moment of getting sucked in to the flames....the very moment a woman falls....hmm......n e way...

I say again and again...Don't read my journal if it offends you, I really, honestly & truely don't intend offending n e one....I just write, may it be harsh, mild or absolute bunkum....I write what I can't say...what I can't express....I hate the thot of arguing face to face...or stating my point face to face...no I ain't a coward....Just that I do not want to listen to what u have got to say...no opinions (THANK U, but NO THANK U) !!!

It's been a great day...coz I started the day with My Master....and when ever things went wrong it was handed over immediately....My strengths do not come from within me n e more...it comes from the heavenly father....Don't think I ain't strong..I am very strong...but not with my own powers....but with powers greater than mine....

I keep telling my self that I have to write about a coupla things...yeah heavy stufff....very heavy stuff....Logic and religion...fake faith.....sexual fantacy....sexual crimes....(ermmm arn't we drooling....but I intend speaking of noting dirty)......

Hmmmm.....as much as I wanna write...I gotta boogy before I get throttled by my folks for living at work....

God Bless Ya !!!

Amazing Grace...Saved a Wretch Like Me!!!

It's amazing the way my master is leading me.....Leading me to greener pastures.....sweeter honey......I can feel him hold my hand....it's secure than any hand I ever held.....It's tight grip tells me not to worry...to stay calm..and stay strong....Lord...my only God will deliver me from all evil....

I fall...I trip...but he reaches out and helps me back on my feet.....I can't help but fall in love with him over and over again......My mind is at rest...My mind is at peace.....

I don't remember having a deeper love for anyone or anything....atleast not as deep as this. I can't explain how he grabbed my heart and soul...and how much deeper he is gonna stir it....But I yearn for him like I've yearned for no other.....I yearn for him to speak....I wish He could sit me down and talk to me...but thats the beaty of it all...my private converation with the love of my life. No one hears...no one knows....they think I'm crazy muttering away on my own....but only I know the joy he giveth......Only I feel the satisfaction he provides my soul.....My Lord, My Master...My All !!!

He Leads Me through doors studded with jewels...he leads me through streets of gold....what more can I ask for....I ain't talking material....Im talking about every step he guides me to take.....He gives me things No demonic force could ever offer me...(Crsuh that deceiving rat)!!!

Turn to God...He will never let you down....He will still keep lovinmg you and loving you more when the world throws you away.....He is possessive...he is jealous.....but I wouldn't want it n e other way......I want him to want me more and more every single second of the day.....I fear him..but I love him more than I fear him.....Hail My Master !!!

God Bless you !!!

Does Love Make Or Break ???

I'm Still Nutzzz about him....trying my best to get a hold of those emotions running wild..hehehe...but no regrets what so ever....

The past week was nothing but hectic...anxiety took the better of me I guess.....I'm glad I had him to hold my hand & carry me through.....

There were so many instances I was tested....tested left,right & centre.....but Yippy..I've conquered em all......

I learnt one thing last week.....do what's right even if the world laughs at you and corners you.....no backsliding.....and I'm thankful that I'm blessed with a mentor not only in heaven but on earth as well....some one to stop me at the beging of the hell hole...a guy who speaks the truth even tho it hurts.......This I never asked my father...but he has provided me.....

I know I will be faltering this week....theres enuf chances to..infact I want to.....My evil lil prince speaks to me..tempts me......and I'm freaked out about taking the next step......I wanna go back, when life was much easier to live..much easier to handle.......I wanna go back to the illusions.....Live in dreams... wanna go back to the times when Guilty wasn't a word in my vocabulary.......

I feel torn apart......torn by everything.....torn by love unreachable.......life which is testing....but Still I stand in his light.......thats what's amazing.....

God Bless You !!!

Nothing compares to his love !!!

Came to work for a short while......did some shopping on the way for mum......Wish I was on camp..was waiting to go for it...but unfortunately...quite outa da blue I am feeling way under the weather......may be due to over exhaustion...or I donno........May be the evil one is trying to break me away from my Lord...which he will never succeed doing...coz I am very well clung to me master...the master of light........

There are no words to explain how much I love my new master...and I'd do nothing to hurt him or bring ill repute to him......he has now given me the strength and the courage to say no to my weaknesses...

The world is wild...rocking...and pleasurable...but short lived.....My Masters love matters to me much much more than what the world can ever offer me.....It's easy to falter...but challenging to stay sane and do right....With his grace I will....not by order, but by will.....

God Bless you !!!

I'm still vicious...just be careful.....

Life sucks even more than it used to........true love is no where.....forget bout true love....there's not one genuine person on this fucking planet. They either want your money...or a peek in your pants....geeez.....

Is it something wrong with me..or sometjing wroth with the world.I so don't know.....The truth is I ain't in love with anyone...nor do I fancy anyone...

My mission to find the perfect 10 is over.....I finally figured that their exists no perfect Mr. Right...or anyone close to that.....its just a big fat illusion....The ones who are perfect are either outa reach....or so outa type....ouchy baby !!!!!!

Thou shall leave me alone...coz I can read your mind.....If you are wise.....very wise.......you'll drop your pants.....and run without ever turning back.....No I don't need your fucking love..neither do I need your fucking affection.....Your possessions I need none....I've judged you enuf...thou art a loser...a fucking loser......I simply ask thee to leave me alone.....get over me...I ain't for you......I never loved you ...and never will......thy flattery goes so unheard coz my ears are deaf to all your words.......

You can't turn back n e thing.....I've already judged....u made me do it....I'm sorry...u will never have me...coz u can't turn back time.......I don't waste my love on ingrates.....

This is fucking why I turned outa be a satanist...coz of freaking Christians like you....God does not provide dough for free...it involves hard work....sweat, blood and tears.....and all you fuckers think that things will be served on silver platters as and when...my asss..

The world ticks me off..yeah it does.....why da fuck does every individual have to be so freaking selfish....

Two fucking years and Mission yet not accomplished.......Hmmmmm......Fuck U !!!!

My Lord melts rock whilst the evil one can only melt butter !!! (teeehheeehheee)

This posting was actually meant to be done yesterday...but unfortunately...the wicked old one didn't want me to share the good news.....that it didn't get posted.....Who does he think he is.....he has no control of my flesh, blood or my very soul...he is out of my life...I am purified by the blood of my Lord almighty.....my tattered...dirty rugged vengeful garments are washed clean......the wicked lil rat can attack me from left, right and centre...but he shall not let see me fall...for now I stand tall in the name of my mighty farther.....the only one who did not judge me...the only one who forgave me with all his heart.....and took me back from the puddle of mud I was swimming in circles....like a blind bat with broken wings....

I was weakand weighed down.....he invited me to weep in his arms...and leave all my sorrow,hurt, anger and my heavy burden at his feet so that he can squash it all away with one trod.....He did not ask me anything in return...he did't demand my time...my money.....nothing at all....he only asked me to open my heart so that he can walk in....NO.....not to control me.....not to use me...but to give me happiness, joy and peace....to put a smile on my face...forever.....to melt the tears which never touched my cheecks...and to melt the heart that never felt.....He doesn't force me to stay.....but I know that he yearns for my loyalty & my faithfulness......

I fled from the luxury of his magnificient palace once...you think I'm a fool to flee again....U lil demonic rat...thou shall not be allowed to even touch a single strand of my hair.....let alone take over my soul......I am a child of god...and I always will be.....I will bite the hand that disillusioned me...I promise you that......you shall not walk the same path I walk or where ever I have layed my eyes or walked my feet.......You shall not have a single to chance to mess with any one of the souls I know.....I will torment you and make you beg for mercy......

Leave all your burdens at My Masters feet.....and lay thy head on his shoulders....He will lead you where you have to go.....for he & he alone holds the present & the future........

God Bless you !!!

Its Good to be Rocking With da Lord dan Alone !!!

Life is as usual..a hectic rolercoaster......but Its amazing how peaceful it is to be walking with the Lord...The most amazing things are happening in my life....The tears which I never knew existed are flowing freely from my eyes again..(This may sound dramatic..but this is the truth)....Satanism is no Joke....it makes you cold and hard hearted...feelingless and evil....its takes away your soul.....

I harbour no anger...everyting is washed away....I know that for sure...No...I ain't dangerous anymore....I promise....

Give the man upstairs a chance...make it not a half hearted chance....and he will see you through.....I promise you that.....I who thot that one needs to have control of everything wround him including himself...tells you that there is a greater power than yourself.....It's tried and tested...Satanism is a piped dream itself.....not worth it...Astrology is a freaking lie too.....A big fat lie...

Its a lil hard not to ask a person's date of birth before getting to know him/her....but figured it ain't worth it....just not worth it..coz at the end of the day..no astro or occult has power over the might one I got to know......

HATE ME FOR CHANGING MY RELIGION.....and all I can do is love you till you come and taste the truth of life. Take a sip ...and I promise you..u'll want more....

God Bless you !!!

Not exactly revived from the dead !!!

Ups & Downs & All arounds....it sucks when life weighs you down....and no I still can't get myself to depend on the man upstairs......I wish I do reember him when I'm in trouble..but the prob is I don't.....hmmm

Well about writing a whole loada crap on my journal....does it really matter to others.....If one wants to read it, they are free to do so..but if one looks down upon what I write...it sure ain't my business..and it wouldn't stop me from writing...I write for a purpose...and definetely not novels, fairy tales with happy endings or fiction, but about the raw adventures of my life.....Bullimia, Anorexia, SAD, Stanism, Occult on the whole....ups and downs.....

Please if anyone has ever gone through the above..I'd love to have a chat with you....I write so that ppl will relaise how follish it is to turn away from life's natural path......I turned away..hit the ground and wasted more than 6 years of my precious youth.....But I don't regret a freaking second.....But I could have done better without...hehehe...

Plz...try not to read what I write and bad mouth it....Read it if it inspires you...read it if you are curious....send me a msg if you want help or wanna know n e thing more.......and PLEAZE...don't dare read it if it offends you..don't even bother....

Yeah..I write about ppl in my life..ppl who come and go..ppl whom I treasure...ppl I detest....and about ppl I love.....But no names are disclosed...But if I do feel like it..I just might...so try not to harp too much about about what I write....

I still own a few souls...like it or not...the time hasn't still come to release em...I don't know when...so hang in there and hope for the best.......

The first guy I ever loved with all my heart is moving on....moving on to settling down...but little does he know that I still own his soul...I wanna let go and throw it away and watch it smash to the ground...but no I can't...atleast not yet....so..he can move on...but a part of him will always be with me....until I release it in my time....A proper appology is all it takes......hehehehe.....I pity the woman who is after him....I really do......

Biliving that I just might be dangerous is may be a lil difficult to biliv...but I am......so watch out...don't mess with me...u can tare me down....pin me to the ground...but I'll rise and shine right in front of your eyes..blinding you for eternity.....

End Of Da Long Dark Tunnel !!!

Sometimes....somethings are better left on the way.....y? coz it hurts to c them hurt you.....and it hurts to c that u've hurt them back.

Love is miraculous.....the words "I Love You" should not be taken for granted...never...not for one freaking second.....what am I implying? A lottta things....Things unspoken...things which will never be spoken.....my heart is still rock...cold cold rock...and I will not show mercy to n e one who spikes my soul......

This walk I've begun with the Lord is aamzing and peaceful.....at least I know it will be the minute I submit totally..without compromising.....Thou shall look down upon me...but my only wish for you is that "YOU BE SAVED"

Yes....I am powerful in the name of the dark powers.....but now I feel strippied down...exposed...and scared.....which makes me wanna run back in to darkness and cling on to that wretched, evil, moster, who binds my eyes with a classy pair of Georgio Armani's which makes me see the world in an inferior point of view...

Thou shall not lie to me or con me....coz I can see through you...I own your soul....and there is nothing you can do bout it...I own your soul till I decide to let go...and when I do decide...take it and run for shelter....before I take my next step to destroy you....rip you apart...with my axe of vengence.....(oops..form where is this coming from) ??

Thou does not love me....plz speak no lies.....coz the words are all there...but but the deeds arn't even nigh..........Thou doesn't care what I do..how I feel...where I am.....whether I'm safe...torn...broken....or unhappy....thou only care for thy self......and I can see it...I can see through you.....I can see the thruth....

I bid farwell..never to return again....my heart is pure...coz I din't liv a lie...But I would't be hurting you by judging you again...your free to go....you r free to do what you please...the chains of love that bound you are broken.....Thou doesn't have to lie ever again.....I wouldn't wanna be a part time lover...but your everything....if its not so...then I'd rather be your nothng.....

I miss you...and sumtimes I wish you were mine for life....My Sweet Pirate....I release your soul...My blessings be with you, your entire life...your all......

All Smiles.........

The weekend was amazing, he made it even better....seeing that smile and those sparkling eyes can actually keep me going more than a coupla weeks........Hehehehe.....It sure would...

Life has become a lil more than a rolercoaster rde....whooooomp........can't help wondering what I'm getting myself in to...but for once...it all feels good... Y? Coz I know I am not alone...that the power of the might one is holding me high....

I've completed my lil black book...alll victims are pinned dwon to the ground...Yeah I sometimes wish I hadn't done what I did...but its all in the past now...It's all in the past....their souls are under my power.....geeezzzz..not for long...I need to release em...don't need no more sin to follow me...

The last one bit the dust on Good Friday...hehehehehe...I sure want to do more damage than I have already done...but no...the desire to cause havoc has left my soul.....it just aint worth it...just ain't......

Half the victims are there on Hi5....they are in the disguise of lovey dowvey friends...but no....they arnt.......They are wolves in sheep skin.....I wanna fogive you totally...totally one last time.....It ain't easy.but I will...I'm no longer an eliment to worry about.....your safe....but I'm warning you.keep away...........don't provoke me......coz I don't watch and wait...I sting with all my might............

His Smile...........His Eyes...........

I wanna beg you to smile again..........stare in to my eyes again........I don't know what to say, coz I am too mesmerized.....way too mesmerized......It hurts to stay sane....that you just wanna get high on sleeping pills and slide back in to the dream world where u r with him...and only him.....

A huge part of my stupid freaking brain tells me that it's all an illusion...a big fat illusion.........but it hurts....it hurts more than it hurt before....

I feel scared to think of him.......dream of him......call him...let alone msg him.........id he really a superior creature...or am I letting him be superior in my disillusioned, blurry world? I don't know.I really don't know...I wish I did tho.......He has managed to haunt my day and worst of all the night....he has managed to plant a sick blop of anxiety where there used to be a moster by the name of "appetite"......He has managed to make my limbs fidgety and my look a stare....

Its 10.42 a.m...will complete me lil journal in the evening....mmmvahhhh

k...back again........

At a funeral last week.......I was walking towards the cemetary along with the crowd...and in front of me was a skinny girl with straight brwon heair....trust me I envied her with all my heart..her straight pose...her hair...her posture....I wished my hair was shimmering as hers instead of the messy lock of curls (which had always been a problem)...I wish I had washboard abs like hers...I wished so many things...for a second I was so focused on everything I am not...I even considedred being fair skinned (which I wouldn't wanna become for a million dollars..hehehehehe)...

It occured to me what a fool I was when I actually saw her face, she was one of em speacial children....(retarted in plain cruel english :-( )...Geez.....it sure did hit me on the head....for the first time.....It tore me apart....it made me hide my face in shame for all the envy I was daggering at her.........hmmmmmmmm............

I bumped in to some one who made me go back to thinking about the special child I saw last week....it humbled my rage...my stupidity and my envy......

Being contended about who you are ain't the most easiest thing to do....but yeah...with a lil bita attempt ...contentment is urs all yours.

Stuck in the past.............

Past does keep haunting me over and over again....I keep hurting everyone in the present...just becoz my past is fucked up !!!!...I can say sorry a million times...but end up making the same mistake again...walking away from the present...coz the future is blurry too freaky to face....

I wish I could turn back time...just to be in your arms again....I know I have lost the battle....I wanna give up.....run away again.....but guess I deserve to stay and face all consequenses.....

Its strange that you sometimes don't notice that what you already have with you is what you've been waiting for all your life.

My World Iz Beautiful With Him Living In me.....

I pity you.....sympathize you turning to horoscopes and astrology.....Look how strong I am in my lord......None can touch me..none can make me fall..none can hurt me...coz I am protected by his love, mercy and security. I shall not look to my Left nor the Right...coz I know that my answer lies only with him. I ask and he tells me.

Lust rules me no more.....My heart screams to take your face and taste your lips......but no....I struggle with my self....I say no to myself...I fall...I tumble...I stand up again...I go up to my heavenly father pleading and begging him to take away my feelings for you......My prayers seem unanswered....coz u r all thats' on my mind....u r all I can think of...It is so wrong....but it feels right......The feeling takes me high....I want you to light the fire in my soul....I know that you can make me fall..drag me to the depths of hell again...but it tempts me...I am dragged to u like a moth to the flames....my mid is tormented, tormented by what your soul contains...I go back to my master....I wish I can fall at his feet and beg him to deliver me from the great fall I foresee.....

The moment comes for me to choose....to fall or to rise and soar.....My father who I thot had turned a deaf ear...kept giving me all the strength I ever needed to run without looking back.....he picked me up when I tripped...I could run no more.....I fell flat on my face...bushes and brambles had torn my skin....I pleaded my master again to give me strength to pick my slef from off the ground.......No..he didn't give me the strength, but yes he did carry me all the way instead.....

His love is amazing, no I shall not falter him...the flesh of the world has absolutely no power over me....My saviour has broken all bonds....Thou shall mock me, laugh at me.....corner me for being true to my lord.....but that shall not bother me....for I who is in the lord is much much stronger that u who are in the world........I have tasted what is of the world....I have gambled with the bad, ugly & the evil of the world....I have had sweet pleasures...which brought no peace of mind what so ever.....I can only pity you.....Turn around...biliv in the truth I biliv in...I tell u no lie.....

There is no other god...and no other truth..just one living god who I biliv in....Do I provoke u? Please.. I intend not to..I just speak the truth.....I rebelled against him once...and now I can't stop rebelling for him....If he can love a wretch like me, he sure can love u more.....Let him gaurd your thoughts, words & deeds, let him hold u back from faltering....Just give him a chance to prove his love for you.

God Bless you !!!

No Relationship....No Commitment !!!

Why do ppl always interpret things wrong? No ties no commitment (clearly stating there is no relationship) is playing around.....but love is love...can't stop one from falling....

When the distance grows..and trust is a problem...its not worth hanging on...Let go when your heart tells you to stay coz its gonna bite you in the face n e way......Ppl change..and one can sense it...

They say...sumtimes luv just ain't enuf..and thats true....u can luv or desire sumthing so bad..that you loose sleep over it..and grow frail with bubbling and brewing desire.....but that ain't true luv.....

Want to substitute your free time....your lonliness with luv...That so fucking ain't true luv......wanna use luv for your convenience....that too ian't true love.......Wanna know what true luv is..."Eternity"....When one can see the future together....when one can see life instead of hanging on the edge....when one can see the light at the end of the tunnel....

True Love knocks on your door only once in a life time...true love which will remain unscratched for the resta your life....Hold on tight...don't let it get away...coz it raerely knocks on your door twice....Wanna play around with it... go ahead...thou shall be playing your self at the end.....

Luv can either give you the greatest joy you've ever had...or drag you six feet down.....Love with all your heart, soul and mind.....but jump out...run like wild....10000 miles...if the possibilities of you getting hurt are visible...don't turn around..just run :-(

Haven't had much sleep last night...Humidity is getting on every inch of me.....dozing off to the core now....ouch...at least another 5 more hours to go....i pity the feelow drivers on the road...im dead sure that this is gonna be the wonkiest day ever behind the wheel....ahhahaahahaha......

If I make no noice tomorrow...just check if i am still in one peice. !!!!

I did to him what he did to me :(

I never knew how much I hurt him..I didn't even know that I was doing anything wrong...but he was a Scorpio...loved so dearly...possessed so dearly..and wanted me all for himself...

I now realize that life with this kind is tough.....I hurt him so bad...still love him..and want him...but wouldn't want to even dream of hurting him again...it ain't him it is me.....

I wonder if any man deserves a bitch like me.....to love him dearly and to hate him bitterly.....

Ingly Twingly !!!

Life is amazingly beautiful !!!!! Everything is falling in it's original place...everything is smooth...but can get smoother...An Amazign Transformation It Is !!!!

Hell Girl !!!

Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams
no mortal ever dreamed before.

Thats a lil phrase I picked up from "darkness.com"....aha...I actually went there....and I still havn't burried all my satanic ashes......I know for sure that I'll not slip back...but My Master of the Underworld sure has a strong hold on me......I feel his power, his presence, his might ....but my nights are more peaceful now....the rooms have clearer air in them...and it's easy to breath ... I'ts amazing...just amazing....The inverted cross still remains on all my profiles...(phone, online, and all my day to day accessories)...It kills me to take them all away....But I will...I know for a fact that my heart won't bleed if i let go of it all in God's name.....

Opps...One mentioned about Head banging and Rock Music...today..Ouch !!! I live for rock....How can one give up a part of ones self.......Confused...NOT !!! coz if it ain't right..it will be taken away without a question and the desire for it will be squenched by the man upsatirs.....

The battle goes on...My reason is partially found...but the dark clouds still remain....The forces are strong...they don't let you walk away too easy......you sit silently glaring at the pc screen.....messages pop up on msn and forums...some very provoking...you wanna slash them out the way a true satanist would dig their claws right in to your intesitines and let you bleed....with the intention of letting you die your ever so yummy painful death...

But no...I calmly reply all of em...just to test my new found patience.....and yes...none can provoke me n e more...coz I stand in the power of a mightier force then the power of darkness.....I wish all shakles were broken..and I am freed...for ever..but it doesn't come that easy....

I've been to the depths of hell...where no one dares to go.....and I ask for forgiveness from all who I encouraged to follow me....If I have dragged you down with me...let me help you...please...this is my plea.....I crossed the line of fear and connected with the other world....an awsome feeling of power and might washed my skin.....It's the power of satan....

Yuor heart grows cold, your feelings die...and the only form of happiness is apleasure and pain which comes from ungodly acts of indulgence......It satisfies you for awhile until you hunger and yearn for more.....you look for darker dingier places to walk the earth....you wanna get high on life but don't know how....frustration, suicide, depression slams you on your face.....you look for something to keep you sane......(indirect speach) !!! Your on the werge of breaking down.....if you are smart enuf...you'd take on magic....hexing the world....chanting...and ruling your destiny with demonic powers...or you let your self perish....(In Gothic Slang...Whither and Die) !!!

Back to work.... (",)

Powerless !!!

I stand weak.....vulnerable....you can try attacking me...coz my powers have died...i have walked from drkness to light !!!....I feel feeble...the sheild of magic I held against my chest is blown down......its time for you to attack me.....But wounded will not be I...for now I stand in the power of XXXXXXXXXXXX

It hurts to let you go...but I have to...for your own good and mine.....Your da best I ever had.......I can't hurt you any more.....and neither can I get hurt, So I walk away......(blame me...but thats the best I can think of) ....I still care for u.....but can't let u unintentionally hurt me....coz I am in love with you..and my whole life is wrapped around you....(I know that's the last you want)....your every action...yur evry word and deed affects me...hurts me...makes my day go right and wrong.....hmmmmmmm

As I always say...Scorpios don't fight.....they just walk away, never to return again.....They deal with the hurt and pain...They can handle it coz they are like pheonixes.....Get Shot ...Drop Dead...Rise and rule the skies again....I may cry for days...months...I may miss you for centuries......But I can't ever get hurt again..never ever......(They say that one can only hurt you if given permission) !!!

I've got nothing more to say Dear Journal Coz I don't rule my life anymore.... I lay my life in his arms...to carry me the right way.....Nothing's gonna stop me now......

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

Loving you isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change things that I feel
If I could, maybe I'd give you my world
How can I, when you won't take it from me

You can go your own way, go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
You can go your own way, go your own way

Tell me why everything turned around
Packing up shacking up is all you wanna do
If I could, baby I'd give you my world
Open up, everything's waiting for you

You can go your own way, go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
Another lonely day
You can go your own way, go your own way
You can call it another lonely day
You can go your own way
You can call it another lonely day

The Calling !!!

This is the third time Im trying to post this.....for some reason...it gets screwd before I get to the end.....(Dark forces at work...Angel of Hell....I'm still with you.....I love you...but I have to go....so just let me...)

When the calling comes......the feeling is worse than living and running blind......It feels like a sharp ray of light is shining right through the cracks and disrupting my peace.....My hiding place.........My safety zone....it's peircing right through my shield....

Opps gotta go...work work and more work.........

Daggers !!!

Angel of Darkness !!!
Angel of Hell !!!
Please don't make me fall in Love again !!!
Take my heart and make it freeze !!!
Send all my feelings away with da fu**in* breeze..phooo !!!!

It Hurts :-(

It hurts to keep it all inside....it hurts to not be able to tell the only thing that matters to you in the whole world what's on your mind......it kills you.....it burries you alive.....You wish he would read your mind.......you love him more than your life.....but it's all inside...it's a pitty it's all inside.....

Don't do what you feel, but what is right !!!

Feelings do control most people who think with their heart........and my darling lil angel, just do what's right....not what you feel is right....I hope you actually find access to this blog and read my journal, coz thats where I write everything I can't get my lips to speak......Every heart needs a reason to beat...and my reason is you....(No one knows...not even you.....and it hurts to wake up and lay back down with the reason weighing our soul...screaming to expolde)

Do you know what it is to live...move on...and still feel dead ? Do you know what it is to see your dream right in front of you and still not be able to reach out, grab it and call it your own. Do you know what it is to feel all the love and care of a million people but still feel so alone, just coz u don't really feel the love of that one special person (all for yourself, all the time) who changed your whole life.

Never wanted to be a part of you, but all of you. Never wanted you to loose, but always to win. Never wanted you to whither and die, but to live. Never wanted you to be anyone elses...but mine.

But I speak no more, coz I've never actually succeeded running behind my dreams...the more I run..the further they get.....Let me leave "U & I" in the hands of the forces......I know we'll find each other some day..that's destiny.....Even if moth** f******g DESTINY doesn't really help us I'll do...coz thats where my happiness lies......

Adios Lil Angel....I'll try not to cross your path again...i'll never hope...never dream.....never yearn....for human affection ever.....because they all perish one day or another......(hope you stand on your won two feet as well....coz at the end of the day you are alone....dead alone...)

You will one day look down upon all who destroyed you.....thats' for sure....you will some day be King....and my only wish is that I am Queen

Apai Hapart Upu !!!

P.S:- Every word has been carefully picked, so that not too much will be reveiled....Hope you know that it's you I am speaking about !!!

Confused :-(

Don't you wish you could destroy the world sometimes.....its getting bloody annoying by the day. This luv lust thingy has definetely gotten in to my head..........

Pondering...and pondering about the whole thing....love is complicated....lust isn't....so why bother compliacteing life nah ? but then again....lust is crap..feels like there isn't a choice what so ever....Love can never be true if there is no commitment....?(that's the fu**i*g turth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth) If you love someone but don't want a commitment..then there's something radically wrong inbetween or there is a third party involved.. My buggy buddy for once spat out sumthing which would make some sense..he..he..

As for me...No more pondering.....Wondering & Pondering will only be torturing my already wasted brain...rather watch the world get screwd....

----------Three Can't Tango----------

All about da Scorpio....(Whats not said in the books)

Don't go there if you are weak hearted......as for the Scorpio man, not even I have still figured out what kinda creature he is.....confusing.....loving...but cold..very cold......warm inside...but cold on the outside....jealous (sum try to hide the feeling tho), cruel, unmerciful (the books got it right)...why does he have to feel that he ain't good enuf......why does he have to feel that he ain't appreciated...???? My only death wish would be to understand the Scorpio inside out....hmmm

As for yours truely scorpio princess.......well..yes.....this creature is filled with insecurities...(the reason is because most scorpios have a tendency to have gone through miserable and very bad childhoods)..........

When in a relationship..it would be all or nothing....she will not settle for anything less......She will read you mind...your face...your every action....her radars will be wrapped all around you....be cacreful about your body language when you are with her......(yeah....if you are cheating she will smell it off the air)........nah..but she won't fight......that aight her style...she will simply walk away...never to return again...even if she ever does...it will be to hunt for vengence ..(that happens with both male and female scorpios...the ties they make will never be broken......it will remain...bitter or sweet....no inbetweens...)

(Ahhhhhhhhhh......theres more to this creature......please...if you are a Scorpio reading this....do not hesitate to write to moi)....

(To Be Cont...)

It Hurts

The song below keeps ringing in my head.......for some reason it hurts.

This Way - Jewel Kilcher

Love be still
Love be sweet
Don't you dare
Change a thing
I want to photograph you with my mind
To feel how I feel now all the time

CHORUS :- Say that you'll stay
Forever this way
Forever and forever
That we'll never have to change
Don't move
Don't breathe
Don't change
Don't leave
And promise me
Say you'll stay
We'll stay This way

I get afraid
Don't think ahead
Let's just stay
This way in bed
Feels so good inside your arms
Home is everywhere that you are

Don't move
Don't breathe
Don't change
Don't leave Promise me
We'll always be
This kind, this sweet
This good to me
Promise me
You'll always be

Hmmmm..........

I got so much to write...there's so much bubbling inside.....K...shall chill down....get back to work...and start writing in the evening....

Why Do Foooollllllsss..fall in love.....

Monday Morning...brand new year...brand new week.....brand new day........Life is good baby.....u just need to light the fire....to see the sparks....

As usual was pondering on a few topics that crossed my unsettled mind....

Luv
-----
Luv..is a deep intensified..complicated feeling that shoots up from the bottom of your soul..(not heart....the heart has a mind of it's own...but the soul doesn't...a heart can be fooled..but not the soul)...

Love is when you feel like you are connected..mind body..and soul.....

Love is when you feel like you wanna let go of the whole world for that one special person.

Love is when you cannot think of n e thing but him...only him....its like you are trapped...and theres no where else to turn....you got your space..you got your time..you got the world spinning around your fingers...but still you can't escape...it's got a hold on you...you are trapped...glued on the spot....hmmm....

Theres a huge difference between luv n' lust...lust is when you just drool over the freaking outer features.....you want to give something only to get something in return....lust is selfish...but love isn't.....(I know u r reading this budddy...end of all arguments....I win) !!! Love is when you open your eyes..and look deep inside...lust without luv is jackshit....it's wrong...ungodly...unholy (look who's talking)....lust doesn't involve passion..(true passion)...and noooooooo...love does not grow with lust....it's the other way around....Lust is gonna turn around and bite you in the face..someday...but luv never will...k...lust is a downright sin...even for a satanist....it's a sin....you whiter n' die...whither n die...die die...whiethr n' die...lust kills you...deroots u....

Sedcution
-----------
Now that's an art...May it be in the way you dress (but that's cheap...that's easy...doesn't really capture ones soul)...may it be in the way you speak..may it be in the way you make others wonder..."damn...how come"???...its the way you behave..(skanky or gracious).....seduction is fun... It ain't evil...it should not be used to destroy....but to make one live...rewive hope..love n joy.....it should be used to rebuild...rebound...capture n nuture...

(Love and) Devotion
--------------------
Thats another word for commitment....it's bitter sweet...nooooo...it doesn't trap you....It keeps you from going astray...the human soul has a thing for wandering...from green pastures this minute to the hot and fudgy deserts the next....Life cannot be lived in a gypsy trance.....policies and rules are supposed to be made...(keeping in mind that rules are made to be broken..he..he..he..)....

Critizism
---------
Be true to your heart and ignore all critisism...as long as you know you are abiding the rules you have set....go with the flow...it doesn't hurt to jump the red tape the world has set for you...but it sure does hurt when you break the ones you've made for yourself...y??? coz your conscience pricks u in your bum at some point or the other making you regret every move you made....

I love the world...and ....even tho it tried...tries...and will not stop trying to fu** me...I'll luv it with all my heart...soul...and all I have......mmmmmvvvvaaaaahhhh....