New Year Bright Blues ;)

So tomorrow is the 31st night biggie........

What I had planned....

Stay in with my monkey and watch movies. I was quite exited about the whole thing, coz obviously I am head over heals in love with this dude.

Shocker....

Got a ringer while he was doing his evening show and viola ! He's got a question for me?

The Question....

Can "name" (female friend) hang around with us tomorrow, she doesn't have any one to hang around with.

Awesome !!!

My Spontaneous Answer......

Yeah sure, (coz I just ain't the over jealous type) how could it hurt any one. No worries.

My Muddled up thoughts after a few seconds.....

- Why would he want any one hanging around with us on a special day like tomorrow?
- I'm tired of all the games.
- He's gotta make his decisions & get his priorities straight.
- Wow what a damper !!!
- Obviously I am freaked out because of a few past experiences, never stayed long enough to get hurt, but still, 2 is company and three is definitely a crowd.

What I did..

Sent an SMS (which got delivered freaking 30 minutes later)

What it said...

Not comfy to share him with any one, especially tomorrow, so I can always stay back, no biggie (smile)

His reaction....

Replied the SMS with a.....

Waaaaaat?

And then a call........

(Me tried explaining and all he could muster up was, but y? but y?)

Who ever she is, he has told her that she cant hang around with us. (Good....very good, coz it all depended on his decision)

Note :- She's supposed to be an almost 30 year old Philipino (so it ain't about the person at all)....Arrrghhh

How I feel right now....

All the excitement is gone and I'm feeling sad & annoyed at my self.

I don't know if I did the correct thing, but I have played the understanding (old grand mere) honey bunch ever since and I'm tired of it. I just can't. I expect the same sacrifice I make, from him, may be I expect a lil more.

I don't know how tomorrow will turn out to be, but I'm glad I mentioned how I felt, coz that's exactly how I felt. I'm sure he would have felt the same if I wanted one of my (ordinary) guy friend hanging out with us.

I feel real bad, I feel a bitch, but I'm sick of taking shit. I wonder if I can ever handle a relationship. I feel torn. I hate my self. I ain't feeling any hatred or jealousy, but just don't want the past to repeat it self.

Tomorrow will be the deciding day. That's why I wanted it alone with him. Either I stay in it or leave for good.

I commit the whole situation to My Master. He will lead me home !!!

Continuation of the entry........(12 a.m)

Received a call from him and it went like this :-

Munkey : So what plans for tomorrow?

Me : U tell me? Btw. I'm really sorry for over-reacting before, she can hang around with us.

Munkey (using a rather Rude & Harsh Voice) : Now its too late....She is angry with me. Sin, poor soul, she doesn't have any one to hang around with and no one is willing to take her with them & I like a fool volunteered thinking that you might be ok with it.

Me : Thats why I gave you the option of hanging around with her, but do you really wan't a third party to put a damper on our relationship this time around as well? I'm sure u remember the past?

Munkey : She ain't no third party

Me : Then what is she? What is she?

(Munkey is trapped & speechless)

Munkey : U know what.....why do I even bother

(Either party dashes the phone...I couldn't really keep track of who actually did it first with all the fury I was feeling)

It's just over for me. Just plain over. If this is how deep what ever we share goes, then this is it. I finally give up, let go and move on with the only regret of sticking up for him and defending him all the while, but at least I fu**i*g dealt with it. It's over. No more suspense....Wooohoooooooo.........

I wanna take this opportunity to thank everyone who was with me on this. Saj, Sachira, Rajindha (how can I forget u), Joanna & especially Pasan (what would I had done without you, thank you so very much). I wouldn't have survived without these guys. I probably didn't crack the codes, but I so fuc***g don't wanna crack em codes no more, coz I don't care what happens. I'm just so happy I saved my self before it was too late.

I sometimes wonder whether he would ever relaised how much I loved him & that I gave my everything just to spend a few extra seconds with him. I wonder if he would relaise how much he hurt me and how many times he killed me over & over again. I wonder if he had ever loved me just as much as I loved him. I wonder if he would ever miss me.

Tomorrow I will destroy all the memories I carry of him coz they mean nothin to me any more. He will no longer be anything other than a hideous memory from the past. Tomorrow he might backstab me and spread rumours about me, call me a bitch, a whore and a freaking lesbian (I've heard those from him before), but I know better. None of em would affect me....NONE.

No, I wouldn't be carrying a hollow or a void with me, its only being filled by the truth I needed to know. I feel complete than ever. Swearing to never speak his name ever again I resume back to me cozy sleep. Tonight feels different, my soul hurts but my head feels light.

God is so good, he sure did fulfill his promise before the New Year dawned.

The Da Vinci Code

My faith still remains untouched & unexploited. This book sure tested all the faith I had in my Master, glad to figure out that nothing in the world can waver what I have for my Master. He is the sweetest things I have come across and the absolute truth I will ever come across.

The book is a thriller of thriller, breathtaking, fast paced and very consuming. My entire Christmas was robbed by the trepidation that was building inside me to know where it was leading and more than anything I wanted to know where my faith & beliefs stand. Was rather disappointed when I finally finished reading the last 30 pages left on Monday night. The super fast paced thriller suddenly took a wide winding turn to an absolutely boring, predictable, not-so-intense and slow end. Hmmmm……so much for Dan Brown’s imagination, but restless to get “Angels & Demons” which is the book that follows “The Da Vinci Code”.

I can’t deny the fact that my relationship with my Master got a tad distant the 5 days I was lost in the CODE. I sure got a tad skeptical like any other human. But something reminded me that my relationship with My Lord ain’t just based on what the Bible has to share with me. My love and respect for him runs a lot deeper than that.

Tuesday was an awesome day. Went to watch “King Kong” with my monkey & solved a big piece of the utterly mind boggling jigsaw puzzle under my nose at the moment. This monkey is all mine, they can take away his tail if they like to, but the monkey is still mine….muhahahaha…..None touches my POSSESIONS, especially not this possession.

Me signing out, gotta go worky out and dandify me cute self (that’s ma ego is catching up) to go gift shopping for the NEW Year.

Christmas In Judy-Land

24th was a freaking menace. The streets were absurdly crammed. The clothing stores around Wattala were displaying queues and queues of mortals impatiently waiting to get in. Keels Super was another torture chamber, 30 minutes of painful waiting to get out five”oh so not important” items Mummykins conveniently forgot to purchase beforehand.

Was grounded till Sunday afternoon, absolutely no way of sneaking out…..but …Mummykins yummy Lumprie was well worth it.

Met a super intelligent boy of 15 yesterday. A family friend’s Kid, all grown up now. I was quite impressed bout all that brilliant intelligence zapping across his brain (at least intelligent enough to have a conversation with me…hehehehe).

Managed to get permission to get out of the house around 5 p.m to go spend the rest of the evening with my monkey :) Just as I was about to leave, another on of me mums friends dropped in, with an absolutely annoying 3 year old female kid. Whilst I was dandifying to boggy, she barged in to me cozy lil room, and made her self Queen of all my possessions. Her eyes were zapping all around my room (she sure reminded me of an underworld looter, trying to figure out his next best loot….Grrrrrrrr). Her eyes fell on all the lil colourful gadgets, and YES…I was so right, her foxy eyes stopped right at my mega collection of (Carefully used and dearly loved) colour pencils and felt pens, which were cutely arranged in painstakingly, artistically pottered, clay jars. She pulled the whole bunch towards her (my heart began to sink....and a mean lil voice inside me shrieked wanting to DECIPLINE the menace) She robbed me of all my stationary and plopped her filthy self on me cozy, neatly arranged bed, and Kaboom !!!! She quite comfortably strewed the entire loada colours on my ever so loved bedcover and successfully left smeared blotches. I couldn’t threaten her, coz her parents were in the other room, and I didn’t want to appear to be the wicked aunty Judy. Hmmmph…….

Her eyes, then went across to the end of the bed, the Guitar….my prized Guitar…….No way is she gonna meddle with that…..I yelled, gagged her, pulled it outa her and plopped it over a high cupboard. Kids….especially lil female kids…….I hate them…..I simply don’t like them. Nah…..I simply don’t like the way they are brought up. Thank God I was not gonna be there at home to witness the massacre she was about to carry out. (Lord help my future kids, they are so gonna get all the love, care and attention and a large dash of hardcore Military Discipline) !!!

The few hours I spent with my monkey was the best Christmas gift I could have ever received. I sure felt like a smuggler walking out of his house, coz I was loaded with a massive bag of presents. Geeeez………I don’t deserve any of em. I only want him and him alone (Crooked Smirk…..tehehehehehe)

There was no place to hang around. Zilch !!! Excel World was a place where there could be a possible stampede…Arrrghh……G-Town at it’s best. Half an hours wait to get in and another good half an hours wait to get out. Colpetty & Rajagiriya Mc Donald, KFC, Queens, Dine- More……..and all the rest of the quickie fast food joints were crammed to the core. Were lucky enough to get a seating at the Union Place, KFC (Lucky Us).

Returned home, VERY Happy & HOPELESSLY in LOVE (Me wears a huge satisfied grin).

Sexually inclined the Contrary way ?!? Ahmm....Ahmm....

Another lazy, laid back, but very productive day. Mum was at home, so couldn’t really use the internet lavishly due to numerous interruptions from her wanting to make phone calls. Hmmm….Last night was horrifying, absolutely horrifying. The facts and figures I was researching the whole afternoon haunted me for hours. I couldn’t read any more, my eyes were aching, but keeping the book aside and concentrating on sleep only got my mind wondering in unwanted direction. The most obscure eerie thoughts ran across my mind. My mind was not at peace, my body was not in control of it’s self, a sharp pain was running vertically back and forth my right arm and leg. I had the choice of continuing to read the Da Vinci Code or The Bible. I gave up on relying on the comfy mattress to do me any good tonight. Was aimlessly browsing through the net till the break of dawn, when I finally figured that neither my brain nor body could hold me straight any longer.

Woke up around mid afternoon, only to find Mummy dearest scurrying around the house, yapping at everyone for not helping her to get prepared for Christmas. Cakes, Christmas Decor, Christmas Trees mean nothing but utter BUNKEM to me. As for all the carols, “Absolute Gibberish”. Wait till I have a house and family of my own, every day would be Christmas, every day would be Valentines Day and there simply would not be any special occasions, including ghostly memorials and almsgivings. Birthdays are exceptional, I like em.

I feel weird, I’ve suddenly started looking at the world in a very different point of view and looks like my mental gear ain’t equipped enough to comprehend the new phase I’ve stepped in to. The problem that vexes me still lingers. The creature I am in love with is tagged to be sexually inclined the contrary way. They are rumours, suspicions, wild guesses and odd doubts of those around me. There is absolutely no proof I hold to actually making “THE” statement as to what he actually is, other than the printouts of a series of emails I treasure, which I possessed by hacking in to his email. I’ve pondered on confrontation, but this would only bring out the CON ARTIST in him back to play. Predicting his actions and reactions have become easier than it was for me to learn my Alphabet when I was a weenie babe, coz he is me, a replica of my ancient inner self.

Christmas means nothing more to me than to silently give praise to the My Master for giving his only begotten Son, to save a scoundrel like me and not forgetting the importance of driving ultra carefully down the rough roads all the way to the God forsaken bakery to bake the massive trays of Yucky Christmas cake (I don’t like Christmas cake)…..Hmmmphhh……

I cry for no purpose, tears roll down my cheek at night, and I simple don’t know why? I keep looking for something intangible and precious, which I don’t seem to find. NO…..it definitely ain’t LOVE, nothing as simple as that, coz no amount of love would or could possibly satisfy my burring soul. It scares me to suddenly jolt from a cavernous day dream and feel fire blazing out of my ear. Crazy as it sounds, this feeling I feel I simply cannot explicate !!!

The Truth !!!

Finally got to buying the Da Vinci Code. I can’t seem to keep the book down………My own review about it very soon.

Been vexed by a situation for the past 2 weeks. I am in love with a very strange creature. A creature stranger than the strangest to walk the earth. I’m actually confused whether it’s love, sympathy or one of those indescribable emotions. I’ve made up my mind for the nth time…to drop it all and move on…..but I wouldn’t rest until I find out the truth……I just wouldn’t…The truth can be reached out for in the most ruthless, gruesome methods….or by using methods of absolute patience which would involve decades of waiting, pondering and silent torture. Which ever way I choose to use……cracking the code would be my ultimatum.

Today sure is a day of enlightenment. Just as I detest women of manipulation, today I actually did appreciate a woman of similar qualities……..Why I hate them? I myself cannot comprehend…….may be cause they reminds me of a part of myself I dislike and haven’t really come to terms with…..or may be because I just don’t want any one throwing their weight around me…Harsh and skeptical as I am……….I wonder if in my heart there ever would grow a genuine love for anyone or anything….

This blog sure is filled with anger and hatred (very anti-Christ like)…but the anger I feel is not about anything or anyone….but about my own self……I’m angry at how naïve I am…..at how fast I can be blinded by false idols (I don’t intend this to be interpreted directly)…I’m angry at the sympathy I feel…….. all the passion my soul goes through….I’m angry at the ambitions that dwell in me…..I’m angry at how strong my soul is…..I’m angry at the fact that I see the truth, sooner than later…….I could deceive my self by locking the doors of the past, but I know that I wouldn’t really move on until I have dealt with every single one of those skeletons that are locked up…….Deal with them harshly and smash the very existence of them.

This year sure has been a very promising year……and I trust it to resolve all my doubts, fears and anxieties before I happily step in to another brilliant year more promising than this. This year showed me the way but the next would lead me down the way. I’m all excited already about the experiences and the adventures it has in store for me.

He who tries to fool me……is sure gonna be fooled twice as much !!!

My Lil Angel

It sure has been a typical Dawson’s Creek Series ever since I met him around mid August 2003. I don’t really regret the cancer/ hole in the heart scam he pulled, coz guess it just got me closer to him (dumb ass me, to bite such a dead rope) !!!

I didn’t say yes, when he wanted me to and it was too late when I realized that he was “THE ONE”. Been through loadsa misunderstandings, loadsa communication gaps, but at the end of the roller coaster ride, he is still my best friend and my everything.

This song explains how I exactly feel right now and I just pray he feels the same. Been thinking of him non-stop for the past 96 hours and it sure is driving me Nutttzzzzzz !!!

I Don’t Wanna Live Without Your Love - by Chicago

The evening was even more nuttier, me wanted (or rather desperately wanted) to send a bunch of flowers to him, but after a few negative opinions about it (from my so called macho guy friends) and the fact that I couldn’t find 2nd Chance flowers at Crescat made me settle for something a lil lamer than flowers (thanx to all the people who discouraged me bout the flowers…grrrrrrr). Was utterly sick, could hardly stand on me two feet (Not forgetting the blind crash I was about to experience at the car park, but…nah…Nothing could stop me, I had to give it to him. If this goes on for any longer, I’m a dead duck, but then again a “Happy” dead duck :)

I’ve handed over the situation to my "Master" and even though this is what I want, LET HIS WILL BE DONE !!!

A blast of a weekend !!!

Saturday sure started with a bang…..met up with a female friend (yeah…freaky and unusual of me to hang around with the female species…but then again……she’s one of em nice ones)…..I was feeling jittery about the whole event, coz I wasn’t used to the whole girly thing…(took a big risk on that) !!!

Day started with a movie at MC……(pop corn, chips & soda…..I can handle that)……Boogied off to Crescat, for a quick bite…….(so far so good…she is actually cool)….A lil bita roaming around…and off to “Excel World”…………Got soaked at the “Winter Wonder Land” awesome place…me won a lame gift as well..(for getting the most amount of snow on me)…..Had a ball with em lil kids……Woaaaah…that was real snow……just awesome…

Then headed for the ever so longed for…RIDES……. Scrambler & the Train sorta thingy……this is what I call getting away from it all…….better than relaxing with coffee……I truly had fun…….and thrilled that I found a equally wonky, down to earth, sweet girl pal to hang around with.

Sunday morning was laid back and annoying coz of the numerous calls inquiring about our house on sale…….Dragged myself to church…..it was all good…..but what me was looking forward was for the hang out with me "Lil Angel"……..He sure has a certain affect on me…..his very call makes me heart race faster…….as a matter of factly, no guy has ever made me feel that way…..(I only hope he knows that). He doesn’t have to kiss me…he doesn’t even have to hold my hand…..just one look could knock me flat (grin….. grin) It’s been 2 years…..but it feels like I had just fallen in love with him…….and the best part is that I keep falling over and over again, every time I see him.

We hung around at millennium park again today…….had another ball of a time….but this time a better one, coz it was with him…..hehehe….I sometimes question myself as to whether he is my best friend, or that one special person…my reason for living….my everything……I could never find the answers to that, till the day I do actually run away with someone else….or settle down with him, the only guy who could put a big bright smile all over my face, makes my heart race faster & slower at the same time & love me till the end of time, no matter what

Love ya loads me "Lil Angel"……that would never change……and no one could ever take your place !!!

Anywayz…..back to work after the perfect get away ………………..woaaaah………3 more days to go before another holiday (whine…whine)………

P.S :- 10'000 apologies to all people who's messages and calls I didn't respond to.....I truely and very sorry........but.....pweeese...I really needed this weekend off.......ALL TO MY SELF !!!

Anger, Frustration, Confusion, Disappointment & All Negative Traits…..Arrrghhh !!!!

After a mega arguments about all sorta of religions with me Dad yesterday…I got thinking again….All religions ask people to be good….but how good can a person be……I’ve turned from the Wicked, Satanic, Evil person I was 10 months back…I’m trying hard to be a better person, genuinely love people around me…..(I said I was trying)…..It wasn’t hard at all to kick their asses outa my way before…But now it’s difficult, coz I am convicted that it is WRONG to do so.

I remember some of my so-called-Christian friends, teaching me how to say NO……Say NO to worldly things……..But what do I say, when they themselves try to use my kindness and exploit the love I have for them. I genuinely do adore them, love them & appreciate the fact that they have been their for me…….but….how far does gratitude really have to go……Enlightened as they are….why can’t they comprehend the selfish act they are committing?

I sure have acted boorish and stayed away from a lot of my friends & events, because of the fear factor of being sucked back in to my old life again. The deep dark hole of spite & evil. But eventually I realized that No one is perfect…….The fact still remains that I would never turn away from the truth I found…”Jesus Christ” the transformer of lives…My Salvation…..but guess I’ve learned enough, not to depend on a church or look up to the so called Extreme Christian racists for my growth…Of course I may never grow up to be a perfect mirror image of my master, but at least, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite bounded by an organized denomination.

Am I throwing the Church away after I sucked out the life it had to give me??? No…..I ain’t that ungrateful…..But if I remain there…I would only fall away just like most of em. Christian’s aren’t supposed to be a different race, or different cast….they are supposed to mirror images of Jesus…spreading love, joy & hope…& not be initiators of religious wars.

I was yearning to join Bible college, coz I wanted to understand the Bible (more than I do now)…..read between the lines & to figure out the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the whole truth. I wanted to know more about God……I wanted to know more about the rights and the wrongs. I want to have a closer walk with my master & not fall away…….But what do I hear when I go for my registration…I fill in the form & lady registrar lets me in to the fact that I have to submit a letter by my Church Pastor that stating that I actually do belong to a particular church & if I fail to do so before my first class in January, my registration would be cancelled. Wow !!!! I wish she actually did see the disgust written all over my face……..Utter Disgust !!!!

I wish I could change things…..but I can’t…..all I can do is try not to fall victim to the so called qualities I detest in people around me…..after all who am I to judge???

Last, but no the least, I apologies to every one I offended, belittled, & took for granted, during my period of transformation (learning process). I’m really sorry if I acted a racist of extreme view points (unintentionally of course). The self identification process is crazy & most of all frustrating (I hope you understand). I sometimes wonder what sort of identification I have. Do I want to call myself a Christian? (Of course I can…..but the question remains whether I want to)? And when one makes a statement as the following …”Ohh….another one of em hypocrites”…..do I have to stoop low and defend my self by denying facts & examples they throw my way by answering…..”Nei…not one of them…Look at me..I am different”) !!!

Why why??? So many questions with absolutely no answers? So many confusions, I have to deal alone. I remember something harping in my ear “Christianity is not a lonely walk child” My Tush !!! (I reserve the rest of my comments).

God Bless You !!!
(Follower of Jesus Christ)

If I am any HAPPIER, I’d Burst !!!

Woahh…what a day !!! If I am any happier, I’d proly burst in to a million pieces.

(1) Dropped Ma to work at Union Place unusually early.

(2) Drove all the way back to a garage in Kandana to repair the car….My Boo is a SMOOTHIE now…….Real Smooth !!! Amazing how a tiny prob like a crack in the gear box mount can make such a bug clutter.

(3) Expected to spend around Rs.5000.00 for the repair, but was only charged, Rs. 350/=…..Yipppy !!!!

(4) Drove back Home….and went all the way to Kirulapona for 2 very successful sales. Their words were very encouraging…Me was THRILLED !!!

(5) Registered for 2 subjects at the Bible College, Kohuwala……(What I’ve been really really wanting to do for the past couple of months).

(6) Mums’ was supposed to lunch with us, but she let us down. So…it was only me an Dad…..(Hmmm…I’ve never actually done a luncheon with Dad alone)….Tried Rohan’s…a place I dared not to step in….but the food was actually good……All north Indian Cuisine, and yeah…you could say reasonably priced…..Looks a dingy joint from outside, but quite good on the inside.

(7) Went to the Museum with Dad….(after around 15 years….that’s another I really wanted to do for ages)…..Fini checking out the Museum in 1 ½ hours…..Nothing much to see…The Museum itself was in ruins……Paint on the walls were scratched & ripped out….water dripping from the roofs on to “should be preserved” treasures….No body to show the way and help figure out what is what…some sections being dusty & dirty….pathetic sight….

(8) Dropped Dad at Mum’s office, and boggied off to Crescat, to do some banking and to see me Lil Angel…..Nothing could make me happier than that……I was thrilled to see him…..absolutely thrilled…….I wish we get to go on our routine Christmas ritual this year as well…I miss all the fun……Sometimes I actually do wish there comes in to me life some one else who could take his place……totally take his place…that’ll be the day I can make the biggie statement “Geez…I’m in Love”

(9) Met up with Kanishka & Lashan…….and hung out for a while…yeah…Sweet !!! Adore em like me own siblings.

(10) And to add a lil spice to all the lil happy yuppies me had for the day, just 2 minutes before me reached home, I get a call from a familiar number, Tharanga……awwww…….I had to keep the phone and say that I would contact him as soon as I got home, coz if I hadn’t….(Kaboom…Crash not forgetting a BANG) !!! He’s back in SL…..excellent.

(11) The best part is that after all the hype & driving, I still got loads of energy left……AWSOME !!!

I so don’t remember a day that has gone better than today. If I did have one wish right now…I’d relive today all over again.

It’s Good to know that God is in CONTROL !!!

God Bless you !!!

The (So Called) Matrix

Spooky, unrealistic movie throwing out mixed messages, which would make the "Brain Dead" to get thinking of eternity and reality…and confuse the “I’m so set apart” smart asses of all religions and denominations as well as to question their faith………..

All the reviews I’ve read about the movie, stated the same thing…..It’s more a movie, based on Christianity (with a touch of Bhuddist thinking & Gnostic beliefs)…bla bla bla…. I wouldn’t really want to argue too much about the sequel, coz it truly lacks any real substance to support the foundation or the so called frame.

Even though it is connected to Christianity in so many ways…this movie too shall remain just another movie I wouldn’t bother wasting my time to understand. Coz what I believe in is strong, and nothing or no one will/shall/can influence me to believe in anything else.

Pasan had a total different theory regarding the whole movie…firewalls, viruses, servers, programmes & a whole loada technical jargons…Bahhh…I would never fully comprehend what you are trying to explain….I truly wonder where all these frustrating arguments about religion, logic & philosophy would end....MURDER !!!! Cold Blooded MURDER !!!! (",)

Movies & Escapism

Yeah…taking some time out being my ultimate priority….I’ve watched quite a coupla movies the past 48 hours…."Matrix 1/2/3"….”Bridget Jones Diary 2”…”Monster in law”…and a few more comedies……..I know em movies are old…but these are what I missed, while I was attempting to make money (Emphasizing the word : Attempting) …..A review on Matrix coming up soon…..still working on it…If only the producers did speak their mind a tad more…..comprehending the trilogy wouldn’t be so difficult…..Coz the mystery really ain’t about the movie at all….it’s about why they ever thought of producing such a movie? (Money yeah…but other than that….why?) There’s always a reason other than plain dough….Overall….I had a ball of a time watching Keanu Reeves…..(oooooooowweeee..Hotttieeeee) !!!!

Movies & Escapism……who can be blamed…..Mother in law problems automatically being solved in the movie Monster in Law……and the fact that a sane man could actually end up with a disaster like Bridget Jones…..Unrealistic as it is…Ermm…happening to wonder whether a successful, secure man would actually end up with an insecure, un-groomed, scatter of a woman????? Hmmm…The movie was a bore…but Hugh Grant was HOT…..Wowy…do men like him actually exist ???

I sure got disgusted with all the Girlie 2 shoes movies…ever since I watched “Bewitched” last Saturday…..Why does Hollywood even bother wasting their time making em movies…..total disaster…How dumb do they expect women to be ? (Or should I be using the word lame…Or just may be I shouldn’t have actually put that question on print)???

The Blog continues……(After 4 hours of deep sleep in the mid afternoon)….Yummy mutton Chinese Roll feed from Nippon (Run down place, but their snacks taste good…and it’s the only hygienic place around mum’s work place)….one tough driving session…and another ten hours of deep sleep….

I really don’t know how I can sleep this much, being the insomniac all my life….it sure is a tad surprising….They proly are the withdrawal symptoms of staying away from the internet and all my monkey business…..haven’t been online for more than 48 hours…..I sure am feeling good about the deprived state me deliberately undergoing…Training myself to check mail just once a week, and to read the bible the first thing in the morning than switching on the computer sure is difficult than I thought…but worth giving a try….

Instead…watched three movies at a stretch…..”Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”….. “Fifteen & Pregnant” ……arrrgh…...I wish every school showed this movie….It’s crazy how the world works……just not fair……and “The Bachelor”….It still annoys me as to how a bloke can be in love…utterly in love…..and still decides to be running around…..Hmmmm… I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never understand why? & the whole Mustang theory explained in the movie….nah!!! that don’t convince me….it’s all bullshit…a lame excuse…..And to all of em people laughing at me “cute ass” for waiting for “the” MAGIC to happen……and, nothing BUT the “MAGIC” to happen…..Nah…I wouldn’t stick any fingers out at ya ......muhahahahahaah

Help me Jesus….I’m just about to die

Today was one of those…”heaven help me, coz this might be the last few minutes on earth for moi” sorta day……..Morning was laid back…and afternoon too was spent at Barista’s with a friend, indulging on cheese cake and hot chocolate…..he is sorta a new friend I’ve found…and yeah…really sweet guy…….It felt good to hang around with someone you could call a FRIEND……geeeeez……Then I did a movie with another friend……this again was just a FRIEND……hehhee……I’m really on cloud number 9…….but it scares me to have any sort of close bonding, coz it always…always ends up in disaster…..

I’ve actually adopted the technique of (it’s difficult, but it’s healthy) totally blocking up people who just aren’t genuine, marking time, wasting my time and theirs and taking me for granted……so far…so good……..I know it’s a very selfish act…but sometimes, one just gotta draw the line…..(hint…hint)

So the movie fini at 9 p.m and me went off to me lil angel’s place…all the way to Borlasgamuwa…My heavens !!!! Didn’t I wish that it was all just a nightmare………Thundering rain…almost misleading the drive……3 feet deep water, crippling my brakes…..It was horrifying…real horrifying…….The fact that it was 10 p.m and I was alone didn’t help either. My knees were gone….i mean frozen and buckled up… my heart was racing way above average…….. W.A De Silva Mw truly gave me an heart attack….for some reason I felt that it was the end of something……I suddenly found myself driving in to a river of water (emphasizing…RIVER)…… The rain was slamming itself on the windscreen and was blinding the view, the thunder and the heavy wind only made it more gory…..The worse part was when I figured that I couldn’t really locate the apartment…..ouch…..Praise the Lord…I found the pitch dark apartment without having to run around in circles…..

Got me lil angel & went through a lil more wading and drowning to get back home…..arrrgh……I would never ever wanna go trough this again !!! We decided to take a cab to the airport to pick his mum from my place, instead of me car…. just in case the weather gets worse….I still feel bad about letting them down…..at least it feels like I have let them down :)

Its freaking 4 a.m and I am still up and blogging….trying to thump out all my anger &, confusion out in to words….The wait at the airport arrival terminal was a stress buster….I could sit there and glare at em people for hours (if I was given the chance) he he he…it’s funnier than one of em award winning comedies…specially when u got an equally crooked, twisted minded buddy to criticize them with (“,)

Markadamus Twainus

Criticize him or praise him? …….I wouldn’t know…..I got reading about the dude….I got carried away and fascinated as usual….It all began coz some one I know sent me a quotation by Mark Twain’s “Letters from the Earth” “It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies” I had to read up more about Mark Twain the minute this caught my eye….I had to read more than Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer I’ve browsed through in my childhood…What was he? Was he (really) anti or pro Christian? It wasn’t to clear to see at a glance by reading the quote. So that’s where me got digging…… No where does it say that he accepted Christ? Jew’s yes…..a Jew hater, later turned to praising them…but did he really accept them……NO…his mind was wavering…..from whether or not they were worthy enough to be respected or not…….. Yes…he was a Christian hater to a certain extent……Geez…I wish I knew him then to let him know…To let him know that It ain’t about a neighboring Jew and neither is it about Christians…..but it’s about Jesus (the trinity rather…Father, Son & the Holy Spirit)….It’s a personal relationship with the creator…and the creator alone. Quotes---------- For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slavery which would last till Christ comes again--which I hope he will not do; he made trouble enough before. (Letter to W. D. Howells, 1/25/1900) There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him--early. (Notebook, 1898) You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and all-sufficient "people say." In all my seventy-two years and a half I have never come across such another ass as this human race is. (Mark Twain's Autobiography) Unquote------------ I’m saddened by the fact that he only looked at the world….and not in to his heart……all his quotes are criticizing a cast, creed or a nation…..(how could he…grrrrrr) My biggest question still remains unanswered…..even after all the digging and finding…..Intellectual & brilliant as he is….How come that he never found the TRUTH? He sure made some statements which were unbiased and true as well :- Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice. (Following the Equator -1897) When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. (Mark Twain's Autobiography) I’ve had enough criticizing Marcadamus Twainus……but my question still remains as to what was going on in the mind of the person who sent me quote…..(grin…grin….) Now that…I may never know……..

I have to let you go completely…but I just can’t

I keep seeing you, wanting to see you……….wanting to see that smile….see that sweetness, pouring down over me…I pull back….torture my self to stay away.... coz something inside keeps telling me that my soul is heading for trouble….All I gotta do is stay away…say NO, every time u say yes…..You’d never know how much it kills me…you’d never know coz I ain’t never gonna tell you…coz it wouldn’t really matter… Is it love…or is it lust…I wouldn’t know…or may be I don’t want to figure out…I don’t want it to end, even though it has to……

I don’t want to see you…coz seeing you only makes me empty…..coz something starts churning inside me….screaming to make you all mine……..but then I pull back…….coz it’s all foolish or rather boorish desires running wild don’t want you to be mine…this ain’t it….you ain’t IT….It’s crazy….coz I do wanna feel the warmth of those hands…..I want it to last…..

Worlds apart in body, mind and soul…….but something about you grips me to the spot…..making it difficult for me to dodge from your gaze……I try to explain…but fail to…..guess something’s are better left unspoken, unexplained……I do sometimes wake up thinking about you & sometimes you’re the last I think about before I shut my eyes…It makes me happy…but at the same time empty….coz u ain’t mine…and I don’t want you to be mine either…..

Yes, I have cried…it sounds so lame now…but who can tell the emotions what to do…they’ve got a mind of their own……My head orders me to run for my peace….but my heart doesn’t let me……It hurts…I’m bleeding….I know that it’s just a fascination…..a going no where situation…….non committed and almost non existent…Cut yourself free, before it hurts you an me.

Mars, Venus & Me…..

Me Man Ranil Lost…..Hmm…Just fini mourning…but then again, what is in it for me…My life has to go on. I still gotta work hard for my living. So why even bother talk about politics, when I got bigger issues at my age

People always fascinated me……I see them as works of art…..So many of my friends feeling lost, going through broken relationships and so much more….Of course I’ve been through all that shh** and more….but looking back, as well as looking in to their spaces from outside….it all seems too simple….too uncomplicated…..(Ermm…am I getting a tad carried away)…..

As for relationships, I see most of them getting drifted away with the absolute wrong one….knowing that it is wrong……why? Coz they just need something to keep them occupied…they are lonely...jobless….or just too dumb to realize….I so wouldn’t know……but y? Life seems to be so much easier without unwanted hindrances planting stakes before ones progress. (Of course I kept doing the same mistake till recently)…It is so much easier to let go of the thorns one holds on to and let the wounds heal…than to keep holding on to em and keep bleeding…..

The "Now" Magazine carried out quite an interesting article about a few books on relationships, for the more intelligent of em tow species, (Gotta go get my hands on soma em)…A few points sorta stuck in my mind from the book “ He’s just not that in to you” by author Greg Behrendt…The books is supposed to be less focused on man-bashing and more on women’s incapability to recognize a disinterested partner.

“If a (sane) guy really likes you there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way”

Apparently the author challenges the reader of the book to keep away from men who:

(1) Keep them waiting by the phone
(2) Are not sure they want a relationship
(3) Make them feel sexually undesirable
(4) Fear talking about the future
(5) Are married

Geeez…..I was quite amused reading the article…how true……If only this was one of the text books in school, I wouldn’t have had to learn em the hard way…..

But then again I am also eager to find out why :

(1) A guy forces an uninterested girl in to a relationship and then get uninterested?

(Is it something to do with the hunter’s spirit)?
(2) Men are what they are….argggghhhhhhhhhh.....
(3) Men like manipulative women (Are they looking for a mum or a wife)?

There’s a lot more I’m curious to know about…but then again….I’ll eventually figure em out….

The other book which provoked me was “Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” by authors Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

The writer of the article had actually without any fear gone on to saying “This best selling book puts men right where we belong – on a pedestal. The rules make it clear that no self respecting woman can lead a complete life without a husband to call her own, we’re still calling the shots”

(Wouldn’t I like to give the guy a piece of me mind)…

I wouldn’t wanna speak any more about this book until I’ve read the whole thing…I’ll probably end up with high blood pressure, coz it’s already on the boil…….

Drama Queen

My Life has been a absolute drama (of course in a good way) ever since me fini me education……It’s surprising that it still hasn’t ceased….the episodes continue to only get better and more interesting……

Finally got baptized last Sunday…….amazing feeling…but guess the water in the tank was a tad contaminated, which made me remain dizzy for quite sum time…..

Yesterday was one hectic day…I so don’t know how I scraped the energy to go on past midnight…..The six hour chauffeuring service provided to mother dearest…from Ambathale all the way to Homagama and back home……Young adults meeting and finally a relaxing game of ( or rather a blood boiling game) of scrabble with a buddy…..Blood was more than boiling, coz Scrabble according to me Dad is played with plain & pure English, and that’s exactly the way I’m used to playing it…..But as for my friend who insisted including slang, American unfinished words, prefixes etc….according to the scrabble dictionary (with no prior agreement) …Bly Me…..The urge still prevails to smack em dictionary publishers tush bright read…

Today was one of em days one realizes that, they cannot be everybody’s everything……I need a lil time for me self…I need a break…….Arrrghhhh !!!!! I’m worn out……on my way to a glorious flue…….and the sickenening feeling of waiting three hours loitering around mummy’s office till she finished work didn’t help me feel better either….

A Christian should be IN the world and yet not OF the world. How can this be? Consider the fish who, though he lives in the salty sea, does not taste salty.

Found a quote which explains what exactly I’m struggling to be…..I do not know how far it is possible….coz ever since I started trying…..all I’ve been doing is slipping and falling.....It’s a slowly diminishing and hopefully vanishing struggle……Yeah……Pasan…may be u were correct after all…I was putting a lot of self imposed pressure on my self……But if you were bad I used to be…….u’d understand y the thought of slipping an inch backwards scares the shit out of me….It ain’t the world I don’t trust…It’s myself :)

Dancing Frenzy

I’m pining to start dancing again…….I’ve been hippety hopping the whole day and almost cracked exhausted…Finally found out that there actually is a class happening at Panadura…..so…Tango by me self till me shift…..and part of me is fidgeting to go clubbing tonight….but what if I get sucked in ????….(There I go again….another thing to ponder on)…….

To gain self-control, give God control !!!

But…how can I expect God to work miracles when I still have a lil more home work to finish….

1 Corinthians 9 : 27 - Like an athlete, I punish my body, treating it roughly, training it to do what it should, not what it wants to.

The Girl who has Schizophrenia is getting better…..Taking her for another healing prayer to Pastor Viraj Perera. The faith the Girl’s mum has blows me away…Jesus will heal every dark corner in their lives and restore everything for sure……and use them for his glory…..One more soul is saved…and it’s time to celebrate.

I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But thank God, I am not what I used to be !!!

Thirst

Managed to hit the sack by 1 a.m last night……….My hyperactivity is not due to chocolates, or any other substance…….It’s coz my soul has finally found joy….exceeding joy that’s screaming to overflow…Me gonna get baptized this Sunday…wohooo…….and I finally…really….whole heartedly….100%...spot on…..feel ready for it…My Mentor wanted me to relax, when I mentioned this to him hehehe….he means good….but I know the minute we relax our hearts and minds and stop attempting to reach the goal…the whole structure collapses…….No…..I ain’t scared that I might be tripped…and not be strong enough to resist evil and temptation…..but just that I’ve come to realize that one cannot have grey areas…..or even thoughts about compromising….coz…this would mean that we just might be leaving room for the wrong decision to conquer…..

Getting high with the holy spirit is far more pleasurable that any substance....It’s a yearning…a thirst….just like one thirsts for the next shot of Vodka…or as for me the next strip of mint……I wish I could explain the exact feeling…..but It’s beyond description…It’s beyond compare…..I’ve only yet had a lick of the Candy stick My Master is holding for me…and I’m impatient to consume it entirely……It’s a joy to know that he is in control….It’s an even bigger joy to know that he has a plan for me…a special plan with a perfect stratergy :)

I long to be used for his glory…….coz the joy I receive by being used by him is beyond compare…….I remember watching aunty Wasanthi and wondering…..”What has she to be so happy of”….. I didn’t really comprehend what it was until “oogly googly” Shyam pointed it out (him being a rebel and being almost on the same note as I am back then…. “I’m bad…I’m bad…I’m evil…I’m bad”….did sorta make me ponder awhile on what he was saying)…..The phrase where he said “Look at the Christians…what ever happens…they got some one to lean on ..and what do we have?” Oooppps……that was me turning point……….that’s when I realized that I was an empty vessel…rebelling against my own self…my own stupid and foolish dark strength (Which sure is temporary)…..

A change would do me GOOD ?

Changes have been taking place in my already messed up, highly volatile life….since Feb, but the most drastic ones have just begun……It’s all good…me all happy….at peace…….

Eating habits have gone from bad to worse….Stomaching in more than 2 meals a day seems like torture…..but chocolates seem to go down me throat in bulk…….My work outs have become frequent (I can’t seem to figure out why I keep doing it…or rather overdoing it...It’s like I juts can’t stop)…..My body fat seems to have gone down to all time zero that I have to sleep under 3 thick balnkets, to keep me self from shivering….. (Spoooky)…..

Me have turned outa be so much hyper than before…tired, but hyper…that I feel like a dog on the loose…….(Oh no…… that ain’t schizophrenic symptoms…hehehehehehe…now now Pasan…don’t u go imagining)

Heard that one of me best buddies “Lash” is getting married……..For some reason, the news did sorta make my world fall apart…No…I’ve never had a crush on him…just loved & adored him loads as me own brother…..that’s it…….and no it ain’t jealousy…….I so can’t figure out what? Y? Arghh…I hate being possessive…(but is this possessiveness) ??? I guess not….hmmm….I remember howling and crying away and refusing to go for 2 of my best girl friend’s weddings……Geez….why would a wedding make me cry? This I need to get out of :(

Another wonderful day in paradise

Yesterday was tiring, but a happy one……Went for the “Living in Style” (Kadalla) Exhibition held at BMICH (which will go on till 6th Nov)……It was amazing……..Gathered (or rather stole) a lotta tips and designs to implement on the new property. Collected all the leaflets and brochures me hands could grab……(Drool droooooll)…..

The last blog about “Schizophrenia” I donno why I went through the article and blogged it…The person I intended it for didn’t really have Schizophrenia….Hmmmmm….I was confused……coz when I was reading it for the first time…I was burdened….almost forced to blog it……..May be…God wanted me to go through it to educate me self…….It ain’t a maybe anymore…God did have a plan for sure…….One of me mum’s friend’s Kido had been going through a phase of acute depression and a series of mixed psychological symptoms for the past 4-5 years………It hurt us to see her deteriorate, slowly, gradually but steadily……I so wanted her to be well…but didn’t know what to do……We wanted to take her to prayer meetings long ago…but it never really happened…..Hmmmm…(It’s amazing, how God’s timing works)……

We finally made plans to take her for the prayer meeting happening at Moratuwa lead by Pastor Viraj Perera……A strong Buddhist, saved by Christ……He was the guy who blessed the opening of my business, blessed my car……….I’m shocked at how powerful God makes man……..And I’m blessed to have experienced God’s mighty power through a few…..namely…..Pastor Viraj Perera, Mr. David Nicolle (My Mentor, my father…the guy who pulled me out of the dirty rut of witchcraft)…Pastor Keagal (Oh boy……another man of God who helped me break a few bondages), Pastor Trevin & his absolutely sweet wife…and my two sweet friends Jacintha & Jennifer (I guess these are the only people I look up to for the time being).

So getting back to the point……I called me mum’s friend to tell her about the plans for today…and oh…bly me…Nangi was actually diagnosed with “Schizophrenia”…I was shocked….just a lil too shocked…….hehehehe….but I was glad…that there was a way……They had never really brought her before the Lord…only been chanting “Manthra” and “Seth Kavi” (which again are chantings made to the demons)…….We are about to experience a mighty miracle……The biggest miracle me am to see……I know my God will and can do it…I know that he will restore her mentality…….The height of his power send shivers down me spine…Meanwhile, me waiting for a lil miracle to happen in me life as well……He saves…restores……in his time…and his time is the right time…..

I’m all thrilled….n happy…….Can’t wait to see another come out of deep darkness…….So long…..for now…..

Update : (After returning from the healing service)

Wow….I’m blown…totally blown………I can’t wait to see the lil girl getting a lil better each day……..So Pastor Viraj predicted that the whole thing began form a curse planted in the house…If that is what God has shown him…then it is so……My God will heal her……bring her back to her sweet self……..I know he will……

My Lord is my refuge….& my only refuge !!!

Da Devil's Playground !!!

I’ve been going through quite a powerful site these few days…..http://www.demonbuster.com/………….I know I meant the below for someone. I am no one to force the truth, but pray that all my loved ones find it (sooner than later).

Schizophrenia
What is it: A person who has two souls or personalities. Each personality is equipped with its own attitudes. These spirits whip the mind and personality back and forth as they vie for power: such as pride versus inferiority. The separate personalities are closely interwoven so that it is impossible for the person who has them to understand and control them. Double-mindedness wears the person out, and frustrates and confuses him.

Schizophrenia always begins with rejection. This rejection may be real or imagined. Often a child is rejected soon after conception. The reason for rejection doesn't matter. It could be unwanted, incest, rape, wrong sex, no more kids, hate parenthood, divorce, etc. We have seen cases where the rejection was no real but the demons had used some minor incident to tell them they were unwanted and that person accepted the demons lie. This is why parents need to talk over any situation with a child who seem troubled.

A "schizo" parent will usually have a schizo child or children. It's not inherited like blue eyes but is demonic. Demons like to cluster.

A schizo parent has difficulty showing love. Since the mother is the most constant parent with the children and cannot feed love into them, they become targets for rejection demons. Because fathers are away most of the day they seem special to children and can be hurt very easily if they feel father doesn't accept and show he loves them.

Many people don't understand who they are. One proof of the schizo personality is the constant question of "Whom am I?" The identity of one's own self is confused or lost.
Rejection is a withdrawing-type of personality; likes to work alone, doesn't participate, unsure, etc. Rejection is inward and withdrawn before it is outward. Rejected people reject others before they can be rejected by them.

Rejection invites rebellion. For instance, a child or adult will fight for love and lash out at those starving him of love. Rebellion is the reaction to rejection.
Rebellion is aggressive, angry, bitter, resentful and retaliates. This personality is moody, stubborn and selfish.

Having rejection and rebellion in the same body is hard to bear. This personality switches back and forth in seconds.

DELIVERANCE from the schizo personality takes time because the real self has often not developed very much at that point. If one is to be successful, he needs Jesus. Jesus will help the real person to develop. Obedience to Jesus' instructions are necessary. Bible study and prayer are needed.

Under the rejection spell comes infirmity and insecurity, deep depression, self accusation, and compulsion to confess sins. For example, a person enters into wrong doing and cannot keep from confession. He really wants to shock and hurt others so that he can get attention as a substitute for love.

Hard on the heels of these comes deception, self-seduction, delusion, fear and pride. Now we enter into the paranoid companion of schizophrenia.

On the rejection side are jealousy and envy usually of others who can give or receive love. On the rebellion side are distrust, suspicion and fears of all types of persecution.

Schizophrenia can be demonically inherited. Notice I said "demonically". By that I mean it is not in the blood system, not in the genes - it is in the demons!

This is why the schizophrenic DELIVERANCE requires time - sometimes several months or even a year, or longer. The DELIVERANCE must work in balance with the development of the "Real Self". It cannot be rushed, for there is nothing for the person to fall back upon. If every demon in the schizophrenic person were suddenly cast out he would feel totally lost. Identity with the "Real Self"requires time. As the schizophrenic nature is knocked out, the true personality must come forth to replace it.

He must be willing to fall out of agreement with the demons and to break old habit patterns.

How does the schizophrenic come out of this tangled mess? The three main areas to conquer are Rejection, Rebellion and the Root of Bitterness. As these areas are conquered the "house" (life) must be filled by the giving and receiving of love by submission to every valid authority and by forgiveness of all persons regardless of the circumstances. When these three areas are conquered, the other related spirits lose their strength. Determination is necessary.

The person who can persistently say "I WILL BE DIFFERENT! I WILL NOT LET DEMONS RULE MY LIFE" will eventually see victory.

SUICIDE IS A DEMON
Jesus does not want you to kill yourself. Thou shalt not murder is the commandment. Jesus would not tell you to commit suicide because then you are breaking the sixth commandment.
If you have ever thought of suicide, you must do Deliverance on this demon. Cast him out, in the name of Jesus.A suicide demon never leaves on its own. It may lay dormant for years.

It’s me lil angel’s birthday today…….he’s turning 20…wohoooooo…I am proud of what he has made of himself….and then again not so proud of his beliefs……hmmm…May he be blessed !!!

Halloweeeen…boooohhuahahahahaaha !!!!

Just a lil something me found out about the dark day…….It sounds gibberish…but it’s the truth…the whole truth and nothing but the dangerous truth !!!

There are many versions of halloween. This is one of them :-

Do some major Deliverance on yourself for ever celebrating halloween. Burn any left over halloween stuff in your home. Don't even open your doors to pass out "tracts". If you do, then you are celebrating this unholy day.

No matter what you think of halloween, know that it is the very highest satanic holy day. As a Christian, you should not be observing it in any way, especially IN your church. The catholic church is responsible for this day to be placed in the church.

Halloween has never been a Christian holiday, and it has no place in the life of a born again Believer in JESUS CHRIST. In fact, it is an abomination to God, and we should take our stand firmly against it. As we look at its history, we find that its roots go deep into heathenism, paganism, satanism and the occult; and its modern expression is no better.

HISTORY OF HALLOWEEN

Celtic New Year
October 31 is the most important day in the satanic year. [It is known as the devil's birthday.] It marks the Celtic new year. It was the end of the growing season. It became a festival of death. On this day, the god of the Celtics was to have called up the spirits of the wicked dead who had died during the past year. At the same time, other evil spirits arose and went about the countryside harassing the people. On October 31, the Celtics expected to be harassed by ghosts, evil spirits and demons; and it was no fun and games to them. They would light bonfires to guide the spirits to their own town and to ward off evil spirits.

DRUIDS
The Celtics had priests called druids. On October 31, the druids went from house to house demanding certain foods, and all those who refused were cursed. The people were tormented by means of magic. As they went, the druids carried large turnips which they had hollowed out and on which they had carved demon faces as charms. Each one was believed to contain the demon spirit that personally led or guided that priest: his little god.

DIVINATION
Those who practiced fortune telling and divination found that this was the night that they had the most success. They called upon satan to bless their efforts. One form of divination was to put apples in a tub and bob for them. The one who first successfully came up with one without putting them in his teeth was to have good luck throughout the year. They would then peel the apples and throw the peeling over their shoulders and then quickly look around. They expected to see a vision or an apparition of the one they were to marry.

SACRIFICES
These things happened several centuries before CHRIST. Sacrifices were made to the gods, especially the god of death - Samhain (pronounced Sah win). Sacrifices all the way from vegetable to human were offered. This went on and on, and, in some parts of the world, still goes on today.

8th CENTURY
In the 8th century, the Pope, in an effort to get the people to quit the festival of Sam hain, invented All Saints Day (Nov. 1). This was an attempt to get the people to turn away from the horrible observance of Sam hain. All Saints Day was intended to honor the martyrs of the Roman persecutions. It did not work! It never works to Christianize a pagan holiday. The holy and the profane do not mix.

THE MIDDLE AGES
In the Middle Ages, there was a great revival of satanic practices and witchcraft and magic - like there is today. During this time the belief developed that witches traveled on broomsticks to the black Sabbaths to worship Satan on October 31. They were guided by spirits in the form of black cats. The Druids worshiped cats believing them to be reincarnated evil people.

CHURCH INVOLVEMENT
This festival of death has survived all the efforts of the church to stamp it out. The church is joining the opposition by celebrating this festival.
All Saints Day became All Hallows Day. Hallow means holy or sacred. October 31 is the evening before All Hallows Day and came to be called in the western world all hallows evening and then all hallows een. Een is an abbreviation for evening. Finally, the word was reduced to the way we have it today, Halloween. That's where the name came from, and even if it is called all hallows evening, it has nothing to do with Christian faith, and it never did.

MODERN HALLOWEEN
Now let's look at the present day celebration of Halloween. Isn't the whole theme one of darkness, death, fear, threats, destruction and evil? There are witches, broomsticks, bats, owls, ghosts, skeletons, death, and monsters. You dress up your children as demons and witches and ghouls and monsters and werewolves and send them out into the street in the darkness to reenact the Druids' practice of demanding food from people under threat of tricks (or curses) if they don't comply.

You take, not a turnip, but a pumpkin and carve demon faces in it and decorate with it.
At Halloween there will be apple bobbing, divination, fortune telling, haunted houses, candles lit and spirits called up. There will be seances and ouija boards in the name of fun and excitement. There will be sacrifices of dogs, cats, rats, chickens, goats and even humans!

You say, "Well, we don't take it seriously." But the devil does and so does God. Particularly this is true when the Church which He purchased with His own precious blood builds houses of horror in its fellowship halls so that the little lambs who have been entrusted to its care can be terrified and opened up to invading spirits of fear and torment and confusion.

How this must Grieve the Lord!

No one can dabble in the occult and come away unshackled. It is not harmless games and fun. Occult involvement whether done innocently or not, is disobedience to God's Word. When people ignore God's warning and enter a forbidden realm, they witness spiritual phenomenon. The Devil does have supernatural power. However, everything he does for people, he requires payment. The result of occult involvement causes oppression, depression, confusion, delusion, and physical ailments of all sorts.

Trick and Treat is the fun time of many unsuspecting children and adults, but the "trick" is really on the one who is playing right into the trap of the devil. Halloween is a day of celebration for the devil and his worshipers.

Bonfires: The original word is bone fires. The bones of the sacrificed animals or humans said to appease Satan and endue his followers with heightened powers. Brooms for witches, wiccans, etc: Were and are used as part of a coven ceremony to heighten sexual frenzy and evoke more demonic powers. Pumpkins on porches with candles: Pumpkin on porch showed the people in the house has appeased evil spirits by giving of food, etc. Candle in it showed the people had not given anything. A member of their family was taken for sacrifice in the bone fire, while inward parts, usually fatty parts were put in the center of the hollowed out gourd with a wick in it. This appeased the gods of the druids and cursed the people in the house.

Sacrifices: The most pleasing sacrifice to Satan is something pure. The highest is a child, preferably newborn. Next a virgin, next an animal.

Prayers on Halloween Eve: Christians not informed about warfare and the power of the blood of Jesus are primary targets. Every curse imaginable is loosed this night with heightened power to bring them to pass. Some are immediate curses, some are curses that are spread out through the year, and some are "specialized curses". Terror and fear are always sent with each curse to the victim.All holidays are paganistic: Easter (goddess of fertility), Christmas (many pagan and idol things). The one totally dedicated to Satan and his followers is Halloween.

The decision is up to you…Still wanna go trick or treating…still wanna go to the most happa Halloween party in town????? Hmmmm……….

A brand new beginning….(The death of the Lustful and Seductive Spirit)

I strive for something different, something entirely different. I’m sick of the mundane existence of the youth. Studies, work, partying, clubbing, dawg watching….dating, relationships….etc…etc… I’ve been striving to achieve this totally different life from so long ago, but always got carried away with the current of the waves of wild existence……I want to and will to make all the sacrifices needed to achieve this from here on.

So, I’m weird…..a lil cocky…tipsy….I speak the unwanted, I use the most wrong phrases at the worst timing…yeah…my timing is always wrong...I’m a girl who doesn’t like soppy pansy stuff, including butterflies which is my worst phobia….hmm……It’s me birthday today……My phone was squeaking from 12 midnight….was brutally woken up by well wishers…heheehehe (it’s all good though)….this is when I sat up wondering who I really am…………I ain’t a strange being…no I ain’t…I’m perfectly normal…..I’m just an artist striving to express me self……….I just ain’t your average female……phew….now that I’ve got that straightened out……and no…I ain’t a rebel anymore.

I’ve got it all figured out…at least when I am 22…..praise the good lord…It’s still 10 a.m and me need me glorious work out to keep me going, haven’t trained in 2 days……..but overall today is gonna be a day of peace, a good day………A freaking glorious day………….

Well….the mega question being whether or not me gonna have a bash today…and whether or not I am gonna have a party today? Geeeez…why in the world would I want to celebrate the fact that I am getting older…tehehehehe…….nah….jus kidding…I shall celebrate it, but not right now..

The preaching at church was glorious…..It’s amazing how Satan grabs one’s peace of mind…..and the worst attacked are the believers of God… The evil one blinds you and takes you through situations, making you compromise good for the sake of evil and the non righteous acts…..It’s crazy how one can walk through life feeling so fulfilled, but still so unfulfilled without knowing the truth of life. What purpose is life, if the purpose of the heavenly one is not fulfilled through it?

I could fall on my knees a million times and repent a zillion times….but the fact remains that I am still unworthy to be forgiven. Below is a track that I keep playing over and over again…..it reminds me as to how blessed I am to receive his blessings, dirty as I am.

Why me Lord

Why me Lord, what have I ever done,
To deserve even one, of the pleasures I’ve known,
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do,
That was worth loving you, all the kindness you’ve shown.

Lord help me Jesus, I wasted it so..
Help me Jesus, I know what I am
Now that I know, that I needed you so..
Help me Jesus, my soul’s in your hand

Try me Lord, if you think there’s a way,
I could try to repay, all I’ve taken from you.
May be Lord, I could show someone else,
What I’ve been through myself on my way back to you.

Just Him & Me !!!

It's been awhile since I updated the blog. Wasn't in an expressive mood the past week. I faltered once more, but guess it put an end to the last evil bondage in me. It ain't a life long struggle to get out of darkness, it really isn't. But it sure takes quite awhile. My mind is messed up...way messed up (right now). Guilt doesn't come over me anymore when I falter, It's hurt....hurt in my soul....shame that I've hurt my blessed master....The one who loves me dearly.....the one who shed his very blood for me......

Had a chat with a friend who I had lost touch with for a couple of years, this Friday..the whole topic was about being unequally yoked with a non-believer. I found it so right some years back, but now I find it so wrong. But she, who found it wrong some years back, is compromising on the point. A Christian ain't a living breathing human being who goes by the book, there are no laws that bind them. A Christian is a being made in the mighty ones own image who walks in the love of the Lord....he leads, we follow. We are not to trust our own strength or our own instincts. We fall, they make us fall, we make our selves fal,but rise up again and walk in his love....walk strong, straight and tall.

Conviction :- As I write this, something came over me..I couldn't take it any longer....The sin I had committed had to be confessed, I was ashamed to face my heavenly father directly...I just couldn't.All I could do was call my mentor and cry.....though I didn't state the calibre of the sin, I knew that he understood, thank God for all the Godly people he's brought in to my life...He didn't rub in the wound, he didn't condemn me,he didn't judge me.....he reminded me that God's forgiveness was inexhaustible.

1 John 1 : 7-9
7 But, if we are living in the light of God's presence, just as Christ does, then we have wonderful fellowship and joy with each other, and the blood of Jesus his Son, cleanses us from every sin.
8 if we say that we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves, and refusing to accept the truth.
9 But if we confess our sins to him he can be depended on to forgive us and cleanse us from every wrong.
[And it is perfectly proper for God to do this fro us because Christ dies to wash away our sins]

I hate myself for letting the wrong conquer (no, don't tell me that I am harsh on myself....how can I strive to be good and give permission for the bad to dwell in me) ?

I've never been this convicted before, The area in my life that kept me away from God is broken, I feel it and I know it for sure. I cried out to the Lord before I fell......I begged him to keep me away. It was for me to choose, I had the choice and I chose evil.... Forgive me God, for I have sinned.

It annoys me when non believer speaks against God coz I know the truth and have no way of making them see it.The comments I received from them vary from :-

(1) I don't think there is a God as such, just a higher power who can take any form.
(2) There exists no God, it's all in the head.
(3) There is no eternal life elsewhere....so live the life you've got to the fullest.
(4) There ain't no miracles, just coincidences.

They can't prove my beleif to be wrong, coz I've seen it to believe it. I know it ain't blind faith any more.I feel it..I feel his perfect redemption. It is sweet to be loved by him.

I have no anger, no revenge on what happened, just a striving spirit of struggle to keep away. The power of lust, the power of seduction followed me till now, but by his grace, I know I have broken all of em bondages. No more am I a slave of darkness, no more am I a slave of blindness. I wan't all his blessing, not just a part of it...I want to be his and he be mine, I ain't ready to share my love with the world and lose my privileges, and none can take it away either. The worldly are wolves in sheep skin, the good, bad and the evil, none is to be trusted, none, not one. It ain't wrong to be paranoid, coz there sure is an ulterior motive behind all of em glittering like gold. I am none to judge, but I own the right to be careful.

May the love of God be with you !!!

The past is the past for it’s own good reasons….

Hmmm….I wish the whole theatrical phase of my life ceases…It’s really getting too much to handle…hehehe….Just too overwhelming……I mean…this is amazing….I could make a movie and be an millionaire over night……Ok……so me exaggerating….

The past month…or rather the past few months have been crazy…..people from me past…or rather the so called toy boys I happen to call me exes are coming back in to the scene…..All I can remember was showering them with emotional torture (of course during me dark ages)..but, still….I really don’t understand why anyone in their right mind would come back 10 feet close to me…

It’s only 3 years back that I ever felt anything real…….the feeling of loving someone and wanting to be loved back in return….yeah that hurts……but when that one person you love….gives you the world…or rather pretends to give it to you and then suddenly grabs the rug from under your feet…..geez…that freaking hurts…really hurts……

Ever since it’s just been revenge….I’m ashamed of me self…but yes…I’ve had my share of revenge…..may be it was all about lesser magic at that time……but I broke all the bondages…..It’s all over….but looks like it isn’t…hmmmm

Every time they fall at my feet…I’m only too tempted to take them on a wild spin again…..but nah…me ain’t gonna waste any of me precious time with em, they just ain’t worth it…The thought of seeing them again sends shudders down me spine…no way……Glad to figure out that I’m actually growing up….It amazes me that some people just can’t take the word no…well…they just have to...and no, what ever attempt they make ain’t gonna get them nowhere close to me. It annoys me to know that they still have the freaking guts to speak to me…(not that they have to fear me or anything)…but may be am just surprised…

Walking with me Lord is sweeter than ever…It’s getting easier to stick to my no and yes…

Starting tomorrow…..Me gonna stay away from the internet…I donno why I choose to do so, but guess I have started appreciating me solitude….Just like hunger makes a soul stronger…solitude makes the spirit bolder and stronger…I am enjoying it in a way…I missed a series of events the past three weeks, and the best part is that I don’t really regret missing em…..I sure would lose my usual bunch of friends who hang around with me if I refuse hanging out with em over and over again…..but then again….the true ones or rather the ones worth keeping will remain……(Oh yeah...me growing up fast..)…hehehe

Escapism is easy to get carried away with……but I don’t wanna do it this time….I wanna face it like a woman…and deal with it…….Yaaaaayyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!

Before I wrap up : Your words mean nothing to me…seeing is believing……and no...I ain’t gonna marry ya....not in this life……so forget about it…you veasling your way in is only a waste of time…for you…and a waste of energy for me to tell ya over and over again that I’ve moved on…..If u ever stumble across this blog…Geez…You are blessed…and I am too…I’ll save a lotta ma breath !!!

2 Samuel 22 :29 – For thou art my lamp, O Lord : and the Lord will lighten my DARKNESS

Sometime…Somewhere

You can deny it a million times, find practical, logical explanations as to why he ain’t the one……but, you just can’t really run away from him……It annoys me not to have control of my feelings and feel the way I feel……

I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories


That’s exactly what I wanna say……….Phew………..But, it just ain’t worth me hollering away….coz I seem to be invisible to him…hmm…….So….me shall…..silently admire the work of art...till he passes me by L

Had plans to crack quite a lip smacking deal today……but alas…..It didn’t go through…….I have no regrets…..coz I gave the whole thing over to the Lord before hand…and if it is not his will to give it to me…then I don’t want it J ……………As I wondered why? oh Lord why? I figured out that the mighty one didn’t want me to deal with the agent who was leading all the buyer to me……what more can I offer him than be thankful with all my heart……

Things aren’t all that rosy…rather living in a bunch of brambles……but my faith is still strong…and I know that it is more than sufficient to take me to the promised land…..a heaven on earth.

Unanswered yet the prayer your lips have pleaded,
In agony of heart these many years?
Does faith begin to fail? Is hope departing?
Say not the father hath not heard your prayers;
You shall have your desire sometime, somewhere.



Unanswered yet? Nay do not say ungranted;
Perhaps your work is not yet wholly done.
The work began when first your prayer was uttered,
And God will finish what He has begun.
If you will keep the incense burning there,
His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere.

Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered,
Her feet are firmly planted on the Rock;
Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,
Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.
She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,
And cries “It shall be done” – sometime, somewhere.

Ophelia G. Browning

“The” decision made !!!

Nothing much to grumble about the weekend. Signed the agreements for the new property yesterday…..the whole transaction was filled with peace…..but as usual I forgot to pray about it…..I’m just too hyper to sit still…stop my mind form wandering and pray….I love the feeling that comes over me when he touches my heart.....Okios…so I had made up my mind to go for a Bible Study today….the friend I was supposed to go with had the times mixed up and was a lil reluctant to make it with me…..I first decided not to go, coz I hardly knew anyone at this place, but then again…..I felt that I had to go……Lazed around with my breakfast, watched a lil TV….and forgot all about praying…or rather wasn’t in a mood to pray…..

Got dressed in a hurry…..and just like me mum …she wanted me to hand over some goodies to the next door neighbor on me way…..so got in to me dinky toy and drove away….after driving a good 1 km. I remembered that the revenue license and the insurance was at home…..so turned back and went home to go get it…..back in to the car….and as I was about to leave the lane…remembered that I needed a lil extra cash….so back home again to borrow cash from Mums….Hmmmm..… yeaaash….I was worried….a lil too worried…..too many impediments……That’s when the brat realized that she has forgotten to have her spiritual breakfast…Doesn’t my sweet lover have extreme ways of grabbing my attention…..

The bible study was amazing…It was all about temptation and the spiritual walk a youth must lead…..It gave me all the answers I was looking for………as usual, I couldn’t handle it…..the end of the first session I was automatically drawn towards the preacher…..he ordered me to take off the black chord I had on me neck and the thumb ring I was wearing …..arrrrggghhhh…..that hurts…I loved them…….I was told to take em off before…casually, but never did….so there goes…..I feel freer than before…more at peace…….I threw away most of my tribal jewellery yesterday…and it feels great….got a few more….which I will be throwing away tonight……hmmm…….. I was freaked out about being labeled a bible thumper or a Jesus fanatic…but I simply don’t care anymore………

The preaching done by Pastor Mano and his wife Asha showed me how far behind I was…….and just how far I need to go…..I figured out why I need to stay away from both the dudes I was trying to choose between……

(1) They aren’t God’s plan for me
(2) They don’t love my master the way I love him

The drive back home was full of pondering…….I could never imagine my life with someone who doesn’t love my heavenly father the way I do….I couldn’t see my future with someone I can’t share God’s goodness and love with…hmmm……so there goes…..

Any way…overall it was an awesome day……had a mega workout….and a mega dinner…and a 2 hour telephone conversation….(errrm…now that’s a strange thing for me to do) !!!

God Bless Ya !!!

Two Prince’s

Two people in my life that I really really adore…..feel comfortable with…..I wouldn’t say that it is love….but serious infatuation…..but at the same time…..Both of them seem to be so much alike sharing so many qualities :-

(1) Seem to adore the lime light…(Which ain’t my forte)
(2) Come from Sinhalese, Buddhist Backgrounds…who’s parents seem to be detesting the very thought of settling for a tamil (I’m just making assumptions picking bits and pieces from what they say)
(3) Seem to be driven by material forces
(4) Atheists
(5) Ruled by lust
(6) Absolutely adorable (Adorable to the extreme)
(7) A few more equal qualities…too embarrassing to state…hehehe
(8) The dudes are so much alike…other than for their physical attributes...pondering about it….geez…they do share a few physical equalities as well….scary….
(9) I wonder if it is something wrong with me, that I can’t really settle for any one…long term relationships and the very word “commitment” seem to freak me out…….I’m just so darn good at running away I guess……
(10) Im tempted to chose…….just that I can’t choose…and they ain’t perfect…(but then again, who is) ???
(11) May be it ain’t real love, coz I just can’t overlook the lacking attributes….it freaks me……
(12) Both have hurt me unintentionally….which means they arem’t as responsive to others as they think they are…
(13) So I’m harsh…at least truthful……this is exactly how our minds work…..


Jewel’s track “Intuition” puts it all in so beautifully :

Intuition - Jewel

I'm just a simple girl
In a high tech digital world
I really try to understand
All the powers that rule this land
They say Miss J's big butt is boss
Kate Moss can't find a job
In a world of post modern fad
What was good now is bad

It's not hard to understand
Just follow this simple plan

[chorus]
Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
It's easy to find
Just follow your heart baby
You look at me
but you're not quite sure
Am I it or could you get more?
You learn cool from magazines
You learn love from Charlie Sheen

If you want me let me know
I promise I won't say no

You got something that you want me to sell
Sell your sin. Just cash in.
You got something that you want me to tell
You'll love me. Wait and see.

If you want me
Don't play games
I promise
it won't be in vain


Aren’t we all waiting for something better…..coz the present just seems not good enough…just not good “Enough”......always searching…and never finding…There just doesn’t seem to be a solution other other working on self contentment ...the only freaking way to happiness !!!

Its still 12.48 p.m…….and yep…I have already decided why I actually dislike one of them……hehehe…..and yeah…the other one as well……I’ve made up my mind…..no going back….no contemplating……

- Height of passion seems too uncompassionate
- Tenderness just seems so rough
- Humour…rugged and harsh
- Thoughts in-depth, but still shallow
- Perfect, but still so imperfect

** So I'm messing around..................hehehe.......

Vengeance of a tortured dinky toy !!!!

Last night was all so cold and cozy….slept like a baby. Tried to convince me mum to take a cab in the morning since I knew that the drive in peak traffic is gonna be a killer with the clutch acting strange and worn…..but seeing that long face like :gaul face” made me get ready and go drop her….hehehe…..


Had a boisterously rocking time purchasing the clutch plates and other lil bits and pieces for the car…this includes the picturesque sight of the jacks loitering down “Panchikawatta” with em eyes goggling, lapping tongues and drooling caves (I so don’t get em….have stopped trying to figure out em brains of the uncultivated rascals).

The car was smooth as silk till I reached Armourstreet, when I felt the car suddenly wobbling like a jelly fish and making jumpy jerky movements…..my lungs almost gave in when I saw the smoke puff outa the bonnet…I freezed…..that horrible day…11th June 2003 flashed in fronta me eyes…..smoke….flaming car…..explosion…to condemning the majestic 4 wheeler….

I didn’t know what I was doing……I stopped the car in the middle of the road…opened the bonnet and jumped out to the pavement…..I was shivering away…I couldn’t help it……a stupid jack ass of a cop came and asked me to move the car towards a corner….I mumbled something and continued shivering…..by then. My dad had taken control of the situation and was trying to open the radiator…..I still couldn’t reach normalcy, I couldn’t think straight….A kind gentleman came by and offered to drive it to a corner, coz I was screaming away refusing to manure the vehicle in it’s state of steam and smoke…..(Who ever he is…may he be blessed…guess he parked his own vehi and came to help…I really wouldn’t know….but I am truly thankful to God and to him)

Okios…so we got some water from a near by house and poured it in and started heading towards Union place……but not even 100 metres from where we began I had an uneasy feeling about the whole journey…and the building up traffic which was almost coming to a stagnated standstill petrified me. Thank God my instincts told me to pull over and check it up again…..the Jacks who fixed me Clutch plates have forgotten to fix the radiator fan switch….and there was no way to keep the water cool….Dads did some jiggery-pockery with the whole thing…but the fan just wouldn’t start…..Called dear old Ceylinco and lingered by the road side for almost and hour for the guy to arrive…..and miraculously the fan did start working after seeing the technicians face. Wooohoo…..

In addition to the trauma of being inside a steaming car for the second time….I got an ear full of a lecture form me mother superior for not giving the car over to its agent….for being too stingy (in my mind it’s saving money….I’ll choose me garage dudes any day) !!

The evil one has been attacking me in every way he can these few weeks….Why…coz he just can’t stand the fact that I am walking in faith…following me master in heaven…..well..I just got to tell him one thing….He will never be able to mess with my faith….not this time…..he can take me to the depths of hell and back…I’ll still be sane with the strength of my master who will provide me shelter………I have a story in the bible to back me up “Job”………I do get vexed, frustrated, depressed at times….coz I’m only human after all….but no…never beaten….not until I hang on to my dear friend, lover, saviour and my all…….In (Romans 12 : 9-21) he has clearly stated that “Vengeance is his and that it is up to him to repay”…..and I count my fingers for the day he repays the evil one J

A lil about me and me alter ego.....

* Don't dare judge me....I am what I am....and I just might not be what you see....so if you really want to judge..."GO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE" :-)

Phone Habits

(1) My phone is with me 24/7/365, It is switched off only when I do not want to be disturbed. If I don't answer your call, or call you back, either I don't want to speak to you right then or never want to be hassled by you ever again.

(2) I do reply most of the sms's I get, unless other wise they are forwardings. Me not replying a message would mean that I find it lame, stupid, annoying or just don't want to communicate with you. If I don't reply a significant number of your messages at a stretch, I expect you to get the message that I don't want your number appearing on the screen of my phone...If you don't seem to figure this out, then your either sitting on your comprehension power or a plain retard

* retard = a person backward in mental or physical development

(3) The maximum times I will attempt to get through to a person is twice or on rare occasions thrice...If you fail to answer me or reply my message...I shall not bother with you ever.....I consider you an unfortunate earthling to have missed the opportunity to converse with me :)

(4) If you owe me something, then expect to be bugged, till you come up with a proper explanation or return what you owe me....(I don't expect you to return what ain't important to me, if I never ask you to make it your own, yeah...then it is darn important) !!!

(5) If I owe you something, don't worry...I wouldn't run away with it…I will return what ever I owe you in full...Yes, I will be polite enough to call you and give you an explanation if there involves any delay...but...Big “BUT " only if you would be sweet enough not to pounce on me like a starved Ethiopian Cannibal...or make my day go worse than it already is"

(6) Don't send me stupid sms's asking me how I am doing....I will either say...I'm doing good...ok or all right (you can be sure that it is always positive)....so don't bother. Try starting a conversation with a melodious note instead.

(7) I don't want to be called numerous times a day to be talked to...no...I ain't a puppy wanting to be spoken to 24/7...I appreciate my space.....solitude.....and dislike small talk....

(8) Don't dare call me up and expect to be entertained...no...I ain't a clown...and don't be too assured that I'll make your day and illuminate your darkness.

(9) I will only message you or call you if I like the living, breathing earthling you are....(I said like.....not LOVE)

(10) If I have ever fallen in love with you...I wouldn't use the phone or sms to confess it...I'll look deep in to your eyes...make you lifeless and then say it....(so don't let your imagination run riot, save it for a rainy day) !!!

(11) I sure judge you by the tone of your voice.....so when in a conversation if your tone is groggy or lazy….I rate you as uninteresting...or just not in the mood to talk.....don't blame me If I pretend to be busy and run away...I hate uninteresting, unresponsive conversations.

(12) If you’re a guy...don't dare call me when you are drunk....I don't appreciate drunk conversations either.

(13) Don't dare giving me nuisance calls....they don’t really affect me....so don't waste your time and money....(just a warning to save your resources)

(14) Don't dare declare any sort of feelings you got towards me using a telephonic equipment or worst of all don't dare do it in disguise / anonymous...In my mind you'll only be an ordinary coward with absolutely no self confidence, what-so-ever.

(15) If I don't answer the phone with a sweet note.....then may be...I'm pretending not to like you.....hehehe


Relationships & Nick Naks

(1) If I ever hang out with you twice...then you can be assured that I don't detest you (I never said like or love)

(2) If I ever tell you that I love you casually...don't believe me...(I just might be kidding around to find out your true intentions/ulterior motives....yeah...I'm cautious. I don't find anything wrong with it)....Coz if I'm really in love with you...I wouldn't be harping about it....I'd never say it....

(3) If I ever tell you that I needa get away from you....then I gotta be really hooked on to you....I'm just trying to find out, whether you really want me to stay or not...or who knows...may be I really want to run away from you...hehehe

(4) If I really do adore you...then I'll try not to meet your eye...( reasons withheld)

(5) I am bad at non-committed relationships....and I will always hate you for even considering it...(I'll try my best to forgive you....but I'm only human)

(6) If you've figured out that I like you...and I still ignore you at times....may be….just may be you've hurt me....and I don't really want to confront you or get hurt again...

(7) No...I don't appreciate you talking about other women...when in a conversation with me...I'm weird...I don't get jealous....I'd simply lose respect and cut you off....

(8) Exception :- I will talk about other guys and check em out along with you until I am sure you are exactly what I want or rather worth my time and energy.....You'll make it some where, if you hang in there...may be I like to know how possessive you truly are.

(9) If you are Aunty Monica's jealous cat...shooooo away......don't even bother...If you are too possessive I'm sure to get ticked off....but then again if you are too less possessive. I’ll take it as a sign of unconcern and lameness....tehehe

(10) Don't expect me to understand reasons why you did unofficial coffee/movie/lunch/dinner with another woman....Coz I don't want to understand.....hahaha...I'm a living, breathing radar...I'd know your true intentions by afar....So don't dare play around...I’ll make you cry and get you running off to your Mommy.

(11) If I am committed to you or absolutely, spot on in love with you.....then you can be assured not to find me doing any of the above or further, with any one else other than YOU....(ooops...who am I kidding) !!!

(12) No...I don't like you if you have a tendency to live by other's approval...I expect you to have a mind of your own.

(13) Neither do I want you to be every body's everything....

(14) I don't appreciate emotionless men...I find them mechanically inhuman and rather disgusting.

(15) Yes...I expect you to remember all birthday's and anniversaries...you won't be excused, unless other wise u are very sick and about to die...

(16) Ermm....no....I have no intention of eating "Coconut Sambol" and " Rice" every day...hehehe

(17) A teetotaler it is...If I ever catch you puffed out or boozed flat...please anticipate broken bones and teeth.

(18) A bad shaker on the dance floor is a turn off....but if you find me moving sloppy on the dance floor, please look at your self first...may be I'm just trying to keep your pace :)

(19) Don't walk towards me with ulterior motives of material/financial/physical attainments.....coz I'll just sniff you from afar...and simply cut you off.

(20) If I really, really do adore you, I'll offer you my world, just to see if you'd take it right away....(I judge you by the decision you make).

(21) If you don't believe in God, heaven and hell....don't even bother lingering around....you'll only be my friend and nothing more....(Harsh...but it's true, but I have all the reason's to be)....

(22) If you are a jerk, who approves pre-marital physical attachment, run before I fry your willy and feed my dog.

(23) If your head is filled with lust, heaven help you......coz if you dare make me an object of your lust...you’ll need more than heaven to help you !!!

(24) If you think you are superior than I am....go fly...It's up to me to decide whether or not !!!

(25) I'm sorry...I don't sell marshmallows...only over baked cookies....(If you can't comprehend what I'm trying to say...stop reading...shut down this page...adios !!! and no it ain’t anything vulgar I’m trying to say)

(26) Assuming never took any one any where... so don't. Just ask me...No...I promise, I'll try not to bite !!!

(27) Don't dare accuse me for assuming...that's just me....but If you are smart enough to keep things clear, cut and dry...then I wouldn't have to waste my time or energy assuming and trying to figure you out.

(28) Grown up's hooked...(I mean really hooked) on cartoons aren’t considered cute...I see ya as a dumb ass with an underdeveloped brain, a habitual escapist...clutching with fear to face reality.......

(29) Same goes to movies....if you've got nothing better to do than watch movies....you’re considered a jobless freak in my books.

(30) Do you know how to smile...or can I teach you how to?

(31) It's now or never.....all or nothing...no mediocrity...no procrastination.

(32) Once bitten, twice shy....No second chances in relationships. “Broken limbs can be repaired...but the scars remain”

(33) If you are looking for a lion to be caged and paraded....sorry sir...you've been misdirected...you should be looking in the zoo.

(34) Must like museums, galleries, exhibitions, country, ruggedness, stage plays, operas, books (comics don't really count), animals, rock n" retro, living on the edge....

(35) Must be....simple, artsy and inscrutable.

(36) Must loathe all techno music and stupid hip hop ...(OBSERVATION....the afore-said music lovers contradict with everything I am)...

(37) If bad is good in thee eyes....Depart !!!

(38) Getting back to artsy, if you loathe coloured hair and piercing… Depart immediately !!!

(39) If you are married and attempting to flirt with me...I'll first warn you, failing which, tell your wife and force you to a shrink, coz you sure are an insane, sordid, lewd, obscene and down right dirty bastard who deserves to be shot in the head !!!

(40) You are spiteful if you find "Samson & Delilah" and "Romeo & Juliet" stupid.

(41) I ain't a butterfly puffed up with make up, I've got no rosy cheeks, swaying hips, bright red lips, juicy butt, glossy combed hair and nice smelling feet.........Oppps...did I disappoint u ???

(42) Work out is as important as praying....if you are a pudgy lazy owl who loves to sleep and your idea of exercise is a drive to the nearest restaurant, I'm sorry you ain't my type.

(43) I consider you successful, if you succeed in teaching me the game of pool...No one's really got to the end of explaining the whole game due to the sudden out-break of “the war of the cues”. I find it a lil boring anyway.

(44) Formula Racing and drag racing is Hot !!! If you insult it, I'll only end up insulting you and making you cry.

(45) I’m just a simple and very ordinary girl and no way will I trade that for all the money in the world, so don’t expect me to.

Friends

(1) I don't expect anything from you, neither do I expect you to measure up to anything....so don't bother impressing...I like you just the way you are...

(2) If I am by any chance avoiding you...may be I got my reasons....your either a negative thinker who can't be put right...you offend me...provoke me....drive me up the wall...try to manipulate me...a serial liar, a user or an abuser.

(3) If you don't call me as often as I call you....too busy with your own stuff...don't wanna talk...don't wanna meet up...FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME....you sure are making your way to my book of "Extinct Creatures"

(4) No...I ain't Santa Clause's girl friend...my resources are limited...this includes...time and money.....but If I can help you in any way...I would never say no...

(5) If I ever come up to you with a problem...I only want you to listen....If I ever get down to asking your opinion...I only want your opinion, and nothing else...and just coz I take your opinion, I ain't gonna act upon it blindly...all options will be weighed...so understand.

(6) Don't tell me what to do, what to feel and what to be...it ain't gonna work...coz I've got a mind of my own....so shut up and quit trying to get me to...

(7) Don't try convincing me to believe in any other religion other than what I am believing now...I'll only shoo you away or lose any respect I had or have towards you.

(8) Don't waste your time tarnishing my name.....coz what you or others think of me doesn’t really matter to me.

(9) Plz understand....I can't be there for you alwaysss.....I got a life of my own.

(10) Be frank about whether you want me around or not, coz I don't bother hanging around where I am not wanted, and no...I ain't a soothsayer, and neither can I read your mind.

(11) All women are dangerous, and yes I fear them more than uncultivated hooligans.....so if your a female, and want to be my friend...gimme time.....or if you already are....I'm sorry....I consider all women to be opportunists (horrible past experiences)....yeah...so gimme time to figure ya out !!!

(12) Where there is a female crotch, there's sure to be a man.....so if you are a guy....don't blame me if I take time to get to know you and trust you.....I'm picky, and I'm plenty proud of it.

(13) I am your guardian angel at the time of your distress, but no…...I ain’t your chauffer.

(14) My stuff are not for you to borrow and leave it unreturned....I'll simply label you a thief.

(15) I ain't perfect...I do go through messy times, where I appreciate my space....Gimme time to disappear and reappear (Go into hibernation). Ignoring you during this phase doesn't mean that I hate you...it's just my way of sobering built up toxicity.

**Finally.....I do have the authority to change the above statements as and when I want to. Adding new statements or deleting any of the existing ones doesn’t mean that I’m a highly volatile creature in any way. Change is a sign of maturity after all.