Thirst

Managed to hit the sack by 1 a.m last night……….My hyperactivity is not due to chocolates, or any other substance…….It’s coz my soul has finally found joy….exceeding joy that’s screaming to overflow…Me gonna get baptized this Sunday…wohooo…….and I finally…really….whole heartedly….100%...spot on…..feel ready for it…My Mentor wanted me to relax, when I mentioned this to him hehehe….he means good….but I know the minute we relax our hearts and minds and stop attempting to reach the goal…the whole structure collapses…….No…..I ain’t scared that I might be tripped…and not be strong enough to resist evil and temptation…..but just that I’ve come to realize that one cannot have grey areas…..or even thoughts about compromising….coz…this would mean that we just might be leaving room for the wrong decision to conquer…..

Getting high with the holy spirit is far more pleasurable that any substance....It’s a yearning…a thirst….just like one thirsts for the next shot of Vodka…or as for me the next strip of mint……I wish I could explain the exact feeling…..but It’s beyond description…It’s beyond compare…..I’ve only yet had a lick of the Candy stick My Master is holding for me…and I’m impatient to consume it entirely……It’s a joy to know that he is in control….It’s an even bigger joy to know that he has a plan for me…a special plan with a perfect stratergy :)

I long to be used for his glory…….coz the joy I receive by being used by him is beyond compare…….I remember watching aunty Wasanthi and wondering…..”What has she to be so happy of”….. I didn’t really comprehend what it was until “oogly googly” Shyam pointed it out (him being a rebel and being almost on the same note as I am back then…. “I’m bad…I’m bad…I’m evil…I’m bad”….did sorta make me ponder awhile on what he was saying)…..The phrase where he said “Look at the Christians…what ever happens…they got some one to lean on ..and what do we have?” Oooppps……that was me turning point……….that’s when I realized that I was an empty vessel…rebelling against my own self…my own stupid and foolish dark strength (Which sure is temporary)…..

A change would do me GOOD ?

Changes have been taking place in my already messed up, highly volatile life….since Feb, but the most drastic ones have just begun……It’s all good…me all happy….at peace…….

Eating habits have gone from bad to worse….Stomaching in more than 2 meals a day seems like torture…..but chocolates seem to go down me throat in bulk…….My work outs have become frequent (I can’t seem to figure out why I keep doing it…or rather overdoing it...It’s like I juts can’t stop)…..My body fat seems to have gone down to all time zero that I have to sleep under 3 thick balnkets, to keep me self from shivering….. (Spoooky)…..

Me have turned outa be so much hyper than before…tired, but hyper…that I feel like a dog on the loose…….(Oh no…… that ain’t schizophrenic symptoms…hehehehehehe…now now Pasan…don’t u go imagining)

Heard that one of me best buddies “Lash” is getting married……..For some reason, the news did sorta make my world fall apart…No…I’ve never had a crush on him…just loved & adored him loads as me own brother…..that’s it…….and no it ain’t jealousy…….I so can’t figure out what? Y? Arghh…I hate being possessive…(but is this possessiveness) ??? I guess not….hmmm….I remember howling and crying away and refusing to go for 2 of my best girl friend’s weddings……Geez….why would a wedding make me cry? This I need to get out of :(

Another wonderful day in paradise

Yesterday was tiring, but a happy one……Went for the “Living in Style” (Kadalla) Exhibition held at BMICH (which will go on till 6th Nov)……It was amazing……..Gathered (or rather stole) a lotta tips and designs to implement on the new property. Collected all the leaflets and brochures me hands could grab……(Drool droooooll)…..

The last blog about “Schizophrenia” I donno why I went through the article and blogged it…The person I intended it for didn’t really have Schizophrenia….Hmmmmm….I was confused……coz when I was reading it for the first time…I was burdened….almost forced to blog it……..May be…God wanted me to go through it to educate me self…….It ain’t a maybe anymore…God did have a plan for sure…….One of me mum’s friend’s Kido had been going through a phase of acute depression and a series of mixed psychological symptoms for the past 4-5 years………It hurt us to see her deteriorate, slowly, gradually but steadily……I so wanted her to be well…but didn’t know what to do……We wanted to take her to prayer meetings long ago…but it never really happened…..Hmmmm…(It’s amazing, how God’s timing works)……

We finally made plans to take her for the prayer meeting happening at Moratuwa lead by Pastor Viraj Perera……A strong Buddhist, saved by Christ……He was the guy who blessed the opening of my business, blessed my car……….I’m shocked at how powerful God makes man……..And I’m blessed to have experienced God’s mighty power through a few…..namely…..Pastor Viraj Perera, Mr. David Nicolle (My Mentor, my father…the guy who pulled me out of the dirty rut of witchcraft)…Pastor Keagal (Oh boy……another man of God who helped me break a few bondages), Pastor Trevin & his absolutely sweet wife…and my two sweet friends Jacintha & Jennifer (I guess these are the only people I look up to for the time being).

So getting back to the point……I called me mum’s friend to tell her about the plans for today…and oh…bly me…Nangi was actually diagnosed with “Schizophrenia”…I was shocked….just a lil too shocked…….hehehehe….but I was glad…that there was a way……They had never really brought her before the Lord…only been chanting “Manthra” and “Seth Kavi” (which again are chantings made to the demons)…….We are about to experience a mighty miracle……The biggest miracle me am to see……I know my God will and can do it…I know that he will restore her mentality…….The height of his power send shivers down me spine…Meanwhile, me waiting for a lil miracle to happen in me life as well……He saves…restores……in his time…and his time is the right time…..

I’m all thrilled….n happy…….Can’t wait to see another come out of deep darkness…….So long…..for now…..

Update : (After returning from the healing service)

Wow….I’m blown…totally blown………I can’t wait to see the lil girl getting a lil better each day……..So Pastor Viraj predicted that the whole thing began form a curse planted in the house…If that is what God has shown him…then it is so……My God will heal her……bring her back to her sweet self……..I know he will……

My Lord is my refuge….& my only refuge !!!

Da Devil's Playground !!!

I’ve been going through quite a powerful site these few days…..http://www.demonbuster.com/………….I know I meant the below for someone. I am no one to force the truth, but pray that all my loved ones find it (sooner than later).

Schizophrenia
What is it: A person who has two souls or personalities. Each personality is equipped with its own attitudes. These spirits whip the mind and personality back and forth as they vie for power: such as pride versus inferiority. The separate personalities are closely interwoven so that it is impossible for the person who has them to understand and control them. Double-mindedness wears the person out, and frustrates and confuses him.

Schizophrenia always begins with rejection. This rejection may be real or imagined. Often a child is rejected soon after conception. The reason for rejection doesn't matter. It could be unwanted, incest, rape, wrong sex, no more kids, hate parenthood, divorce, etc. We have seen cases where the rejection was no real but the demons had used some minor incident to tell them they were unwanted and that person accepted the demons lie. This is why parents need to talk over any situation with a child who seem troubled.

A "schizo" parent will usually have a schizo child or children. It's not inherited like blue eyes but is demonic. Demons like to cluster.

A schizo parent has difficulty showing love. Since the mother is the most constant parent with the children and cannot feed love into them, they become targets for rejection demons. Because fathers are away most of the day they seem special to children and can be hurt very easily if they feel father doesn't accept and show he loves them.

Many people don't understand who they are. One proof of the schizo personality is the constant question of "Whom am I?" The identity of one's own self is confused or lost.
Rejection is a withdrawing-type of personality; likes to work alone, doesn't participate, unsure, etc. Rejection is inward and withdrawn before it is outward. Rejected people reject others before they can be rejected by them.

Rejection invites rebellion. For instance, a child or adult will fight for love and lash out at those starving him of love. Rebellion is the reaction to rejection.
Rebellion is aggressive, angry, bitter, resentful and retaliates. This personality is moody, stubborn and selfish.

Having rejection and rebellion in the same body is hard to bear. This personality switches back and forth in seconds.

DELIVERANCE from the schizo personality takes time because the real self has often not developed very much at that point. If one is to be successful, he needs Jesus. Jesus will help the real person to develop. Obedience to Jesus' instructions are necessary. Bible study and prayer are needed.

Under the rejection spell comes infirmity and insecurity, deep depression, self accusation, and compulsion to confess sins. For example, a person enters into wrong doing and cannot keep from confession. He really wants to shock and hurt others so that he can get attention as a substitute for love.

Hard on the heels of these comes deception, self-seduction, delusion, fear and pride. Now we enter into the paranoid companion of schizophrenia.

On the rejection side are jealousy and envy usually of others who can give or receive love. On the rebellion side are distrust, suspicion and fears of all types of persecution.

Schizophrenia can be demonically inherited. Notice I said "demonically". By that I mean it is not in the blood system, not in the genes - it is in the demons!

This is why the schizophrenic DELIVERANCE requires time - sometimes several months or even a year, or longer. The DELIVERANCE must work in balance with the development of the "Real Self". It cannot be rushed, for there is nothing for the person to fall back upon. If every demon in the schizophrenic person were suddenly cast out he would feel totally lost. Identity with the "Real Self"requires time. As the schizophrenic nature is knocked out, the true personality must come forth to replace it.

He must be willing to fall out of agreement with the demons and to break old habit patterns.

How does the schizophrenic come out of this tangled mess? The three main areas to conquer are Rejection, Rebellion and the Root of Bitterness. As these areas are conquered the "house" (life) must be filled by the giving and receiving of love by submission to every valid authority and by forgiveness of all persons regardless of the circumstances. When these three areas are conquered, the other related spirits lose their strength. Determination is necessary.

The person who can persistently say "I WILL BE DIFFERENT! I WILL NOT LET DEMONS RULE MY LIFE" will eventually see victory.

SUICIDE IS A DEMON
Jesus does not want you to kill yourself. Thou shalt not murder is the commandment. Jesus would not tell you to commit suicide because then you are breaking the sixth commandment.
If you have ever thought of suicide, you must do Deliverance on this demon. Cast him out, in the name of Jesus.A suicide demon never leaves on its own. It may lay dormant for years.

It’s me lil angel’s birthday today…….he’s turning 20…wohoooooo…I am proud of what he has made of himself….and then again not so proud of his beliefs……hmmm…May he be blessed !!!

Halloweeeen…boooohhuahahahahaaha !!!!

Just a lil something me found out about the dark day…….It sounds gibberish…but it’s the truth…the whole truth and nothing but the dangerous truth !!!

There are many versions of halloween. This is one of them :-

Do some major Deliverance on yourself for ever celebrating halloween. Burn any left over halloween stuff in your home. Don't even open your doors to pass out "tracts". If you do, then you are celebrating this unholy day.

No matter what you think of halloween, know that it is the very highest satanic holy day. As a Christian, you should not be observing it in any way, especially IN your church. The catholic church is responsible for this day to be placed in the church.

Halloween has never been a Christian holiday, and it has no place in the life of a born again Believer in JESUS CHRIST. In fact, it is an abomination to God, and we should take our stand firmly against it. As we look at its history, we find that its roots go deep into heathenism, paganism, satanism and the occult; and its modern expression is no better.

HISTORY OF HALLOWEEN

Celtic New Year
October 31 is the most important day in the satanic year. [It is known as the devil's birthday.] It marks the Celtic new year. It was the end of the growing season. It became a festival of death. On this day, the god of the Celtics was to have called up the spirits of the wicked dead who had died during the past year. At the same time, other evil spirits arose and went about the countryside harassing the people. On October 31, the Celtics expected to be harassed by ghosts, evil spirits and demons; and it was no fun and games to them. They would light bonfires to guide the spirits to their own town and to ward off evil spirits.

DRUIDS
The Celtics had priests called druids. On October 31, the druids went from house to house demanding certain foods, and all those who refused were cursed. The people were tormented by means of magic. As they went, the druids carried large turnips which they had hollowed out and on which they had carved demon faces as charms. Each one was believed to contain the demon spirit that personally led or guided that priest: his little god.

DIVINATION
Those who practiced fortune telling and divination found that this was the night that they had the most success. They called upon satan to bless their efforts. One form of divination was to put apples in a tub and bob for them. The one who first successfully came up with one without putting them in his teeth was to have good luck throughout the year. They would then peel the apples and throw the peeling over their shoulders and then quickly look around. They expected to see a vision or an apparition of the one they were to marry.

SACRIFICES
These things happened several centuries before CHRIST. Sacrifices were made to the gods, especially the god of death - Samhain (pronounced Sah win). Sacrifices all the way from vegetable to human were offered. This went on and on, and, in some parts of the world, still goes on today.

8th CENTURY
In the 8th century, the Pope, in an effort to get the people to quit the festival of Sam hain, invented All Saints Day (Nov. 1). This was an attempt to get the people to turn away from the horrible observance of Sam hain. All Saints Day was intended to honor the martyrs of the Roman persecutions. It did not work! It never works to Christianize a pagan holiday. The holy and the profane do not mix.

THE MIDDLE AGES
In the Middle Ages, there was a great revival of satanic practices and witchcraft and magic - like there is today. During this time the belief developed that witches traveled on broomsticks to the black Sabbaths to worship Satan on October 31. They were guided by spirits in the form of black cats. The Druids worshiped cats believing them to be reincarnated evil people.

CHURCH INVOLVEMENT
This festival of death has survived all the efforts of the church to stamp it out. The church is joining the opposition by celebrating this festival.
All Saints Day became All Hallows Day. Hallow means holy or sacred. October 31 is the evening before All Hallows Day and came to be called in the western world all hallows evening and then all hallows een. Een is an abbreviation for evening. Finally, the word was reduced to the way we have it today, Halloween. That's where the name came from, and even if it is called all hallows evening, it has nothing to do with Christian faith, and it never did.

MODERN HALLOWEEN
Now let's look at the present day celebration of Halloween. Isn't the whole theme one of darkness, death, fear, threats, destruction and evil? There are witches, broomsticks, bats, owls, ghosts, skeletons, death, and monsters. You dress up your children as demons and witches and ghouls and monsters and werewolves and send them out into the street in the darkness to reenact the Druids' practice of demanding food from people under threat of tricks (or curses) if they don't comply.

You take, not a turnip, but a pumpkin and carve demon faces in it and decorate with it.
At Halloween there will be apple bobbing, divination, fortune telling, haunted houses, candles lit and spirits called up. There will be seances and ouija boards in the name of fun and excitement. There will be sacrifices of dogs, cats, rats, chickens, goats and even humans!

You say, "Well, we don't take it seriously." But the devil does and so does God. Particularly this is true when the Church which He purchased with His own precious blood builds houses of horror in its fellowship halls so that the little lambs who have been entrusted to its care can be terrified and opened up to invading spirits of fear and torment and confusion.

How this must Grieve the Lord!

No one can dabble in the occult and come away unshackled. It is not harmless games and fun. Occult involvement whether done innocently or not, is disobedience to God's Word. When people ignore God's warning and enter a forbidden realm, they witness spiritual phenomenon. The Devil does have supernatural power. However, everything he does for people, he requires payment. The result of occult involvement causes oppression, depression, confusion, delusion, and physical ailments of all sorts.

Trick and Treat is the fun time of many unsuspecting children and adults, but the "trick" is really on the one who is playing right into the trap of the devil. Halloween is a day of celebration for the devil and his worshipers.

Bonfires: The original word is bone fires. The bones of the sacrificed animals or humans said to appease Satan and endue his followers with heightened powers. Brooms for witches, wiccans, etc: Were and are used as part of a coven ceremony to heighten sexual frenzy and evoke more demonic powers. Pumpkins on porches with candles: Pumpkin on porch showed the people in the house has appeased evil spirits by giving of food, etc. Candle in it showed the people had not given anything. A member of their family was taken for sacrifice in the bone fire, while inward parts, usually fatty parts were put in the center of the hollowed out gourd with a wick in it. This appeased the gods of the druids and cursed the people in the house.

Sacrifices: The most pleasing sacrifice to Satan is something pure. The highest is a child, preferably newborn. Next a virgin, next an animal.

Prayers on Halloween Eve: Christians not informed about warfare and the power of the blood of Jesus are primary targets. Every curse imaginable is loosed this night with heightened power to bring them to pass. Some are immediate curses, some are curses that are spread out through the year, and some are "specialized curses". Terror and fear are always sent with each curse to the victim.All holidays are paganistic: Easter (goddess of fertility), Christmas (many pagan and idol things). The one totally dedicated to Satan and his followers is Halloween.

The decision is up to you…Still wanna go trick or treating…still wanna go to the most happa Halloween party in town????? Hmmmm……….

A brand new beginning….(The death of the Lustful and Seductive Spirit)

I strive for something different, something entirely different. I’m sick of the mundane existence of the youth. Studies, work, partying, clubbing, dawg watching….dating, relationships….etc…etc… I’ve been striving to achieve this totally different life from so long ago, but always got carried away with the current of the waves of wild existence……I want to and will to make all the sacrifices needed to achieve this from here on.

So, I’m weird…..a lil cocky…tipsy….I speak the unwanted, I use the most wrong phrases at the worst timing…yeah…my timing is always wrong...I’m a girl who doesn’t like soppy pansy stuff, including butterflies which is my worst phobia….hmm……It’s me birthday today……My phone was squeaking from 12 midnight….was brutally woken up by well wishers…heheehehe (it’s all good though)….this is when I sat up wondering who I really am…………I ain’t a strange being…no I ain’t…I’m perfectly normal…..I’m just an artist striving to express me self……….I just ain’t your average female……phew….now that I’ve got that straightened out……and no…I ain’t a rebel anymore.

I’ve got it all figured out…at least when I am 22…..praise the good lord…It’s still 10 a.m and me need me glorious work out to keep me going, haven’t trained in 2 days……..but overall today is gonna be a day of peace, a good day………A freaking glorious day………….

Well….the mega question being whether or not me gonna have a bash today…and whether or not I am gonna have a party today? Geeeez…why in the world would I want to celebrate the fact that I am getting older…tehehehehe…….nah….jus kidding…I shall celebrate it, but not right now..

The preaching at church was glorious…..It’s amazing how Satan grabs one’s peace of mind…..and the worst attacked are the believers of God… The evil one blinds you and takes you through situations, making you compromise good for the sake of evil and the non righteous acts…..It’s crazy how one can walk through life feeling so fulfilled, but still so unfulfilled without knowing the truth of life. What purpose is life, if the purpose of the heavenly one is not fulfilled through it?

I could fall on my knees a million times and repent a zillion times….but the fact remains that I am still unworthy to be forgiven. Below is a track that I keep playing over and over again…..it reminds me as to how blessed I am to receive his blessings, dirty as I am.

Why me Lord

Why me Lord, what have I ever done,
To deserve even one, of the pleasures I’ve known,
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do,
That was worth loving you, all the kindness you’ve shown.

Lord help me Jesus, I wasted it so..
Help me Jesus, I know what I am
Now that I know, that I needed you so..
Help me Jesus, my soul’s in your hand

Try me Lord, if you think there’s a way,
I could try to repay, all I’ve taken from you.
May be Lord, I could show someone else,
What I’ve been through myself on my way back to you.

Just Him & Me !!!

It's been awhile since I updated the blog. Wasn't in an expressive mood the past week. I faltered once more, but guess it put an end to the last evil bondage in me. It ain't a life long struggle to get out of darkness, it really isn't. But it sure takes quite awhile. My mind is messed up...way messed up (right now). Guilt doesn't come over me anymore when I falter, It's hurt....hurt in my soul....shame that I've hurt my blessed master....The one who loves me dearly.....the one who shed his very blood for me......

Had a chat with a friend who I had lost touch with for a couple of years, this Friday..the whole topic was about being unequally yoked with a non-believer. I found it so right some years back, but now I find it so wrong. But she, who found it wrong some years back, is compromising on the point. A Christian ain't a living breathing human being who goes by the book, there are no laws that bind them. A Christian is a being made in the mighty ones own image who walks in the love of the Lord....he leads, we follow. We are not to trust our own strength or our own instincts. We fall, they make us fall, we make our selves fal,but rise up again and walk in his love....walk strong, straight and tall.

Conviction :- As I write this, something came over me..I couldn't take it any longer....The sin I had committed had to be confessed, I was ashamed to face my heavenly father directly...I just couldn't.All I could do was call my mentor and cry.....though I didn't state the calibre of the sin, I knew that he understood, thank God for all the Godly people he's brought in to my life...He didn't rub in the wound, he didn't condemn me,he didn't judge me.....he reminded me that God's forgiveness was inexhaustible.

1 John 1 : 7-9
7 But, if we are living in the light of God's presence, just as Christ does, then we have wonderful fellowship and joy with each other, and the blood of Jesus his Son, cleanses us from every sin.
8 if we say that we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves, and refusing to accept the truth.
9 But if we confess our sins to him he can be depended on to forgive us and cleanse us from every wrong.
[And it is perfectly proper for God to do this fro us because Christ dies to wash away our sins]

I hate myself for letting the wrong conquer (no, don't tell me that I am harsh on myself....how can I strive to be good and give permission for the bad to dwell in me) ?

I've never been this convicted before, The area in my life that kept me away from God is broken, I feel it and I know it for sure. I cried out to the Lord before I fell......I begged him to keep me away. It was for me to choose, I had the choice and I chose evil.... Forgive me God, for I have sinned.

It annoys me when non believer speaks against God coz I know the truth and have no way of making them see it.The comments I received from them vary from :-

(1) I don't think there is a God as such, just a higher power who can take any form.
(2) There exists no God, it's all in the head.
(3) There is no eternal life elsewhere....so live the life you've got to the fullest.
(4) There ain't no miracles, just coincidences.

They can't prove my beleif to be wrong, coz I've seen it to believe it. I know it ain't blind faith any more.I feel it..I feel his perfect redemption. It is sweet to be loved by him.

I have no anger, no revenge on what happened, just a striving spirit of struggle to keep away. The power of lust, the power of seduction followed me till now, but by his grace, I know I have broken all of em bondages. No more am I a slave of darkness, no more am I a slave of blindness. I wan't all his blessing, not just a part of it...I want to be his and he be mine, I ain't ready to share my love with the world and lose my privileges, and none can take it away either. The worldly are wolves in sheep skin, the good, bad and the evil, none is to be trusted, none, not one. It ain't wrong to be paranoid, coz there sure is an ulterior motive behind all of em glittering like gold. I am none to judge, but I own the right to be careful.

May the love of God be with you !!!

The past is the past for it’s own good reasons….

Hmmm….I wish the whole theatrical phase of my life ceases…It’s really getting too much to handle…hehehe….Just too overwhelming……I mean…this is amazing….I could make a movie and be an millionaire over night……Ok……so me exaggerating….

The past month…or rather the past few months have been crazy…..people from me past…or rather the so called toy boys I happen to call me exes are coming back in to the scene…..All I can remember was showering them with emotional torture (of course during me dark ages)..but, still….I really don’t understand why anyone in their right mind would come back 10 feet close to me…

It’s only 3 years back that I ever felt anything real…….the feeling of loving someone and wanting to be loved back in return….yeah that hurts……but when that one person you love….gives you the world…or rather pretends to give it to you and then suddenly grabs the rug from under your feet…..geez…that freaking hurts…really hurts……

Ever since it’s just been revenge….I’m ashamed of me self…but yes…I’ve had my share of revenge…..may be it was all about lesser magic at that time……but I broke all the bondages…..It’s all over….but looks like it isn’t…hmmmm

Every time they fall at my feet…I’m only too tempted to take them on a wild spin again…..but nah…me ain’t gonna waste any of me precious time with em, they just ain’t worth it…The thought of seeing them again sends shudders down me spine…no way……Glad to figure out that I’m actually growing up….It amazes me that some people just can’t take the word no…well…they just have to...and no, what ever attempt they make ain’t gonna get them nowhere close to me. It annoys me to know that they still have the freaking guts to speak to me…(not that they have to fear me or anything)…but may be am just surprised…

Walking with me Lord is sweeter than ever…It’s getting easier to stick to my no and yes…

Starting tomorrow…..Me gonna stay away from the internet…I donno why I choose to do so, but guess I have started appreciating me solitude….Just like hunger makes a soul stronger…solitude makes the spirit bolder and stronger…I am enjoying it in a way…I missed a series of events the past three weeks, and the best part is that I don’t really regret missing em…..I sure would lose my usual bunch of friends who hang around with me if I refuse hanging out with em over and over again…..but then again….the true ones or rather the ones worth keeping will remain……(Oh yeah...me growing up fast..)…hehehe

Escapism is easy to get carried away with……but I don’t wanna do it this time….I wanna face it like a woman…and deal with it…….Yaaaaayyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!

Before I wrap up : Your words mean nothing to me…seeing is believing……and no...I ain’t gonna marry ya....not in this life……so forget about it…you veasling your way in is only a waste of time…for you…and a waste of energy for me to tell ya over and over again that I’ve moved on…..If u ever stumble across this blog…Geez…You are blessed…and I am too…I’ll save a lotta ma breath !!!

2 Samuel 22 :29 – For thou art my lamp, O Lord : and the Lord will lighten my DARKNESS

Sometime…Somewhere

You can deny it a million times, find practical, logical explanations as to why he ain’t the one……but, you just can’t really run away from him……It annoys me not to have control of my feelings and feel the way I feel……

I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories


That’s exactly what I wanna say……….Phew………..But, it just ain’t worth me hollering away….coz I seem to be invisible to him…hmm…….So….me shall…..silently admire the work of art...till he passes me by L

Had plans to crack quite a lip smacking deal today……but alas…..It didn’t go through…….I have no regrets…..coz I gave the whole thing over to the Lord before hand…and if it is not his will to give it to me…then I don’t want it J ……………As I wondered why? oh Lord why? I figured out that the mighty one didn’t want me to deal with the agent who was leading all the buyer to me……what more can I offer him than be thankful with all my heart……

Things aren’t all that rosy…rather living in a bunch of brambles……but my faith is still strong…and I know that it is more than sufficient to take me to the promised land…..a heaven on earth.

Unanswered yet the prayer your lips have pleaded,
In agony of heart these many years?
Does faith begin to fail? Is hope departing?
Say not the father hath not heard your prayers;
You shall have your desire sometime, somewhere.



Unanswered yet? Nay do not say ungranted;
Perhaps your work is not yet wholly done.
The work began when first your prayer was uttered,
And God will finish what He has begun.
If you will keep the incense burning there,
His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere.

Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered,
Her feet are firmly planted on the Rock;
Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,
Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.
She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,
And cries “It shall be done” – sometime, somewhere.

Ophelia G. Browning

“The” decision made !!!

Nothing much to grumble about the weekend. Signed the agreements for the new property yesterday…..the whole transaction was filled with peace…..but as usual I forgot to pray about it…..I’m just too hyper to sit still…stop my mind form wandering and pray….I love the feeling that comes over me when he touches my heart.....Okios…so I had made up my mind to go for a Bible Study today….the friend I was supposed to go with had the times mixed up and was a lil reluctant to make it with me…..I first decided not to go, coz I hardly knew anyone at this place, but then again…..I felt that I had to go……Lazed around with my breakfast, watched a lil TV….and forgot all about praying…or rather wasn’t in a mood to pray…..

Got dressed in a hurry…..and just like me mum …she wanted me to hand over some goodies to the next door neighbor on me way…..so got in to me dinky toy and drove away….after driving a good 1 km. I remembered that the revenue license and the insurance was at home…..so turned back and went home to go get it…..back in to the car….and as I was about to leave the lane…remembered that I needed a lil extra cash….so back home again to borrow cash from Mums….Hmmmm..… yeaaash….I was worried….a lil too worried…..too many impediments……That’s when the brat realized that she has forgotten to have her spiritual breakfast…Doesn’t my sweet lover have extreme ways of grabbing my attention…..

The bible study was amazing…It was all about temptation and the spiritual walk a youth must lead…..It gave me all the answers I was looking for………as usual, I couldn’t handle it…..the end of the first session I was automatically drawn towards the preacher…..he ordered me to take off the black chord I had on me neck and the thumb ring I was wearing …..arrrrggghhhh…..that hurts…I loved them…….I was told to take em off before…casually, but never did….so there goes…..I feel freer than before…more at peace…….I threw away most of my tribal jewellery yesterday…and it feels great….got a few more….which I will be throwing away tonight……hmmm…….. I was freaked out about being labeled a bible thumper or a Jesus fanatic…but I simply don’t care anymore………

The preaching done by Pastor Mano and his wife Asha showed me how far behind I was…….and just how far I need to go…..I figured out why I need to stay away from both the dudes I was trying to choose between……

(1) They aren’t God’s plan for me
(2) They don’t love my master the way I love him

The drive back home was full of pondering…….I could never imagine my life with someone who doesn’t love my heavenly father the way I do….I couldn’t see my future with someone I can’t share God’s goodness and love with…hmmm……so there goes…..

Any way…overall it was an awesome day……had a mega workout….and a mega dinner…and a 2 hour telephone conversation….(errrm…now that’s a strange thing for me to do) !!!

God Bless Ya !!!

Two Prince’s

Two people in my life that I really really adore…..feel comfortable with…..I wouldn’t say that it is love….but serious infatuation…..but at the same time…..Both of them seem to be so much alike sharing so many qualities :-

(1) Seem to adore the lime light…(Which ain’t my forte)
(2) Come from Sinhalese, Buddhist Backgrounds…who’s parents seem to be detesting the very thought of settling for a tamil (I’m just making assumptions picking bits and pieces from what they say)
(3) Seem to be driven by material forces
(4) Atheists
(5) Ruled by lust
(6) Absolutely adorable (Adorable to the extreme)
(7) A few more equal qualities…too embarrassing to state…hehehe
(8) The dudes are so much alike…other than for their physical attributes...pondering about it….geez…they do share a few physical equalities as well….scary….
(9) I wonder if it is something wrong with me, that I can’t really settle for any one…long term relationships and the very word “commitment” seem to freak me out…….I’m just so darn good at running away I guess……
(10) Im tempted to chose…….just that I can’t choose…and they ain’t perfect…(but then again, who is) ???
(11) May be it ain’t real love, coz I just can’t overlook the lacking attributes….it freaks me……
(12) Both have hurt me unintentionally….which means they arem’t as responsive to others as they think they are…
(13) So I’m harsh…at least truthful……this is exactly how our minds work…..


Jewel’s track “Intuition” puts it all in so beautifully :

Intuition - Jewel

I'm just a simple girl
In a high tech digital world
I really try to understand
All the powers that rule this land
They say Miss J's big butt is boss
Kate Moss can't find a job
In a world of post modern fad
What was good now is bad

It's not hard to understand
Just follow this simple plan

[chorus]
Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
It's easy to find
Just follow your heart baby
You look at me
but you're not quite sure
Am I it or could you get more?
You learn cool from magazines
You learn love from Charlie Sheen

If you want me let me know
I promise I won't say no

You got something that you want me to sell
Sell your sin. Just cash in.
You got something that you want me to tell
You'll love me. Wait and see.

If you want me
Don't play games
I promise
it won't be in vain


Aren’t we all waiting for something better…..coz the present just seems not good enough…just not good “Enough”......always searching…and never finding…There just doesn’t seem to be a solution other other working on self contentment ...the only freaking way to happiness !!!

Its still 12.48 p.m…….and yep…I have already decided why I actually dislike one of them……hehehe…..and yeah…the other one as well……I’ve made up my mind…..no going back….no contemplating……

- Height of passion seems too uncompassionate
- Tenderness just seems so rough
- Humour…rugged and harsh
- Thoughts in-depth, but still shallow
- Perfect, but still so imperfect

** So I'm messing around..................hehehe.......

Vengeance of a tortured dinky toy !!!!

Last night was all so cold and cozy….slept like a baby. Tried to convince me mum to take a cab in the morning since I knew that the drive in peak traffic is gonna be a killer with the clutch acting strange and worn…..but seeing that long face like :gaul face” made me get ready and go drop her….hehehe…..


Had a boisterously rocking time purchasing the clutch plates and other lil bits and pieces for the car…this includes the picturesque sight of the jacks loitering down “Panchikawatta” with em eyes goggling, lapping tongues and drooling caves (I so don’t get em….have stopped trying to figure out em brains of the uncultivated rascals).

The car was smooth as silk till I reached Armourstreet, when I felt the car suddenly wobbling like a jelly fish and making jumpy jerky movements…..my lungs almost gave in when I saw the smoke puff outa the bonnet…I freezed…..that horrible day…11th June 2003 flashed in fronta me eyes…..smoke….flaming car…..explosion…to condemning the majestic 4 wheeler….

I didn’t know what I was doing……I stopped the car in the middle of the road…opened the bonnet and jumped out to the pavement…..I was shivering away…I couldn’t help it……a stupid jack ass of a cop came and asked me to move the car towards a corner….I mumbled something and continued shivering…..by then. My dad had taken control of the situation and was trying to open the radiator…..I still couldn’t reach normalcy, I couldn’t think straight….A kind gentleman came by and offered to drive it to a corner, coz I was screaming away refusing to manure the vehicle in it’s state of steam and smoke…..(Who ever he is…may he be blessed…guess he parked his own vehi and came to help…I really wouldn’t know….but I am truly thankful to God and to him)

Okios…so we got some water from a near by house and poured it in and started heading towards Union place……but not even 100 metres from where we began I had an uneasy feeling about the whole journey…and the building up traffic which was almost coming to a stagnated standstill petrified me. Thank God my instincts told me to pull over and check it up again…..the Jacks who fixed me Clutch plates have forgotten to fix the radiator fan switch….and there was no way to keep the water cool….Dads did some jiggery-pockery with the whole thing…but the fan just wouldn’t start…..Called dear old Ceylinco and lingered by the road side for almost and hour for the guy to arrive…..and miraculously the fan did start working after seeing the technicians face. Wooohoo…..

In addition to the trauma of being inside a steaming car for the second time….I got an ear full of a lecture form me mother superior for not giving the car over to its agent….for being too stingy (in my mind it’s saving money….I’ll choose me garage dudes any day) !!

The evil one has been attacking me in every way he can these few weeks….Why…coz he just can’t stand the fact that I am walking in faith…following me master in heaven…..well..I just got to tell him one thing….He will never be able to mess with my faith….not this time…..he can take me to the depths of hell and back…I’ll still be sane with the strength of my master who will provide me shelter………I have a story in the bible to back me up “Job”………I do get vexed, frustrated, depressed at times….coz I’m only human after all….but no…never beaten….not until I hang on to my dear friend, lover, saviour and my all…….In (Romans 12 : 9-21) he has clearly stated that “Vengeance is his and that it is up to him to repay”…..and I count my fingers for the day he repays the evil one J

A lil about me and me alter ego.....

* Don't dare judge me....I am what I am....and I just might not be what you see....so if you really want to judge..."GO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE" :-)

Phone Habits

(1) My phone is with me 24/7/365, It is switched off only when I do not want to be disturbed. If I don't answer your call, or call you back, either I don't want to speak to you right then or never want to be hassled by you ever again.

(2) I do reply most of the sms's I get, unless other wise they are forwardings. Me not replying a message would mean that I find it lame, stupid, annoying or just don't want to communicate with you. If I don't reply a significant number of your messages at a stretch, I expect you to get the message that I don't want your number appearing on the screen of my phone...If you don't seem to figure this out, then your either sitting on your comprehension power or a plain retard

* retard = a person backward in mental or physical development

(3) The maximum times I will attempt to get through to a person is twice or on rare occasions thrice...If you fail to answer me or reply my message...I shall not bother with you ever.....I consider you an unfortunate earthling to have missed the opportunity to converse with me :)

(4) If you owe me something, then expect to be bugged, till you come up with a proper explanation or return what you owe me....(I don't expect you to return what ain't important to me, if I never ask you to make it your own, yeah...then it is darn important) !!!

(5) If I owe you something, don't worry...I wouldn't run away with it…I will return what ever I owe you in full...Yes, I will be polite enough to call you and give you an explanation if there involves any delay...but...Big “BUT " only if you would be sweet enough not to pounce on me like a starved Ethiopian Cannibal...or make my day go worse than it already is"

(6) Don't send me stupid sms's asking me how I am doing....I will either say...I'm doing good...ok or all right (you can be sure that it is always positive)....so don't bother. Try starting a conversation with a melodious note instead.

(7) I don't want to be called numerous times a day to be talked to...no...I ain't a puppy wanting to be spoken to 24/7...I appreciate my space.....solitude.....and dislike small talk....

(8) Don't dare call me up and expect to be entertained...no...I ain't a clown...and don't be too assured that I'll make your day and illuminate your darkness.

(9) I will only message you or call you if I like the living, breathing earthling you are....(I said like.....not LOVE)

(10) If I have ever fallen in love with you...I wouldn't use the phone or sms to confess it...I'll look deep in to your eyes...make you lifeless and then say it....(so don't let your imagination run riot, save it for a rainy day) !!!

(11) I sure judge you by the tone of your voice.....so when in a conversation if your tone is groggy or lazy….I rate you as uninteresting...or just not in the mood to talk.....don't blame me If I pretend to be busy and run away...I hate uninteresting, unresponsive conversations.

(12) If you’re a guy...don't dare call me when you are drunk....I don't appreciate drunk conversations either.

(13) Don't dare giving me nuisance calls....they don’t really affect me....so don't waste your time and money....(just a warning to save your resources)

(14) Don't dare declare any sort of feelings you got towards me using a telephonic equipment or worst of all don't dare do it in disguise / anonymous...In my mind you'll only be an ordinary coward with absolutely no self confidence, what-so-ever.

(15) If I don't answer the phone with a sweet note.....then may be...I'm pretending not to like you.....hehehe


Relationships & Nick Naks

(1) If I ever hang out with you twice...then you can be assured that I don't detest you (I never said like or love)

(2) If I ever tell you that I love you casually...don't believe me...(I just might be kidding around to find out your true intentions/ulterior motives....yeah...I'm cautious. I don't find anything wrong with it)....Coz if I'm really in love with you...I wouldn't be harping about it....I'd never say it....

(3) If I ever tell you that I needa get away from you....then I gotta be really hooked on to you....I'm just trying to find out, whether you really want me to stay or not...or who knows...may be I really want to run away from you...hehehe

(4) If I really do adore you...then I'll try not to meet your eye...( reasons withheld)

(5) I am bad at non-committed relationships....and I will always hate you for even considering it...(I'll try my best to forgive you....but I'm only human)

(6) If you've figured out that I like you...and I still ignore you at times....may be….just may be you've hurt me....and I don't really want to confront you or get hurt again...

(7) No...I don't appreciate you talking about other women...when in a conversation with me...I'm weird...I don't get jealous....I'd simply lose respect and cut you off....

(8) Exception :- I will talk about other guys and check em out along with you until I am sure you are exactly what I want or rather worth my time and energy.....You'll make it some where, if you hang in there...may be I like to know how possessive you truly are.

(9) If you are Aunty Monica's jealous cat...shooooo away......don't even bother...If you are too possessive I'm sure to get ticked off....but then again if you are too less possessive. I’ll take it as a sign of unconcern and lameness....tehehe

(10) Don't expect me to understand reasons why you did unofficial coffee/movie/lunch/dinner with another woman....Coz I don't want to understand.....hahaha...I'm a living, breathing radar...I'd know your true intentions by afar....So don't dare play around...I’ll make you cry and get you running off to your Mommy.

(11) If I am committed to you or absolutely, spot on in love with you.....then you can be assured not to find me doing any of the above or further, with any one else other than YOU....(ooops...who am I kidding) !!!

(12) No...I don't like you if you have a tendency to live by other's approval...I expect you to have a mind of your own.

(13) Neither do I want you to be every body's everything....

(14) I don't appreciate emotionless men...I find them mechanically inhuman and rather disgusting.

(15) Yes...I expect you to remember all birthday's and anniversaries...you won't be excused, unless other wise u are very sick and about to die...

(16) Ermm....no....I have no intention of eating "Coconut Sambol" and " Rice" every day...hehehe

(17) A teetotaler it is...If I ever catch you puffed out or boozed flat...please anticipate broken bones and teeth.

(18) A bad shaker on the dance floor is a turn off....but if you find me moving sloppy on the dance floor, please look at your self first...may be I'm just trying to keep your pace :)

(19) Don't walk towards me with ulterior motives of material/financial/physical attainments.....coz I'll just sniff you from afar...and simply cut you off.

(20) If I really, really do adore you, I'll offer you my world, just to see if you'd take it right away....(I judge you by the decision you make).

(21) If you don't believe in God, heaven and hell....don't even bother lingering around....you'll only be my friend and nothing more....(Harsh...but it's true, but I have all the reason's to be)....

(22) If you are a jerk, who approves pre-marital physical attachment, run before I fry your willy and feed my dog.

(23) If your head is filled with lust, heaven help you......coz if you dare make me an object of your lust...you’ll need more than heaven to help you !!!

(24) If you think you are superior than I am....go fly...It's up to me to decide whether or not !!!

(25) I'm sorry...I don't sell marshmallows...only over baked cookies....(If you can't comprehend what I'm trying to say...stop reading...shut down this page...adios !!! and no it ain’t anything vulgar I’m trying to say)

(26) Assuming never took any one any where... so don't. Just ask me...No...I promise, I'll try not to bite !!!

(27) Don't dare accuse me for assuming...that's just me....but If you are smart enough to keep things clear, cut and dry...then I wouldn't have to waste my time or energy assuming and trying to figure you out.

(28) Grown up's hooked...(I mean really hooked) on cartoons aren’t considered cute...I see ya as a dumb ass with an underdeveloped brain, a habitual escapist...clutching with fear to face reality.......

(29) Same goes to movies....if you've got nothing better to do than watch movies....you’re considered a jobless freak in my books.

(30) Do you know how to smile...or can I teach you how to?

(31) It's now or never.....all or nothing...no mediocrity...no procrastination.

(32) Once bitten, twice shy....No second chances in relationships. “Broken limbs can be repaired...but the scars remain”

(33) If you are looking for a lion to be caged and paraded....sorry sir...you've been misdirected...you should be looking in the zoo.

(34) Must like museums, galleries, exhibitions, country, ruggedness, stage plays, operas, books (comics don't really count), animals, rock n" retro, living on the edge....

(35) Must be....simple, artsy and inscrutable.

(36) Must loathe all techno music and stupid hip hop ...(OBSERVATION....the afore-said music lovers contradict with everything I am)...

(37) If bad is good in thee eyes....Depart !!!

(38) Getting back to artsy, if you loathe coloured hair and piercing… Depart immediately !!!

(39) If you are married and attempting to flirt with me...I'll first warn you, failing which, tell your wife and force you to a shrink, coz you sure are an insane, sordid, lewd, obscene and down right dirty bastard who deserves to be shot in the head !!!

(40) You are spiteful if you find "Samson & Delilah" and "Romeo & Juliet" stupid.

(41) I ain't a butterfly puffed up with make up, I've got no rosy cheeks, swaying hips, bright red lips, juicy butt, glossy combed hair and nice smelling feet.........Oppps...did I disappoint u ???

(42) Work out is as important as praying....if you are a pudgy lazy owl who loves to sleep and your idea of exercise is a drive to the nearest restaurant, I'm sorry you ain't my type.

(43) I consider you successful, if you succeed in teaching me the game of pool...No one's really got to the end of explaining the whole game due to the sudden out-break of “the war of the cues”. I find it a lil boring anyway.

(44) Formula Racing and drag racing is Hot !!! If you insult it, I'll only end up insulting you and making you cry.

(45) I’m just a simple and very ordinary girl and no way will I trade that for all the money in the world, so don’t expect me to.

Friends

(1) I don't expect anything from you, neither do I expect you to measure up to anything....so don't bother impressing...I like you just the way you are...

(2) If I am by any chance avoiding you...may be I got my reasons....your either a negative thinker who can't be put right...you offend me...provoke me....drive me up the wall...try to manipulate me...a serial liar, a user or an abuser.

(3) If you don't call me as often as I call you....too busy with your own stuff...don't wanna talk...don't wanna meet up...FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME....you sure are making your way to my book of "Extinct Creatures"

(4) No...I ain't Santa Clause's girl friend...my resources are limited...this includes...time and money.....but If I can help you in any way...I would never say no...

(5) If I ever come up to you with a problem...I only want you to listen....If I ever get down to asking your opinion...I only want your opinion, and nothing else...and just coz I take your opinion, I ain't gonna act upon it blindly...all options will be weighed...so understand.

(6) Don't tell me what to do, what to feel and what to be...it ain't gonna work...coz I've got a mind of my own....so shut up and quit trying to get me to...

(7) Don't try convincing me to believe in any other religion other than what I am believing now...I'll only shoo you away or lose any respect I had or have towards you.

(8) Don't waste your time tarnishing my name.....coz what you or others think of me doesn’t really matter to me.

(9) Plz understand....I can't be there for you alwaysss.....I got a life of my own.

(10) Be frank about whether you want me around or not, coz I don't bother hanging around where I am not wanted, and no...I ain't a soothsayer, and neither can I read your mind.

(11) All women are dangerous, and yes I fear them more than uncultivated hooligans.....so if your a female, and want to be my friend...gimme time.....or if you already are....I'm sorry....I consider all women to be opportunists (horrible past experiences)....yeah...so gimme time to figure ya out !!!

(12) Where there is a female crotch, there's sure to be a man.....so if you are a guy....don't blame me if I take time to get to know you and trust you.....I'm picky, and I'm plenty proud of it.

(13) I am your guardian angel at the time of your distress, but no…...I ain’t your chauffer.

(14) My stuff are not for you to borrow and leave it unreturned....I'll simply label you a thief.

(15) I ain't perfect...I do go through messy times, where I appreciate my space....Gimme time to disappear and reappear (Go into hibernation). Ignoring you during this phase doesn't mean that I hate you...it's just my way of sobering built up toxicity.

**Finally.....I do have the authority to change the above statements as and when I want to. Adding new statements or deleting any of the existing ones doesn’t mean that I’m a highly volatile creature in any way. Change is a sign of maturity after all.

Syndrome 21

I shall be a grand 22 year old dame in a coupla days......It would be a lie if I say that the thought doesn't makes me shudder a tad bit..hehe...I’m in deeper thinking these days.....not that the people I know are making my life any easier....hehehe..I actually sat down and figured out my life a coupla days back.....there's still hope to "get a life" (",)....I really down't know where this is heading...but so many thoughts crossed my mind when driving back home today...Was thinking about all the people who have crossed me path....was thinking about my own likes and dislikes.....hmmmmm.....coulds, woulds n' shoulds...I am a less confused child than I was a coupla years back.....and yes...I can't deny the fact that I really do feel sorry for the people who are struggling hard to find themselves (including myself I guess)...Being in the lost territory ain't rosy.

It's me Dad's and Grams birthday today (two absolutely wonky characters….hehe).....After all the complaining I do about how both of them drive me up the wall (worse than an off-road drive)...I truly do appreciate all they do...I muscled up some guts to speak em appreciation to me Dad (mmmm...didn't I see that smile on his face).....I'm thrilled that at least at this ripe old age I've begun to appreciate me folks and love them unconditionally ...Who would I be without me Mum...one amazingly strong lady I've ever come across....I’m darn proud to be her product....I'm glad she put me through harsh training when I was a kid...(They've done there bunch of mistakes, but don't we all make mistake in every relationship we make)....My world is peaceful...absolutely
peaceful, (apart from the fact that the clutch plates of me dinky toy is gone for a six, and I need to loiter for more than half a day in the garage tomorrow...hate the thought...simply hate it)

The hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" made so much sense to me today.....I remember hating the hymn, since the melody was slow and boring, plain and un-catchy......but today, it sounded all so pleasantly different...The lyrics basically solve the whole puzzle of "LIFE".

One weeka Breaka from da Net !!!

It's been a while since me spoke me mind...Walking in faith has become easier than ever....There is no greater joy in my life than trusting him, holding his hand and scampering along....
If it was genuine love that I was looking for, then it is that I have found, nothing compares to the affection I feel.....nothing in the world has touched me this deep, this often.It feels like I'm falling in love with the same person over and again...over and again...His name I was shamed to utter, his goodness I was ashamed to proclaim. but the sweetness in his voice,the loving warmth in his breath,the pleasure of following his footsteps and giving over one's life, breath & soul to him, doesn't permit one to hush his sweet name for too long. "Jesus" the beat of my heart and the life-blood in me.

It's been a more than a week since I checked me mail, or did anything with the net....ahhhh.....that hurts !!! Got a few msges from me friends while driving ma to work warning me that me mailboxes were full and mails were returning......bahhh...me gotta do something fast......sleepy eyed judy girl...walks in to a busy tech shop.....in "rubber bathroom slippers" looking like band's mistress..unbrushed teeth (stink pouring out)....(woahhh...never again).....never felt loonier...and yeah...higly anti-tech moi finally fixed the so called modem after a number of consultations and a four hour struggle.....(over with) !!!(10'000 apologies to all me bugged during the installation process)....

Weekend was a HOLLER !!! wish it was a lil longer.....

A lil bit of everything !!!

Finally shifted everything at the Colpetty office home...Gosh...that ain't a home n e more....more of a junk yard......Weekend would be all about cleaning up......hmm.....A few more hours before we hand over the keys to the oh so interfering land-lord and boogy out......

I took a few minutes and looked at the whole picture from the outside......Everything is going according to God's plan, all unwanted baggages are shed, Thing's are at it's worst, but faith tells me I am through.....everything is through...(If God bring's you to it...he will bring you through it)......My biggest testimony is yet to happen (but in my mind, it's already fulfilled)....

Was deeply saddened by the fact that a Cargills Ice-cream man cheated me. He sold me a Rs.22/= icecream at Rs. 35/= (day light robbery) !!!! Nah..I ain't timid to keep quiet...But I was too saddened to argue...(that's wierd....maybe I'm shedding me tough skin)...

Guess I wouldn't be able to blog again for a month or two, since the net connection will be taken off and lil miss jack ass(me) took off the dial-up modem 2 months back thinking she wouldn't need it......so there goes...till mini me shifts to Panadura...So Long...

Trust in the Lord for all your needs....

God Bless Ya !!!

Ermmmm...Ermmm.......Kapuwa.com (Hahahaha)

Ok...ok.....Big confession...I've been messing around with kapuwa.com........It all happened a month back when ona ma budsies started harping about kapuwa.com....outa sheer curiosity, me joined the thnigy (in disguise of course....Lord help me if I ever shoot ma real identity...no way...Not in this life..He).......

Man...I'm so having a ball ever since.......The mails just keep streaming in...(mind you...I do not have a profile at all.....Just a attractive, English sounding name.....and yeah...quite an attractive vulnerable age)......Check out some mails me received and try tickling your self to death !!!

(Nonna em are edited, but nonna identities have been revealed)....

Hi,
I have been alone for a long time now; not by choice or lack of interest in finding someone to keep me company, but simply because none of those who have crossed my path gathered the same qualities you do...I must confess that I fell a bit awkward and embarrassed as I write these lines, but the feeling that we may really get a long with each other and be happy together is very strong.I would like you to give us this chance. Please understand that I am not asking this for my own sake; I am asking it for the both of us, because I believe that you would have not touched my heart if it wasn't meant for me to make you happy.
An affectionate kiss from,
xxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- What does he think he is "Prince Charming" ???? (No...I ain't "Cinderalla)

hi dear,
I am professional worked in a leading IT co in col and living in col.I am open minded person who like to getto know u . so pls let me know more details about u and let me know what u want to know about me. so let get in touch with each other soon. waiting to hear from u soon
love
xxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- Open mind ??? (I wonder if his brains are still intact)

hi im a fun loving guy of20.... 60 kg.... 5"8 tall and tan..contact me on.... 07xxxxxx if u lik to get to known

Me 2 cents worth :- Y in the world would I want to know his Height & Weight???

hi xxxxxx
gone through your profile and thought about sending you a message. i,m 27 and working for a software company in UK. hmm.. what else? i would like to meet nice girls with good sense of humour. :-). i,m not telling i,m some one who jumps into commitments the first place but there could be some thing serious with some one who is loving caring and nice. think i told you about me. guess its your time.. :-) And i,m used to travel to sri lanka at least every 4 months cos i do miss my friends and family over there .. :-).. if you would like to get to know a nice friend would you mind dropping a mail to my mail address which is xxxxxxx@yahoo.com or send me a reply to this and we can keep in touch.:-) hope to hear from you soon.

Me 2 cents worth :- Watz this bloke looking for? a once in 4 months frienship????Commitment ???? (He's gotta be kidding)

Welcvome to Kapuwa
Call me for a good time
(Number)
xxxxxx

Me 2 cents worth :- What sorta good time are we talking about......and wow...he's given his home number........(God bless him) !!!

Hi Lady.
Its like this, bla bla bla na ne ne naa naa naaaa naaa.......and what else? I am in my ripe age of the mid i.e. 27 on the dot!. Having difficulties in getting a date. No dont get me wrong I am really really really superb looking (I have been taught the merits of positive thinking!) charming, sincere, manage my own finances and above all know when to layoff without being having told to do so. What I look for in a friend, pal, partner,buddy, companion, acquaintance, ally, associate, comrade (thanks word thesaurus)is to be fun and fun and sincere. And a person who would like to be lavished without having hangovers about it. Well I guess its a bit of a asking but hay, I am choosy. So girls if this is the qualities you look for in a guy drop me a rope, I will climb up or at least will give a tag and thats a promise.
Over,
Yours truly the Puppydog

My 2 cents worth :- This sounds interesting......a replacement for me doggy........Why would he have difficulties getting a date with a vocabulary like that (Either he is shit ugly, pain in the butt, or a plague)

Hai Dear,
I am (name) , who is 25 years old male. Working in a one of private company call (name of company) in Colombo as a (post). I like to know about you. If you like only send to me email or come for chat with me. Sorry if I disturb you.
My e-mails are-
xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com"
My number is ...(number)
Thanks,Take Care,
BUDUSARANAI

Me 2 cents worth :- Absolute turn off !!!

Opppps....what have I done......me ain't ridiculing any Just that I find it all so funny.......They hardly know me at the other end....and gosh......who in their right mind would fall for pick up lines like em???? definitely not me)....The whole puppy dog thingy sorta did get me all impressed......good stuff, but still.............geeez...(Stop being judgmental u wicked ass) !!!!

My Boy Lollipop !!!

Did a whopping workout yesterday for the 3rd consecutive day....amazing feeling.....but, the voices didn't let me be last night...I had to go sleep with my parents again...just cudn't handle it.....it's getting annoying...really annoying....

Woke up at 8.15 today morning......woahh......had to rush......rush and rush to get to the car before my mum...or I would have been a smashed pumpkin......

Rock was so not the thing to listen to today so stuck to absolute retro till me made it to work...and boy...didn't it make a world of difference...Whilst Rock makes ya wanna bang ya head "bang...bang" to the wheel, scream in rage, molest & harass fellow drivers..... Oldies make ya smile, give way...and be extra nice to every Tom, Dick n' Harry passing ya dinky toy...heheheh

My boy Lollipop
You make my heart go giddy-up
You are as sweet as candy
You're my sugar dandy

----OoOPPPS....was I actually wearing that sheepish grin on me face while they played this----

Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
I know you'll get to like it If you give it a chance now
(C'mon baby do the loco-motion)
My little baby sister can do it with ease
It's easier than learning your a b c's
So come on, come on
Do the loco-motion with me

(Locomotion - Kylie Minogue)

Errmm........k.....jump...jump......swing ya hands up n' down......


I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

(Boys of Summer - Don Henley)

(NICE....................real nice)...............

Ahhh....da sound of Dolly Parton......The way she begs "Jolene" to leave her man alone gets me all emotionally fizzzed up...... "Before the next tear drop falls" ..........

(This is fun........slowy songs are gooda behind the wheel......takes away the tension and pressure from driving with a bunch of crawly crabs.....

Did I just here Samantha Fox say...."touchez-moi"...............errrrm..............

Pulled Nerves n" Fidgety Feet !!!

Ahh.......the new place is heaven, heaven, I've fallen head over heals in love with the place......counting my toes till we shift.......

Nothing went as I planned...was too tired to go for rock sat.......awwwwwwww..............I've missed it for tooo long........(Take me there...I wanna go there...)...tehehehe

The drive to Panadura and visiting da gazzillion of me mums friends on our way back was a killer....I mean a real baaad killer.......

Under the greatest difficulty me pulled out em machines from their respective hiding places and actually worked out an hour on Sat and an hour on Sunday.......ahhhhhhh...suffered the consequenses at church last evening....my nerves were all jumpy n' my brain was screaching away for some hyperactivity......I kept fidgeting...jumping...twisting, turning and heaven knows what.....Fortunately I was seated at the very back, that not too many noticed what I was doing......geeezzzz........

The serman was an eye opener....but was glad to be back on my feet and behind the wheel earlier than the winding up time........(nerrrvy) !!!!

Just got back from lunching with good ol Christobel.......Had an indepth conversation n" a good chitter chat after a long time....


~ Greater Iz He Dat Iz In Me, Dan He Dat Iz In Da World ~
(He's amazing as always) !!!!

Helplessly Falling !!!

Was sorta feeling wonky from morning........real wonky.......

For some reason or the other I was dying to hear the crazy frog tracks over and over again...My eyes actually did lighten up n sparkle every time they played it..

Figured out that ona ma buddy boo is far more creative than I gave him credit for.......errrm...chek out a part of a lil chat me had with witty cuddley thang (",)

[Yahoo IM]..............

marcy : I c
marcy: so u needed to cool off wit a ice icream
marcy: wot next ... cold shower

gobblezygook: he's so adorable............i wish i was flown away to alska......

marcy : its colder at da antarctic
marcy : u cud snuggle up in a igloo

gobblezygook : nah....shit marc....i can't help myself falling

marcy : covered in a big furr

gobblezygook : its dangerous

marcy : wit nothing but body heat to keep ya warm

gobblezygook : worse than getting caught in the middle of a garilla battle

gobblezygook : wow...ur creative

marcy: xxxx prudy is faalin
marcy: fallin down da down thro da rabbit hole
marcy: towards da bottomless abyss
marcy: towards da mesmerizing world of luuuuv
marcy: where angels sing
marcy: and butterflys dance
marcy: dance to da tune of eternal bliss

marcy : lovers walkin on air
marcy : skating effortlessly
marcy : on a glacier of dreams

marcy : where time stands stilll
marcy : and da world around is in freeze frame
marcy : suspended in time and space
marcy : floating thro da ether of neverness
marcy : thro magical haze of ecstasy

[End of IM]...............

Creativity at it's best......errrm...but I'm getting worried about this dude (",)

Gonna have a packed up weekend......

(1) Drive off to a to God-foresaken village to check out new property
(2) Then gotta choose between a play and ROCK SAT ......
[End of Sat]..

(3) Contract to molest a female buddy at some fiest of fair...(errrm....nah..just going to have a lil fun)
(4) Church (more fun)...........
[End of Sunday]

Ouch...that's it...........just 4 biggies and a whole lovely weekend of snoozing gobbled up...

Clutter Brain Me in an Equally Cluttered-up Breakless Maruti.....

Hazard to all mankind huh?.......eerrrrm.....yeah..may be.....Figured that the car has become absolutely breakless....hehehe....Felt like I've clambered mount Everest twice trying to drive the darn think cautiously...not only my poor hands & feet but my poor brains too are utterly exhausted......

Went to see Kev's nanna......She is the sweetest thing I've ever come across.........Cracked a lil sale there....and yeah.....loafed around a bit.....got back to work.....What do I get......the stupid monkey's coming to the CIM class down the lane taking up all my parking space.......Finally managed to grab me spot after a lil bit of shoooing and "Hey these spots are for the residence" explanations......

Was really pissed with myself in the morning...really pissed.....for letting myself actually fancy someone........guess it's time I figured that they are never gonna stay for ever.......It annoys me.....

Ahh...gotta get behind the wheel again........that kills....Better leave home early,coz I got a loooong day tomorrow....and a long weekend......Oh yeah...the thot of the weekend is already getting me all hyped

Tipsy...Very Tipsy !!!

Woahhh...I've gotten over me telephonic addction...I can actually live without it breathing life in to me every few coupla mins......and yeah.........The beep of the sms's doesn't make me go hi-flying n e more.........one week of willfull struggle......(EeeCHU WAWAWA) !!!!!

Had a few sessions of "Woopy Yippy Yuppy" ies staring at the opposite sex and making em all unconfortable.....(yabadabadooooooo...) this is fun.....perfect way to get back at em........errrmmm may be I shudn't make a habbit of it.......

The lil bita badminton I played last Saturday is so getting to me.....(Reminds me that I need to start shaking a few limbs everyday before I stiffen up n" freeze over for good)......... Arrrgh...My poor limbs are achey breaky......

Was pondering about what annoys me the most.......Weeeeakness.......(How darn judgemental)......Needa get over it.......Needa learn to luv me neighbour more than my self (How unfortunate not to have any cute neighbours around) :(

I'm all happy Yuppy today....(Eyes are still half closed......feel like puffing my life out......(thats called depression)......But would I give in to it...no way)....I'm gonna beat the blues baby.......Beat the blues........

I so miss the good times I had with my lil-angel.......It was a darn ball of fun...millanium park rides...window shopping.........movie marathons.......I really do miss em all....but then again...realisation tells me never ever to go there again.....Never ever ever... Some things are better unseen, untouched and unknown....hehehehe

The voices were harsher than ever yesterday......But...Praise the Lord...they have no power over me any more....They hide in fear the minute a tad litla bita of the mighty one's blood touches em......(nah..not real blood...just covered me self with his precious blood and he rocked me to sleep)......

Big Worry :- I'm strating to fancy a bloke......errrm...(danger danger)......I checked me point scheme...he does lack the most vital.....do we compromise?????? Let me subtly prowl away in silence for a while........tehehehe.....(I find it funnny...I truely do..........coz I never really fall in love...may be I never have......I just let my emotions run wild a tad bit).....Confused, Gone wrong Kid !!!

Planning to go for the youth meeting in the eveing.....I really want to make it.....Missed church last Sunday coz of a stupid procession me got caught to :( I'm hungry for a lil bita teaching n a lil bita preaching) May be coz I'm too lazy to read the bible and comprehend...which I must make a habit of......that books got all the answers to all me questions.......but then again....it's my foolishness that I go compromise..take the left hand path and fall in th shit, again & again)...hehehehe

The past week has been absolutely trying......Its taking me far away from God......and the minute I manage to crawl back to his feet...there I go again.........It rips me apart...Love...passion.....

I've been a steady ass for 5 whole months.......and I slipped just when I thot I was the strongest...just when I thot I'd never slip again.........hmmmmmm......................God help me..(of course he is the only one to help me....)....

I learnt something yesterday.....that even the best friends...the most trustworthy arn't really bothered about what u go through...it hurts....it really hurts..........but then again.....we live in a world fulla sinners (like myself).....who can I blame......at the end of the day...all I can do is go down on knees and cry out to the Lord to redeem me.....n to take me away from the snares I've got my self trapped in to.....

I've made up my mind to win this battle.....I ain't gonna scratch ma knees and run home to mamma.....I'm gonna stand up and march forward and attack the enemy....crush the freaking skull of the dark lord of hell...............

He angers me......he has been fucking with me for too long....just too long...he has no escape.......no more slipping and sliding and battling to stay afloat.... I will not let him have a hold on me....I just will not.....

I'm weak......I've no strength to wake up let alone move forward........My stomaches in a knot....in an uneasy..squeshy knot.......I don't like the way I feeel..........I ain't happy.....Forcing a smile is as hard as opening my eyes and facing the sun.I'm so tired of running....Just so tired of running......I can't help crying......I'm at the brink of breaking down.....I open my eyes...but they are heavy...my eyelids keep closing coz its a strain to keep them open........waking up is torture...going back to sleep is bigger torture......I twist and turn till early dawn....wondering and pondering......

It ain't for long...It ain't for long.........My redemtion ain't far away.....I see him coming towards me with open arms.....I feel a sense of peace coming over me.......I know he will set me free.....tho I sometimes feel that I don't deserve his help....I don't deserve his mercy...coz I falter...I falter knowingly......I'm a child of lust....lust for the world.....I hurt him with every step I take...But I still take it....

Thou will never understand me...so I shall not try explaining......The love I have for you is pure...pure as the wings of a dove......but I relaized it ain't the same feeling u have towards me.....it hurts...but I understand :(

I try to bid good bye...but I can't...........Heaven help me.......

It's a crazy world.....Young hearts running wild......Flesh hungering for a lil more lust.......Religion binding one n' keeping one on track........Blind faith leading many.....Athiests destroying the weak hearted......Pagans hexing each other.....Spirits roaming the earth, taking over traitors of God....100'000 denominations.......another smiliar number of races.......lust for power...lust for might...lust for acceptance...lust for ..................... too many to mention.................

I try to find the answers to all my questions through the words of King Soloman.....but no..I still haven't found the answers I'm looking for.....I'm contemplating on so many things that It's driving me mad......Help each other and live happy, somebody told me yesterday.......hehehehe... (now that's a joke)....

Peace is not yet mine.......I wait patiently till it sweeps across my face.......I dream of that day....I dream of the smile I'm gonna wear.....It's all too clear to me now.....It's all to clear......

This life ain't for me........this life just ain't for me :)

God bleass u !!!

No More Preteinding (Set Me Free) !!!

Below are two songs that reminded me of Gods Love...and reminded me that I ain't alone.....I'm at my worst...trust me worst.....but with him on my side...I know I will survive......I know I will.......(then what am I grumbling about????)...I'm only human......and my faith is only blind....there is so much I can take......My flesh is weak, my emotions are young & raw.....my head is strong, but that aint enuf......coz my flesh is weak, and evil temptations are strong................I want to hear his voice ...I need him omre than ever.........coz he's the only voice that'll sooth me.....he's the only hand that'll rock me to sleep...he's the only one who can set me free.....I cry out with all my might...he hears me...but why does he test my patience.......Matser don't let me fall again while I wait........Don't let me get away....coz I don't want to......near you is where I want to be......at your feet is my resting place.......

I'm da lucky one who has hope in him...I pity those who only have hope in themselves.......I'm broken I'm tattered...within me is an empty soul...no hope for tomorrow...no hope for the next hour, let alone the next minute.........but in him I have everything...in him I have the world......I wish em silly fools will one day realise what I'm trying to tell them......(God let me testify without shame......let them know that you'r alive....)

My eyes are smothered with tears and I don't want anyone to see me.....I feel so alone...I feel dead alone.......but I have to face the world...I have to meet and greet and crack em deals...

Help me Lord, for I am yours......

------------------------------------------------------------
Scott Krippayne - 'No More Pretending'

I can look good when I want to
I know the right things to say
I cover up what I don't want you to see
But you see it anyway
Maybe I think I can fool you
Maybe I'm fooling myself
I want to change but I don't know how
And I need your help

Chorus :- No more pretending
No more pretending Lord,
I know I need to tell you the truth tonight
But everything is not alright in my life
And I need you like never before
I don't want to pretend anymore

I'm tired of hiding my weakness
I'm tired of trying to look strong
I don't want to say that everything's fine
When there's so much that's wrong
Tell me again that you love me
Though it's more than my heart understands
And I will lay down my disguises
And show You who I am
------------------------------------------------------------

Hilary Weeks - 'He Will'

I can't hold on any longer
Temptation keeps getting stronger
And when I'm about to fall
And I've given it my all

Chorus :- He will move mountains
He will work miracles
I have no doubt that He will not let me go
His arms are open still
And when I can't I know He will

Sometimes it's all I can handle
To stay ahead of the battle
And when I'm not strong enough
His love will lift me up and

Speak peace to my soul
And I'll trust His love to guide me home
Cause I know I can't make it on my own

Floating at the Bottom !!!

Wooaaaw...I've actually made up my mind to go for the youth meeting today......hehehe....Amazing...Just when u think ur caught in a brutal never ending hail storm.......he makes the sun shine brighter than ever.......He's awsome...just too awsome.......

I'm still perplexed....but I know that peace is not too far......All I can do is to biliv in the miracle he promised to perform......he was with me ever since and he will be there with me for ever more.....

Hail the Mighty one I biliv in !!!!

Almost Perfect at the Not-So-Perfect Time !!!

It's amazing how u meet the best at the worst time.....and u just gotta let them go......u just gotta let them go.....u just gotta let them go...U don't want to...but u just gotta let them go :(

I Faltered !!!

Ppl actually think I live by a whole loada crappy principles.....nah...bull shit....may be I did...but that was long ago.....Kinda lost my mind 3 years back...and every principle went hay wire....hehehe.....but yeah...I've faltered My God again...and I ain't too proud about it......since I don't live by my principles these days...but his.....

I so want him to forgive me...I really do.....I've gotten hold of myself to say no to temptation...."God HELP Me" for I may fail again.......As much as the world brings pleasure to one's self....it sometimes does bring raw pain to the mighty one.......

The walk with God is like sleeping on a bed of roses......nah..I ain't condemning it......the feel of the soft petals around u makes u wanna sink in deeper...the fragrance makes u lose your mind.....but the deeper u sink...the thornier it gets.....The thorns are equal to the evil temptations the prince of darkness is gonna arrow u down with, the closer you get to God......Hmmm........

Was totally messed up in the morning...when a child of God called me.....and all I could do was pour my heart out to her.....she didn't judge me.....she only offered to pray....and she reminded me that God's love would never leave me nor forsake me.....wow...just what I wanted to hear.....

I remember in the past, laughing at the same lady just coz she slaved for Christ....but now I'm just thankful I know her.......I thank God for filling my life with at least a few who are right with him.....

God Bless U !!!

Accidently in Luv or Iz it Sumthing else ???

He's was always just a friend of yours, not even in ur wildest, wildest dreams have u dreamt of him as special......but suddenly outa da blue.....u simply can't look at him straight....he makes ur knees go wobble...wobble.....u can't stand his presence coz it makes u all nervous.....(No one has ever really made u nervous...the feeling is wiered).......

U sit and wonder if u really are in love? It does't matter if thats what u want or thats not what u want.......The question is whether or not what u feel is real..........is it infatuation....lust...... hmmmmmmmm...........Is this the end of another beutiful friendship........(Too many questions bubbling in your pee brain).....

You hardly thota him...didn't care what he did, or where he was.....but suddenly u wish u cud spend every minute with him.....u wish he were right where u are........

Annoying...annoying...I hate this feeling.......Wish I was feelingless again...Hardhearted and cold.....Cold as steel....Solid as wood......I don't want to feel....To feel is to hurt......To hurt is to cry......

Arrrrghhhhh.....................

Ppl wanna know y u con.....How can u not when the world is strewd with a whole loada liers......

May be thats the only defense mechanism I know....To get hurt...and still bounce back to life within a coupla hours......or rather a coupla days....."CON"...con u...con me.....con my feelings......con away !!!

The Weekend !!!

Who said growing up was eaaazy???? hehehe......Falling in love...falling outa love.....ripping hearts...ripped hearts.....Looking for "the one" "finding the one"..figuring out it aint the one...hehehe......Drama...drama......drama..n more drama....

My mission to find pure passion...true love (When everyone around me keeps saying it just doesn't exist...hehe).....wel...at least there has to be someone close to Mr. Perfect ya??? hehe...yeah...may be there is....there is true, passion...true love.....(The purest is of God....never forget that)......I thrilled I found it.....may be not to keep...."NOT EVERYTHING PERFECT IS URS FOREVER"....one can only be contended with the brief moments of happiness it smothers your life with...hehehe

But then again...u tend to wonder...how perfect is "PERFECT".......hmmm.....u suddenly wonder...Am I in love? or is this just lust? is it right? or is it wrong? hmmm.....( a few more pages of the journal...I can publish a bible of my own...hehehe)...........

Its crazy how ppl never speak up about silly issues....U suddenly sit n ponder whether the culture should be more open or close...how much of traditionalism is healthy..............Heaven help me.......I seriously am lost......

How much of religion is healthy? How harmful can a ceraless kiss get? How new can a new beginign get?

Hmm........What exactly is rebelling against parent mean? What exactly is rebelling...Inverted behaviour??????? hmmmmmm.......

May be I'm going thru another one of em monday blues......hehehe....what can I do...just give it to the Lord and let him make the best outa the day....He rules....He rules...none but he rules......

God Bless Ya !!!!

Started on a new poem......struggling to get the thots in to words......ouch ouch....

Just a few more thots......may be ppl like her never really find true happines......a calibre of her own...hmm.....possessive...and yet open minded.....cruel...and yet kind......detest weakness but yet weak (the only thing strong is the fake image)...hehehe....in love...want commitment...but yet not willing to offer n e ..........dream of challenges.....risk's the key word.....but yet trembling to risk the heart........

Wanting everyone else to stay, while she is quite happy running and hiding.....she knows her faults but yet is helpless to change n e of it, let alone the world........

Convinced that she could make none happy.....convinced that she is usless (vegetable)........(who is responsible)?????????

May be everything scares her.......escapism doesnt seem wrong sumtimes.....

Sometimes......u so wanna vanish....just vanish in to thin air.......wish it would all go away......hmmmm.....Nah I ain't looking for n e answers...I'll kick the asses of n e one who reads this an tries to advice........

Something caught my eye !!!

The prince of darkness didn't allow me to make a poasting yesterday......and kept me busy the whole day to keep me from reposting it......but will that keep me grounded...nah....let me say what i gotta say today....hehehe......(at least part of it)..

Met sumbody who like myself has come from Witchcraft to Christ.....It felt encouraging to know that I ain't a loner ...hehehe....Yeah Daniel...couldn't help but ponder about the stuff we spoke about.....what if Marylin Manson did turn to God.....would he be stoned to death by his faithful followers, or owuld they turn to God.....Geezing I'm half hoping it would happen (who knows)....would be an amzing site to see...hehehe

I heard the voices the last two nights, but managed to fall asleep by 1 p.m after rebuking all evil in his name.......I felt powerless without darkness on my side....but Now with God with me, I feel like I'm draped in weapons.

Mr. Cupid decided to sting me in the morning....the minute I raced my dinky toy with my mud coated tires to the top of the hill (Crappy steep lane i live in) towards the busy main road...(pant pant....another day of survival without crashing in to one of em monster trucks)....WHAT DO I SEE?...woooo hoo...a hottie...(my typa hyppie nerd typa hottie)...driving an ancient beatle.....in a skimpy pure white west....thick framed glasses....(nerd at a glance...but deifinetely otherwise) .......slowed down from my usual pase since it was obvious that his rubber couldn't burn too mucha road too fast.......hehehehe....sheeesh....silly impatient me decided to speed up the journey forgetting that pudding pie was following me...and ouch...ouch...big ouch...missed him...rather lost him in traffic......:(.... Y me??? y me???

So far the day has been quiet, but nothing to grumble about........

Let his Light be my ONLY guide..

God Bless ya !!!

Lil Blessings !!!

Yesterday was one tipsy day......the night was tipsier.....the voices were there..anxiety filled my heart....I cried out to the loard and he calmed me down...he soothed my mind...he told me not to worry......he rocked me to sleep........

What does one do at the edge of breaking down???? There seems to be no shoulder to cry on...there seems to be no one who would care...except for the mighty one......but then again...who needs n e one...when he is there to lift me up......take me in his arms and carry me through.....

He's just amazing...his goodness, kindness and grace amazes me......If I was standing alone right now....I would be one insane whore.......but his grace has saved me...grabbed me out from the shackles of sin.....

It feels good be be molded by his mighty hands...sometimes the blows seem harsh...but I try hard not to question....coz with him in control....my heart had learned not to doubt..not to question...but to follow blindly in faith....

God bless u !!!

I wish my heart was stone again !!!

I just can't take it n e more......The time I was cold and Evil...nothing hurt me...nothing touched me...nothing could destroy men....how come ppl have access to my heart now...it's annoying...I don't want it to be that way.....today something silly made me cry.....something really silly...I couldn't biliv how much the past 5 months has changed me......The old me would have turned my back on the bitch and walked away and forgotten her for the rest of my life...serves me right for caring for ppl....serves me right for begining to love ppl again.......they don't deserve my love...they just don't......

I know I'm wrong...but I can't afford to get hurt...I just can't........not any more.......

Every time I make up my mind to walk away something draws me back to the past........This time around it's gonna be me who is gonna break away......It's gonna be me.........

Sheesh...y da rocket am I crying?.........

Kissed by an Angel !!!!

Yesterday was an amazing amazing day.....Had a ball of a time with my angel......its amazing how he can put a huge smile on my face, make your heart sway, make you all tongue tied, send shivers down your spine & make your life complete, hmmm................I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay.......I so don't know how I drove home........It was the most amazing kiss I've ever tasted.....ever ever tasted...and ever will taste.........

Its amazing how the pain of loving some one too deeply can feel like pleasure......it is the only pleasure I would ever want in this life......It kills me, confuses me....makes me hate my self...make me hate him......but at the same time makes me wanna spend the rest of my life with him....

I saw him close his eyes.....and clenching his fist.......I didn't know what was happening.....Guess I will be on cloud No. 9 for the rest of this week...hehehehe......Waiting doesn't seem to be hard n e more.......even if it takes eternity to fulfil my dream....my only dream......

God has been good to me amidst the wicked kid I've been the past week...He seems to open out more doors and windows than I expected him to...when there just seemed to be no other way.........I have stopped worrying about today let alone tomorrow......coz I have handed over everything to my father in heaven who will provide me with all I need (may not be what I want all the time...but what I need...and whats good for me)....I trust him to take care of me just like he does take care of the birds and the beasts.....Love him ppl...Trust him.....

Was tempted by Astrology the the past two days....I know I shouldn't have gone further....but I didn't have the strength to say no...The slimy veasel just doesn't seem to let me be.....

God Bless u !!!

Somethings you crave for are better left unreceived....coz the minute u receive it, it makes you feel empty.....or rather wish it was never given to you....hehehehe

Jesus Rocks !!!!

Loaded with work...but If I didn't testify what happened in public...then my day just wouldn't be complete.....Last night my dad had left the office door wide open....it was amazing that everything remained untouched till morning.....Priase the Lord......With him around I need none.....

I was ashamed of myself that I was keeping my distance from my master the past 2 weeks........Life was one massive roler coaster....It started giving me everything I have ever wanted...and what did this ungrateful lil bitcch do...go ahead and forget the mighty one who made everything possibel.....

There is a huge mission in my hands...a massive one.....I know I will not be abke to complete it with my own wisdom. power,and energy.........I depend on My Lord like I depend on the sun to give me light and the moon to give me a peceful night......Please him......and thou sahll be pleased........

I am so darn happy.....darn happy forgiving.......The evil sprirt got me by surprise last week and I almost crossed the border to the other world.....but no...Its all an act of choice......

Had a ball of day on the 7th.....with my lil angel....my best friend in the whole wide world.....sheesh...that sure kept me smiling for a long time...hehehehe.....wooohooooooo