Sour Grapes

I’m just coming out of another blanked-out season of hibernation. Was juggling with driving people around, splitting my attention on a coupla books whilst trying to compile some bizarre worldviews tormenting my mind. Em bizarre thoughts always look good on paper whilst miraculously relieving my mind. (I am yet to understand the mechanism of this therapy).

Things are falling in to place in a miraculous way. I’m glad that I waited upon my Master than attempt to screw things up with my puny human intelligence. Intelligence and human ways are sweet, but when things are just beyond me and I just can’t think straight, It’s always nice to hand over the steering to my Father in heaven, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. And yes, I can’t think straight coz my hyperactivity has definitely got the better of me and thrown me absolutely outa focus. It really does scare me coz I know for a fact that my mind, body and soul aren’t in connection with one another when so. I can’t seem to shake off the mist and bring it back to connectivity. I’m curious to know where this whole thing is leading, since every day is a new adventure with my Captain. His playfulness is unfathomable most of the time. It just cracks me.

He caught my eye the first day I walked in to that place. He was everything I wanted, just everything I ever dreamed of. The fact that there actually is a possibility for em feelings to be mutual just knocks me off myself. Why am I kicking myself hard and trying to resist these feelings I feel? He’s already got a girly in his arms. SOUR GRAPES !!! Sigh…

I nudged God with the age old prayer of “Father, why did you have to send this dude now, and why with a woman…arrghhh…help me focus coz I know I can’t have him. Numb these feelings I feel for him and keep me far away from him” It worked fine for a coupla of weeks, but they are back again, it’s impossible to ignore em. It’s crazy coz as usual it is just a mere fascination and nothing beyond that. I want his attention whilst at the same time don’t want him. I know it’s selfish, but that’s the truth. All in all It’s nice to know that I am still capable of at least fascinating somebody, I know that my feelings aren’t dead.

Me took a tickle test for the hang of it a coupla days back.......

Quiz - ”What’s your type?” [My TUSH !]
Result - Forget Mr. Average! You go for the artistic type!

Creative. Sensitive. A bit offbeat. Your type is the Artiste, a unique man who knows how to express himself in many ways, whether it's through words, music, or attire. You're attracted to his unconventional ways and his remarkable talents. He doesn't feel compelled to abide by society's norms. He believes that individuality is the key to happiness, and everything he does is a reflection of his "inner self". You fall head-over-heels for such confidence and style. Whether he's playing a song he wrote for just you or writing you a love letter, this man knows how to make you feel special. He's in touch with his feminine side and doesn't need to assert his masculinity to feel manly. If we were to paint a picture of your future, the Artiste would definitely be part of it!

This man sounds too perfect to exist. Artists have always managed to captivate me. An artist in my mind isn’t just a painter or anything in that line. It could very well be a con artist, writer, poet, musician, interior designer, architect, a jungle John…etc. Fascinating as they are, their mood swings and the fact that they like to secure their space freaks me out. They could knock you off your feet and at the same time make you feel miserable to the extent of putting you through a suicidal bout. I am enjoying my space too much to let any frog take a leap at it.

Apart from the usual muddle, I’m all thrilled about shifting to Panadura and redecorating the cottage. If there is anyone who has a sharp eye for colour and want to share their expertise, I’m open to hear out em opinions.

He Hasn't Failed Me Yet

"Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet" I love this song sung by ‘Jars of Clay’. NO…He has never failed me, he came to my rescue even before the clock struck it’s 11th hour so that I could scream his name out loud for all to hear. He did not put me to shame but kept his promise. He sure is my friend, the lover of my soul and all that I need to exist down here on earth. He is my walking stick, my wheel chair my vitamin & my Prozac.

I wish I had more ways to express my joy than pour it over my blog. I wish my loved ones too would open the eyes of their heart and welcome this amazing friend I’ve found to dwell in them. I wish they would yearn to experience the joy I myself feel. Nothing compares to it, nothing ever will. The following is another track by 'Jars of Clay' that touched the roots of my heart.

(Faith Like a Child)
Dear God, surround me as I speak,
The bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child

I can’t stop talking about him. I did want to stop one time, thinking that I just might offend the non bilievers, but NO…nothing would ever stop me now. Wouldn’t you keep harping about a better half who surprised you with a Ferrari Enzo, when all you could afford was a Bajaj two-wheeler.

It’s amazing how Jesus is never too late or never too early. I almost burst out laughing reading John 11 last night. It makes me happy to know that my creator really is quite cheeky and is capable of playing a few practical jokes with his creation. How boring would life be otherwise?

What are you waiting on God for today? Relief? Provision? Direction? God's timing is always perfect. Hang in there, don’t lose hope, he will never fail you nor forsake you. There is beauty in his silence and splendor in his mysteriousness.

Give Him a chance to BLOW YOUR MIND !

Quote…..
So if I stand let me stand on the promise You will pull me through,
And if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You,
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs,
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.
Unquote……(If I Stand – Jars of Clay)

Once a Rotter Not Always a Rotter :)

I’m shocked at the petite mistakes that are brought to my notice every waking day. It’s a joy to be convicted of the errors that I have been warming my bum on in ignorance.

Brutally blunt as I am, I tend to dagger out exactly what I think of people and situations. I just had my own opinions and explanations for every thing that passed me by. Every question had an answer and every problem had a solution & every one who asked for advice heard exactly what I would have done in the particular situation they are currently facing (and be convinced that my way was the only way)......Dang!

I did attempt to change when I was a Satanist, since I was rigidly following “The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth” and the first one being “Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked”, but it wasn’t long until I slipped back to my ‘Highly opinionated, Ultra Protective Nature’, since there was no basis to these teachings I followed and it wasn't a practical way to lead one's life.

Their problems were my problems, I had to protect everything I loved and knew. If someone asked me to recommend a certain person who had played or even attempted to play a crude game somewhere down the line (once, twice or a gazillion times), I’d just tell the truth and warn them against dealing with the certain individual (especially in business and financial dealings). I always thought this was right, until I was convicted today. May be I was slandering their name leaving them with no second chance to rectify their mistakes. This conviction also included me labeling people to be :

(1) Wannabes / Poseurs
(2) Bitches
(3) Players
(4) Stingy Misers
(5) Gay / Lesbian
(6) Ultra Horny
(7) Jerks
(8) Losers
(9) Proud / Wicked / Jealous / Haughty…the list goes on…

Practicing to hush and not judge people ain’t no easy job, especially with the big (harly) mouth I’m blessed with, but what is wrong is wrong and what has to be changed needs to be changed. I must find ways and means to warn people in a diplomatic way (shrewd as it sounds, warning just has to be done sometimes).

This also brings to my notice that revealing another individual’s true nature just shouldn’t be my business no more (unless of course it brings about justice to a worthy cause).

Why would I want to confide in any one what I wouldn’t want the public to know, when I got my Captain in heaven to discuss all the confidential issues with. This way, one has nothing to hide. Reminds me of Pastor Hans sharing about how one must be transparent and reachable at all times during the “General Epistles” class last week. It did take me by surprise, since I was used to being a tad lil bit of a loner and preffered operating undercover (disagree with me you may…hehee...but really! I am a loner) and I sure have a habit of hiding myself in hibernation every once in awhile.

Conclusion : - If I say I believe in him and claim that I am made in his image, who am I to judge mere humans. If He is merciful enough to forgive me, who am I to say that I’d never forgive another. If My Father did change a filthy sinner like I in to something better who am I to underestimate his power to change another. If I claim “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1 :37) who am I to say “once a rotter always a rotter”.

--> If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1 :9)

--> I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. (Gal 2 : 20)

--> For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self- discipline. (2 Timothy 1 : 7)

Em Thrada Drivers & Thrada Lingo (",)

Who were em four giddy heads in a white wagon that screeched away recklessly and irresponsibly around Moratuwa this morning? & Who was dat ridiculous ‘Shaggy’ impersonator who was driving a loud mouthed, hot pink Lancer that couldn’t move faster than a tortoise, but still thought it was cool to block my path? The pinky sure reminded me of colourful ‘babul’ or rather candy floss (“bombai-muttai” according to Grams) Hmmmpphhh…Show offs!

Me actually managed to post a short blog…Bamboo Shhoooot ! I‘m just too excited for words. Another ona em happa weeks.

Errrm….why do I see my language getting all thrada) ?!??

I'm Going Potash :)

I meant "potta as" (blind eyed/blurry eyed) :) It's just high time that I invest on a pair of specas coz I don't think my eyes can take up any more postponing. Hmmm......I hate em glasses, I've been on em before...I just hate em! But it has come to a point that moi is having probs behind the wheel. I just can't see a thing sometimes (that freaks me out). Since of late it has even overtaken me writing and reading. I guess it's something to do with focusing...Arghhhh. This sure is a reminder nudging me "Yo girl! age is catcging up, isn't it"?

Another Encounter With "My Munkey"

Today was quite a messy & hectic day, so was this whole week. But today was different. Left half an hour early to Bible College (that’s at 8 a.m) just so that I could begin to practice punctuality, only to find a 40 foot container fallen right across the road creating a mega traffic block. Dang !!! My coming early was worthless, got to the class 10 minutes late as usual…Sigh !

It was burning hot and humid that all I wanted to do was go home and chill, but heard that Aunty Vasanthi was discarding some books before she shifted to her new place and wanted me to come pick up what I wanted. Wowy !!! Em books were marvelous, Encyclopedias, Dictionaries and series & series of books. I felt like a billionaire coz em books would sure cost around 25’000.00 or more if I were to buy it from the stores now.

Came home and fell flat asleep for more than 3 hours straight, only to figure out that I had promised Razor that I’d be turning up at the Autolanka get together. The sticky weather tempted me to stay in and chill, but got in to some grubby clothing and dashed away to greet the waiting Razor…hehehe. It was all good, em guys with RPM on their mind were a tad incomprehensive though.

Tried to make an excuse for not turning up at Jeremy’s party coz “My Munkey” would be there, but since he insisted, me went with sweaty palms and butterflies in me stomach coz I was sure it would be an awkward, long party. I was so wrong, “My Munkey” came and spoke to me, he looked mysterious as ever & my heart shattered in to smithereens, coz he wasn’t mine (& never will be) . Will he ever belong to anyone else? He looked quite straight; I couldn’t digest the fact that he was inclined the other way. We danced awhile, and that seemed to be the best moment in my entire life.

I couldn’t hang in there for long watching him. What we had was lost and he would be gone before I know it. Gone forever. Why him! I keep wondering. May be coz he is just so unreachable, untouchable and unfathomable. I sure thought that I could rest in peace once I knew for sure, but it just isn’t so. This will always, always remained an unfinished story. I wonder if I’d forget about him totally and move on once I fall in love with another……..I wonder, wonder…I keep wondering……

Blemished :(

Drained & dysfunctional as I am these days I pounce on any book that appear to have info in the line of “Why bad things happen to good people”. Just as the world around me is falling apart, the faith, which was stronger than the strongest foundation too is suffering (at least to a certain extent). Conversing with my “Father” has been hideously difficult (usual story, spiritual ups and downs). I’ve been waiting upon him, crying out to him, pleading my way out of whatever sin I had committed. It’s been a good long year since I’ve come to know him, but the battle still remains.

I sometimes have half a mind to question........

“God, would you really care if I turn my back on you again, coz you act like you just don’t care about me. Can’t you see me suffering? All I do is strive to do your will, keep your word, spread your word and live for you, but it still feels like you are downright ignoring me. Father, Why do you still keep whipping me harder and harder everyday, WHY? You know what? Turning away from you ain’t that hard and I just might do it. I wonder if you are really there at all?”

These were my passive thoughts, but thoughts so true. Oh boy ! How I regret em thoughts. I really should be shot with my own shit for being the ungrateful vixen I am. Even though I pleaded for forgiveness for my unholy thoughts and was convinced that He forgave me, I still felt a traitor. He who has brought me so far, will surely take me safely towards victory.

My thoughts ran back to the 1 Peter study we did last week about suffering. (What my suffering is in this case, I shall no state, for it is only He who knows it until I’m told to testify about His goodness and mercy and about how he brought me safe through it all, for it is He who deserves all glory, and all glory goes only unto Him).

--> “This suffering is all apart of the work God has given you, Christ, who suffered for you is your example. Follow in his steps: He never sinned, never told a lie, never answered back when insulted; when he suffered he did not threaten to get even; he left his case in the hands of God who always judges fairly". (1 Peter 2 : 21-23)

The reason I had felt like an outcast was because I had forgotten His lovely attributes (of love) and I wanted signs and miracles just like the rest of them rather than walking by pure FAITH.

The two books I picked up, which I’m reading simultaneously (terrible way of reading, I know…eerrm…I’m actually juggling four…hehehe) were certainly helping me understand the adverse situations and why they are permitted.

Be Confident – by Warren W. Wiersbe (Bible Study on Hebrews)
If God is in Control (Why is My World Falling Apart)? – by Verna Birkey

Even after reading a gazillion books, I would still remain clueless as to why adversities happen around me, but I would learn better to thrust (I emphasize) all my cares on him and smile, coz………

--> “I know in all things God works for the Good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8 :28)

This means that He will see to it that all conditions (good & bad) will eventually work together for good. (Note that this doesn’t say that God causes all things to happen nor say all circumstances happen for good. Grrrrrr….but don’t I wish it was so)

This is the verse that the first few chapters of “If God is in Control” is built on, and to confirm the promise I claimed I got the same verse from the stack of “Random Bible Versus” from which I pick one a day to see what I can derive form it.

I can only smile (aloud) for God sure has been turning all adverse situations in my life from day one for the better (I can’t fathom why & how I’m writing this ultra sweet entry about God & his goodness when I’m drowning in utter muck even as I scribble)

I remember asking Ivor Phoobalan two weeks back in class if it was wrong for one to cry out to the Lord to lessen the weight of one's yoke or to take it away completely. His answer included the following scriptures.

--> “My Father ! If it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me, but I want your will, not mine” (Matthew 26 : 39)

According to the Bible, Jesus cried out to Lord the Father thrice with the same plea in the garden grove of Gethsemane before he was seized for crucifixion.

--> “Eli Eli, lama sabachthani / My God, my God, why have you forsaken me" ? (Matthew 27 : 46)

The very last words Jesus uttered while hanging on the cross when GOD the Son himself felt that God the (his own) Father had forsaken him.

"In my brokenness, I cried out to the Lord, to comfort me and hide me someplace away from this world and ZAP, it was He and I, just He and I. We spoke, we laughed, and it was one of those moments I’d remember forever. Yet the thorns that were wrapped around me continued to wrap themselves tighter. The thorns were eating deep in to my skin, almost touching my frail bones & I felt the horrifying pain. I didn’t understand why? I questioned him, but all he did was smile and stroke my hair till I finally fell in to a conscience sleep in His powerful arms. I don’t remember much, other than the two sensations I felt, the pain from the brambles crushing my skin and His love I felt with every stroke that swept my hair. My world was finally peaceful for I was assured that as long as He held me in His arms, he was in control".

The Ordeal Down Pettah

I reluctantly undertook a local deal a friend palmed on to me. Local deals always require a number of filthy trips down Pettah (Reclamation Rd, 2nd cross street, 3rd cross street, Main street to name a few) to catch up with me suppliers.

I usually make sure that my ass is well covered and I that look like I am draped in sack cloth, which I didn’t bother with this time. Covered or revealed, I still used to get harassed in the past; due to the wrangly Afro hair I had, which was tainted with colour. (Conclusion : Em perverts are gonna harass me anyway)

Parked the dinky toy at the fish market car park (where I was forced to park it in the dingiest corner, which was covered with crow shit and fish scales) and made our way slowly towards 2ndCross Street. Daddy dearest was as usual galloping a few miles in front of me, begging him to go slow was just not gonna work, he’d forget and start galloping all over again…Hmmm. We reach the dingy alleys and I’m already panting. I can clearly hear comments from “Ahhh sexy’ to Tamil and Singhalese songs about love and I just can’t help grinning, (keeping a straight face has never been my forte) but it annoys me at the same time as to how exposed they can make a woman feel.

I walked down the filthy streets trying my best to avoid, betel dribble, pure saliva, food particles, muck and heavily loaded carts charging straight at me, whilst trying to keep up with my Dad. It sure was a horrible and frustrating experience, especially since my friend kept changing the specifications of the goods he required….Argh!!!

My ultra smart Dad suggested we take a shorter route back to the car park….grrrrrr…the so called shorter route was more congested than the rest of the roads, more gross and sure accommodated more perverted men. I was freaked out about my ass being pinched (I half expected a lil scene coz I had already hit boiling point with all the comments and wanted to smash some loser’s face with my humungous bag (malla).

I drove out of the wretched hellhole swearing to never sight it again as well as to never undertake local deals.

The Mega Mystery, Finally Solved !!!

My Sweet Ex-Ma-In-Law calls me yesterday for official reasons, but the conversation as usual takes it turn to speaking about her son. I wonder to me self if she thinks I’m a traitor and whether it looks like I dumped her kid out of sheer bitchiness. I slowly pick up courage and mumble junk about what happened last. I pick up more courage and at a snail's pace tell her that I have something to clarify about a series of emails I stole from him 2 years back. She sounds relieved, and says she wants to clarify something in the same line with me. Appointments were made to meet her up at her office to compare notes.

I feel nervous and yet all exuberant and hyper at the same time, while I crookedly park the car right in the middle of the road and dash upstairs to her office. I can finally know the truth and move on with my dear life. My palms are sweating and so are my feet. I nervously go and wait outside till she is done with a telephone conversation. I dash in to her cozy room the minute she calls my name (hugs and kisses…mmmvah). I’m wondering how to start the whole thing (I am sure convinced that he is sexually inclined the wrong way, but it is her that I am worried about, does she already know? If not how will she take it?). She is one amazing lady, the M-I-L of my dreams :)

I begin by showing her the mails, and explaining about the three-year on-off relationship we had (without a spec of intimacy). She begins sharing the lil bit of info she has, sms’s from guys, (overheard) telephone conversations he has with guys till the break of dawn, rumours, incidents from the past. It is definite now that her son ain’t straight; she couldn’t cope up and eventually breaks down. It ain’t anything new to me, but I heave a sign of relief, coz the suspense, suspicions and insecurities were hauled away. I felt renewed to know that all this wasn’t my fault.

Even as I drive out of there, I search my soul and question the past. What did we have? What exactly did he feel every time he said “Love U”? What did the gazillion tapes he made for me, mean? Did he deceive me, Did I feel deceived? How did this go on for three years? Do I still feel the same kind of love for him now, after all this drama? YES, without a shadow of a doubt. Untainted, uncorrupted LOVE in it’s purest form. Will I ever experience it all over again?

I remember one time when we fell asleep after aimlessly staring at a coupla movies, he grips the bedcover, hides his face in the pillow and muttered, “I can’t give you what I want”. Even though I pretend not to understand, I did, but I simple didn’t care. Just sitting therewith him meant the world to me. It didn’t matter that we didn’t hold hands and it didn’t matter that I didn’t feel desired. All that mattered was what I saw in him, a beautiful creature staring back at me…Hmmmm

I move on only coz I must. Come what may, he will still hold that special place in my heart, BUT I’m finally free from all the baggage that burdened my soul, free to love again and live again :)

My Munkey, Solitude & Holiness

The past few weeks have been tremendously crazy. Life has been moving extremely fast, events just zapping in fronta my eyes that I just couldn’t seem to keep track of much. Added to that, I’m feeling absurdly exhausted, the breaks of the car are throwing a tantrum of it’s own, the weather is changing, making my limbs crackle and I’m bogged down with heaps of "exceptionally" (meant to sound sarcy) creative assignments. I ain’t grumbling too much, coz amidst all of these; I am still having a time of my life.

Finally called my “munkey” on his show yesterday, keeping away all my pride. All I wanted to do was say Hi and I’m glad I did so (thanks to all the convincing Jeramz did). Realized today that he is still the same, his attitudes have just got the better of him…arrgghhh !!! Heard one of his fellow DJ’s make a catty comment about his sexuality after playing a equally catty song. It was sort of a cryptic message, and only the ones who knew him well would get it…hmmmm…It hurts, but guess not as much as it did when he meant a lil more than a friend. I suddenly went in to a nostalgic trance yesterday and unpacked all the pics of “me lil munkey” from the “Taboo Box” and em memoirs kept streaming back. What we had was never a relationship, what was I thinking? It was far beyond that. I would move on, just the way I decided to do, there’s no turning back coz it is not in God’s plans for me.

I had almost 3 hours to kill before picking up Mummy dearest, after doing lunch with me new found buddy Waj. I wished Sri Lanka had more chill out joints with better (lighter) snacks. I desperately wanted to get away & curl up with a book & be by myself without having to stuff myself (as I was absolutely full to the point where I couldn’t comfortably inhale or exhale) but couldn’t figure out any place in Colombo to do so (K...I wanted to hide that to chill) :)

Paradise Road – Either stuff ones self or wonder about
Baristas – More stuffing
Commons – Bah! They got no comfy chairs to sit on. Nah, one can’t really chill and drift away there.

I just couldn’t think of any other place. Book shopping was just not an option, coz I couldn’t find parking in any of my booka-picka joints. Outa sheer frustration I finally slapped all thoughts of solitude on the face and boggied off to Sensei, to drive em old buddies up the hedge with my ranting…hehehe.

Tiring, but a productive day. Loved the class at the Seminary with Mr.Ivor Poobalan who is an awesome lecturer. My “AHA” for today actually came from him.

Holy = Set apart
According to Mr. Poobalan, one becomes Holy the minute he decides to follow Jesus it is only an enhancement of holiness there after. It just amuses me how lil people know about holiness and babble about how “I believe in God, but I ain’t Holy” or “ I believe in Jesus, but I am not religious”. Thank God I understood it’s meaning, sooner than later (& pweeese...I don't expect ppl to know the meaning either) :)
God Bless Ya (",)

Mentally Deranged? Am I? :)

This week has been amazingly fulfilling, though I’m still struggling to catch up with completing my assignments. These assignments from Bible College are amazing; every question leads me to a brand new answer, an answer that has never crossed my mind before. I never get to finish em assignments completely in one sitting coz, the minute I start researching, its time to ponder, unlearn and learn em new and fascinating stuff I come across.

Yesterday, some one called me a mentally deranged, retard that needs to see a psychiatric. He called me an utter disgrace to the entire Christian religion. A part of me really wanted to hit him hard (that’s me old self trying to break free), but I genuinely felt, honoured and tickled to the core, that I just couldn’t stop laughing at the situation. I learnt me lesson hard and fast yesterday. When I’m burdened by the Holy spirit to keep my distance from certain people, I’d rather obey and pray for them so that the eyes of their heart would be open to see the mighty one, to know him and to love him, instead of befriending them “Never step in to the battlefield before the Captain signals, loud & clear” (Nah, I never argue about religion or truth unless I am challenged or forced to, I feel bad coz this dude, started it and provoked himself, when he ran outa rebuttals to combat) Geez, how careful can one be?

I remember having a lil discussion with my Mentor around bout this time last year. I remember looking at him blank on the face and muttering accusations of how bad and insecure he was making me feel. He was explaining about the purpose of life and the purpose of any project for that matter. I was provoked, coz I didn’t know where I was going or what I wanted to do and never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would ever find my purpose. I remember walking out of his office all drained out and fagged, as if the whole world was on me shoulders. I lost all-purpose and the tad bit of aggressive ambitious restlessness I had in 2003, when the first dude I ever really loved ditched me in style (stupid silly me thought that it was the end of the world). Now I’m glad that he did what he did that day, coz what ever hopes n’ dreams I had back then wasn’t even close to the true purpose of life I have now. Hadn’t that happened and hadn’t I lost my way, I’d still be lost or probably six feet under with my soul jigging up in Hell.

This Monday as I was as usual doing some daily research and looking for my “AHA” for the day & stuff for an assignment, I came across some interesting stuff about how the bible changes lives. Pasted below is my own version of it, which I compiled for the assignment.

Quote from the assignment…..
The Bible Changes Lives

Unlike other religions and religious books, the Bible is backed up by facts and can be put to the test. Whilst the Bible claims to fill the spiritual void that is within every human being, believing in Jesus miraculously answers life’s most probing questions by giving one a genuine identity, purpose and destiny (which every human being is yearning to find, the believers having found it, the skeptics still continue the search) J

Identity – Who we are?

Our identity crisis finally ends since we realize that we are created in Gods image. We can now fearlessly think, love and communicate with God and get to know him.

Purpose – Why am I here?

Instead of walking through life aimlessly, we can now be assured that we are created to love God and enjoy Him and His creation forever. God sure communicates through the Bible about our code of conduct and what is required of us.

Destiny – Where am I going?

We are blessed with the assurance of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ, a promise to live in His presence forever. One does not have to be terrified of death, since there is a greener pasture beyond it,

There have been many instances where people who set out to disapprove the Bible ended up becoming believers themselves. The message of God’s love and forgiveness through Jesus Christ still keeps changing lives today.
Unquote……

I sure was in tears when I realized that I had it all now, in HIM. I had successfully found my purpose and am steadily hippety hopping towards my destiny, never realizing I was doing so. What more could I ask for?

-> Be Strong & courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31 : 6)

The So Called Valentine's Day

What commercial and cultural propaganda presents as beautiful is rooted in ugly paganism but most blind followers do not know. They are just blind followers of their equally blind cultural leaders. Little do they realize that what they consider as innocent fun may in fact be rooted in paganism. That the symbols they embrace may be symbols of unbelief. That the ideas they borrow may be products of superstition.

Valentines Day was originally created as a substitute. Centuries before Christ, the pagan Romans celebrated February 15 and the evening of February 14 as an idolatrous and sensuous festival in honor of the pagan god “Lupercus”, the "hunter of wolves" by holding a lottery where the names of willing teenage girls were placed in a box and drawn at random by teenage men. By this lottery a young man was assigned a young woman companion for their mutual pleasure (often sexual) for the duration of a year. The Romans called the festival the "Lupercalia."

When Constantine made Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire there was some talk in church circles of discarding this pagan free-for-all. But the Roman citizens wouldn't hear of it! So it was agreed that the holiday would continue as it was, except for the more grossly sensual observances.

It was not until the reign of Pope Gelasius that the holiday became a "Christian" custom. As far back as 496, Pope Gelasius outlawed the Lupercian festival, but cleverly retained the lottery, because he was aware of the Roman’s love for games of chance. But now instead of names of women in the box, there were placed names of saints.

Who Was the Original "St. Valentine"?
Valentine was a common Roman name. Roman parents often gave the name of their children in honor of the famous man who was first called Valentine in antiquity. That famous man was Lupercus, the hunter. But who was Lupercus? - and why should he have also borne the name Valentine among the heathen Romans?

The Greeks called Lupercus by the name of "Pan". The Semites called Pan "Baul," according to the Classical Dictionaries. Baal - mentioned so often in the Bible - was merely another name for Nimrod, "the mighty hunter" ( Genesis 10:9) It was a common proverb of ancient time that Nimrod was "the MIGHTY hunter before the Lord." Nimrod was their hero - their strong man - their VALENTINE!

How plain that the original Valentine was Nimrod, the mighty hunter of wolves. Yet another of Nimrod's names was "Sanctuc" or "Santa", meaning Saint. It was a common title of any hero-god. No wonder that the Roman Lupercalia is called "St. Valentine's Day"!
But why do we associate HEARTS on a day in honor of Nimrod - the Baal of the Phoenicians and Semites?

The surprising answer is that the pagan Romans acquired the symbol of the heart from the Babylonians. In the Babylonian tongue the word for heart was "bal" (Strong's Concordance Number H1168). The heart - bal - was merely a symbol of Nimrod - the Baal! or Lord of the Babylonians!

Executed at Rome
Nimrod - the original St. Valentine - was also known as Saturn, the Roman-Babylonian god who hid from his pursuers in a secret place. The Latin word Saturn is derived from the Semitic speaking Babylonians. It means "be hid," "hide self," "secret," "conceal." The original Semitic (Hebrew) word, from which the Latin Saturn is derived, is used 83 times in the Old Testament (see Young's Concordance under "Sathar," also "sether").

According to ancient tradition, Saturn (Nimrod) fled from his pursuers to Italy. The Apenine mountains of Italy were anciently named the mountains of Nembrod or Nimrod. Nimrod briefly hid out at the site where Rome was later built. The ancient name of Rome, before it was rebuilt in 753 B.C. was Saturnia - the site of Saturn's (Nimrod's) hiding. There he was found and slain for his crimes. Later, professing Christians in Constantine's day made Nimrod - the St. Valentine of the heathen- a Saint of the Church and continued to honor him under the name of a Christian martyr.

Why February 14?
But why should the Romans have chosen February 15 and the evening of February 14 to honor Lupercus - the Nimrod of the Bible? (Remember that day in ancient times began at sunset the evening before.)

Nimrod - Baal or sun god of the ancient pagans - was said to have been born at the winter solstice. In ancient time the solstice occurred on January 6 and his birthday therefore was celebrated on December 25 and now called Christmas. It was the custom of antiquity for, the mother of a male child to present herself for purification on the fortieth day after January 6 - Nimrod's original birthdate - takes us to February 15, the celebration of which began on the evening of February 14 - the Lupercalia or St. Valentine's Day.

On this day in February, Semiramis, the mother of Nimrod, was said to have been purified and to have appeared for the first time in public with her son as the original "mother and child."
The Roman month February, in fact, derives its name from the februa which the Roman priests used in the rites celebrated on St. Valentine's Day. The febru were thongs from the skins of sacrificial animals used in rites of purification on the evening of February 14.

Cupid Makes His Appearance

(A cute chubby cherub known as mischievous Jinn disguised as a winged child armed with bow and arrows. In western culture he shot darts of desire into the bosoms of both pretend gods and humans causing them to all deeply in love. In ancient Greece he was know as Eros the young son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. To the Roman’s he was Cupid, and his mother was Venus).

Another name for the child Nimrod was "Cupid" - meaning "desire" (Encyclopedia Britannica, article "Cupid"). It is said that when Nimrod's mother saw him, she lusted after him - she desired him. Nimrod became her Cupid - her desired one - and later her Valentine! So evil was Nimrod's mother that it is said she married her own son! Inscribed on the monuments of ancient Egypt are inscriptions that Nimrod (the Egyptians called him Osiris) was "the husband of his mother."

As Nimrod grew up, he became the child-hero of many women who desired him. He was their Cupid! In the Book of Daniel he is called the "desire of women" ( Dan. 11:37). Moffatt translates the word as Tammuz - a babylonian name of Nimrod. He provoked so many women to jealousy that an idol of him was often called the "image of jealousy" ( Ezekiel 8:5). Nimrod, the hunter, was also their Valentine - their strong or mighty her! No wonder the pagans commemorated their hero-hunter Nimrod, or Baal, by sending heartshaped love tokens to one another on the evening of February 14 as a symbol of him.

Nimrod, the son of Cush the Ethiopian, was later a source of embarrassment to the pagans of Europe. They didn't want an African to worship. Consequently, they substituted a supposed son of Nimrod, a white child named Horus, born after the death of Nimrod. This white child then became a "fair Cupid" of European tradition.

Red Rose
The rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Red is a color that stands for strong feelings. This is why the red rose is a flower for Valentine’s.

It is about time we examined these customs of the pagans now falsely labeled Christian. It is time we quit this Roman and Babylonian foolishness - this idolatry - and these pagan customs in memory of Baal the sun god.

End of all Oppressions – Spiritual Warfare - The Battle Begins

Blogging sure has taken the backseat these days. Life was pulled apart and scattered till last Friday. There was a dark cloud that I just couldn’t shake off my life. I tried everything, rebuking all evil in His name, burning all dark objects that I possessed that gave any legal right for the evil one to inflict me…etc….but nothing seems to be working.

My eating habits had changed drastically (I am naturally a poor eater; never could I eat more, unless of course life’s pressures throw me in to a bulimic pang). I was eating like a hound that has been starved a decade. Later found out that it had freaked my Mum as well…hehehe I noticed a change in my breathing, it was heavier than usual. Even though I was my usual hyper self, there was a horrible sense of darkness following me around (which I couldn’t comprehend or shake off) making me quite boisterous, annoyed and short tempered (which I’m usually not, unless some moron really dares piss me)

After fini reading “Unbroken Curses - by Rebecca Brown” I figured what exactly I was going through. Friday morning turned out to be the most glorious and amazing days of my life.

I took authority over all dark forces and rebuked them in Jesus precious name. I submitted my case in my Masters court to end all afflictions I was going through. I had no talk or business with the evil one, but I cried out to my Master “Enough is Enough” I can’t take it any more; It’s time he banishes the “dark one” from my life for good. I asked him to reveal any grey or dark areas in my life where I had given legal rights to be afflicted.

It was amazing. Even as I prayed, I broke in to tears; I saw a bright light even as I was closing my eyes. I didn’t know why I was crying, but it felt like a one to one conversation with my Master. I was crying quite loud, but amazingly enough, no one in the house-hold heard me (just what I prayed for). I didn’t wanna stop, coz it was too good to be true. That was the best conversation I’ve ever had.

Note :- [The reason for the change in my attitudes could have been a due to a transferring of spirits, during a deliverance session (not done by me, but was initialized by me) ]

Miraculously, my eating habits changed back to normal, my heavy breathing stopped, and a sense of peace reigned over the entire house and my life. The dark cloud had completely disappeared.

Even my parents fond it hard to believe all I’m saying, I don’t expect them to understand me right now. Most of my friends seem worried about me. Others think that it is my imagination.

“If I say that I am free (in Him) who will BELIEVE” ?!?

I say to you, sure I am weak and puny. I am nothing but a useless speck of dust, hardly visible for one’s naked eye. Stop looking at me; look at the mighty one within me instead.

All things are possible in his name. He is my fortress, my providence, my friend and my all. He who lead me all the way will never lead me in to a ditch, even if he does, he will make sure that I land on soft moss. He who brought me so far surely wouldn’t let me down now.

--> He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40 : 29)

--> “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29 :11)

A Pack of Smokes and a Shoulder to cry on :(

Life has been absolutely trying since last Wednesday. It all started with me overhearing some nasty, untrue gossips about me and ended with friends, the not so known and family pissing me off. Today was the explosion day, didn't even wanna get up and drive Mum to work, didn't speak with anyone at home, have been snapping at almost everyone and sleeping a lot the past few days, just to avoid conflict. I just couldn’t snap out from the dark mood I was carrying around.

The conflict was so horrible today, that all I wanted to do was get my hands on a pack of smokes, sit in a corner, cry to me hearts content and smoke (That’s what I would have done a year back), but finally settled for Lollipops (Couldn’t help laughing at myself)

Its almost 10 p.m and I seem to be a lot more chilled than I was in days. Hope my mood changes for the better sooner than later, before I manage to snap at the whole world and get everyone pissed at moi.

Note : No Pasan, I ain’t manic depressive. Common I’m only human. I have the right to be pissed and down just like the rest of em goons….hmmmphhh

Abominable Occultic Objects

Things and people were pissing me off big time since Saturday. I usually ain’t the type to get my temper flaring, but it was getting a little too much to handle. Finally managed to finish reading “Seduction Exposed” By Dr. Gary Greenwald, which was one amazing book. Nah, It did no good to my anger, but sure did convince me to get rid of a few suspected occulted items in the house. As usual my Sunday night was sleepless...Hmmmmmm

-> I started with my 3 toe rings, I wasn’t able to part with all this while and when I had a closer look at it, sure enough, there were stars and moons imprinted on them.

-> Next were a few more pure silver rings, and medallions which were dearly collected when I was in darkness. There were signs of the sun, animals, and suspicious carvings imprinted on them as well.

-> A live scorpion dipped in hot wax and caged in a beautifully framed show box, which was presented by a friend on my last birthday. I’m sure he gave it to me because of my past passion for the creature and I held on to it coz of the same passion and compromised saying that it was just an ornamental piece, but guess its time to let it go.

-> After all the ranting I do about keeping away from anything that belongs to the dark side, I still went ahead, unaware, unthinking and bought glow stickers for my car which were shaped in to moons and starts just last week. Hmmm….they too have to go. Thank God I hadn’t got to pasting em due to the uncomfortable feeling I had about em after bringing em home.

-> Next were 2 sets of “sun and moon” clay carvings. One was in my room, one was hung in the old Gallery I owned and now packed and kept aside. Smashed them in to pieces as well.

-> Last of all was an absolutely beautifully carved Voodoo mask which was handed over by one of my dear suppliers to be sold in the Gallery around the beginning of last year. I always felt uncomfortable hanging it in the Gallery, that I was eternally changing its hanging place. I did sorta pray over it once it was brought home, but the uncomfortable feeling never left me. I didn’t want to destroy it coz it wasn’t mine and it was a good Rs. 1000/= +, but yesterday I decided to put it through the fire, just like the rest of em.

My Mum thought I was going absolutely cookoo in the brain when I mentioned what I was gonna do on Sunday, but managed to speak to my Dad yesterday and Geeeez……..he was all up for it. He did agree with all what I was saying and volunteered to help me put up a fire to destroy all of em dark stuff.

So that’s exactly what we did. We first covered ourselves with Jesus’ precious blood and then broke all bondages it had on us in His precious name, and cast them to the flames.

It feels good to have em removed, Praise the Lord !!

The WARRIOR in moi

Argghh….this week has been absolutely hectic & trying, saddening but yet so fulfilling. Managed to face quite a threateningly hilarious incident on Tuesday. While on my way home after dropping Mum at work around 9.15 a.m, I noticed a dark, hefty looking middle aged man on a motor bike glare me down in my dinky toy around the Maradana overhead bridge while I was stopped at the colour lights. I didn’t notice him following me or rather riding very close to my car till I reached just before Thotalanga. Tried to slow down & let the man pass me, which he did only to catch up with me at the Traffic lights just before the Thotalanga New Bridge.

He who was all ready to turn to a by lane from the main road turned his bike and parked it right next to the window on my side and was having a roaring peeping session (was dressed in a knee length skirt, which was absolutely decent, there was nothing to exhibited) :)

The worked up animal in me turned around and mouthed “Have you a problem?” to which he too gritted his teeth and threatened me in return.

The traffic had already started moving and we had quite an audience by now. I waited awhile for him to move forward and go on his way, but there was absolutely no sign of him moving for a few minutes. He was waiting till I moved. He was so playing with the wrong PERSON !

I pulled out the cell phone and pretended to call someone (exactly in the manner of calling an influential & powerful spike). He gave me another threatening look. I ignored all daggers, brought the car to a standstill right in the middle of the road & pretended to be on the phone in an absolutely harassing way.

Wowy !!! The scared loser turned around and went on his way towards the opposite direction, probably after relaising that he wasn’t getting any pleaure in harassing me.

I was flustered, annoyed & saddened, but still felt like a HERO to have scared a man off !!

Why did he do that? I wish I knew. Hmmmmm…….

Worldly Pressures of Single-hood (",)

It so happens to be that the species of the opposite sex I eventually begin to have the HOTS for are either, too old, taken or absolutely screwed up in their head. You wish you had access to the physically attractive ones you suddenly pass by on the road, but then again, who knows if they too are the average air heads.

Nah, being “Single” doesn’t annoy me at all, but the fact that it annoys everybody around me (including my mater) sorta drives me up the wall.

“Hey Judy, any one new & interesting?” (Friends)

“What men, no boyfriend yet?” (Relatives & Parent's friends) Plzzz…..I think I’ve had enough to last me a century :)

“Ahhh….next is you ah !” (At weddings)

“Time for you to find someone and settle down ah, enough trail and errors” (Mater)

Arrrghhh……Lord have mercy on my soul. The taunts are becoming worse these days. WHY? coz my closest second cousin, who happens to be my age, is getting engaged this coming Saturday. Woooahhhh….time for me to pack my bags and run away…...hehehe (I guess I just can’t take any more comments in that department). I love this woman, she’s the best cousin I’ve got and I’m overjoyed at the fact that she is hitching up (even though it ain’t with a dude of her parent’s dreams).

After a mega discussion about the whole issue of “Finding a man & settling down” with Mums last week, I sorta sat down in my quiet corner and fell deep in to pondering about the whole thing. I came up with the following Why’s (I choose to be single, at least for now) & Why Nots (I havn't bumped in to Prince Charming yet) which would keep me sane amidst all of em horrendous & irritating comments.

(1) I gotta lot to grow u know, I’m still very much a kid myself (they even say that I look 18) Unless the dude is willing to grow up with me…Screw it !!!

(2) I am quite happy being single, and don’t feel the need to go out with the very next dude who asks me out (They just don’t deserve my YES) !!!

(3) I still haven’t come across a man who is at least 80% mentally and physically appealing (according to my standards of measurement).They are just not my cup of tea (Btw. I like coffee) :)

(4) Every man I have come across so far (potential & non potential) have been absolutely puny, self centered and just not strong enough for me (I’d rather marry off a woman & make test tube babies). Even the strongest of em, when made transparent were a ball of insecurities (Not that I don’t have my own set of insecurities, but in my world, MEN just gotta be PERFECT) !

(5) Men these days have become so dependent, financially & mentally. They are either broke or depressed (That freaking annoys me). Most of them seem to be looking for a woman to cook & feed them, take care of their family as well as to boost their ego & pockets ONLY (Geeez….still to meet a guy who thinks women are much more than that) !

(6) They just don’t seem to be having the same world view I have (Why in the world would I wanna get hitched just to get entangled in a web of endless arguments?). This includes my religious beliefs. The ones who say that they do share the same belief, eventually turn outa be horrible posers.

(7) Most of them just can’t seem to stand (take up / tolerate) my “Are you genuine” test (I love this part) If you really say you like me, Put up with me !!!

(8) Where in the world has all the creativity, humour, zest and masculinity gone ?!?

(9) I don’t wanna be making the same mistake of ending up with the not so perfect dude ever again. If I was to ever even consider hitching up again, it would be nothing less than with the absolutely perfect GENTLEMAN, just made for me (made in heaven)

Note that I’ve emphasized on the word GENTLEMAN, which excludes the Kabbas, Gangstas, Rastas and the so called Cool Dudes (or was it Cool Duds).

(10) Last but not the least; I just don’t have the freaking time and energy to not be single right now.

Since I’ve got all my thoughts straight, guess I wouldn’t really bother explaining the reasons to people who question me from now on. So help me Lord, or rather HELP THEM !!!

My sweet schizophrenic friend on her way to recovery :)

I just couldn’t sleep last night. I felt a gripping fear and I so don’t know why. Oh boy ! Didn’t I suffer the consequences today? The only way I survived behind the wheel was by swallowing 2 boxes of tic tacs. Sleepy were my eyes & horrible was the feeling.

Finally got an appointment with Pastor Kegal for the Schizo Kid. He lay hands on her and prayed. Nothing much happened then. I wasn’t expecting much either, coz it needs to be a slow and steady recovery. He wanted to see her again in 2 weeks. More about her then.

2nd Day at Bible College

I expected an old guy to be my lecturer, coz the name of the lecturer on me time table was “Karin Ramachandra”, but the lecturer was quite a hyper Danish female...Yaaayyy :)

I was fuming and quite provoked by the end of the class. My twisted, aggressive and boorish ways of thinking about Religion, God, the Bible & the world were sure challenged. I am trying hard to be open to anything I'm gonna hear at this place. I wanna unlearn all my wrong ways of thinking and understand my Master’s mind just the way he wants me interpret it.

He that is in ME is GREATER

Finally made it to “Pragna” Bookshop and seized some of the recommended reading by my Mentor.

Unbroken Curses – by Rebecca Brown
Prepare for War – by Rebecca Brown

Rebecca Brown was an ex witch who later gave her life to the Lord. More updates about the books in the future.

For the time being I started on a book called “Seduction Exposed – by Dr. Gary L. Greenwald”. It’s opening my eyes to matters I’ve been confused about till now. It speaks about a range of practices & ways we are exposed to, which are not of the Lord.

(1) The Dangerous Transference of Spirits
(2) Soul Ties
(3) Charismatic Witchcraft
(4) Abominable Occultic Objects & Practices

Await my review on it in a coupla days.

Mr. Nicolle had finally managed to get an appointment with Pastor Kegal on Saturday, but the Schizophrenic kid’s Mum refused to make it. She had two reasons:-

(1) She was going out of Colombo with relatives who would look down upon her (& probably call her crazy) if they ever found out.

(2) The kid had turned boisterous and worse that what she was and this jolting her off and discouraging her. (The best part was that my Mentor hardly spoke to the girl, let alone lay hands and pray for her. It’s funny how weak the demons are and how freaked out they are of my Master. It sure looks like his very name makes em evil one’s shudder)

My Mentor predicted that the torture & the trials would increase when the demons figure out that a Christian angle is about to be introduced. Aunty sure was trying to back off from the whole thing as predicted, them demons were trying their very best to discourage her. No one of us are gonna give up, the child is gonna be restored to her normal sweet self before they even know it in the name of my precious Master “Christ”. My God is a God who opens massive gates & doors when tiny little windows get wide shut around us making our world dark and gloomy.

Why worry, when we have the following promises to stand on :-

The thief’s purpose is to, steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness (John 10: 10)

You belong to God, and have already won your fight with those who are against Christ, because there is someone in your hearts who is stronger than any evil teacher in this wicked world (1 John 4:4)

Mr. Nicolle finally managed to work something out for Monday. With God’s grace, I know everything will go smoothly.

First day at Bible College

I have been a rebel all my life and never have I agreed with anyone’s doctrines until Jesus got me hooked on to the Bible. It would be a lie if I say that I wasn’t a tad freaked out about attending Bible College due to me being unsure of my own reactions.

It was a pleasant surprise to find out that one of my cuz too was taking the same subject. It was all GOOD; I am learning to look at things in a less aggressive way. Being introduced to a guy with Islamic roots, who now is a believer, was sure a very encouraging encounter.

I honestly don’t know where God is taking me. Where ever it may be, as long he is there with me, I shall not fear.

A Strange but Wonderful Day

The day started out quite funny. Woke up at 5 (strange) and things were going hubbly-bubbly, topsy-turvy till mid morning. It was a big day, coz me had an appointment with My Mentor, Mr. Nicolle who was gonna meet the Schizophrenic. Geez, I’ve never been that nervous & jittery and I still can’t figure out why.

My Mentor confirmed the fact that the little girl was possessed the minute he laid eyes on her. I was awed by the way he handled the whole situation with the power of our Master, it was just amazing. He left the girl with her aunt downstairs and wanted me to escort him while he had a chat with the girl’s Mum and explained things to her. He then laid out a few options for her :-

(1) She could either believe whole-heartedly and restore her daughter back to her sweet self.

(2) Go back to all the mumbo jumbo she was used to and be free prisoners for ever.

It was a pathetic sight coz she kept on mentioning that she was willing to do “ANYTHING” as long as one can cure her daughter. Little did she know that doing “ANYTHING” wasn’t gonna take her anywhere, coz there’s just one way and that is the only way. My Mentor explained to her what I couldn’t explain for the past 2 months. We finished the discussion, with Mr. Nicolle promising to set up an appointment with Pastor Kegal (the deliverance Guru) asap.

I saw a change in Aunty’s face as we parted at the car park. She promised to stay away from her old path and truly believe. I was thrilled to the bone, just too thrilled to even express my happiness, coz the decision came from within her.

Picked Ma and rushed off for the “Young Adults” meeting, rather dinner at Jacintha’s place. I was exhausted, but hyped up to glory, coz she had a promise from My Master for me. These promises are lil slips of paper with promises from the bible, distributed at the 31st midnight service. Since I missed it, I picked one last Sunday at Church as well. Two promises for the year…Yaaaayyyy !!! (As a matter of factly the Bible is filled with promises, I have just started decoding them on my own, which will be linked to this blog sometime soon)

(1) Promise picked by me

The work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever (Isaiah32:17)

(2) Promise Given by Jacintha

Behold the former things are come to pass and new things do I declare, Before they spring forth I tell you of them (Isaiah 42 :9)

The very confirmations I wanted from the Lord. His ways are mightier and greater than ways of the world. This is his way of communicating with restless moi, who yet ain’t alert & responsive enough to his direct calling. Bumping in to promises from God is equivalent to receiving an email or a call from him. I’m truly feeling honoured, blessed and way up on cloud number 9.

Never knew that Jaci girl could cook…hehehe…The food was lip-smacking. Thanx a million Jacintha, looking forward for another home cooked meal and not forgetting Deanne’s chocolate biscuit pudding which was delicious

Hair Conditioner Aggravation

Ever since I started figuring out that Hair Conditioner could actually make my hair look pretty I’ve been cheating on every brand just to find out which sucker treats me best. I sure am feeling guilty as charged for my flamboyant disloyalty.

Pantene – Used it for a year and figured out that it is slowly steadily driving me bald.

Palmolive – Bamboo Shoot it was, no better than Pantene.

Natural (or some shit sounding like that) - An American product which almost set my hair on fire, the chemical reaction made my hair smoke away.

Wella – Was introduced to me by a hot (but a tad gay looking) hairdresser at Kess who refused to straighten my hair……hmmmphhh….but soon moved away from it, coz it started to dry my hair (or at least I thought it was doing so)

Vo5 – Not value for money, and too thick and pulpy.

St Ives – Dried & knotted my hair to glory. Expensive crap.

Sunsilk – Looks like cheap fake stuff which didn’t do my hair any good.

Shello (Local Crap) – Cheap stuff, Rs 140+ for a fair sized bottle. I felt like a Cancer patient under Chemotherapy. Hair loss was in millions not forgetting the fact that it has a quick sand effect.

Back to Pantene – The past was sure forgotten, experienced massive hair losses all over again.

Finally Loyal to Wella – I remember buying the big tub for a mere Rs. 400+ or was it Rs 600+, but crippled cows……it’s a freaking Rs. 895/= now. Hmmmm…I feel ripped off, really ripped off, but guess it’s the mildest and the best in the market. At least for leave on purposes.

Boiling Point :/

Had another “eye for an eye” argument with Daddy. It was all about the male – female balance, about Adam & Eve & Individualism. He provoked me to a point where I almost took the cloth covering the Tele & strangled him….Arrrrgh. He seems to be getting on my nerves these days. He’s got a problem with the way I drive, the way I eat and with the way I do almost everything. Either his age is catching up or he can’t take up the fact that I’m getting independent and growing up.

I am still at a boiling point.

Recap of 2005 & Resolutions for 2006 :)

The past year “2005” has been the most awesome & exciting year in my entire life. Why? Because……

(1) I found the truth, I found “Jesus Christ” who turned my life around for the better.

(2) Joined Bible College.

(3) I’ve built up the career of my dreams, “Wheeling & Dealing”.

(4) I shed all the unwanted baggage I was carrying from my past.

(5) Got away from all of em people who were obstructing my betterment, whilst finding some new and awesome friends.

(6) Dealt with monkey Business. I finally threw him out of my bag of responsibilities.

(7) Did everything GOOD as well as BAD which I’d dare not do. (Am I proud of the bad…nah…I regret having done em teeny tiny crimes, but it’s all good, since I’d never repeat any of em)

(8) Finally made decisions to move out from the house I’ve grown up for the last 19 years. Wow !!! That’s like a dream come true coz I hate this lonely neighborhood.

(9) Finally sold the Piano (A nightmare sitting right in the middle of the hall, torturing my life every time we have visitors) Phew….

(10) Last but not the least, this year brought back everything I lost, Ambitions, Hopes, Dreams & most of all my Life.

Resolutions for 2006.......

(1) Spend quality time with “My Master” seeking his face.

(2) Finish CIM (at least by 2007 June)

(3) Start Dancing once again (and this time, not to give up half way through).

(4) Less Clubbing, more Reading & Movies.

(5) Less Talking & more Writing.

(6) Less Idling & more Exploring (Ahhh…..those long drives…just me and my dinky toy).

(7) Join a Spanish & French Class (Try my hands on Arabic, if possible).

(8) Tune my guitar (yeah I’m a lazy bum, this has been my resolution for the past 2 years) & also learn to play the Drums (I ain’t never gonna buy another Piano again, I’m just not cut out for Piano, never was, never will)

(9) Buy my own 4 wheel drive (A rugged Pick up Truck, has been my dream for a long time)

(10) Wake up at 5 a.m & start the day with a work out (who am I kidding ! Lets give it a try though)

(11) Take a trip to UK, France or Aussie (using my own money of course).

(12) This last pointer is for my master to decide, amidst all my fleshly desires, he has his own purpose for me, Let his will be done !!!

New Year Bright Blues ;)

So tomorrow is the 31st night biggie........

What I had planned....

Stay in with my monkey and watch movies. I was quite exited about the whole thing, coz obviously I am head over heals in love with this dude.

Shocker....

Got a ringer while he was doing his evening show and viola ! He's got a question for me?

The Question....

Can "name" (female friend) hang around with us tomorrow, she doesn't have any one to hang around with.

Awesome !!!

My Spontaneous Answer......

Yeah sure, (coz I just ain't the over jealous type) how could it hurt any one. No worries.

My Muddled up thoughts after a few seconds.....

- Why would he want any one hanging around with us on a special day like tomorrow?
- I'm tired of all the games.
- He's gotta make his decisions & get his priorities straight.
- Wow what a damper !!!
- Obviously I am freaked out because of a few past experiences, never stayed long enough to get hurt, but still, 2 is company and three is definitely a crowd.

What I did..

Sent an SMS (which got delivered freaking 30 minutes later)

What it said...

Not comfy to share him with any one, especially tomorrow, so I can always stay back, no biggie (smile)

His reaction....

Replied the SMS with a.....

Waaaaaat?

And then a call........

(Me tried explaining and all he could muster up was, but y? but y?)

Who ever she is, he has told her that she cant hang around with us. (Good....very good, coz it all depended on his decision)

Note :- She's supposed to be an almost 30 year old Philipino (so it ain't about the person at all)....Arrrghhh

How I feel right now....

All the excitement is gone and I'm feeling sad & annoyed at my self.

I don't know if I did the correct thing, but I have played the understanding (old grand mere) honey bunch ever since and I'm tired of it. I just can't. I expect the same sacrifice I make, from him, may be I expect a lil more.

I don't know how tomorrow will turn out to be, but I'm glad I mentioned how I felt, coz that's exactly how I felt. I'm sure he would have felt the same if I wanted one of my (ordinary) guy friend hanging out with us.

I feel real bad, I feel a bitch, but I'm sick of taking shit. I wonder if I can ever handle a relationship. I feel torn. I hate my self. I ain't feeling any hatred or jealousy, but just don't want the past to repeat it self.

Tomorrow will be the deciding day. That's why I wanted it alone with him. Either I stay in it or leave for good.

I commit the whole situation to My Master. He will lead me home !!!

Continuation of the entry........(12 a.m)

Received a call from him and it went like this :-

Munkey : So what plans for tomorrow?

Me : U tell me? Btw. I'm really sorry for over-reacting before, she can hang around with us.

Munkey (using a rather Rude & Harsh Voice) : Now its too late....She is angry with me. Sin, poor soul, she doesn't have any one to hang around with and no one is willing to take her with them & I like a fool volunteered thinking that you might be ok with it.

Me : Thats why I gave you the option of hanging around with her, but do you really wan't a third party to put a damper on our relationship this time around as well? I'm sure u remember the past?

Munkey : She ain't no third party

Me : Then what is she? What is she?

(Munkey is trapped & speechless)

Munkey : U know what.....why do I even bother

(Either party dashes the phone...I couldn't really keep track of who actually did it first with all the fury I was feeling)

It's just over for me. Just plain over. If this is how deep what ever we share goes, then this is it. I finally give up, let go and move on with the only regret of sticking up for him and defending him all the while, but at least I fu**i*g dealt with it. It's over. No more suspense....Wooohoooooooo.........

I wanna take this opportunity to thank everyone who was with me on this. Saj, Sachira, Rajindha (how can I forget u), Joanna & especially Pasan (what would I had done without you, thank you so very much). I wouldn't have survived without these guys. I probably didn't crack the codes, but I so fuc***g don't wanna crack em codes no more, coz I don't care what happens. I'm just so happy I saved my self before it was too late.

I sometimes wonder whether he would ever relaised how much I loved him & that I gave my everything just to spend a few extra seconds with him. I wonder if he would relaise how much he hurt me and how many times he killed me over & over again. I wonder if he had ever loved me just as much as I loved him. I wonder if he would ever miss me.

Tomorrow I will destroy all the memories I carry of him coz they mean nothin to me any more. He will no longer be anything other than a hideous memory from the past. Tomorrow he might backstab me and spread rumours about me, call me a bitch, a whore and a freaking lesbian (I've heard those from him before), but I know better. None of em would affect me....NONE.

No, I wouldn't be carrying a hollow or a void with me, its only being filled by the truth I needed to know. I feel complete than ever. Swearing to never speak his name ever again I resume back to me cozy sleep. Tonight feels different, my soul hurts but my head feels light.

God is so good, he sure did fulfill his promise before the New Year dawned.

The Da Vinci Code

My faith still remains untouched & unexploited. This book sure tested all the faith I had in my Master, glad to figure out that nothing in the world can waver what I have for my Master. He is the sweetest things I have come across and the absolute truth I will ever come across.

The book is a thriller of thriller, breathtaking, fast paced and very consuming. My entire Christmas was robbed by the trepidation that was building inside me to know where it was leading and more than anything I wanted to know where my faith & beliefs stand. Was rather disappointed when I finally finished reading the last 30 pages left on Monday night. The super fast paced thriller suddenly took a wide winding turn to an absolutely boring, predictable, not-so-intense and slow end. Hmmmm……so much for Dan Brown’s imagination, but restless to get “Angels & Demons” which is the book that follows “The Da Vinci Code”.

I can’t deny the fact that my relationship with my Master got a tad distant the 5 days I was lost in the CODE. I sure got a tad skeptical like any other human. But something reminded me that my relationship with My Lord ain’t just based on what the Bible has to share with me. My love and respect for him runs a lot deeper than that.

Tuesday was an awesome day. Went to watch “King Kong” with my monkey & solved a big piece of the utterly mind boggling jigsaw puzzle under my nose at the moment. This monkey is all mine, they can take away his tail if they like to, but the monkey is still mine….muhahahaha…..None touches my POSSESIONS, especially not this possession.

Me signing out, gotta go worky out and dandify me cute self (that’s ma ego is catching up) to go gift shopping for the NEW Year.

Christmas In Judy-Land

24th was a freaking menace. The streets were absurdly crammed. The clothing stores around Wattala were displaying queues and queues of mortals impatiently waiting to get in. Keels Super was another torture chamber, 30 minutes of painful waiting to get out five”oh so not important” items Mummykins conveniently forgot to purchase beforehand.

Was grounded till Sunday afternoon, absolutely no way of sneaking out…..but …Mummykins yummy Lumprie was well worth it.

Met a super intelligent boy of 15 yesterday. A family friend’s Kid, all grown up now. I was quite impressed bout all that brilliant intelligence zapping across his brain (at least intelligent enough to have a conversation with me…hehehehe).

Managed to get permission to get out of the house around 5 p.m to go spend the rest of the evening with my monkey :) Just as I was about to leave, another on of me mums friends dropped in, with an absolutely annoying 3 year old female kid. Whilst I was dandifying to boggy, she barged in to me cozy lil room, and made her self Queen of all my possessions. Her eyes were zapping all around my room (she sure reminded me of an underworld looter, trying to figure out his next best loot….Grrrrrrrr). Her eyes fell on all the lil colourful gadgets, and YES…I was so right, her foxy eyes stopped right at my mega collection of (Carefully used and dearly loved) colour pencils and felt pens, which were cutely arranged in painstakingly, artistically pottered, clay jars. She pulled the whole bunch towards her (my heart began to sink....and a mean lil voice inside me shrieked wanting to DECIPLINE the menace) She robbed me of all my stationary and plopped her filthy self on me cozy, neatly arranged bed, and Kaboom !!!! She quite comfortably strewed the entire loada colours on my ever so loved bedcover and successfully left smeared blotches. I couldn’t threaten her, coz her parents were in the other room, and I didn’t want to appear to be the wicked aunty Judy. Hmmmph…….

Her eyes, then went across to the end of the bed, the Guitar….my prized Guitar…….No way is she gonna meddle with that…..I yelled, gagged her, pulled it outa her and plopped it over a high cupboard. Kids….especially lil female kids…….I hate them…..I simply don’t like them. Nah…..I simply don’t like the way they are brought up. Thank God I was not gonna be there at home to witness the massacre she was about to carry out. (Lord help my future kids, they are so gonna get all the love, care and attention and a large dash of hardcore Military Discipline) !!!

The few hours I spent with my monkey was the best Christmas gift I could have ever received. I sure felt like a smuggler walking out of his house, coz I was loaded with a massive bag of presents. Geeeez………I don’t deserve any of em. I only want him and him alone (Crooked Smirk…..tehehehehehe)

There was no place to hang around. Zilch !!! Excel World was a place where there could be a possible stampede…Arrrghh……G-Town at it’s best. Half an hours wait to get in and another good half an hours wait to get out. Colpetty & Rajagiriya Mc Donald, KFC, Queens, Dine- More……..and all the rest of the quickie fast food joints were crammed to the core. Were lucky enough to get a seating at the Union Place, KFC (Lucky Us).

Returned home, VERY Happy & HOPELESSLY in LOVE (Me wears a huge satisfied grin).

Sexually inclined the Contrary way ?!? Ahmm....Ahmm....

Another lazy, laid back, but very productive day. Mum was at home, so couldn’t really use the internet lavishly due to numerous interruptions from her wanting to make phone calls. Hmmm….Last night was horrifying, absolutely horrifying. The facts and figures I was researching the whole afternoon haunted me for hours. I couldn’t read any more, my eyes were aching, but keeping the book aside and concentrating on sleep only got my mind wondering in unwanted direction. The most obscure eerie thoughts ran across my mind. My mind was not at peace, my body was not in control of it’s self, a sharp pain was running vertically back and forth my right arm and leg. I had the choice of continuing to read the Da Vinci Code or The Bible. I gave up on relying on the comfy mattress to do me any good tonight. Was aimlessly browsing through the net till the break of dawn, when I finally figured that neither my brain nor body could hold me straight any longer.

Woke up around mid afternoon, only to find Mummy dearest scurrying around the house, yapping at everyone for not helping her to get prepared for Christmas. Cakes, Christmas Decor, Christmas Trees mean nothing but utter BUNKEM to me. As for all the carols, “Absolute Gibberish”. Wait till I have a house and family of my own, every day would be Christmas, every day would be Valentines Day and there simply would not be any special occasions, including ghostly memorials and almsgivings. Birthdays are exceptional, I like em.

I feel weird, I’ve suddenly started looking at the world in a very different point of view and looks like my mental gear ain’t equipped enough to comprehend the new phase I’ve stepped in to. The problem that vexes me still lingers. The creature I am in love with is tagged to be sexually inclined the contrary way. They are rumours, suspicions, wild guesses and odd doubts of those around me. There is absolutely no proof I hold to actually making “THE” statement as to what he actually is, other than the printouts of a series of emails I treasure, which I possessed by hacking in to his email. I’ve pondered on confrontation, but this would only bring out the CON ARTIST in him back to play. Predicting his actions and reactions have become easier than it was for me to learn my Alphabet when I was a weenie babe, coz he is me, a replica of my ancient inner self.

Christmas means nothing more to me than to silently give praise to the My Master for giving his only begotten Son, to save a scoundrel like me and not forgetting the importance of driving ultra carefully down the rough roads all the way to the God forsaken bakery to bake the massive trays of Yucky Christmas cake (I don’t like Christmas cake)…..Hmmmphhh……

I cry for no purpose, tears roll down my cheek at night, and I simple don’t know why? I keep looking for something intangible and precious, which I don’t seem to find. NO…..it definitely ain’t LOVE, nothing as simple as that, coz no amount of love would or could possibly satisfy my burring soul. It scares me to suddenly jolt from a cavernous day dream and feel fire blazing out of my ear. Crazy as it sounds, this feeling I feel I simply cannot explicate !!!

The Truth !!!

Finally got to buying the Da Vinci Code. I can’t seem to keep the book down………My own review about it very soon.

Been vexed by a situation for the past 2 weeks. I am in love with a very strange creature. A creature stranger than the strangest to walk the earth. I’m actually confused whether it’s love, sympathy or one of those indescribable emotions. I’ve made up my mind for the nth time…to drop it all and move on…..but I wouldn’t rest until I find out the truth……I just wouldn’t…The truth can be reached out for in the most ruthless, gruesome methods….or by using methods of absolute patience which would involve decades of waiting, pondering and silent torture. Which ever way I choose to use……cracking the code would be my ultimatum.

Today sure is a day of enlightenment. Just as I detest women of manipulation, today I actually did appreciate a woman of similar qualities……..Why I hate them? I myself cannot comprehend…….may be cause they reminds me of a part of myself I dislike and haven’t really come to terms with…..or may be because I just don’t want any one throwing their weight around me…Harsh and skeptical as I am……….I wonder if in my heart there ever would grow a genuine love for anyone or anything….

This blog sure is filled with anger and hatred (very anti-Christ like)…but the anger I feel is not about anything or anyone….but about my own self……I’m angry at how naïve I am…..at how fast I can be blinded by false idols (I don’t intend this to be interpreted directly)…I’m angry at the sympathy I feel…….. all the passion my soul goes through….I’m angry at the ambitions that dwell in me…..I’m angry at how strong my soul is…..I’m angry at the fact that I see the truth, sooner than later…….I could deceive my self by locking the doors of the past, but I know that I wouldn’t really move on until I have dealt with every single one of those skeletons that are locked up…….Deal with them harshly and smash the very existence of them.

This year sure has been a very promising year……and I trust it to resolve all my doubts, fears and anxieties before I happily step in to another brilliant year more promising than this. This year showed me the way but the next would lead me down the way. I’m all excited already about the experiences and the adventures it has in store for me.

He who tries to fool me……is sure gonna be fooled twice as much !!!

My Lil Angel

It sure has been a typical Dawson’s Creek Series ever since I met him around mid August 2003. I don’t really regret the cancer/ hole in the heart scam he pulled, coz guess it just got me closer to him (dumb ass me, to bite such a dead rope) !!!

I didn’t say yes, when he wanted me to and it was too late when I realized that he was “THE ONE”. Been through loadsa misunderstandings, loadsa communication gaps, but at the end of the roller coaster ride, he is still my best friend and my everything.

This song explains how I exactly feel right now and I just pray he feels the same. Been thinking of him non-stop for the past 96 hours and it sure is driving me Nutttzzzzzz !!!

I Don’t Wanna Live Without Your Love - by Chicago

The evening was even more nuttier, me wanted (or rather desperately wanted) to send a bunch of flowers to him, but after a few negative opinions about it (from my so called macho guy friends) and the fact that I couldn’t find 2nd Chance flowers at Crescat made me settle for something a lil lamer than flowers (thanx to all the people who discouraged me bout the flowers…grrrrrrr). Was utterly sick, could hardly stand on me two feet (Not forgetting the blind crash I was about to experience at the car park, but…nah…Nothing could stop me, I had to give it to him. If this goes on for any longer, I’m a dead duck, but then again a “Happy” dead duck :)

I’ve handed over the situation to my "Master" and even though this is what I want, LET HIS WILL BE DONE !!!

A blast of a weekend !!!

Saturday sure started with a bang…..met up with a female friend (yeah…freaky and unusual of me to hang around with the female species…but then again……she’s one of em nice ones)…..I was feeling jittery about the whole event, coz I wasn’t used to the whole girly thing…(took a big risk on that) !!!

Day started with a movie at MC……(pop corn, chips & soda…..I can handle that)……Boogied off to Crescat, for a quick bite…….(so far so good…she is actually cool)….A lil bita roaming around…and off to “Excel World”…………Got soaked at the “Winter Wonder Land” awesome place…me won a lame gift as well..(for getting the most amount of snow on me)…..Had a ball with em lil kids……Woaaaah…that was real snow……just awesome…

Then headed for the ever so longed for…RIDES……. Scrambler & the Train sorta thingy……this is what I call getting away from it all…….better than relaxing with coffee……I truly had fun…….and thrilled that I found a equally wonky, down to earth, sweet girl pal to hang around with.

Sunday morning was laid back and annoying coz of the numerous calls inquiring about our house on sale…….Dragged myself to church…..it was all good…..but what me was looking forward was for the hang out with me "Lil Angel"……..He sure has a certain affect on me…..his very call makes me heart race faster…….as a matter of factly, no guy has ever made me feel that way…..(I only hope he knows that). He doesn’t have to kiss me…he doesn’t even have to hold my hand…..just one look could knock me flat (grin….. grin) It’s been 2 years…..but it feels like I had just fallen in love with him…….and the best part is that I keep falling over and over again, every time I see him.

We hung around at millennium park again today…….had another ball of a time….but this time a better one, coz it was with him…..hehehe….I sometimes question myself as to whether he is my best friend, or that one special person…my reason for living….my everything……I could never find the answers to that, till the day I do actually run away with someone else….or settle down with him, the only guy who could put a big bright smile all over my face, makes my heart race faster & slower at the same time & love me till the end of time, no matter what

Love ya loads me "Lil Angel"……that would never change……and no one could ever take your place !!!

Anywayz…..back to work after the perfect get away ………………..woaaaah………3 more days to go before another holiday (whine…whine)………

P.S :- 10'000 apologies to all people who's messages and calls I didn't respond to.....I truely and very sorry........but.....pweeese...I really needed this weekend off.......ALL TO MY SELF !!!

Anger, Frustration, Confusion, Disappointment & All Negative Traits…..Arrrghhh !!!!

After a mega arguments about all sorta of religions with me Dad yesterday…I got thinking again….All religions ask people to be good….but how good can a person be……I’ve turned from the Wicked, Satanic, Evil person I was 10 months back…I’m trying hard to be a better person, genuinely love people around me…..(I said I was trying)…..It wasn’t hard at all to kick their asses outa my way before…But now it’s difficult, coz I am convicted that it is WRONG to do so.

I remember some of my so-called-Christian friends, teaching me how to say NO……Say NO to worldly things……..But what do I say, when they themselves try to use my kindness and exploit the love I have for them. I genuinely do adore them, love them & appreciate the fact that they have been their for me…….but….how far does gratitude really have to go……Enlightened as they are….why can’t they comprehend the selfish act they are committing?

I sure have acted boorish and stayed away from a lot of my friends & events, because of the fear factor of being sucked back in to my old life again. The deep dark hole of spite & evil. But eventually I realized that No one is perfect…….The fact still remains that I would never turn away from the truth I found…”Jesus Christ” the transformer of lives…My Salvation…..but guess I’ve learned enough, not to depend on a church or look up to the so called Extreme Christian racists for my growth…Of course I may never grow up to be a perfect mirror image of my master, but at least, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite bounded by an organized denomination.

Am I throwing the Church away after I sucked out the life it had to give me??? No…..I ain’t that ungrateful…..But if I remain there…I would only fall away just like most of em. Christian’s aren’t supposed to be a different race, or different cast….they are supposed to mirror images of Jesus…spreading love, joy & hope…& not be initiators of religious wars.

I was yearning to join Bible college, coz I wanted to understand the Bible (more than I do now)…..read between the lines & to figure out the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the whole truth. I wanted to know more about God……I wanted to know more about the rights and the wrongs. I want to have a closer walk with my master & not fall away…….But what do I hear when I go for my registration…I fill in the form & lady registrar lets me in to the fact that I have to submit a letter by my Church Pastor that stating that I actually do belong to a particular church & if I fail to do so before my first class in January, my registration would be cancelled. Wow !!!! I wish she actually did see the disgust written all over my face……..Utter Disgust !!!!

I wish I could change things…..but I can’t…..all I can do is try not to fall victim to the so called qualities I detest in people around me…..after all who am I to judge???

Last, but no the least, I apologies to every one I offended, belittled, & took for granted, during my period of transformation (learning process). I’m really sorry if I acted a racist of extreme view points (unintentionally of course). The self identification process is crazy & most of all frustrating (I hope you understand). I sometimes wonder what sort of identification I have. Do I want to call myself a Christian? (Of course I can…..but the question remains whether I want to)? And when one makes a statement as the following …”Ohh….another one of em hypocrites”…..do I have to stoop low and defend my self by denying facts & examples they throw my way by answering…..”Nei…not one of them…Look at me..I am different”) !!!

Why why??? So many questions with absolutely no answers? So many confusions, I have to deal alone. I remember something harping in my ear “Christianity is not a lonely walk child” My Tush !!! (I reserve the rest of my comments).

God Bless You !!!
(Follower of Jesus Christ)

If I am any HAPPIER, I’d Burst !!!

Woahh…what a day !!! If I am any happier, I’d proly burst in to a million pieces.

(1) Dropped Ma to work at Union Place unusually early.

(2) Drove all the way back to a garage in Kandana to repair the car….My Boo is a SMOOTHIE now…….Real Smooth !!! Amazing how a tiny prob like a crack in the gear box mount can make such a bug clutter.

(3) Expected to spend around Rs.5000.00 for the repair, but was only charged, Rs. 350/=…..Yipppy !!!!

(4) Drove back Home….and went all the way to Kirulapona for 2 very successful sales. Their words were very encouraging…Me was THRILLED !!!

(5) Registered for 2 subjects at the Bible College, Kohuwala……(What I’ve been really really wanting to do for the past couple of months).

(6) Mums’ was supposed to lunch with us, but she let us down. So…it was only me an Dad…..(Hmmm…I’ve never actually done a luncheon with Dad alone)….Tried Rohan’s…a place I dared not to step in….but the food was actually good……All north Indian Cuisine, and yeah…you could say reasonably priced…..Looks a dingy joint from outside, but quite good on the inside.

(7) Went to the Museum with Dad….(after around 15 years….that’s another I really wanted to do for ages)…..Fini checking out the Museum in 1 ½ hours…..Nothing much to see…The Museum itself was in ruins……Paint on the walls were scratched & ripped out….water dripping from the roofs on to “should be preserved” treasures….No body to show the way and help figure out what is what…some sections being dusty & dirty….pathetic sight….

(8) Dropped Dad at Mum’s office, and boggied off to Crescat, to do some banking and to see me Lil Angel…..Nothing could make me happier than that……I was thrilled to see him…..absolutely thrilled…….I wish we get to go on our routine Christmas ritual this year as well…I miss all the fun……Sometimes I actually do wish there comes in to me life some one else who could take his place……totally take his place…that’ll be the day I can make the biggie statement “Geez…I’m in Love”

(9) Met up with Kanishka & Lashan…….and hung out for a while…yeah…Sweet !!! Adore em like me own siblings.

(10) And to add a lil spice to all the lil happy yuppies me had for the day, just 2 minutes before me reached home, I get a call from a familiar number, Tharanga……awwww…….I had to keep the phone and say that I would contact him as soon as I got home, coz if I hadn’t….(Kaboom…Crash not forgetting a BANG) !!! He’s back in SL…..excellent.

(11) The best part is that after all the hype & driving, I still got loads of energy left……AWSOME !!!

I so don’t remember a day that has gone better than today. If I did have one wish right now…I’d relive today all over again.

It’s Good to know that God is in CONTROL !!!

God Bless you !!!

The (So Called) Matrix

Spooky, unrealistic movie throwing out mixed messages, which would make the "Brain Dead" to get thinking of eternity and reality…and confuse the “I’m so set apart” smart asses of all religions and denominations as well as to question their faith………..

All the reviews I’ve read about the movie, stated the same thing…..It’s more a movie, based on Christianity (with a touch of Bhuddist thinking & Gnostic beliefs)…bla bla bla…. I wouldn’t really want to argue too much about the sequel, coz it truly lacks any real substance to support the foundation or the so called frame.

Even though it is connected to Christianity in so many ways…this movie too shall remain just another movie I wouldn’t bother wasting my time to understand. Coz what I believe in is strong, and nothing or no one will/shall/can influence me to believe in anything else.

Pasan had a total different theory regarding the whole movie…firewalls, viruses, servers, programmes & a whole loada technical jargons…Bahhh…I would never fully comprehend what you are trying to explain….I truly wonder where all these frustrating arguments about religion, logic & philosophy would end....MURDER !!!! Cold Blooded MURDER !!!! (",)

Movies & Escapism

Yeah…taking some time out being my ultimate priority….I’ve watched quite a coupla movies the past 48 hours…."Matrix 1/2/3"….”Bridget Jones Diary 2”…”Monster in law”…and a few more comedies……..I know em movies are old…but these are what I missed, while I was attempting to make money (Emphasizing the word : Attempting) …..A review on Matrix coming up soon…..still working on it…If only the producers did speak their mind a tad more…..comprehending the trilogy wouldn’t be so difficult…..Coz the mystery really ain’t about the movie at all….it’s about why they ever thought of producing such a movie? (Money yeah…but other than that….why?) There’s always a reason other than plain dough….Overall….I had a ball of a time watching Keanu Reeves…..(oooooooowweeee..Hotttieeeee) !!!!

Movies & Escapism……who can be blamed…..Mother in law problems automatically being solved in the movie Monster in Law……and the fact that a sane man could actually end up with a disaster like Bridget Jones…..Unrealistic as it is…Ermm…happening to wonder whether a successful, secure man would actually end up with an insecure, un-groomed, scatter of a woman????? Hmmm…The movie was a bore…but Hugh Grant was HOT…..Wowy…do men like him actually exist ???

I sure got disgusted with all the Girlie 2 shoes movies…ever since I watched “Bewitched” last Saturday…..Why does Hollywood even bother wasting their time making em movies…..total disaster…How dumb do they expect women to be ? (Or should I be using the word lame…Or just may be I shouldn’t have actually put that question on print)???

The Blog continues……(After 4 hours of deep sleep in the mid afternoon)….Yummy mutton Chinese Roll feed from Nippon (Run down place, but their snacks taste good…and it’s the only hygienic place around mum’s work place)….one tough driving session…and another ten hours of deep sleep….

I really don’t know how I can sleep this much, being the insomniac all my life….it sure is a tad surprising….They proly are the withdrawal symptoms of staying away from the internet and all my monkey business…..haven’t been online for more than 48 hours…..I sure am feeling good about the deprived state me deliberately undergoing…Training myself to check mail just once a week, and to read the bible the first thing in the morning than switching on the computer sure is difficult than I thought…but worth giving a try….

Instead…watched three movies at a stretch…..”Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”….. “Fifteen & Pregnant” ……arrrgh…...I wish every school showed this movie….It’s crazy how the world works……just not fair……and “The Bachelor”….It still annoys me as to how a bloke can be in love…utterly in love…..and still decides to be running around…..Hmmmm… I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never understand why? & the whole Mustang theory explained in the movie….nah!!! that don’t convince me….it’s all bullshit…a lame excuse…..And to all of em people laughing at me “cute ass” for waiting for “the” MAGIC to happen……and, nothing BUT the “MAGIC” to happen…..Nah…I wouldn’t stick any fingers out at ya ......muhahahahahaah